My bf almost hit me...I am so scared?!?!

[Thatsmyname99]

2 days ago i was at my boyfriends house (we r both 18 and have been together for 2 years) and he was studying for some upcoming test. I was getting bored so I started talking to him asking him questions like "how is the studying going" etc. I"ll admit I was sorta blabbing my mouth because I do talk alot. Then all of a sudden he just snapped saying "SHUT UP B****" and pinned me on the wall and was about to punch me but at the last second moved his hand and punched the wall instead leaving a hole in the wall.

 

I was scared and I felt the tears coming but I don't like him to see me cry so I told him "maybe I should leave so I dont interfere with his studying,and I didn't mean to make u mad." So I left and when I got home I just went to bed crying and like 15 minutes later he knocked on my door and was apologizing saying "he was just stressed out, I wasn't the reason why he got mad and he would never treat me like that and he was just really stressed and he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me etc." he gave me flowers Chocolates and a stuffed bear and the apologizing went on for about 30 minutes and I did eventually forgive him because I feel that if I wasn't bothering him he wouldn't have done that and he's normally a very calm person. But now i'm so scared of him, I don't know why but now he just scares me and I'm always nervous around him. I don't know if I made the right choice forgiving him or if I made the wrong choice

[westrock]

Then all of a sudden he just snapped saying "SHUT UP B****" and pinned me on the wall and was about to punch me but at the last second moved his hand and punched the wall instead leaving a hole in the wall.

 

This is physical and emotional abuse (and maybe even an assault). He has anger issues. It will only get worse. No one should ever be treated like this.

 

"he was just stressed out, I wasn't the reason why he got mad and he would never treat me like that and he was just really stressed and he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me etc."

 

But you see, he DID treat you like that.

 

I see you're young.. please speak with someone that you trust that is older than you who can give you some guidance here.

Edited June 5, 2011 by westrock

[Cee]

You need to get out this relationship now.Do this to have future happiness, not to mention for your safety. Read up on domestic violence and you will learn this will not get better. It will only get worse.

 

I'm very concerned. This is a dire situation and you should treat him like a dangerous person and explore all your options to be safe. That's why professional help is urgent. They know the psyche of an abuser and will give advice.

 

Please talk to trusted friends and family too to give you support. It is not normal to threaten to punch a significant other. And teddy bears and candy shows how sick he is. He thinks presents and apologies will trick you. He needs mental health treatment.

 

I'm so sorry.

[Els]

I agree with the others, you need to distance yourself from him and tell him to see a psychologist. Perhaps in the future, when he has been treated, you may be able to be together again. For now, though, it's definitely too dangerous.

[ON MY OWN]

I agree, please talk to someone. There are a lot of issues going on here.

 

1.First he DID treat you like that even though he hadnt in the past, well now he has.

 

2. Why are you entertaining the idea of putting up with this/ excusing this?

 

3. It WILL get worse.

 

4. Why are you staying for even a minute after what HAS happened now. He may have NOT have treated you like that in the past, well now he has. You can no longer say that.

 

5. Your worth more than that!!!!!!

 

Please treat this very seriously.

Much empathy to you but get help before it escalates out of your control.

[Eddie Edirol]

Did no one here read that miss 99 is an admitted blabbermouth?

 

This is totally your fault. You KNOW he was trying to study, and you selfishly HAD to keep bugging him because youre bored. How horrible of a person can you be to be so selfish as to keep bugging him instead of finding something else to do to occupy your time? Are you so controlled by your emotions that you dont think? Obviously this went on for some time, because he had to sit there seething and holding frustration in for a looong time before blowing up like that, because you talk too much.

 

Do you have any idea how maddening it is for someone to sit there blabbing like an idiot while youre trying to concentrate to get something done? Its torture!

 

Have some consideration for your bf when he is trying to study. Anyone would have done what he did when they are tortured like that. Its been two years and you drove him to insanity! This has been building up for a while which means you do this alot. STOP IT!

 

People here are telling you to dump him and find someone else, but until you learn to stop blabbing so much at the wrong times, this is going to happen to you with every guy youre with.

Edited June 13, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[loveletters]

Whether she was talking too much or not, the action her boyfriend took in order to get her to stop was WRONG ! There is NO EXCUSE for being abusive! I went through the same thing with my ex, & I'm not even talkative! I'm pretty damn shy, & that would get on his nerves. And yes, my dear.. things will only get worse from here on out. This is exactly what happened to me when I was your age.. It started off from a simple slap, an apology.. to getting a broken nose years later & being choked! GET OUT NOW.

[sally4sara]

The justifications of an abuser who wouldn't have the sack to behave the same way to someone his own size

 

You're a sick ****

[Forever Learning]

OK Listen up - here's the deal on this one.

 

This is a classic textbook example of someone who very likely will become EVEN MORE physically abusive in the future.

 

True enough, you were probably irritating the holy SH*T out of him and have done so in the past, so it was extra annoying and breaking point material this time around.

 

NEVER THE LESS, the worst reaction on his part should have been something along the lines of slamming his book down, yelling about your inconsiderate big mouth and stomping off to another room or storming off entirely to study elsewhere.

 

Not pinning you against a wall.

 

Get it? Now it's up to you whether you want to give him a second chance or cut your losses and move on now.

 

If you do give him a second chance, let it only be one. It's just too easy to be sucked into third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances, ad nauseum.

 

And while you are at it, if you stick with him, consider you both going to counseling to both learn better consideration towards one another without resorting to physical means to getting a point across.

 

Eddie is right in that, if you remain inconsiderate and gabby when people are studying, you will continue to meet with harsh reactions. So do a personal inventory on yourself and figure out why you are so inconsiderate towards others in these situations. It's immature, inconsiderate, and very aggravating. Your annoying behavior does provoke strong reaction but does not warrant a physical attack. That is an anger management problem on his end. I hope you will recognize that. Good luck to you.

[Trishi]

Eh... While he DID went overboard, I don't think this is a clearcut case of an abuser.

 

I'm mostly saying this because you keep calling it mentally abuse... That can be said the other way around. Are you sure he didn't tell you to stop or something similar, somewhere in between?

 

I know from personal experience, that some people with a fiery temper (but by no means a violent type) will act with a sudden burst of verbal and bodily anger. Not attacking someone, but flailing around in frustration and anger. This doesn't fit your Boyfriend, as he DID pin you to the wall, but what DOES sound like this, is that you were talking to him a lot.

 

A friend, no less, get's like this if we are together in a group sometimes. We are a couple of people, and don't even nessesarily HAVE to include him in the conversations, but we generally manage to do it, even if he is currently focusing on something, like studying or similar. After having done it a few times, and having him tell us to let him finish up his work first, he snaps. Yelling, flailing, or similar follows.

 

I would never blame him for that. And neither would any of my friends. We buggered him when we shouldn't have, and his reaction was justified. Expecting people to be patient forever is grand expectations. I don't know even a single person who can actually do that. Everyone has a breaking point, and just because you haven't seen it for 2 years, doesn't mean it doesn't exist, as you just figured out. I know, mainly because I'm not too well mentally either, that school, and especially exams and the like, can be very taxing. Anything can send me into a fit of rage. I mean anything. Fridge door having trouble closing? RAGE. Ran out of TOILET PAPER? RAAAAAAAAAGE. It always seems silly, and sometimes funny, when I think back on it, but in the situation, it is anything but funny.

 

Dropping him already is going overboard. Talking to someone, is a proper course of action, but 1 person you should talk to first, is your boyfriend, and remember to do it at a proper moment, when he has the time to speak with you. Make sure he understands it, but remember not to talk in circles, IE: You ask him if he hates you, and if he says no, then that's a no. The only point in asking the same question 5 times is to piss him off, intentional or not. Just remember that.

 

If he ever DOES hit you directly, or curse at you exceedingly, you should take proper action, of course. Right now, I think it would be unfair to throw him out because of just that, especially without having a proper conversation with him first. An hour of excusing isn't a proper talk, but also remember to take it seriously - If you can help it, don't cry, and stay as calm as possible in general. Tell him how you feel, and try to resolve the issue that way. Staying with someone you are afraid of wont work. I can relate a 100 % to your fear of him after he pinned you to a wall, and basically proved he had total power over you, but he ended up not doing anything harmful to you, and that's a plus. It shows he could control himself enough to prevent it from happening.

[Ross MwcFan]

What a prick.

[flutterbykiss]

Eh... While he DID went overboard, I don't think this is a clearcut case of an abuser.

 

Trishi, are you INSANE???? This is absolutely abuse. You sound like someone who has never been attacked, hurt or frightened by your significant other. So much the better for you but please be aware that you are advising someone to stay with a man that physically hurt her -yes, it does hurt to be slammed up against a wall.

[UmsteadE]

Women... I'll never understand why they stay with abusive bastards. Girl you can do way better than him. Any man who even dares lifting a finger at a woman isn't a man but a subhuman. There are many bad names I have in mind for those types of losers.

[flutterbykiss]

I did eventually forgive him because I feel that if I wasn't bothering him he wouldn't have done that and he's normally a very calm person. But now i'm so scared of him, I don't know why but now he just scares me and I'm always nervous around him. I don't know if I made the right choice forgiving him or if I made the wrong choice

 

The thing is that it's impossible to go through a relationship and never bother the other person. He has shown you how he reacts when he is 'bothered'. Are you prepared to go through that again everytime you do something imperfect ie, forget something, are late, drop something or just happen to be standing in his way?

 

Trust me, I ended up living on 'eggshells', watching every little thing I did and constantly worried that I would mess something up and set my boyfriend off again. It's misery and I had no time or energy to concentrate on anything else. All I thought, all day log, is "Am I doing the right thing? If I do this will he get angry?" It's no life at all and it doesn't stop the abuse because it's just impossible to be 100% perfect all the time.

 

Also, abuse escalates. Once something has happened it always happens again and then one day something new and worse happens and that becomes part of the norm.

 

As for the apologies and gifts... do those things take away bruises are heal broken bones? Yes he might be sorry for half an hour but you will be sore, bleeding and scarred for a lot longer. Please think about the quality of life you want to live. Take care

[Trishi]

Trishi, are you INSANE???? This is absolutely abuse. You sound like someone who has never been attacked, hurt or frightened by your significant other. So much the better for you but please be aware that you are advising someone to stay with a man that physically hurt her -yes, it does hurt to be slammed up against a wall.

 

...I can assure you, I know how it feels to be slammed against a wall. If you had taken the time to read, you might actually have seen some of my points.

 

I advised her to talk to him. You are assuming this boy isn't even a human, because he momentarily lost his temper. So you claim you never loses your temper, and say or do things you wouldn't otherwise have done? Don't answer, because I wouldn't believe a "No", anyway. All human beings have a limit. At some point, no matter how strong willed you are, you will reach it. In fact, not reaching it, is inhuman. Putting expectations on people like that is insane.

 

I'm actually talking from pure experience here. He slammed you against a wall, and that experience have made you afraid of him, and with good reason. But just labeling him "*******" "Prick", whatever, wont solve anything. That's why I advise you to talk to him. See what happens, and hope for the best. My case was with a friend, and were far more than just being pushed against a wall, but I still couldn't sleep at night, not having spoken with him at all. So I called, just about a month ago. Everything have been going better now, not because we made up or something - But because we had a simple talk. What happened, why, what was he thinking, ect.

 

I really, really, really, hope you take my advise to heart. I'm not telling you to make up - I'm telling you to figure out what happened, and hear his own version of the story with an open heart (IE: Not interrupting, blaming him for something, ect. Let him speak his mind first, and don't judge him before he is done. Otherwise, you won't get anywhere), before you decide what to do. And doing this using a phone is recommended, so you don't have to worry about meeting him, if that's the issue.

[Tayla]

Trish, I got what your true intentions in advisal were. I think you did well.

 

 

To the OP:

As a wise person said," an unexamined life is not worth living,"

 

accept your behavior and be open to the other persons interpretation as well....He is accountable for his behavior and interactions.