eyeslikethesummer Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Hello, this is my first post but I've enjoyed reading threads on here for a while, some have really helped me. But unfortunately, I am still not coping with this break up. We were only together for 4 months but had had feelings for each other since we'd met, six months before we got together. I left my previous boyfriend for this guy (but that was a good thing, we should have broken up much sooner anyway). We broke up three months ago and I have been on such a crazy rollercoaster of feelings. 1) Feeling embarrassed because I'm so hung up on a relationship that wasn't even that long. 2) Feeling so hurt that he could just throw me away. When we broke up he had made up his mind and wasn't willing to let me reason and give things another chance. I can pin point so many things that went wrong, that I would do differently if we had the chance again and I KNOW things would be different. 3) Confusion. I saw him yesterday, the first time we had spoken properly since about a week after the break up. I had built this meeting up massively in my head, had wanted to lay my feelings out on the table etc... but didn't. It didn't seem right.. I could tell from the way he spoke to me (perfectly nicely, friendly, he is a good guy) that nothing had changed and that some form of spark had gone. Initially I felt happy about this, told all my friends how great I felt.... and now I'm back to feeling gutted. 4) Annoyance. I have done so much with my life in the last three months, I only really let myself wallow for about three days. On the surface it looks like I've been coping brilliantly but I know that inside I still think about him all the time, still wish we could work it out. Cos I KNOW we could have been so much more and it seems like such a waste. Now I think I'm in the position where... I'm so close to getting over him. But I still don't WANT to. I don't want this last year of feelings for him, overthinking, overanalysing etc to all have been a WASTE. I feel that if I move on I've been defeated... I have to admit to myself that I was wrong about him. And my god if I was wrong about him, wrong about the thing that I've spent so much of my time this last year thinking about, what the hell does that say about me and the judgements I make?! It's not even that. I'm just so gutted. We could have been so good. He didn't cheat, lie, he's a good guy. He just didn't love me and I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. I think he does have commitment issues (this had been his longest relationship and he was in his mid 20s) but maybe I'm just saying that to feel better about myself. Sorry this is so long. xx Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 My best piece of advice is go out... I went out to a bar last night and didnt drink and talked to random strangers, everyone knows what you are going thru, talk about new things with people. Some people invited me to sit down and hang out with them, they told me of a kickball league that has just started signing people up and Im going to join. If it wasnt for her breaking up with me, I would have never found this and this is something that really interests me. I am day 1 of NC... 24 hours and Im ok with it now. I have trouble sleeping, had to get ambien prescription but its ok it helps me sleep 4 hours. Talking about it is awesome too Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Welcome to LS. You are hurting. That's a natural experience after a break up. Sometimes we can do everything we feel is right and it still doesn't turn out the way we want it. It sucks, but life will take us in interesting directions if we accept what has happened. Wilsonx met some new people and is now signing up for a kickball league. I don't want this last year of feelings for him, overthinking, overanalysing etc to all have been a WASTE. Just because things did not go the way you expected, it does not mean the experience was a waste. Did you learn anything? If so, then it was definitely not a waste. I feel that if I move on I've been defeated... I have to admit to myself that I was wrong about him. A healthier perspective is not that you were wrong about him but that his actions led you to learn more about him eventually leading you to a different conclusion about him. Based on what you knew back then you weren't wrong about him back then. Similarly, based on what you know now you are also not wrong about him now. You haven't been defeated. You are just more experienced. And my god if I was wrong about him, wrong about the thing that I've spent so much of my time this last year thinking about, what the hell does that say about me and the judgements I make?! It says you are human with feelings and that you make mistakes like everyone else. Nothing wrong with that. The issue is not what does this say about you and the judgements you make, but instead whether or not you learned something from those mistakes and judgments. Nothing good will come from being hard on yourself for someone else's actions for which you have no control. Focus on you for a while. Wilsonx is right. Go out. Do something you've been putting off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eyeslikethesummer Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Ha, well I ended up going surfing this afternoon (something I've always wanted to get into) and broke my foot... woops! Link to post Share on other sites
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