surfrider4284 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 So there is a couple I know that I've hung out with a few times. They are good friends with a friend of mine. To make this story short, I recently found out that the wife cheated on her husband with another friend. No one wants to tell him anything. Personally, I'd want to know if I were him. Do I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
zuzuzoggins Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 is her husband a very good friend or just an acquaintance?? I'd stay out of it unless you are very close to the husband..why would you want to instigate destruction and pain?? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 why would you want to instigate destruction and painLet's not blameshift here. The wife is the one that caused "destruction and pain" by cheating in the first place. As for whether you should tell or not...IMO it's in bad taste to let random people on the internet decide for you. Just know that by playing God, there will be significant consequences for everybody involved. Both negative and positive. If you can accept the consequences, then tell. If not, then don't tell. I would recommend that you talk to the wife before rushing into things though. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 ...why would you want to instigate destruction and pain?? "Logic" like this drives me insane. Talk about not thinking outside the immediate box. Well Surf, you can certainly let her husband know anonymously - perhaps you can mail a letter to the house giving enough detail that it doesn't look like a prank or some disgruntled ex out to settle a grudge? Link to post Share on other sites
Silivren Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Do you have any proof of this, or is this just hearsay from someone else? Think carefully because this is someone else's life in your hands - and most situations like this, the person who tells winds up losing a friend... I've seen it happen too many times. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Yes, Tell! And dont for a minute think that YOU are causing the pain here... His disgusting, cheating wife is the one that caused the pain... Link to post Share on other sites
Author surfrider4284 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 is her husband a very good friend or just an acquaintance?? I'd stay out of it unless you are very close to the husband..why would you want to instigate destruction and pain?? hes a really good guy, and I can feel for him...but, he is not a very good friend. Just an acquaintance. You see it as instigating destruction and pain...I see it as giving a young married guy another chance at getting the wife he deserves....but still thought I'd get some feedback, so thanks for your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 hes a really good guy, and I can feel for him...but, he is not a very good friend. Just an acquaintance. You see it as instigating destruction and pain...I see it as giving a young married guy another chance at getting the wife he deserves....but still thought I'd get some feedback, so thanks for your opinion. I do find "shoot the messenger" logic to be bizzare. To be honest, it sounds like you have already made your choice. How much proof do you have that the wife has actually cheated? She has it within her power to deny it right? Who's the husband going to believe...her or you? If you tell, you are going to need something substantial. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surfrider4284 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 I do find "shoot the messenger" logic to be bizzare. To be honest, it sounds like you have already made your choice. How much proof do you have that the wife has actually cheated? She has it within her power to deny it right? Who's the husband going to believe...her or you? If you tell, you are going to need something substantial. the couple has 4-5 friends who i am also friensd with. all 4-5 of them confirmed that she cheated on her husband with yet another "sixth" mutual friend. Im thinking about telling him to confront the 4-5 friends for the truth... Link to post Share on other sites
dangerstranger Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 If you want to tell- just know there will be consequences for everyone involved, including you. It might not make sense to "shoot the messenger" but it can and often does play out that way. The other mutual friends that entrusted you with the information may see it as a betrayal of their trust and you could lose your friendship with them as a result. Maybe that's not "fair"- but it could happen nonetheless. There's a lot to consider before you say anything. Why hasn't anyone else said anything to the H thus far? Maybe taking the anonymous route is your best bet. If she's been cheating with people in your "friend group", when you say something, you're exposing them too- so all in all it's bound to be a big mess. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You should definitely tell him. He has the right to know. I would want to know, if I was in his position. Link to post Share on other sites
CrestfallenNoMore Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I can understand wanting to tell him, but your strategy is poor. By encouraging him to "confront" the other 4-5 friends, you're basically forcing them to be confessors as well; a position they evidently don't want to be in since they haven't said anything to him. With this approach, I see 4-5 pissed off friends and this just backfiring on you, which means losing your connection to that social group. If you can't tell him without involving the others as your evidence, then I'd vote the anonymous route as well. Link to post Share on other sites
jsb58 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Do you have proof of the infidelity, or is it just rumour and word of mouth? If you have proof, send it anonomously and then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
SxB Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 So there is a couple I know that I've hung out with a few times. They are good friends with a friend of mine. To make this story short, I recently found out that the wife cheated on her husband with another friend. No one wants to tell him anything. Personally, I'd want to know if I were him. Do I tell him? NO, don't say nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
starryocean Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Personally, I would mind my own business. Unless you are a very close friend or family member, I would stay out of it. I know you want to do the right thing, but you never know, this guy might know already or have an idea. And, unless you have proof, how do you know he'd believe you? I would stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 So there is a couple I know that I've hung out with a few times. They are good friends with a friend of mine. To make this story short, I recently found out that the wife cheated on her husband with another friend. No one wants to tell him anything. Personally, I'd want to know if I were him. Do I tell him? If you were a friend, you'd tell him. Otherwise you are an accomplice to letting it keep happening to him. Friends don't let friends stay married to whores(at least not without giving them information they deserve to know) Link to post Share on other sites
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