bloke that's on my mind and i don't know why

[foxychick]

hi there

 

wonder if anyone has been in this situation. i'm in my early 30s so not a youngin as such... i had depression and anxiety quite heavily a couple of years ago. i was recovering and meeting people.

i met this guy through facebook and we went out on a couple of dates. he took me out for my birthday. he fancied me but i wasn't sure about him and then cos he was so nice to me on my birthday i ended up getting together with him.

he always says im his special girl - this guy h as lots of girls so he distinguishes me from the rest cos we have a few things in common like both muslim, mums are similar, have a laugh when we chat, some of our thinking's alike.

he's more of a party goer then me - an honest bad boy type i suppose.

anyway after i stayed over we kept in touch but he didn't want to keep it as a proper couple.

we stayed in touch as friends. we actually could have cut off but he made a special effort not to let that happen. i think this is weird - why care? if you boned her who gives a **** what happens to her - know what i mean?

my mum says its his ego, he gets off on keeping a hold on me but i have difficulty believing that. if i talk to him about a problem he's usually helpful, he's confusing but he is a nice person. someone said he's waiting for me but i doubt that as well though its nice to hear for the ego!

anyway its been 2 or 3 years now, we still chat on fb and call sometimes, everytime he has girl trouble and i happen to be in touch he'll try it on but never go through with it.

thing is i wouldn't care but i cannot for the life of me get him out of my head even though i never see him. i thought it was something to do with my anxiety playing mind tricks on me but ive seen a hypotherapist and we've discussed it and we reckon its probably that i need someone to replace him and i'm just dreaming about how it could be and he's a fall back and im probably a fall back for him and its probably because we don't keep in regular contact.

he has once said that he tossed me up - as in threw me away which i didn't realise what he meant until after the event.

anyway he has to get back to me about a possible job offer with my boss to be a coach, not sure he will to be honest, quite unreliable at times. i emailed him to remind him and he said he's going on holiday this month but will let me know mid july. i said good but make sure you get the licence for driving and do let me know, figuring he won't.

i can't hate him. why am i missing him? i am going on dates but no one's clicked yet so why think about him and miss him?

probably just missing hanging out with him as a friend right?

would appreciate feedback as it does bother me a lot and i don't want to live in a fantasy - i mean he probably's gone and got someone anyway and is on holiday with her so when he gets back if im still feeling like this i'm gonna be crushed and its stupid, i shouldn't be.

Edited June 2, 2011 by foxychick
spelling mistake

[foxychick]

mind you having slept on it, he probably has someone who he likes and is just playin me for the sake of it - just getting an ego boost - he is just a cunt and that's all there is to it - even if a guy can be sweet to you doesn't mean that ultimately they are not a cunt right? that's probably why he doesn't work as hard as he should, is always acting like a teenager and is not reliable. He only really cares about himself and those that he thinks match him. been there before.

he's a time waster and a git, end off. have seen this pattern before and its never worth it. they never step up and they don't appreciate you and they don't really have anything worth bothering about. that's the reality and probably i didn't want to believe he was a waster cos its upsetting to see waste and laziness in someone. but that's what he is. not a lot. end off. he's just a ****ty selfish spolit brat like all the other third rate baby playas out there.