married and male friendship crossed the line

[eastsunshine2011]

It's not gonna happen again. He's backed off and so have I.

 

 

 

So we've been talking more cuz we have to cuz our kids play together everday. I sometimes watch the little one and he had to come get him. He says all temptation is gone for him. Does anyone think that's true? He has me convinced because he knows its wong. So i don't see why we can't be friends. I honestly don't believe he is even willing to cross the line again. I value his friendship.

[2sunny]

So we've been talking more cuz we have to cuz our kids play together everday. I sometimes watch the little one and he had to come get him. He says all temptation is gone for him. Does anyone think that's true? He has me convinced because he knows its wong. So i don't see why we can't be friends. I honestly don't believe he is even willing to cross the line again. I value his friendship.

 

just the fact that you are communicating with him on a level that discusses your "feelings" (or the OM's feelings) is NOT appropriate.

 

IF you value your marriage at all - you will not talk with him anymore... as this disrespects your husband.

 

the amount of time and energy that you are spending thinking about his thoughts or motives could be spent on your husband - and you know it.

 

so - we have evidence that you are still involved with him - since you spend time and energy on him - when that could and should be energy directed at repairing the marriage.

 

tell your husband! he has a right to understand that you are involved with another man. go see your paster/minister TOGETHER. be honest about the way you participated. own what you did... and become willing to repair the damage you caused by crossing the line with this neighbor.

 

MOVE if you need to! seriously, do anything and everything possible to repair the M... IF you love your H. if you aren't willing to be honest and to change everything - then you won't be capable of getting past the situation that you created by getting involved...

 

staying in contact with the OM will never work!

 

can you tell your H tonight? you should!

[Infatuatedwmyfwb]

Wow.. The responses on here toward u are unbelievable! The people have obviously never been in a marriage for a long time & not have your partner be there physically and or emotionally! U do not deserve the rudeness, mostly bc u said you are a Christian. ***t happens. I understand what u r going thu. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry

[eastsunshine2011]

Wow.. The responses on here toward u are unbelievable! The people have obviously never been in a marriage for a long time & not have your partner be there physically and or emotionally! U do not deserve the rudeness, mostly bc u said you are a Christian. ***t happens. I understand what u r going thu. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry

 

Thank you and I think ur right because I had a different view b4 it happened to me. I feel like I'm growing apart from my husband. We were young when we got married and I changed a lot. I believe him the temptation for him is over even when he knows mine isn't. The way he shares his feelings and attitude towards things melts my heart. I wish so much my husband was like that. I think we r just very different. His friendship means so much to me I can't give it up and I know there's nothing to worry about cuz he won't let it. Would love to hear a male Christians point of view. Don't u think he's being sincere when he says all temptation is gone for him.

[2sunny]

Thank you and I think ur right because I had a different view b4 it happened to me. I feel like I'm growing apart from my husband. We were young when we got married and I changed a lot. I believe him the temptation for him is over even when he knows mine isn't. The way he shares his feelings and attitude towards things melts my heart. I wish so much my husband was like that. I think we r just very different. His friendship means so much to me I can't give it up and I know there's nothing to worry about cuz he won't let it. Would love to hear a male Christians point of view. Don't u think he's being sincere when he says all temptation is gone for him.

 

since you stay SO focused on how your OM feels - you nee to divorce your husband.

 

it's not fair or right that you aren't showing loving thoughts/feelings/actions to YOUR HUSBAND.

 

you give this OM more consideration than your H. that tells me you need to allow your H the room to find a woman who will love, honor and cherish him.

 

you H deserves a wife who holds him as her top priority... you are not the loving wife he thought he married.

[eastsunshine2011]

since you stay SO focused on how your OM feels - you nee to divorce your husband.

 

it's not fair or right that you aren't showing loving thoughts/feelings/actions to YOUR HUSBAND.

 

you give this OM more consideration than your H. that tells me you need to allow your H the room to find a woman who will love, honor and cherish him.

 

you H deserves a wife who holds him as her top priority... you are not the loving wife he thought he married.

 

People can be just friends. Our kids r best friends and his kids look up to me. I love them dearly. Told u all inappropriate behavior has stopped so there's no reason we can't be friends

[Mauschen]

People CAN be just friends, but that is not what you and this man are. In my opinion, it is not respectful to your husband to interact with this man.

 

I do not believe that the temptation for this man is gone - he is just telling you that because he knows what you've done is wrong.

 

Focus on your HUSBAND and let this friendship go. Family is so much more important. Please read the book I suggested - His Needs Her Needs.

 

I am praying for you.

[keepsmilin74]

This is disgusting behaviour. You still love this other man and are showing no respect for your husband and continue to live with your lie. You are not listening to good advice here, you are being very selfish.

[2sunny]

People can be just friends. Our kids r best friends and his kids look up to me. I love them dearly. Told u all inappropriate behavior has stopped so there's no reason we can't be friends

 

people CAN be friends = when there's NO inappropriate behavior that has affected others in a negative way. since you state that you two still chat about "feelings" it appears that you are still causing harm to your M by continuing this "friendship" with this man who distracts your thoughts and actions from your husband.

 

IF your H knew how often you "think" of your OM would he like it? IF your H where privy to ALL your conversations with your OM - would he like that?

 

i will suggest you participate with your H by being COMPLETELY honest with him. tell him EXACTLY how you ARE participating with this OM - and allow him to understand how much time/energy and effort you MENTALLY spend thinking and manipulating situations to see him.

 

IF those kids knew exactly what you have been doing = they wouldn't look up to you... so you are doing a lot of pretending in order to keep up with the lies.

 

being friends now isn't possible since you crossed that line. it disrespects your H - that is why it isn't possible. tell your hard working, loving husband every time you think of this man and every time you speak to him. i'm sure you haven't told your H EVERYTHING that has happened... because IF you had = he would never allow you to keep in contact with the OM.

 

you are still betraying your H by contact with this OM - you know this, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

 

if you intend to stay friends with the OM - then divorce your H so he can find a wife that honors and respects him enough not to cause him more harm by justifying her bad behavior behind his back.

[2sunny]

Thank you and I think ur right because I had a different view b4 it happened to me. I feel like I'm growing apart from my husband. We were young when we got married and I changed a lot. I believe him the temptation for him is over even when he knows mine isn't. The way he shares his feelings and attitude towards things melts my heart. I wish so much my husband was like that. I think we r just very different. His friendship means so much to me I can't give it up and I know there's nothing to worry about cuz he won't let it. Would love to hear a male Christians point of view. Don't u think he's being sincere when he says all temptation is gone for him.

 

these are all points WHY you CAN'T be friends! there is NO way to reconnect with your H when YOU are SO focused on how the OM feels and what he is or isn't doing.

 

YOU are doing this. YOU can stop doing this.

 

IF you can't stop - then divorce your husband. he deserves a loving wife.

[eastsunshine2011]

All this has emotionally stressed me out and making me moody. I cant go on feel like im going crazy inside My husband called me out. I told him and have his forgiveness. The anger is gone inside me but hate how I hurt him. Were trying to make thing better. Of couse now Communication with my friend is gone. Btw my friend met someone who he really likes so I believe he was truthful when he said temp was gone for him. Cuz he was thinking of her

[2sunny]

how can your H forgive when you haven't even had time to repair the damage you have been causing?

 

YOU are treating your H very unfairly. tell him everything. tell him that you think of this OM all the time... even way more than you think of your H.

 

he deserves to understand another man STILL has your heart and your thoughts.

 

look at your last post. you posted AGAIN about the OM! stop it with this OM... in fact leave your H - so he has a chance to find a woman who WILL show him love and respect.

 

sheez, YOU get caught and you're here mainly posting still about the OM, what he's thinking and what he's doing. that is not what a loving wife does with a H she loves.

 

YOU continue to disrespect and disregard your H - even tho you've been here posting.

 

since your behavior still says you continue to treat your H this way - there is NO WAY he can forgive you - when you haven't even made changes to stop treating him so poorly.

 

how would you like it if the roles were reversed? how would you feel then?

 

think about that for a good long while... if you don't feel anything for your H and you don't feel bad about causing harm to him - then leave him - you have no conscience.

[eastsunshine2011]

My husband read a script from the bible about forgiveness and that's why he's forgiving me. I did tell him we almost had sex and he didn't want to know anything else. You obviously have never seen things through my eyes. I didn't choose to think of him all the time. Those feelings developed over time. My friend was meeting some emmotional needs not being met my by husband and by discussing it with my husband he's evaluated himself meeting those needs. We had a great day together yesterday. I didn't get caught btw, I told him because the guilt was causing me to act different for the last couple months. Emmotionally stressed out. I admitted it to my husband and stopped contact with my friend so how am I still treating my H poorly. You need to stop thinking YOU know all the details. People who give opinions should remember THEY DON'T KNOW ALL the FACTS.

[2sunny]

i am only going from YOUR written words here.

 

the way you aren't being fair to your H - is constantly thinking of your OM - whether you are seeing him or not. YOU have stated that - here- that is what i am working from.

 

i don't assume to know you - i just look at your written words.

 

now you state you aren't seeing OM - but just a few days ago you stated communication. so - please clarify - are you seeing him (you say no, now) - are you still communicating with him?

 

the kids are no excuse. IF you intend to repair the M - you should be totally unwilling to EVER see your OM again - THAT would be honoring your H and the best interest of repairing the damage you have caused to the breakdown of your M.

[John Michael Kane]

I don't lust over him cuz I chose to. That all happened over a year of knowing him. Yes I was attracted right away but I developed strong feelings for him and caring about his kids doesn't help.

 

If you cared about his kids or your own family for that matter, you wouldn't cheat.

 

Im always thinking about him and I hate that he's stuck in my head. Wish I never became friends with him cuz it sucks having feelings for someone u can't have.

 

What you feel is only lust. It is not love.

[John Michael Kane]

My husband read a script from the bible about forgiveness and that's why he's forgiving me. I did tell him we almost had sex and he didn't want to know anything else.

 

Of course he doesn't want to know everything else. He's disappointed in you.

 

You obviously have never seen things through my eyes.

Did you ever try and see things from your husband's perspective? My guess is no.

 

I didn't choose to think of him all the time. Those feelings developed over time. My friend was meeting some emmotional needs not being met my by husband and by discussing it with my husband he's evaluated himself meeting those needs.

That's no excuse to cheat. If your husband is not doing something right for you, it is your responsibility as an adult to tell him. That's what he's there for. You're married, act like it. And telling your husband about how some other dude was "meeting your needs" is pretty disrespectful, trying to place blame on him for something YOU caused. That's wrong.

 

We had a great day together yesterday. I didn't get caught btw, I told him because the guilt was causing me to act different for the last couple months.

Yup you told him to "relieve" yourself, not really because you cared for him.

 

Emmotionally stressed out. I admitted it to my husband and stopped contact with my friend so how am I still treating my H poorly.

Because you're doing nothing to help him heal, and you keep trying to place blame on your marriage instead of yourself.

 

You need to stop thinking YOU know all the details.

We know quite enough to see what's going on.

 

People who give opinions should remember THEY DON'T KNOW ALL the FACTS.

Remember you came to us. And this is a public board by the way. Edited June 29, 2011 by John Michael Kane

[eastsunshine2011]

Of course he doesn't want to know everything else. He's disappointed in you.

 

Did you ever try and see things from your husband's perspective? My guess is no.

 

That's no excuse to cheat. If your husband is not doing something right for you, it is your responsibility as an adult to tell him. That's what he's there for. You're married, act like it. And telling your husband about how some other dude was "meeting your needs" is pretty disrespectful, trying to place blame on him for something YOU caused. That's wrong.

 

Yup you told him to "relieve" yourself, not really because you cared for him.

 

Because you're doing nothing to help him heal, and you keep trying to place blame on your marriage instead of yourself.

 

We know quite enough to see what's going on.

 

Remember you came to us. And this is a public board by the way.

 

 

What exactly do you think I should do to help him heal? Never said I wasn't to blame.

[2sunny]

What exactly do you think I should do to help him heal? Never said I wasn't to blame.

 

never EVER see or communicate with the OM again! ever!

 

and ask your H if he's willing to move far away so you aren't living so close to a man you don't intend to see.

 

get counseling to find out why you caused harm to someone you love, and how to never DO that again.

 

next up - ask YOUR HUSBAND how and what you could be doing to earn his trust back. DO anything he asks you to do. and more... start considering HIS feelings before your own!

 

we know what happens when you only consider your own feelings = you cheat. so don't DO that one again.

 

repair, repair, repair... what damage you caused. keep asking hubby how to make amends to him.

[eastsunshine2011]

So I haven't talked to my friend for 5 days now. He had court today and I thought and wondered all day how it went. How am I suppose to turn off thoughts. We were good friends and I miss talking to him. I didn't ask for this to all happen with him. I do love my husband and working on making things better butnit sucks to be in these shoes. I miss my friend and it's going to take time and that's he way it is.

[2sunny]

thinking and wondering about your OM is NOT the way to heal the marriage. IT IS still causing more damage to your H and M to continue obsessing about him.

 

if you can't start focusing on your H - then he deserves to be free from you. free to find a woman who ACTS like she loves him.

[eastsunshine2011]

thinking and wondering about your OM is NOT the way to heal the marriage. IT IS still causing more damage to your H and M to continue obsessing about him.

 

if you can't start focusing on your H - then he deserves to be free from you. free to find a woman who ACTS like she loves him.

 

You just don't understand anything cuz all u see is being cheated on. Quite frankly think I'm done talking to all of u

[2sunny]

You just don't understand anything cuz all u see is being cheated on. Quite frankly think I'm done talking to all of u

 

oh i see it - you just don't want to own the way you are participating.

[John Michael Kane]

oh i see it - you just don't want to own the way you are participating.

 

Looks like a troll.

[eastsunshine2011]

Looks like a troll.

 

Lol u guys r rediculas. U both r stuck on Being cheated on in ur relationships and u can only dish out one side

[TroyNJ]

No we are not redulicous, you are a cheater that is very selfish.......I pray for your poor husband. You say u didn't mean it to happen, that is a flat out LIE! Just do ur husband a favor, DIVORCE HIM!!!!!!!