I Flirted now boyfriend is making me suffer

[asilisa]

Hey everyone I'll try to keep it short and I would really like any help.

 

Last weekend my boyfriend and I were at a party, and a guy I had slept with before what there. Because we are

 

all friends. Well, it somehow ended up that I was kinda hanging on this guy, but him and I were joking around

 

wrestling. At the time I wasn't thinking I just considered it joking around. Well it hurt my boyfriend and I can

 

understand that. I can't explain to my boyfriend that I don't think of other guys that way so the thought that he

 

would be mad didn't cross my mind. So I understand I messed up, and he feels like he can't trust me when I'm

 

drinking. This happened Saturday night, then Tuesday out of the blue he starts to ask me about it again. We end

 

up fighting and just going to sleep. Then Wednesday morning he asked me if I was mad at him and I said no, I

 

just didn't know where we stand. He didn't understand what I meant. So I asked him flat out, do you want to

 

break up with me? Ya know cause he's been acting kinda distant since the whole thing happened. He said no, we

 

aren't going to break up, I just don't understand why you did it. I don't know what to say because truthfully there

 

was no reason besides I was joking around. Well, last night he was acting weird so I asked him again, and he

 

didn't answer me. So I was like, does what you said in the car still stand, and he said yes. Then after that we

 

were fine. He just keeps taking everything I say so personal. I feel like everything I say to him is wrong. This

 

morning he did say he loved me twice which he hasn't said without me saying it to him first since that night. I was

 

just wondering if ya'll think he is telling the truth when he says he doesn't want to break up or if he is just trying

 

not to hurt me. Cause right now I am hurting every day thinking he hates me. I know I messed up but do I

 

deserve to be tortured for so long? My boyfriend has a lot of trust issues also. I don't know what to do because I

 

thought of just breaking up with him but it hurts to bad. But staying with him hurts also. Thanks for listening. Any

 

advice will help. Thanks again.

[jmargel]

Does he know you slept with this guy before? What you did was totally disrespectful. How would you like it if he was all over this other chick while you were there that he fcked before?

 

You said he had trust issues in the past, yet you still do this? He has every right to act the way he is. In fact I give him props for not bolting on you. And so now you are here complaining that your feelings are hurt? Jeesh, wake up already.

 

If you are truly sorry about what you did, then you need to stop going to these parties where they're men that you've slept with there. I'd never goto an outing with my mate knowing there are guys there that she had sex with. That is just plain WRONG.

 

How about asking him what you can do to help you two fix this? Running away and leaving will just confirm that you don't care about him.

[asilisa]

jmargel: Yes he knows that I slept with this guy before. He is friends with the guy, I slept with him about 2 years ago. Now me and my boyfriend have been togethter for about 4 1/2 months. (He knew before we started going out) Yes I've asked what I can do to make things better, but he says nothing. I said I knew I had messed up. I'm not trying to complain, I just wish that he would be straight with me. He has hurt me in the past and I never did what he is doing to me now. I guess maybe someone can help me figure out what to do to make things better. He always makes it seem like he doesn't care about anything when I know thats not the case. Sorry if none of this makes sense. And I do care about him, every time he gets mad at me little or big it last for a few days. And it doesn't feel like he is just mad at me it feels like he hates me. I don't mean to sound like a btch but if you knew all of the stories you would understand. If things don't get better I have to leave, or i'll go insane. Thanks

[mintjulep]

I said I knew I had messed up. I'm not trying to complain, I just wish that he would be straight with me. He has hurt me in the past and I never did what he is doing to me now.

You say you realize you messed up, but you aren't acting like it. Girls who just selfishly hurt their boyfriends and betrayed their trust don't pick fights. You need to walk on egg-shells around him and prove to him with anything but words that you are worthy of his love. Regardless of his behavior, you are not the victim. Short of beating you and becoming emotionally abusive, there is no reaction he can have had towards your shameless flirting that would warrant you being hurt. You react to things differently. That doesn't mean that his reactions to things aren't equally valid.

And it doesn't feel like he is just mad at me it feels like he hates me.

sometimes I feel like this when i'm guilty of doing something to my boyfriend that I know was dead wrong.

If things don't get better I have to leave, or i'll go insane

Then do him a favor and leave. If neither of you are happy, then leave. Don't flirt shamelessly with other guys (men? How old are you?), and then expect everything to be sunny in your relationship.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by asilisa I know I messed up but do I

 

deserve to be tortured for so long? My boyfriend has a lot of trust issues also. I don't know what to do because I

 

thought of just breaking up with him but it hurts to bad. But staying with him hurts also. Thanks for listening. Any

 

advice will help. Thanks again.

 

He is not torturing you. You said he has trust issues and you betrayed that trust. Of course he is hurt. Then you talk about leaving him because staying with him is hurting you. To me that sounds like you don't really love him all that much anyway. If you care about him and about his feelings then you will be walking on egg-shells to atone for what you did to him. Or you will just admit that you don't love him enough and you will leave to find someone you are better suited to and allow him the same opportunity.

 

You want to know what to do to make things better? Show him how much you respect his feelings. Show him how sorry you are that you were so disrespetful toward him. Stop complaining about it. Allow him time to heal from the hurt. Be honest with him, including being honest about breaking up. Stop comparing how you reacted to him hurting you to how he is acting now. The same thing can hurt people in different ways and they will react in different ways.

 

I know you are not married, but read the information on marriagebuilders.com. You might find some eye-openers.

[asilisa]

I really am thankful to all of you for your comments. Thanks.