LostInContemplation Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 This statement was made to me countless number of times by my ex who says that I could never truly have a guy friend because there is always attraction going on in one or both sides. I'm starting to slightly come to his way of thinking but I'm still pretty much on the fence about this. For me, my ex hits it dead on the spot because eventually my guy friends start having a crush on me even though I make it blatantly clear that that is not how I feel. I was wondering what you guys think about this? Your experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Yes. I have. I also have female friends I've had a bit of a thing for from time to time. And with some we've had sexy times but not now. Some I've been more into that they've been into me. Sometimes vice versa. I have two sisters. We're friendly, and platonic. Do they count? We're all human beings, right? Edited June 4, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Yes and no. I think one has to be very self aware. I have had situations where I think people are just being friendly, when they were making moves. As I did not see them like that I was a bit clueless to their intentions. One even used his grief to try and home in on me. I had no idea.. Currently, I have a couple of male friends who will do things like pick me up so we can meet with a larger group in our closest city. Hubby knows them and is ok with this but I do feel slightly odd when they pull up and the neighbours see me getting into their cars. But, so far, so good. We are just friends. Hubby doesn't mind as he is not into World Cinema events and would rather not go. They are true gents and so in the circles we move in, it is normal for the man to drive and all that old fashioned stuff, even though I am a highly capable driver. So, yes and no... but be aware. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 For me, my ex hits it dead on the spot because eventually my guy friends start having a crush on me even though I make it blatantly clear that that is not how I feel. I was wondering what you guys think about this? Your experiences? if i'm attracted to a girl, i'll be honest with myself about it and not try to pursue her sideways- ie., the faux friend route otherwise, i love my sisters-from-another-misters Link to post Share on other sites
eastsunshine2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 This statement was made to me countless number of times by my ex who says that I could never truly have a guy friend because there is always attraction going on in one or both sides. I'm starting to slightly come to his way of thinking but I'm still pretty much on the fence about this. For me, my ex hits it dead on the spot because eventually my guy friends start having a crush on me even though I make it blatantly clear that that is not how I feel. I was wondering what you guys think about this? Your experiences? If there is any attraction between them, more feelings will develop and u will want more. Your feelings for them will eventually come out. No way people can be just friends. Males and females should never be friends if they are not single. I had to learn the mistake way Link to post Share on other sites
JadedAmore Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Absolutely. I have a few platonic male friends, and romance has not one time been an issue. I think those are friendships you grow into though, they don't just happen over night. Mine have known me 10+ years. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Can men and women actually be platonic friends? This statement was made to me countless number of times by my ex who says that I could never truly have a guy friend because there is always attraction going on in one or both sides. I'm starting to slightly come to his way of thinking but I'm still pretty much on the fence about this. For me, my ex hits it dead on the spot because eventually my guy friends start having a crush on me even though I make it blatantly clear that that is not how I feel. I was wondering what you guys think about this? Your experiences? CAN they? or Will they? Males have exactly zero interest in being mere 'friends' with women they do not simultaneously wish to bang. Rules of the workplace, and family arrangements cause males and females of similar age to interact in friendly and appropriate ways, but when not tethered to the situations, men simply have no interest. The guys who in your mind are your 'platonic male friends' are in their own minds in line to bang you. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 What a load of bollocks. Link to post Share on other sites
LShasleftmeindespair Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 If they are both gay then yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 one of my best friends is female......since highschool. She is married and has 3 kids and I am about to get married. Most guys are unable to have a friendship with a female. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I have a few platonic friendships with guys. One of my best friends has been my friend for... 15 years, maybe? Sure, at first he was interested, but that didn't last long, and for the past 14,5 years we've been pure platonic friends. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Yes you are capable of just being actual friends instead of the romantic elements in the relationship. As long as both of you are mature and aware, then everything should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
ZombieBarbie Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I have quite a few guy friends. We stay "just friends", because I haven't crossed that line nor given any hint that I ever will. Platonic friendships can happen as long as at least one person is not allowing it to breed into something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 CAN they? or Will they? Males have exactly zero interest in being mere 'friends' with women they do not simultaneously wish to bang. Rules of the workplace, and family arrangements cause males and females of similar age to interact in friendly and appropriate ways, but when not tethered to the situations, men simply have no interest. The guys who in your mind are your 'platonic male friends' are in their own minds in line to bang you. Gosh so my gay male friends ( who are indeed genuine TRUE friends really want to bang me?? Gosh I'll need to share that theory for a good laugh!). Step into reality sometime and get your mind outta the gutter, there are still in this world men who RESPECT women and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 This topic has been discussed endlessly and most guys will insist its impossible, most mature ladies will be realistic as we have radar for when a man is a dog and sniff'n the bush or when he is genuinely a decent chap. We are not so nieve. I have both male and female "FRIENDS" and not a one of us are inclined to sleep with one another. We were raised with values and we value friends more then crossing a taboo line. I sincerely believe that WITH age comes the unmasking of the gender issues and differences. Somehow I have come to enjoy the differences and actually look forward to simple gatherings with my guy friends for some of the banter and intellectual talks are a hoot! Maybe I see beyond the DNA and the gender and actually learned to value the goodness of some people.... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Gosh so my gay male friends ( who are indeed genuine TRUE friends really want to bang me?? Gosh I'll need to share that theory for a good laugh!). Step into reality sometime and get your mind outta the gutter, there are still in this world men who RESPECT women and vice versa. This has nothing to do with "respecting women". For there is nothing disrespectful about their wanting to bang said women. And the testimonies of women who have left the red light in place which prevents those romantic advances do not discount the reality that the guys see themselves as being in line. This absolute B.S. that is women explaining away scores of other men to the man of the moment with: "oh, him, yeah, we're just friends" is completely absurd. Those men are in line for what they still believe to be a chance at her heart. Who cares how the woman in question dismisses this reality? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 This topic has been discussed endlessly and most guys will insist its impossible, most mature ladies will be realistic as we have radar for when a man is a dog and sniff'n the bush or when he is genuinely a decent chap. We are not so nieve. I have both male and female "FRIENDS" and not a one of us are inclined to sleep with one another. We were raised with values and we value friends more then crossing a taboo line. I sincerely believe that WITH age comes the unmasking of the gender issues and differences. Somehow I have come to enjoy the differences and actually look forward to simple gatherings with my guy friends for some of the banter and intellectual talks are a hoot! Maybe I see beyond the DNA and the gender and actually learned to value the goodness of some people.... What in reality is "a dog... sniff'n the bush" is continuously dismissed as being anything but, in the minds of the naive. This has exactly zero to do with the viewpoint of the women involved, who are wrongfully attempting to justify themselves. All that matters is the viewpoint of the men in question, and particularly what their own best-case-scenario might be, where it involves the naive women. Were those men not "sniff'n the bush" in reality, they would have zero interest in what you mislabel as "friendship". And fortunately for the rest of the world, most guys are well aware of this!! Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What about when a man does it to a woman? Because I am there right now. I want more so bad and he just wants to be my friend and I can't take it. I feel like the "dog" in this relationship. I am not the type of woman who thinks men and women can be friends. Never have been. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 'Cause I mean, I'm just sayin', it's not all the woman's fault. Men friend zone girls, too. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 My main difficulty is finding women friends who don't want me to treat them like a girlfriend, absent their role in that dynamic. They want the intimacy, care and support but simply don't wish to reciprocate. Then there's the cornerstone of platonic friendships, shared interests. I've had a couple wonderful platonic female friends, as well as some great friendships with the spouses of my male friends, so I know what a healthy male-female platonic friendship looks and feels like. IME, it's exceedingly rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 What in reality is "a dog... sniff'n the bush" is continuously dismissed as being anything but, in the minds of the naive. This has exactly zero to do with the viewpoint of the women involved, who are wrongfully attempting to justify themselves. All that matters is the viewpoint of the men in question, and particularly what their own best-case-scenario might be, where it involves the naive women. Were those men not "sniff'n the bush" in reality, they would have zero interest in what you mislabel as "friendship". And fortunately for the rest of the world, most guys are well aware of this!! INsincereONlineGuy- I, in due regard,and in the best of light, wholeheartedly disagree with your baseless opinion. Learn to regard Ladies and leave us mature ones who see beyond the physical and appreciate persons alone. Wpuld you be so kind (s I have seen your other pos), learn comprehension skills and to read "entirely" before deciphering a section and using it as your platform of argumentative. Its unbecoming. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 'Cause I mean, I'm just sayin', it's not all the woman's fault. Men friend zone girls, too. DreamGirl, okay so both genders at younger ages are guilty of this, whats your point? The question remains, Can some rise above this and actually be genuine friends, and the answer is yes. The problem though is those who are stuck in the physical world and cant see past the reality that we are each going to wrinkle and some day need one another as humans and place the gender on the back burner. I think you and SIncereONline would get along fabulously, he and you have much in common.... Link to post Share on other sites
eastsunshine2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Yes you are capable of just being actual friends instead of the romantic elements in the relationship. As long as both of you are mature and aware, then everything should be fine. John, it isn't about being mature or immature. It might help to read some info on marriage builders.com which one reply helped me understand how it could happen and it makes sense now. I had a whole different outlook on affairs and thought it was ridiculous people having them, but unless it happened to u, u don't understand Link to post Share on other sites
kaculka Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 yes they can, even i think there is always something there for one or another person involved, but it is up to us if we take it further or value the real friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Wrt the slippery slope of cross-gender friendships to infidelity, there is definitely a risk, even beyond the apparent 'morals' and 'it can't happen to me' perspective. Having had both unhealthy and healthy friendships of this type, the clear path to health was maintaining the priority of the respective intimate relationships, as well as positive interaction with the partner/spouse of the friend. As an example, one long-term female friend I met while cycling. We enjoyed a common interest and got on well and eventually I was included in her social circle (I was single; she married) and socialized with her and her husband, who didn't cycle. She never shared 'personal' stuff with me, nor I her, specifically anything having to do with intimate relationships, rather we talked about other subjects, including cycling, and I shared a common interest in muscle cars with her husband. That's one example of how, in addition to 'morals', proper and respectful boundaries can make for a very satisfying cross-gender friendship. I've had unhealthy experiences too, so am no angel in that regard, but thought a positive example to be on-topic. The unhealthy ones were based on attraction and improperly shared intimacy. I have found that the intimacy issue to be especially difficult with women, because they seem to naturally slide down that slope, forgetting that I'm not a girlfriend. I don't need to know what they and their husbands do in bed. Please, really, I don't need to know Link to post Share on other sites
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