stray Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hello all, So my ex texted me today asking for his 3 items of clothing back. These are WINTER clothes that have been at my house for almost a year, which he hasn't worn. I texted him back that I would drop them off next week, to which he replied "oh, I'm barely home anymore" - which I thought was a somewhat insufficient response. Anyway, so I said 'ok, I'll drop them off in the back then" and he responded, "oh, I lock the gate to the back now. So just let me know when you can meet with me". I'm not sure if he's INSISTING I meet with him or what? Earlier this year he forced me (ok, seriously "coerced" me using threats of leaving) to have an abortion, then he started doing online dating behind my back, and then he broke up with me a month ago, saying "I'm not in love with you - sorry". We tried to remain "friends" (sadly) but I deleted him off my FB when I saw him added droves of online dating victims to his FB within days of our break up. I said, that's enough. And I haven't spoken with him since. At one point, LONG ago, he was my best friend. I don't know what he wants. Does he want to see me to REJECT me AGAIN somewhow? That's the only thing I can think of. Sadly, this is a high caliber man with an impressive career in the science industry. Clearly, job and education doesn't make the man. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Why can't you just throw them in the box and mail it to him? You don't have to meet him just because he wants to meet you. Obviously these items were not of importance to him since he was able to live for a year without them. Belongings are always used as reasons to make contact again. A door to open whenever needed. So, it's up to you to stand up for yourself, pack his stuff 1) mail it 2) leave it at his gate and it's his responsibility to get it. You have a say as well as to how you would like his belongings delivered to him. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Mail it to him. Don't let him or yourself use this as an excuse to start seeing each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Unless you are wanting to reconnect via meeting but just worried if he might shoot you down again. If you're considering it, read your post again and remind yourself who this man is and what he did to you. Chances are, he's still that same man. He deserves a box with 3 pieces of clothing inside sitting at his door, delivered by the postal service. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I figured he wants to meet me for some ego boost, I can't imagine him wanting to meet me for any caring or thoughtful reason. I figured if he just wanted his stuff back, he would've said "yeah leave here or fill-in-the-blank place. He lives a block away so mailing it may be ridiculous, but I'll leave the stuff at his house anyway. And I figured irrelevantly he told me "he's so busy he's never home now" so I could assume he's seeing someone. It's amazing that people can hurt one another so bad and then CONTINUE to try and hurt them even AFTER rejecting them. What's the point? Just sheer cruelty? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I figured he wants to meet me for some ego boost, I can't imagine him wanting to meet me for any caring or thoughtful reason. I figured if he just wanted his stuff back, he would've said "yeah leave here or fill-in-the-blank place. He lives a block away so mailing it may be ridiculous, but I'll leave the stuff at his house anyway. And I figured irrelevantly he told me "he's so busy he's never home now" so I could assume he's seeing someone. It's amazing that people can hurt one another so bad and then CONTINUE to try and hurt them even AFTER rejecting them. What's the point? Just sheer cruelty? I didn't know he lives a block away! I would suspect that he is trying to reconnect. Maybe he is seeing someone and it's not working out and he's looking for someone to fall back on. Yes, there are people out there that even after rejecting you, will continue to try and manipulate for their own benefit. It's good that you see it for what it is and that you're not falling for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Just leave his crap on the porch when he's not home - he'll get over it. Be the bigger person who is too busy for his BS and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Wow, what a bizarre situation. If he did want to use this as a reason to see you, why would he give such a reply to your offer to drop them off next week "oh I'm barely home". It's like he's trying to find a way to come to your place for some reason, which is weird. If he hadn't had that reaction about you offering to bring the stuff, I would be highly open to the idea that he is really trying to set up a meeting with you. But if that were the case, I think his response would have been "that sounds great, I'll be home this day". Someone seeking a reconciliation meeting would be thrilled with what you offered. So I think we can safely cross that off the list. Mailing it would be silly if he lives a block away. I would go check that back gate that is supposedly locked, see if you can't get back there and leave it somewhere safe, so he can't claim that you left it out front and it got stolen or anything stupid like that. If the gate is indeed locked, good, just toss the box over. It's winter clothing, nothing fragile. That way the items will be behind a locked gate and he won't be able to claim they disappeared. This guy is just acting really weird. But just take what he said at face value and try not to read into it - he said he would like those items, so go deliver them. You can either leave it there for him to find or let him know that they have been placed in back. If he had some ulterior motive and the clothes weren't really the issue, he'll feel like a fool and probably try to contact you in some other fashion. If that is really what he wanted, then good, he can have his stuff and that's it. This is just how I would handle it, for what it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I vote to have a mutual friend give it to him. Tell him that you'll meet him someplace, then bail at the last second and say "so and so" can give it to you instead..at the agreed place and time. That way, he can't give any lame excuse as to why dropping it off and mailing to him wont work. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I vote to have a mutual friend give it to him. Tell him that you'll meet him someplace, then bail at the last second and say "so and so" can give it to you instead..at the agreed place and time. That way, he can't give any lame excuse as to why dropping it off and mailing to him wont work. Meh... why get some mutual friend stuck dealing with this creepy guy? lol Maybe if these two exes didn't live so close together I would go along with the mail idea or having someone else bring it. Considering he is a block away, dump the box when he isn't home and leave, no need to get some other poor soul involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Meh... why get some mutual friend stuck dealing with this creepy guy? lol Maybe if these two exes didn't live so close together I would go along with the mail idea or having someone else bring it. Considering he is a block away, dump the box when he isn't home and leave, no need to get some other poor soul involved. Well, ya know..if they're "mutual" friends, then most likely they deal with the dude already, and probably choose to deal with him. Doesn't mean that it's cool to drag them down in relationship drama, but if this dude is only trying to get an ego boost by rubbing it in this chick's face that he isn't with her anymore, then I say getting the friends to help her out will probably be the best move. Especially since he'll probably lock his gate on purpose now that he's told her he does it (he probably doesn't by the way...just said that as an excuse). But, if getting friends doesn't work, you can always say "Here's the deal..I don't want to see, or speak to you again, at least for a while. If you want your stuff back so badly, you'll do it my way or no way. That means..you'll keep the gate open this "Saturday" while you're away, I'll drop it off, and try to keep it hidden to where no one can see it and steal it. If you aren't down with that, then that's you're problem, not mine. I'm trying to help you out here, but I'm not about to play games over something that you all of a sudden started worrying about. Take it or leave it, bucko." Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 You know what's funny, is he DID ask if he could "stop by my place" to pick them up. I live in a worse neighborhood than him (LA demographics just works that way one block to the next), so there's no way I could "leave his stuff outside"; I would HAVE to be home. Whereas he lives in a ginormous house with all kinds of nooks and crannies outside that I could easily "hide" his stuff in for him to pick it up. Either way, I appreciate all your responses and I've opted to just leave his stuff on his porch. He treated me like garbage, so his tacky Armani sweaters aren't really worth my concern. It's his problem. Thanks your all the advice, y'all! Link to post Share on other sites
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