irishred Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 My best friend and I started some casual hooking up, but I'm dating someone else now that I want to go exclusive with. My best friend is a commitmentphobe so I thought he wouldn't get attached. But I think he is, and also he may not realize it or be trying to fight it. I've seen him go into denial on his emotions before and then explode. Within a few days of us hooking up, my friend began acting more attached to me. He texted me just to say he thought I was one of the coolest people he had ever met. He wanted to sleep with me every night that first week, which was 2 weeks ago. He stopped talking about other women he was interested in. He used to share all that stuff with me like we were brother and sister. He started asking me how the guy I'm dating compares with him. When I was on dates with the other guy, my best friend would text me repeatedly. He also told me I was the best lover he'd had in the past year out of about 6 people. The sex between us has gone from okay to phenomenal. My friend hasn't said anything direct about developing feelings for me, but we've had some pretty tender moments together where he has said he's grateful for me. He's very goodlooking and a musician and could probably get anyone he wanted, so it's not that kind of gratitude. It's emotional. I listen to him and accept him as he is and still care about him. He said he has never had a relationship like this before. But I know it could never work between us because he's got too many issues, including relationship avoidance and insisting he doesn't want one, drinking, drugs, etc. I don't believe he's going to change. Am I reading too much into his words and actions? Does he maybe just like me as a really, really good friend and will be cool with going back to being platonic? Or does he have feelings he is in denial about and will be angry? Link to post Share on other sites
Flgirl44 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 If you want to be exclusive with someone else it doesn't really matter what your FWB thinks or feels. He might be trying to win you over for a bunch of reasons, but if he isn't relationship material it's irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
StarryNightSky Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Although, I do not know either of you. I am inclined to believe that he is getting attached to you. The fact that you are best friends, hints at a strong bond between you two, Which of course involves many feelings. I would not be surprised if those feelings lead to something stronger. It seems the reason (at least to me) you are less inclined to have a relationship with him, is not for your lack of emotion or care towards him, but because you feel there are just too many things that would make that relationship not work. But a relationship with him, has definitely crossed your mind. From how you have described him, I think your intuition is correct. He probably really likes you. Because you both took it to another level, his feelings also have to go at least partially to that level. Where both can't help but wonder "could it work?, Do I like him/her as more than a friend? " Most relationship of any kind, specially friendship ones that become more, are less likely to be able to go back to the original platonic state. I am not saying that it won't simply that it is hard, unless both dedicate to making it so and both move on romantically. At the end, it can bring two friends closer together and make their relationship stronger if it turns out for the best. But I hope from the beginning you took into consideration the worse that could happen, simply because it is a possibility you may have to deal with. Personally, I think it wont end in the worst way, and although I do believe he may be angry if it is the case he cares for you more than he realized. If he is the best friend you considered him, he will eventually accept that you need and want a stable, committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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