4 year relationship gone, and now trying to win her back....

[dj_x2c]

Alright, I am sure this is the same song and dance like anyone else but I feel like maybe I got a varying situation. I was with this girl for 4 years. We lived for 3 1/2. I'm 23 now, and two months ago we broke up. She is dating another guy and made it official a month ago. But 3 months prior she started talking to him as we had problems. She likes to take easy way out of things but I can't fault her for that. She was expecting a proposal (which was to happen in October), wanted better security (which I didn't have alot of, I'm still in college). We lived in a crappy apartment that drove a wedge in between us and it caused alot of tension. I had issues as well as she did. Nothing beyond repair. When things started getting rough in January, this guy I guess took notice and they began to talk. He told her how she needed to be treated better, how he liked her etc etc. I know that whole game, its a bad one to play at that. They continued to text for the few months we had left together. I was chasing my DJ'in business dream (which now I realize is stupid and got back into college), I was somewhat different, I had let myself go. But all issues not beyond repair. She told me in March to my face how she was talking to someone else and are lease was up at the end of the month. She told me she was stressed and couldn't see me changing. Well we decided to stay together till the day we had to move out that she confessed to me that she didn't want this anymore. She moved to a new apartment and a week after the break up, she goes out on a date with him. The whole month of April, we stayed in contact tho. I was begging her back at times, and trying to blow up her phone (stupid me). But she wasn't this guys g/f yet and she was still seeing me and we had sex maybe twice. I couldn't come to the apartment as he told her he didn't want me there or her to talk to me. He also would show up at her place at random cause when she wouldn't reply, he would think I was there. During this time we had moments where she would say "Oh he treats me like you never did" which I know better. And she told this guy all of her issues, and he played on the fact that she was hurt. She claimed he wasn't out to get into her pants (I'm a guy, I know better).He only lived in the city for the semester, and his home is 3 hours away during the summer when college is out. Towards the end of April we were talking about getting back together and she said it would be easier to do when he leaves to go back home so we wouldn't have to worry about him being around. Four days tho, before he leaves she sleeps with him. That sort of did it in, she said she didn't want to work it out anymore. That weekend she also goes away with him to a wedding in another state for 3 days. May came around and I of course wanted her back. But I started around mid may doing the whole no contact thing and went on a date. She found out and we started talking more than usual. I learned that she tried to convince me she was over me, but only recently has she confessed that she can't let go completely, misses me, and still in ways wants to be with me. She claims to see alot of change, sees how I have kept myself up (dropped 29 pounds), and any other issue just completely wiped out. Last week her and I were talking. She said she was very confused on everything, still loved me, and missed me very much. Now this guy she started dating after they had sex lives 3 hours away so she sees him only on weekends when either he travels or she does. But recently that has slowed down. This week tho after she saw him over the weekend she told me she wasn't confused. She said that when she is with him she wants to be with him but I know its always milk and honey at the beginning. Especially when they don't see each other all the time and he knows she is hurt so he is playing extra nice. But she finally did start talking about how there are alot of things she doesn't like. He is also completely opposite of who I am (music taste wise, food, etc etc). Anyways she said she isn't confused but still misses me very much but can't talk like we use to as she doesn't want to hurt him. But she said she does love me and misses me. I haven't really given her the space thing for starters. I do know there is still alot of love for me there (she didn't take the time to get over me or anything). She told me she still hurts very much, us having sex with other people didn't help things and she misses me so. Now I know people want to say move on an such but that isn't an option for me. So I am wanting to know what can I do? I know she looks at my Facebook alot. I won't delete her, but does the space and time thing really work? I haven't been doing any of that to be quite honest. I love this girl and I know she is hurt which is why she is reaching out for something not tainted to deal with the pain. She also likes to do it all the easy way. So what can I do to better my odds? I'm not a back and white person, I live in the gray. I have also let go some, but I have left a piece behind and the door open. She told me she wanted to do the same...so what else can I do?

[MT152]

Alright, I am sure this is the same song and dance like anyone else but I feel like maybe I got a varying situation. I was with this girl for 4 years. We lived for 3 1/2. I'm 23 now, and two months ago we broke up. She is dating another guy and made it official a month ago. But 3 months prior she started talking to him as we had problems. She likes to take easy way out of things but I can't fault her for that. She was expecting a proposal (which was to happen in October), wanted better security (which I didn't have alot of, I'm still in college). We lived in a crappy apartment that drove a wedge in between us and it caused alot of tension. I had issues as well as she did. Nothing beyond repair. When things started getting rough in January, this guy I guess took notice and they began to talk. He told her how she needed to be treated better, how he liked her etc etc. I know that whole game, its a bad one to play at that. They continued to text for the few months we had left together. I was chasing my DJ'in business dream (which now I realize is stupid and got back into college), I was somewhat different, I had let myself go. But all issues not beyond repair. She told me in March to my face how she was talking to someone else and are lease was up at the end of the month. She told me she was stressed and couldn't see me changing. Well we decided to stay together till the day we had to move out that she confessed to me that she didn't want this anymore. She moved to a new apartment and a week after the break up, she goes out on a date with him. The whole month of April, we stayed in contact tho. I was begging her back at times, and trying to blow up her phone (stupid me). But she wasn't this guys g/f yet and she was still seeing me and we had sex maybe twice. I couldn't come to the apartment as he told her he didn't want me there or her to talk to me. He also would show up at her place at random cause when she wouldn't reply, he would think I was there. During this time we had moments where she would say "Oh he treats me like you never did" which I know better. And she told this guy all of her issues, and he played on the fact that she was hurt. She claimed he wasn't out to get into her pants (I'm a guy, I know better).He only lived in the city for the semester, and his home is 3 hours away during the summer when college is out. Towards the end of April we were talking about getting back together and she said it would be easier to do when he leaves to go back home so we wouldn't have to worry about him being around. Four days tho, before he leaves she sleeps with him. That sort of did it in, she said she didn't want to work it out anymore. That weekend she also goes away with him to a wedding in another state for 3 days. May came around and I of course wanted her back. But I started around mid may doing the whole no contact thing and went on a date. She found out and we started talking more than usual. I learned that she tried to convince me she was over me, but only recently has she confessed that she can't let go completely, misses me, and still in ways wants to be with me. She claims to see alot of change, sees how I have kept myself up (dropped 29 pounds), and any other issue just completely wiped out. Last week her and I were talking. She said she was very confused on everything, still loved me, and missed me very much. Now this guy she started dating after they had sex lives 3 hours away so she sees him only on weekends when either he travels or she does. But recently that has slowed down. This week tho after she saw him over the weekend she told me she wasn't confused. She said that when she is with him she wants to be with him but I know its always milk and honey at the beginning. Especially when they don't see each other all the time and he knows she is hurt so he is playing extra nice. But she finally did start talking about how there are alot of things she doesn't like. He is also completely opposite of who I am (music taste wise, food, etc etc). Anyways she said she isn't confused but still misses me very much but can't talk like we use to as she doesn't want to hurt him. But she said she does love me and misses me. I haven't really given her the space thing for starters. I do know there is still alot of love for me there (she didn't take the time to get over me or anything). She told me she still hurts very much, us having sex with other people didn't help things and she misses me so. Now I know people want to say move on an such but that isn't an option for me. So I am wanting to know what can I do? I know she looks at my Facebook alot. I won't delete her, but does the space and time thing really work? I haven't been doing any of that to be quite honest. I love this girl and I know she is hurt which is why she is reaching out for something not tainted to deal with the pain. She also likes to do it all the easy way. So what can I do to better my odds? I'm not a back and white person, I live in the gray. I have also let go some, but I have left a piece behind and the door open. She told me she wanted to do the same...so what else can I do?

 

Hey, sorry to hear about your problems. I'm also dealing with a four year breakup at the moment that just happened last month. The thing you're not realizing is that you are letting her have the best of both worlds -- that other guy as a boyfriend and you at her feet.

 

I know you believe you know this girl well after four years with her, but it seems the best way you got her attention was when you started dating someone else... It's like she strives on the attention.. Let her realize what she is losing right now by backing off and starting no contact.. I really wish my ex would realize what she is losing but she isn't even messaging me... Your ex is and even admitted her feelings for you.. Now just back off and let her realize what she wanted. Don't let her have the best of both worlds while you are being treated terribly by her. If you even get together right now she won't have realized anything yet.. She will be torn between her two choices.

 

Give her a while, start no contact, and if she really loved you she will come back.

[dj_x2c]

Yea it has been killing me she doesn't want to message me either. Stupid me I said hey today. Asked her how she was and she said GREAT! and that she was pretty content. And maybe she really is right now. I don't know, but I'm like anyone else to fear that she is over me or forgetting me lol.But I mean I know better lol.

[MT152]

Yea it has been killing me she doesn't want to message me either. Stupid me I said hey today. Asked her how she was and she said GREAT! and that she was pretty content. And maybe she really is right now. I don't know, but I'm like anyone else to fear that she is over me or forgetting me lol.But I mean I know better lol.

 

Hey man I understand where you are at. I am still in that damn feeling of fearing that she is over me or will be over me but the thing I've realized is that there isn't much you can do. Look it--If you already put some effort into getting her back, which you have, you won't have any regrets now man. You already put effort in, and it is her time to reciprocate. She will definitely think A LOT better when she isn't seeing both of you because she is just going off the emotions she feels for you guys individually which causes her to show affection to both. No contact would be good for you, I know it's hard but think about the benefits it could reap for you.

[dj_x2c]

Yea I sort of hope so. Its going to be hard.

[dj_x2c]

No lie you would think showing them love would just bring them back into the whole situation. But again I heard to do opposite of what I want to do lol.

[MT152]

No lie you would think showing them love would just bring them back into the whole situation. But again I heard to do opposite of what I want to do lol.

 

See man.. I've never listened to anyone's advice for ANY part of my relationship until the end. I always did things how I saw fit. I didn't play the stupid 'ignore her so she wants me game' I straight out told her how I felt as time went on. I never once played any of those games and it was working out great. To be honest, once I listened to the majority of my friends advice to kick her out is when it went bad. If I would have followed my instinct of just working things out and calming down, I'd still be in the relationship.

 

You do what you see fit. Don't follow someone else's advice if you don't agree with it because then you'll feel regret and anger. If you yourself gave yourself an idea and went out with it I feel the majority of the time it'll benefit you since only you know the situation between you and your other. No one else knows her better than you in regards to the relationship.

[jacksonBrown]

I'm in the same sort of situation just got out of a 3 years relationship about a month ago did the begging and pleading to no avail she just 'needs space right now' i did the same as u let my self go abit during the relationship and we just lost the spark in the end, but I am trying to get her back becos i realise i do love her very much and we just need to work on things i dont wanna throw away the last three years i wanna marry this girl.

 

we have been talking a little bit here and there but mainly i'm trying to stay No contact i dont iniciate contact with her anymore only when she contacts me first do we talk. Aswell Concerning your situation i think your leaving yourself way too available to her... I know if i found out my ex was seeing someone else and even sleeping with them I would stick my middle finger in the air and walk away to me thats ultimate slap in the face when you just know its time to move on and get over it infact i think it would help me get over her quicker cos i would know that it really is over,

 

but you never know what can happen in the future usually when lovers return its when the the other partner has finally moved on and no longer cares wat the outcome is.

[dj_x2c]

You would think that it would be the ultimate slap in the face. But then again you can't take 4 years away like that, this I know unless she was cold hearted. But she confessed that she isn't over it, she can't really let go, and there are things now she is seeing that she isn't liking, the grass isn't as green and she is missing me more every day. But I should have gotten the hint to leave her alone when she isn't replying to phone calls, text messages etc etc. I mean she can't talk on the phone cause it hurts her too much. She admits to pain and such, this much I know about her. As far as her sleeping with another man, well I did with another woman and she admitted us sleeping with other people just didn't fix it. I do believe her and I will get back down the road but its hit me that maybe this is a lesson we have to learn. To appreciate, maybe go out and experience something. I hear about it all the time, people just letting go, dating others, sex, and then over time they just go "damn I think I had it good." Sometimes sex means the end, but in my case I think it just put the hurt on. You don't have sex with someone else and feel guilty. And you sure as hell can't work in a relationship when you start missing who you were with more each day. Sex or not I mean lets face it we all love it. Sadly I still sort of seek it. But its different for everyone. In my case she wants the easy way of getting back into things. All I know is that it seems it can work it out if I give it the space, time, and do my own thing.

[dj_x2c]

I would think that but giving how we feel about each other, I sleeping with someone else, and everything that I know it just doesn't fit to be the end. To be honest she is one to just take the easy way out on things. It happens I hear alot that people will break up, get with others, sex etc etc but then find each other down the road. Again I hear about this all the time.But I haven't really given her the space that she deserves either.

[pd8mxq]

Hi there,

 

I read yr stories and would like to give some advice and opinion. I came out of a 8 year relationship and he left me. Its funny how every breakup is similar as the one who left often say they are not in love anymore and spark has gone etc....So I can relate to your story as this is the reason that my ex gave me when he left (back in December).

 

Again, similar situation, he left and met another guy a week after. Now 6 months past and they are still together. I just want to say that there's not much you can do really, you probably did a lot alreasy trying to get her back (like I did so much to try and get my ex back). But the thing is, if she is not coming back now, there's not much more you should do for you guys. You should just concentrate on yourself.

 

It is hard to take especially knowing yr ex is seeing someone. You will try to hang on the last 4 years, this is what I did. But time will let you feel better ( i can say this because i am feeling better compare to last month and compare to a few months back).

 

In terms of what she said to you about missing you, not completely let go etc., its true, she probably has not and she will miss you because from my communication with my ex, he does admit he has these feelings (even after 6 months) and I am sure she is the same. But then, these feelings alone are not enough for them to say ' OK I WANT TO GET BACK'.

 

It does not work that way unfortunately. It is because there's a bigger scar from your previous relationship that she is feeling. The scar is the unhappiness that she was feeling (you probably do not feel it as you were happy with her). There was something that made her so unhappy that she decided to leave. And that UNHAPPNIESS is like a scar to prevent her from getting back. Only time can heal her scar and if by that time, you two still have the same feelings, then you two might have another go.

 

But until then, there's nothing much you can do. You have a scar too im sure right now, the scar of her dating/ seeing this new guy. It is a scar and if she was going to come back tomorrow, you probably wont be ready as you need to heal this scar first. If this scar is not heal before u two gets back, the fact that she went with someone else during this time will end up as an argument eventually.

 

If she is to come back, you probably have to erase what had happen during these months.

 

What more is that, second chance tends to work if there s a longer lag in between. You need to start fresh with her as if a new relationship. YOu have the advantge of knowing her already. YOu need to give more time (9 months to a year) to drop the past and let it go. Move on yourself. I am sorry to say but she is not going to GO BACK to the relationsip that u two had. So u need to move on, when u two paths cross again, it will be something new.

 

I dont want to give you hope but chance is always there and at this stage there's still a chance from wat she said (about how grass isnt greener and stuff). Just let them be, if eventually they breakup, then im sure, she will let you know. And then you two should see where yhou two are at. But if you are not moving on, she wont see you as a different guy and she wont give u two another go.

 

Just go with what u want to do because only u know her the best. All this NC stuff is not a tactic into getting her back. It is for you to move on. Until now, me and my ex has been contacting (well mostly initiate from me) and he replied etc... but I find out it is better to NC becuase it is a torture to face your ex while they are dating someone else.

 

And i know its going to be hard at the beginning, you probably cannot control it and ended up txting or emailing. but let me tell you, she will probably txt u less because she knows its not good for both of you at this stage to contact and she wont do it. Its nt because she does not miss you, its just she knows its not good. And what more is that she has the other guy where she can take yr mind off a lil.

 

Keep us posted how u r doing and be strong. Just chill for a few months, sleep with pther girls (NSA) while she is away. She cant be angry because she decided to end and you are free to do things.

 

In terms of you two, its medium term ( 6-9 months at least). It is healthier for you two if you two have another chance.

[jacksonBrown]

I would think that but giving how we feel about each other, I sleeping with someone else, and everything that I know it just doesn't fit to be the end. To be honest she is one to just take the easy way out on things. It happens I hear alot that people will break up, get with others, sex etc etc but then find each other down the road. Again I hear about this all the time.But I haven't really given her the space that she deserves either.

 

my situation is very similar with both of us still admitting strong feelings for eachother she even told me that its going to hurt her for atleast the next 6 months but she cant get back with me at this stage, she also said that in the future who knows we may be together again. now i dont know why we cant just work things out now but she has her reasons and i have to respect that. I think she's right in the future we will probably come together again weather thats in a few months or a few years down the track i dont know but i know that our love for eachother will always be there in some way, in the meantime i have to say goodbye and move on with my life, i think the same for your situation i think you guys will come back together in the future but at the moment just need space and time...

 

theres no garentees of this happening tho we may not get back together and i wont be holding onto hope i will let her go completely and move on with my life thats the first step

[dj_x2c]

Hi there,

 

I read yr stories and would like to give some advice and opinion. I came out of a 8 year relationship and he left me. Its funny how every breakup is similar as the one who left often say they are not in love anymore and spark has gone etc....So I can relate to your story as this is the reason that my ex gave me when he left (back in December).

 

Again, similar situation, he left and met another guy a week after. Now 6 months past and they are still together. I just want to say that there's not much you can do really, you probably did a lot alreasy trying to get her back (like I did so much to try and get my ex back). But the thing is, if she is not coming back now, there's not much more you should do for you guys. You should just concentrate on yourself.

 

It is hard to take especially knowing yr ex is seeing someone. You will try to hang on the last 4 years, this is what I did. But time will let you feel better ( i can say this because i am feeling better compare to last month and compare to a few months back).

 

In terms of what she said to you about missing you, not completely let go etc., its true, she probably has not and she will miss you because from my communication with my ex, he does admit he has these feelings (even after 6 months) and I am sure she is the same. But then, these feelings alone are not enough for them to say ' OK I WANT TO GET BACK'.

 

It does not work that way unfortunately. It is because there's a bigger scar from your previous relationship that she is feeling. The scar is the unhappiness that she was feeling (you probably do not feel it as you were happy with her). There was something that made her so unhappy that she decided to leave. And that UNHAPPNIESS is like a scar to prevent her from getting back. Only time can heal her scar and if by that time, you two still have the same feelings, then you two might have another go.

 

But until then, there's nothing much you can do. You have a scar too im sure right now, the scar of her dating/ seeing this new guy. It is a scar and if she was going to come back tomorrow, you probably wont be ready as you need to heal this scar first. If this scar is not heal before u two gets back, the fact that she went with someone else during this time will end up as an argument eventually.

 

If she is to come back, you probably have to erase what had happen during these months.

 

What more is that, second chance tends to work if there s a longer lag in between. You need to start fresh with her as if a new relationship. YOu have the advantge of knowing her already. YOu need to give more time (9 months to a year) to drop the past and let it go. Move on yourself. I am sorry to say but she is not going to GO BACK to the relationsip that u two had. So u need to move on, when u two paths cross again, it will be something new.

 

I dont want to give you hope but chance is always there and at this stage there's still a chance from wat she said (about how grass isnt greener and stuff). Just let them be, if eventually they breakup, then im sure, she will let you know. And then you two should see where yhou two are at. But if you are not moving on, she wont see you as a different guy and she wont give u two another go.

 

Just go with what u want to do because only u know her the best. All this NC stuff is not a tactic into getting her back. It is for you to move on. Until now, me and my ex has been contacting (well mostly initiate from me) and he replied etc... but I find out it is better to NC becuase it is a torture to face your ex while they are dating someone else.

 

And i know its going to be hard at the beginning, you probably cannot control it and ended up txting or emailing. but let me tell you, she will probably txt u less because she knows its not good for both of you at this stage to contact and she wont do it. Its nt because she does not miss you, its just she knows its not good. And what more is that she has the other guy where she can take yr mind off a lil.

 

Keep us posted how u r doing and be strong. Just chill for a few months, sleep with pther girls (NSA) while she is away. She cant be angry because she decided to end and you are free to do things.

 

In terms of you two, its medium term ( 6-9 months at least). It is healthier for you two if you two have another chance.

 

You have easily given me the best response and easily one most believable by far. I don't know if I mentioned but he does live 3 hours away and she starts summer school next week. Also coupled with the fact that she admitted she doesn't know if they will get to see each other. She also admitted when I asked "Knowing how you feel about me, missing me, and loving me, how on earth is this suppose to work?" her response was "Idk, we just will" so I'm leaning more towards the if I want to be patient, get my fix on sex (Safe sex anyways lol), then make myself more desirable. She told me she sees the changes, the improvements, but really we haven't had much time apart. You are right, she is in pain right now and sadly she is using this guy to numb it. He does already drive her crazy in many areas and things she does not care about him. Yes I have done the stupid thing of contacting her, and recently I said something to make her mad. I didn't mess it up completely but I realized I upset her and just dropped it from there. The stupid little things that you do, I'm sure you know how that is. We have four years together, something you can't just throw away. As far as it being 9 months I can safely say I don't see it being that long due to his distance and some circumstances but it won't happen in a week like I had been hoping. I have dropped weight, improved my looks, a better job, back in school, EVERYTHING wrong I have corrected. Everyone has told me chances of us getting back together are high due to the fact that they know us and the love we had a little more personal lol. But yes I will keep you guys up to date on it, every day is something new and its painful. But soon her missing will grow, I haven't exactly stopped the texting and calling till yesterday. She does hurt so much she can't talk to me on the phone, she says hearing my voice hurts and its hard on her which I can relate I feel the same way. So I will give her that but honestly I have high hopes not from just wishful thinking, but because I honestly believe that what I can do can make her see. She isn't without her faults too and you are right, I'm going to do it right....We had an amazing 4 years, if God called tomorrow and said "Your life or hers" well I'd give mine....okay I'm done being mushy now.

[dj_x2c]

Also you said the NC isn't a tactic to getting her back. I know it can work in either getting over her or used to give it space and time. I assume you mean space and time to move on as in self improvement, progressing in life etc etc. Cause I don't want to necessarily get over her as we both just still feel for each other, can't let go completely and she said it herself that she wants to leave the door open and a piece behind.

[69ways]

I went NC on mine after she left me.

4,5 years together and she gave me a hard time 4 months after break up.

Go NC don't let her use you to forget you man.

[dj_x2c]

Aight guys update. So we did talk today and idk how on earth to handle what I was told. She is in love with the guy, she told me she didn't want to talt about "us" anymore. She said it was causing issues with her and the guy she is with. She told me she didn't see us working out, and had no hope. Now as a guy and someone who has heard and seen it, I can safely say she is on the rebound. They have dated for a month so far but see each other on the weekends only. I believe I probably pushed her too far. She didn't ever say never but I know how she is. She doesn't like to be torn or hurt people nor does she like things complicated. To be honest I still see us somewhere down the road but I haven't really let go of it yet. She has but I haven't and one can't let go while the other holds on. I do know that in a rebound and such that anything can make you feel good when they promise the world. This guy knows she is hurt, knows what he was doing. I mean if they work out who am I to step in? But I don't see that happening. She is hurt, she can't even pick up the phone to hear my voice, let alone see me. So I guess this is one better done for now, possibly down the road. I'll give it the space and time it deserves. I don't see this being are last time together but I do see it taking longer than a month or two to work out.

[00sports00]

UGHHH .... I feel your pain! Hearing that news is NEVER what you want, especially when you have the kind of feelings you have for her .. But, you can't change a girl's mind man, as redundant as that sounds .. If that's what she told you, than at this current moment, that's what she wants .. You need to pick yourself up and move on right now, as hard as that may be .. Let her figure out that the grass isn't greener! DO YOU for right now and do NOT contact her

[dj_x2c]

Yea I was told the best chance I got is to let her see that. A month together and she says she sees a long future. Sorry I am still in the picture and after some thought im sort of getting creeped out by it. She is still confused but they are in the beginning stage for one. I haven't don't nc yet but after today I believe its time I initiate that next step. she csnt miss me or have desire for me if i am around. As of now she feels guilty to talk to me so give it time and im sure I will hear and see differently. This guy is no idiot, he knows its a rebound. He is intimidated by me like no tomorrow. It's sad that she has to do this to realize what is wrong. Sadly I have almodt gave in and let someone else into my life so they can be my band aid and make me feel good to forget my ex. Thing is its like tylenol this will work only for a while. I have begun to move on in life but don't worry I'm sure she will be back soon. U guys have been a big help so far. And I'm sure one day ill tell u guys it all worked out. just a matter of time.

[Tee Heart]

I dont want to rehash anything or give your advice. I'm sort of going through what you are only I was under a lot of stress and depressed when I broke things off with my girl.

 

Wishing you all the best man.

[pd8mxq]

You are one of the most postive person about getting back with yr ex I have seen so far. Brilliant! Its like YOU KNOW she will be back.

 

I must say believe is good but since you cannot really control it, dont let it swim in yr head too much. Otherwsie, you cannot move on.

 

well, i dont want to advice on the REBOUND thing. It might not be, not to scare you, sometimes rebound lasts.

 

Anyway, u gotto relax now. She wont come back for the summer. It wont be good if she comes back soon because your mind wont be ready. As I said before, you will bring up the issue about she met someone else if you two happen to argue in the future.

 

You gotto move on first now, and almost like accept that she is with someone else. And be fine about it.

 

After a while, if you are still interested and if she comes back calling, then you two can start NEW.

 

There s no other way in terms of you two as a couple in the future.

[jstobo]

I know she looks at my Facebook alot.

 

Kind of off topic, but how do you know she looks at your Facebook a lot?

[dj_x2c]

Update! Aight so to answer how I know is that she would tell me things on my Facebook and flat out said she checked it. Now here is another thing that happened. To recap, they have seen each other a total of maybe 12 days out of a month and two weeks together. Considering she was still confused the first month they dated, and telling me all of this I can safely say that to fall in love so quick and in such little time spent together is well.... absurd. Yea I know I may act positive but inside my head is swimming in fifty different directions. Anyways she deleted me on Facebook as I made the stupid mistake of posting a pic that showed where her and I first met. She is still hurt by it, told me so less than a week ago. And she loves me but isn't in love with me. This guy is laying it thick on her too and I do mean THICK. If his game was tight like he said, then he shouldn't be intimidated by me. Sorry but no real gentleman works on a hurt girl. Sorry doesn't work like that, at least not how he did it anyways. My point is she wanted to see change and she admits she saw the change....but its obviously not enough. I'm going to move on and see the world. And yea I will probably still have feelings for her down the road. Its been 3 days of NC, she hasn't attempted me (too early) and we couldn't get back together tomorrow. We have to both move on and let go. I do ask guys, have you ever heard of people splitting up, moving on with other people, then down the road they just meet again? I have heard it happens a lot and successfully I just want some positive input.

[dj_x2c]

And one more thing, on her Facebook I have noticed every pic of us holding each other, kissing, together (and there is alot trust me you can't miss it) are still up. I know it seems lame to use that, but seriously anyone who is in love with someone else and moved on shouldn't have that up. It sux to think of her sleeping with him and doing what she is doing. But the girl is hurt and i haven't made it easy. So I took at step in the NC rule. I will let you guys know how it turns out. For anyone going through this I was told straight "If your love was true, even though this is happening, you can always find each other again" but its a lesson you have to learn. And you have to let go of the old, take what was good about it and in the mean time make a 2.0 So when you do reconnect its better than ever. I would also like to add that he does live 3 hours away and they can only see each other on the weekends and sadly driving is going to wear thin. So I got an upper hand if I can just use it.

[dj_x2c]

Lol I re read my post. I am moving on now and letting go but we will always hold on to something. right now this is happening and down the road I'm sure. I have to stay positive or it won't happen, but I have to let go, let her get this out of her system and I make a better man out of myself before I can have her back. It's like I said if god called tomorrow and said your life or hers, then I would gladly give mine.

[pd8mxq]

I think you cannot keep checking the facebook thing. Its very unhealthy and it makes her very uncomfortable.

 

It doesnt matter if your pictures are still on her FB. I have a few friends who keep their ex pictures there too. So its not something u hav to worry about.

 

And you are trying so hard to read what the guy is doing and analysis what he is doing right or wrong.

 

These things are torturing you. YOu should just let them be, ignore it if you can becuase you will go mad about them.

 

In break up, the dumpee always tries to desparately to look for anything that looks positive, or any signs that might indicate a chance of getting back.

 

Very often, any little thing will be magnified in the dumpee's ming but infact they could mean nothing at all. E.g. You will keep thinking why she still keeps the pics on FB, is it because she still wants u etc.? But in fact, the simple reason is that she cannot be bothered to delete them.

 

These are just assumptions but often true.

 

And maybe one day, when she calls you or talk to her, you will try very hard to read in between the lines to find those 'positives'.

 

POsitive is good but U need to plan for the negatives so that when it hits again, you dont fall.

 

And finally, the new guy might not be doing the right thing. But even though if they break up next week, it does not mean your ex will decide to come home. She might want to try another guy, another one, two or three before coming back or never come back.

 

Sorrry to be harsh but just move on and ignore her. It is very hard but that s the only way. Keep posting so people can help.