Why does she need me now?

[zedd]

So, here's my problem.

 

I've known this girl for years now and I developed a crush on her. By that time I tried to make a move (2-3 years ago) she had a boyfriend and to be honest, I was in a long-term relationship myself. Once, we went to a bar and there was a kiss in the heat of the moment but she said we were both in committed realtionships so we shouldn't be doing this and I had to admit that she was right, so that was all (our relationships were both dying, though). Still, she was always on my mind at that time.

After we both became single (months later) I tried to make another move but she was depressed because of her breakup, so that was it again. We had a drink, held hands for a while, I told her half-jokingly that I can only imagine being with her and she said let's just be friends, life is difficult enough for her right now.

From then on, there was nothing between us, months later she kissed me on the lips once when I took her home by car. But I said okay, I won't put more effort in this, so I got interested in other girls, went partying had one-night stands and later got into a one and a half year relationship with an other girl, where I was madly in love, but the whole thing turned out to be destructive, so I dumped her in January.

And that was when my old crush appeared again: she was single at that time, we started going to the same class in college, got closer and closer and we ended up as a couple.

My problem is the following: I know I should be really happy now to finally be with the girl I wanted to be with for long, but the fact that she rejected me years ago and than had sex and tried to be in relationships with other guys bothers me. I did the same though and she knows the girls I screwed but she has no problems with it, saying we were not together then.

I know I can't change the past and everything is going fine now (perfect, so to say) and we are having a great time, she's nice with me and everything but still - were these men better than me? Was I only plan B?

She says those were different times and the thing that really counts is that we're together now. And that se had to mature, because talking about relationships and sex, she was pretty inexpereinced back then. Which is again true, so was I.

Still, I have this feeling in my heart and stomach I can't really get rid of... when I imagine her with all these guys (I even know one, who is a douchebag). I know it was none of my business, but my pride is hurt. So what now? Maybe I am just overthinking this and being obsessive and jealous and stuff?

[NoMagicBullet]

I think if you were plan B, she would have gotten together with you when she was depressed over her breakup. She didn't. I can't say for sure, but I think you mean more to her than just a plan B.

 

There will always be the ghosts of ex's in your past, her past -- everyone's past. It's not easy to accept that someone else once had your lover's heart. (Or body, depending on the focus of your jealousy.) But you'll need to make peace with it if you're going to have a relationship.

 

I do think you're obsessing too much about her past, especially since (or because?) you've done the same things. Maybe your pride hurts that she wasn't with you then, but from the sound of things, it was bad timing. It wasn't about you, or her not wanting you. If I had to guess, I think she always wanted you, she just wanted it to be right. She's with you now, she wants to be with you, and the two of you are happy together. Work on your jealousy, and for goodness sake, be happy!