victoriaaa Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i think i am losing the plot. its been almost 4 weeks since my ex finished with me after 5.5 year, nc as of today. made a few mistakes, a little begging but kept my composure quite well. but since day 1 we broke up and before that, as his mobile is in my name i have constantly checking his call records, so i know who he has been texting and calling.i kinda know from then what time he is awake and asleep, and where he is.i have his bank password so i can see what he has been buying which kinda shows what he has been up to. he is single now so its not my business, but its all stuff to his family and old friends anyway. he know i have the passwords but not that i have been checking them all the time. i just cant stop myself. and i keep calling his mum to ask about him too. she luckily hasnt told him. i see if he is on msn and keep checking this online dating profile he did ages ago to see when he last checked it. i guess this is really odd behaviour right? has anyone else been this bad and how can i stop?? i cant seem to let him go. when we were together we always knew where the other was so its hard Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'm sorry to say the best thing to do is just will yourself to stop. My ex has a blog wherein she's described how awesome her new beau is several times, as well as her *******-ish behavior in the country she's teaching in. Reading it makes me sick to my stomach, but I've managed to not view it in two weeks by continuously telling myself that it doesn't matter, it's over, and nothing I learn from it will make me feel any better. Good luck, I know how hard this is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoriaaa Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 think i made need therapy. it does make me feel better as its clear he hasnt another woman cos most of them are to me or his mum. but im sure the time will come when he does meet someone else. so i am punishing myself really by keep checking. its weird and obsessive but so hard to let go! if i dont check for just 1 day i will feel like ive achieved something. esp as im on 24 hours with nc Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Victoriaaa, I know how you feel, I definitely felt powerless after my break-up and had some stalkerish moments because I knew my ex's skype password. I intercepted an IM conversation in which he was criticising both me and his new girlfriend - I'm not proud to say I cut and paste the conversation on an email and sent it to him and her!! That was my lowest point, I ended up calling him to apologise and to not report me to the police... ouch I'm going red thinking about it. Once my ex knew I had his password details he changed them. That was a massive relief after that. Basically, and you know this - you just have to stop. Take it like NC, one day at a time. Each time you don't look will be a triumph. Try and do other more positive things for yourself. I know it's easy to say, but it's important to avoid as it won't feel healthy or rewarding in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoriaaa Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 thanks you rose. its very hard as he messages me daily asking about how to pay bills etc as i was the one who did all that. he had to change fb as i knew his password and his email address. i feel knowing what he is up to is keeping me sane. if i dont know my imagination will run wild. its been 2 days i have not initiated contact. i am not a bad person but do i need to ignore his bill questions? its got so bad i even remember how many minutes his call allowance has got to and when it changes! Link to post Share on other sites
skibum Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I was a stalker for a week or so after the breakup. After 5.5 years I knew passwords to pretty much everything and was checking multiple times a day. It was not helping me at all move on or deal with my emotions and never made me feel better so I asked the ex to change her passwords to prevent me from logging in, she did and I felt much better. Because I knew that nothing could be accomplished by stalking, it would make me feel worse and its not like I was going to find an email the day after saying she regretted dumping me. I would just see her texting and calling other guy numbers and that would make me paranoid and jealous. Also I blocked her from appearing on my Facebook news feed and I use that same logic to never look at her facebook page. Because if I see her being happy not being with me it will make me sad, if I see her talking to other guys and flirting it wont make me feel good, and so I havent looked at it in 2 weeks and I am pretty proud of myself! Deleting her would be better but we have literally hundreds of photos and history together I dont want to throw that all out it wasnt a messy breakup. I may just tell my bro to change my password until I am over it if I find myself checking it constantly Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoriaaa Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 i have deleted him from fb after an argument so thats one less to keep looking at! i saw a number i didnt recognise he was texting at 4am and i even called it and it was a female voice. wtf? even if he was dating someone its not like he isnt allowed and i am just making myself worse. its a case of out of sight out of mind. if i dont know what he gets up to and dont see it then i will be fine. it is hindering my progress that my ex messages me every day asking about how to pay bills. but he has stopped calling and now just texts so its not as bad. he knows i couldnt handle him calling several times a day. skibum how long ago did your relationship end?i will be on week 4 on monday. getting easier every day even though he is on my mind 24 7. Link to post Share on other sites
skibum Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 i have deleted him from fb after an argument so thats one less to keep looking at! i saw a number i didnt recognise he was texting at 4am and i even called it and it was a female voice. wtf? even if he was dating someone its not like he isnt allowed and i am just making myself worse. its a case of out of sight out of mind. if i dont know what he gets up to and dont see it then i will be fine. it is hindering my progress that my ex messages me every day asking about how to pay bills. but he has stopped calling and now just texts so its not as bad. he knows i couldnt handle him calling several times a day. skibum how long ago did your relationship end?i will be on week 4 on monday. getting easier every day even though he is on my mind 24 7. I was dumped May 16, so it has been a month and a half. Probably the most difficult month and a half of my life. Its getting a bit better but I think my biggest progress so far has been acting normaly to my friends and family and in public. Ive faked being happy and it actually makes me completely forget about her when Im faking. Going to bed and being alone at night are still hard. I imagine it will be a long time before I go to bed happy and dont cry at night Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoriaaa Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 i was dumped may 9th. been working and seeing friends etc and coping much better than expected. today is the first day i have gone fully nc and he hasnt contacted me either so i am very proud of myself. only begged him once as well so almost managed to keep composure! been very tough for me not be calling him every 5 mins begging for a second chance. the emptyness i feel when i wake up without him is getting less intense by the day. i have cried every day but dont feel quite as sad now. Link to post Share on other sites
Blo0 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I've stalked my ex for two years. He left me for another woman, and they're still together. (and happy) I can say its a waste of time, and I wish I was a little more clever to say to myself that it's over and that I should just move on.. the clever thing is to just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 It's not odd behavior. It may not be the most honorable behavior, but it isn't odd when you find yourself in a situation where someone broke your heart. It's the kind of thing where you'll stop when you're ready. It's not healthy, it is self-destructive, but sometimes after a breakup all you have to hang onto is the pain, the only way you know you're still human and still alive is to snoop around and find something that causes your heart to sting. But eventually you'll be sick of doing that to yourself. I don't mean to fully advocate this behavior, but just want you to know that you aren't some horribly messed up person. Understand that you have been hurt and forgive yourself for the snooping you've been doing. Try to stop yourself the next time you get the urge, but even if it happens again, you'll get better some day. Link to post Share on other sites
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