Miss my boyfriend, desperately need advice.

[Californiadoll]

Hello everyone, i'm new to the forum and I stumbled across this wonderful site by accident. My name is Jonnie and yes, I am a female. Anyways, I came to this forum for some help(duh). After pursuing many relationships, being cheated on, being abused, being taken advantage of, etc...I finally found the man of my dreams. Yay for me, right? Well, after being together for exactly 6 months, he lets me know that he needs some time. He was a real man about it. He drove over to my house which is about 45 minutes away, sat me down and told me the specific reasons he needed this.

 

He told me that we were supposed to be having fun now more than ever because we don't have any huge responsibilities together (bills, kids, etc). He said that he found himself being less and less happy in the relationship because I was constantly picking fights about stupid things and dramatizing little things. The day before he had told me all of this, we had went to the beach with one of his friends. He had been with his friend almost all weekend and I made my boyfriend promise that Sunday would be "us" day because it was the day before our 6 month and I would be too busy to do anything due to school. He agreed but somehow that idea went awry. I was dissappointed because I so badly wanted to be alone with him because he, like many guys, act slightly different when they're around their friends. I didn't make a big deal out of it until the day actually started. I told him that I was pissed because I thought it was going to be about me and him. He said he couldn't believe we were fighting again and that I was being "incredible". I felt bad about it and afterwards, I made sure all of us had a good time. It obviously wasn't good enough because he wanted to break up with me the next day.

 

I gave him back the promise ring he gave me, I gave him back the money he gave me for the gym I so badly wanted to join, I gave him back the cd he made me with the song he recorded for me on it. he said he didn't want to close any doors and I was the one closing them all. But he did say he made too many promises too soon to me. he said he's lost and confused and thinks time is the best thing that I could give him. This hurt me more than I had ever been hurt before because we talked about marriage and even chatted about what we would name our 3 kids. His family became mine and mine became his. We were so close but yet this all seemed so abrupt. I love him more than I love my greatest passions in life.

 

My mother called him the day after this had all happened and they spoke. He said one of the number one main reasons for this time was for me to learn to love myself. He said was so tired of reassuring me constantly that I was beautiful and that he loved me. I was always letting everyone know how fat I thought I was and how disgusted I was with myself. It hurt him to hear me say these things. Another reason was that I was so domineering. I wouldn't let him be "the man". He said he still has hope in us but he just needs a little time. I think he's going through a lot because he just turned 18 and i'm turning 20 next month. We broke up on Monday and it's now Thursday. No contact, no phone call, no email, no nothing. I'm having a really hard time with this and I want him back so much. I realize my mistakes. Can anyone with a heart please give me advice for my bleeding one? Thank you for reading this really long plea.

[moimeme]

Dr. Phil (who I don't think is fabulous but who does have some good advice) often asks people 'how much fun are you to live with?'. You can't just demand that your partner be a good partner; you, too, have to be a good partner.

 

It is good that he took the time to talk to you and that he was honest. Sometimes, by the time people tell you this stuff, it's too late to get the relationship back on track but not always. By all means work on your self-esteem and personal strength during this time (but not so much so that you are 'domineering'). I hope it works out for you.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

You've been through a lot in your past relationships. It possible that you haven't completely heal from them and that's why you have esteem issues. So it's good to take the time off and work on yourself like moimeme says. It will make you a better person and a better partner.