Girlfriend tested my loyalty: I don't need that kind of psychotic craziness

[eye]

Last night, around 9:00, I’m just chilling out, drinking a small glass of bourbon, Monday Night Football game on in the background, reading the New Yorker. I hear the little chime that indicates I’ve got a new email. The email reads:

 

“Hey, I read your post on Craig’s List – very funny. I don’t know anything about you, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here because I’m really intrigued. What do you say we get a drink sometime?

 

Photo attached. Write back if you like what you see.”

 

Well, I liked what I saw: a really cute brunette girl, with big eyes and a smile that warms you. I occasionally post on the Rant page on Craig’s List, I guess my recent tirade had grabbed some girl’s attention.

 

What a dilemma. I’ve got a girlfriend of six months. Things have gotten slow lately, though, so I decide, what the ****, I’ll write this girl back. My girlfriend will never know, and the odds are I’ll never meet this girl, so who cares? Why not?

 

So I write back and attach a photo of myself. I tell the girl I think she’s damn cute and that a drink would be fun sometime. I tell her we should email a bit first and find out if we have anything in common. I hit the SEND button and settled back down on the couch.

 

Not two minutes later, my cell phone rings. The caller ID is blocked. Strange. I answer anyway. “Hello?”

 

“**** YOU! **** YOU SO HARD YOU a**h***!”

 

“Lindsay?”

 

“You’re damn well right it’s Lindsay. Your ****ing girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, I should say!” I’m panicking a bit here, thinking of what I might have done wrong. I’d never cheated on her. Uh-oh. The email. I was silent, trying to think of what to say.

 

“You so fell for it,” she said. “You sick, horny piece of ****.” Well, Christ. I couldn’t believe it. It was a mother****ing setup. Unreal. I meekly tried to bull****.

 

“Lindsay, calm down. I was kidding. I thought it would be funny to lead this girl on.”

 

“Yeah, with a photo of yourself. Get real, you psycho.” I started getting mad and defensive.

 

“Who’s the ****ing psycho who sent a fake email to bait her boyfriend into making a mistake? **** you. You’re a nutjob.”

 

“I just needed to know what kind of guy you were,” she yelled. “Now I know. We’re through. I’m so done with you.” Not wanting her to have the last word, I am screaming myself now.

 

“You know what they call this in court? Entrapment. It’s bull****.” I was reaching for anything now, but I knew I was sunk. Acceptance started to creep in. She kept on yelling and yelling, and I slowly tuned her out, picking up my bourbon and turning my attention to the football game.

 

“You know what?” I said. “**** it. You’re right—this is a mess. We should break up. I don’t want to date Nancy ****ing Drew anyway. Good luck with your next boyfriend. Maybe you ought to warn him on the first date: ‘Disclaimer: Watch you ****ing ass because I’m going to be out to get you.’” I hung up. She called back, over and over, but I didn’t want to answer. **** it.

 

I don’t need that kind of psychotic craziness.

 

Editor's note: This originally appeared as a response to "Why Are Women so damn jealous" and has been moved into its own thread.

[Arabess]

eye,

I hate to laugh.....but GAWD....what horrible luck!!!!

 

You may have just given LOTS of women some new ideas on catching their guy!!

 

[sportsloving]

I am sorry, it's too funny~

 

Perhaps you never watched that reality show they did about a year ago when they set the boyfriend up in an elevator with a hottie. Sadly, about 9 out of 10 did exactly what you did. Ouch!

 

Best of luck (perhaps with your next girlfriend?)

[dolphinsunshyn]

I don't want to kick you when you're down, but you kinda deserve it.

 

First of all, your girlfriend probably was feeling insecure about the relationship to do that. Were you treating her right? Have you been distant lately? Did you give her some reason not to trust you?

 

Regardless, she set you up and you took the bait. Don't try to turn this around on her. It is your mistake and you need to take responsibility for it. Look inside yourself and discover why you were willing to jeopardize your relationship for some random stranger on the internet. If you weren't happy in the relationship, why were you in it to begin with? It isn't fair to you or your ex. Ask yourself why do you think she didn't trust you. Even someone who is naturally insecure doesn't go to that extreme unless he/she is given a reason. Learn from it and move on. Don't make the same mistake next time.

 

I do think, if anything, you owe her an apology.

[amerikajin]

Well, you were drifting, ya know.

 

On the other hand, do you really want someone who's going to be setting you up for a sting operation?

 

I think your bottom line is this: both of you sensed that something wasn't right in the relationship. You knew that you were ready to test the waters, and well, unfortunately for you, she knew that, too.

 

It's over. Forget about it and move on.

 

Just remember that if you send out your resume, don't let your current boss find out about it. You might get fired.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by Arabess

eye,

I hate to laugh.....but GAWD....what horrible luck!!!!

 

You may have just given LOTS of women some new ideas on catching their guy!!

 

 

EXACTLY!!!! This is BY far the best thread of the evening.

 

Sorry Eye, but this makes me feel REALLY encouraged. I now know a method to uh..

"test" a guy before I carry on anything further with him in my future dating scene.

 

Sorry you got "busted", though. Really, I am. That was a dirty trick, but something about you and your relationship told her to do that.

[echocrush]

Wow, kind of sucks... but it sounds like a bad thing happened for a good reason.

 

Even if she had a reason to do it (thought you were cheating) the response wasn't healthy at all... Setting a guy up to fall will usually have it's intended result, especially if there is trouble in the relationship... Talking about the problem would have been a bit more constructive IMHO.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm glad you found out she is a bit unstable now, this would have sucked a few years down the road. But... I suppose you could ask her who the picture was of, maybe there's hope yet.

[Bill]

Sorry to say, but if you loved her, you would not have taken the bait. I agree with her methods.

[Fedup&givingup]

I mean...I am STILL glowing about this...for some strange, bizarre reason

[amerikajin]

Bill,

 

I don't always agree with you, but I like how you always cut right through the s*** and get to the point.

[Aire]

Wow! That was a dirty trick! But I guess you both know now.

 

 

The elevator story is sad. 9 out of 10 guys? Sounds like no hope for the ladys. =( But the girlfriend of the one guy was very proud.

[bella8464]

It gets harder and harder to find a good man these days.

[eye]

Ooops, transfered to a new thread huh! Well We went out for 6 month and a half. That's roughly two hundred days wasted with the wrong person. And it the worst part is that it wasn't even that great a relationship. We argued a lot and we never agreed on what movie to rent in the video store.

 

I'm not sure if the fact that we stayed together for so long means that I'm becoming a more mature individual or that I'm simply developing a higher tolerance for pain.

[eye]

Originally posted by bella8464

It gets harder and harder to find a good man these days.

 

It gets easier and easier to find psychotic women these days..kidding . what's done is done and dont every try her pyschotic trick to your man..its plain stupid

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by eye

dont every try her pyschotic trick to your man..its plain stupid

 

didn't seem *that* stupid in your case...

 

I'd call a girlfriend -or a boyfriend- psychotic if she(he) kept doing that kind of tests all the time and with no real reason.

People who test their partner every other day often have serious problems, but, again, this is not the case.

She tested you this one time when she probably felt that things were getting slow. You failed the test. She's dumping you, which's probably best thing for both of you.

No wonder you are feeling angry at her for taking such a bait (my first reaction would be anger too, to realize you took a bait can be a blow to your self-esteem), but I don't think you should blame it on her.

[gaia]

I'd call a girlfriend -or a boyfriend- psychotic if she(he) kept doing that kind of tests all the time and with no real reason.

 

Exactly. "Psychotic" carries an implication that the person is out of touch with reality. In this case, she wasn't - she was spot on.

 

If you couldn't resist this temptation, you wouldn't have stayed true to her for long. I think she has her head screwed on and you should just consider this a fair cop - have a laugh at your own expense.

[faux]

Originally posted by gaia

Exactly. "Psychotic" carries an implication that the person is out of touch with reality. In this case, she wasn't - she was spot on.

 

If you couldn't resist this temptation, you wouldn't have stayed true to her for long. I think she has her head screwed on and you should just consider this a fair cop - have a laugh at your own expense.

 

Agreed. I've dated a lot of genuine psychos. Your situation sounds as though the girl was just very sneaky. Sneakiness on its own is not very psychotic. Still, that's an amazingly shocking situation to be in, getting ensnared like that.

[Leigh Anne]

This is the case of two wrongs don't make a right. You were WRONG WRONG WRONG for responding, what the hell were you thinking? Even though emotions might be dissipating in the relationship, you are still in it, and until you are out of it, you shouldn't be talking to other women in that, send-me-a-picture, let's-get-drinks- way. Now, on to her, SHE, had no right entrapping you like that! Yes, in a court of law, entrapment cannot be admitted as evidence. She was WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!!!!! She is a psychotic, invasive, and sneaky person, and you are too easily prone to temptation. I hope you both learned your lessons, however, I think she will continue to entrap her next BFs, thanks to you, way to go!!! She may have stopped this behavior if you had passed it, but now her trust of men is even less than before! And you, hmm...well, just hope you never do this again!!! Also, thanks to you talking about it on here, I have a feeling many of the ladies will now be attempting this!!!!!! Oh boy, Pandora's Box has been opened!

[Kaley]

why is everyone defending her sneaky behavior like it's ok! it's not! this evidence shouldn't even be admisisible, because her method of obtaining it was just ridiculous. if she wanted to know, find out some other way, and he didn't even cheat on her, he talked to a girl, so it's wrong, but not as wrong as her sting operation! ugh, you're so better off without this girl!!!!!

 

That woman is psychotic, and if you don't agree, she's definitely sneaky! If I was with her, I'd want to meet someone else too, your only problem was doing so before the relationship was over. You should have dumped her days, months, years ago!

[Bill]

The last two posters appear to be the original poster.

 

Bill,

 

I don't always agree with you, but I like how you always cut right through the s*** and get to the point.

Occam's Razor

[Leigh Anne]

No Bill, I'm not the original poster. I've been posting on here for awhile now, you can find my posts all around.

[cu_tigerlily]

I am questioning why some of you guys are blaming the girl for being "psycotic" or "sneaky"... Today's technology has done 2 things...

 

1. it has made it easier for people to cheat...

 

2. it has made it easier to catch people who cheat....

 

I think that if you are in a relationship where you feel that "things have slowed down" enough that you need to get to know someone else better then you probably need to do 1 of 2 things...

 

1. try to make your relationship stronger by giving your partner the smae kind of attention you are about to or are giving to this other person..

 

2. leave the relationship...

 

Cheating is so unfair to the other party, sometimes they are in total oblivion that anything was even wrong and if things are so bad that they have to know something is wrong then you both are probably so unhappy that you both need out...

[Leigh Anne]

Originally posted by cu_tigerlily

I am questioning why some of you guys are blaming the girl for being "psycotic" or "sneaky"... Today's technology has done 2 things...

 

1. it has made it easier for people to cheat...

 

2. it has made it easier to catch people who cheat....

 

I think that if you are in a relationship where you feel that "things have slowed down" enough that you need to get to know someone else better then you probably need to do 1 of 2 things...

 

1. try to make your relationship stronger by giving your partner the smae kind of attention you are about to or are giving to this other person..

 

2. leave the relationship...

 

Cheating is so unfair to the other party, sometimes they are in total oblivion that anything was even wrong and if things are so bad that they have to know something is wrong then you both are probably so unhappy that you both need out...

 

 

In defense of my response, if you read my original post, yes, I don't think what he did was right at all!!!! I quoted: (You were WRONG WRONG WRONG for responding, what the hell were you thinking? Even though emotions might be dissipating in the relationship, you are still in it, and until you are out of it, you shouldn't be talking to other women in that, send-me-a-picture, let's-get-drinks- way.) It's not quite cheating, cheating is a little deeper than that, if he had gone on a date with the girl and kissed her, then yes, or for some, even going on that date, and maybe he would have. I agree, it's wrong. If the relationship was not working out, either try and fix it or end it! However, I also don't think that because he did something wrong, that we should lose sight of the fact that she did something wrong too. I highly believe in respecting a person's privacy and I don't believe in entrapment. I don't think that's the appropriate way to go!!! This is an extreme case, but I also don't agree with obtaining passwords to spouse's email addresses, website accounts, cell phone message retrievals, etc. Just not right. So again, to reiterate my point, two wrongs don't make a right. This is my opinion!!

[dyermaker]

Eye, in case you're at a loss for supporters, I agree with you.

 

Her conduct was totally out of line, and totally unacceptable. There's no way that behavior belongs in a relationship, ever.

 

That said, it's not her fault that you took the bait. You said that you were just playing with the girl, but you weren't you were being unfaithful, any attempt to reconcile it with the fact that you got caught is a pure lie.

 

It's good that your relationship is over. The second she crossed the line and sent that e-mail, she withdrew herself from the relationship. The second you responded, you withdrew as well. It's NOBODY'S fault, you mutually withdrew from the relationship--if you were keeping score, it was a tie. (like vietnam ).

[spencer]

you were busted