Karma ~ Just Desserts??

[trippi1432]

trippi - hugs...

 

to love self is really the first thing. any higher power intuitively expects us to appreciate ourselves and to enjoy each moment we get here... and each day.

 

can you change the school? or move closer to the school? the way you are feeling - maybe the change would be a good thing, yes?

 

and practice positive affirmations. you deserve that! tell yourself kind thoughts, say them out loud, remember the beauty of YOU!

 

some days are just like the one you are having -- that is when i am happy to start over the very next day... by being grateful that i AM alive - and that i need to start living as if i DO appreciate it.

 

i really SHOULDN'T be alive - so it's a bit easier for me to appreciate this. i've already lived 3-1/2 years longer than i deserved! if it's something i don't enjoy - i simply DON'T PARTICIPATE IN IT! life is too damn short.

 

as for the exH - he remarried... beautiful gal, nice too... funny thing though - they seem to be having the same issues we always had! ahahaha, yikes! my kids said yesterday - Mom, Dad just doesn't know how to be happy... i don't respond to those things... i just say- hmmmmm.....

 

i don't miss being married - i found out how to be REALLY happy all on my own- every day - by getting out of myself - helping others. IF the focus were on me, i'd feel depressed all the time - so i get out of myself!

 

i also don't waste time and energy placating others - i speak my truth... some don't like it - but i'm not into pretending any more. pretending is the same as a lie. i have seen much... only useful to have my words convey a specific message...

 

 

honor self. you have value. use that value to make others happy - and you will always be happy!

 

you get busy living or you get busy dying.

 

hugs

 

2 Sunny - I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but I appreciate the post, you do have some good things to say....but no, changing the school or moving closer is not an option. This new school makes my son happy and honestly, after hearing all these years how much he hates school, I'm glad that he is finally in one that he likes. To be honest, this is more about his father pitching in to help as he is the one that threw it out there a couple of months ago that our issues are water under the bridge and that we need to focus on our son...but as typical, I seem to be the only one doing that. Shouldn't surprise me really since the ex always comes out smelling like a rose...sorry, still some anger under it all.

 

So the easy answers are not always the easy choices...we have choices, yes...but there are two people and one chooses to be a parent while the other chooses to make himself happy. It's not as cut and dry as just stop doing as the one that suffers is the victim by proxy, the children.

 

Yes, I do agree that the same issues will continue in their lives as they did in ours....have already witnessed that to a degree even. The issues I have are that our son comes out better than his father and goes on to have a better life and lessons in life than his dad did. That our son will be a great dad one day and husband....I think those are things that do make me wonder sometimes on how great the family background is on influence.

 

By that stroke of the pen, I know that every day I wake up is a new day and can hold both good and bad things in it...it is what I make of it.

 

Thanks again.

[2sunny]

i pretty much handled all the responsibilities for my kids growing up - he was busy dating and getting married. only influences he had on them were extremely negative and abusive.

 

i let them find thee things out on their own - hoping he would be better to his kids than he was to me - but NOOOoooooooo, he's still that way - even with young adult males.

 

i can tell you that their interactions with him in the past two weeks since they are home from college are HORRIFIC! so, they have learned - all on their own - stay away from Dad cuz he is mean! i never told them anything... i was hoping they would never experience what i experienced. now they have a few solid years of their own evidence that he is a very unhappy man and tries to inflict that unhappiness on anyone he deals with. so they tell him straight up - they tell him their truth - that he is acting unreasonably and very mean about what he says - that he doesn't keep his word, so he essentially lies.

 

it's hard for my boys to be around him... so they just avoid him as much as they can after telling him what their experience is.

 

it's very difficult - but i stay out of it - it is their relationship, not mine.

 

i provide them love and a consistently happy, predictable home. that is my job as their Mom.

 

hugs trippi...

[worldgonewrong]

Trippi-- I want you to know that I regard you as one of the go-to people here on this forum, and I draw a lot of strength from anything you share.

So even though you're wrestling with these thoughts, I still see your innate strength at the fore. Love to you, my friend.

[trippi1432]

2 Sunny - I do hope that my son sees these things when he is older. Right now I know that he is still learning and figuring it all out. Currently, my son is going through his first real teenage love experience and he has finally opened up to me about his frustrations as well as his feelings. That I am happy for as I think that I am much better able to guide him on handling that than his father. When he laid out those issues and talked to his father about them, the easy answer from both him and OW was for him to find another girlfriend, that one was too much trouble. They don't even want to deal with him about them. But to me, that is fine as I get to see another side of my son, one that is hopefully maturing and one that I have even been pleasantly surprised by his actions of late....more good but an occasional bad one, but so much better than a year ago.

 

I do understand what you are saying though 2 Sunny, their relationship is theirs, nothing I can do about it. I tried to be a positive influence in it for many years, of course on the outside now, it is theirs to define.

 

Thank you again for your insights....hugs to you as well.

[trippi1432]

Trippi-- I want you to know that I regard you as one of the go-to people here on this forum, and I draw a lot of strength from anything you share.

So even though you're wrestling with these thoughts, I still see your innate strength at the fore. Love to you, my friend.

 

Aww, WGW, thank you for that. If anyone gets something good from my ramblings, that does my heart some good. We are all just finding our way I guess. I do think that I am in a much better place than I have been in the past...even the past with my ex...but there are still things missing in my life, things that weren't even there with my ex.

 

There are days when I reflect and know that my ex and I were not really sharing a life, we were merely living in it. The emotional bond just was not there, relying on each other....I always felt more like I relied on myself for security, for the kids, for everything. I think I have questioned more if that was me and if that innate strength did not allow him to get close to me or if he was just unable to do that himself. I think I know the answer to that now, if a man is the right one for you, he should love that part of you as well as everything else because that is a valuable part of who you are. And in that, it is a two-way street because two as one is an important aspect of any relationship.

 

I may never find a way to let my exH go with love as my therapist was trying to get me to find a while back as I may never find enough good memories of him to do that. But I can love myself more than he ever showed that he loved me and let go for me. :o

[2sunny]

on a side note - i always feel that IF we disagree - i still respect your opinion. i would never expect people to agree with me - as sometimes i come across as blatantly honest - my truth is tough for most... but i don't sugar coat things when i'm considering the person's best interest. and i don't pretend in anything. i like you - even if we don't see things the same.

 

just because i am that way - doesn't mean i'm not full of compassion and love for the posters here - my heart comes to this forum with giving my best - always with best intentions for the poster at the forefront of my mind. i'm ok if some don't like it - it is what it is.

 

in my situation - i got busy making sure MY life was happy each day... with or without a man. i have fun with my boys- but most of the year they are away at school now. life moves forward so quickly Trippi - i can't even tell you - seems like yesterday they were 11 and 13.

 

they will never have an open and balanced relationship with their Dad - he is just too controlling, demeaning and disrespectful... after the mistreatment he always wants to take them out and "buy" them stuff. just this past week i heard my younger son say to him on the phone - i don't want anything you're going to buy me; it won't make up for how $hitty you've treated me the past few days!

[soserious1]

I don't know about Karma but I do know that I wince every month when I'm mailing out a $2,750 alimony check, I call it paying my "stupid penalty"

 

I will say this, my stupid penalty ensures that no man will EVER leave his shoes tucked under my bed permanently ever again, that's about the only good thing I gained from my marriage & the divorce settlement.

Edited June 12, 2011 by soserious1

[debtman]

I agree. I see the $1000/mo. I spend in child support (half my take home pay and way more than it costs to raise a 6 and 4 yo, but that's the state mandated figure and my stbx wouldn't think of taking a penny less) as not only helping to provide things for my kids (whether it comes from me or their mom) as well as pay off for not having to listen to her tell me what to do, judge me, be constantly disappointed with all of my efforts and reject my physical advances...money WELL spent, I say!

[soserious1]

I agree. I see the $1000/mo. I spend in child support (half my take home pay and way more than it costs to raise a 6 and 4 yo, but that's the state mandated figure and my stbx wouldn't think of taking a penny less) as not only helping to provide things for my kids (whether it comes from me or their mom) as well as pay off for not having to listen to her tell me what to do, judge me, be constantly disappointed with all of my efforts and reject my physical advances...money WELL spent, I say!

 

Child support is a far different matter, If my money were going towards support of my children I certainly wouldn't be upset about forking it over.

 

Oh well, at least the men of this board can live vicariously via my ex-husband

he's got a luscious, big breasted babe 22 yrs his junior jumping his jock & I get to pay for it all. All I've got left is a couple of cats & a monthly reminder of how stupid I was to ever get married in the 1st place.

[Yasuandio]

Trippi, you know I love you. Fridtly, let me say, you must have been making a subtle high-calorie pun with your thread title. Let's hope any desert and/or pussy that enters his mouth causes an instant gag reaction, disentaria, and/or choking, or all of the above.

 

That said, I will tell you my take on Karma very quickly, based on my own exerience. If one might consider that I am a good-hearted person, that would do anything for anyone; too, I believe I am, and always have been a humble person, that lives in painful honesty no matter what it means to my career, esteem, marriage, finances, etc. (Bearing in mind what I' recently learned from Homer, brutal honesty is not always a necessety); -- screwed up things that have happened to me through out my life to not corralate with my goodness as a person, period.

 

Therefore, eff Karma in this life only. Karma I do believe exists. But we may not live to see it in this life. What we yearn for in terms of "Karma" actually, is more like "just deserves," "just desserts," "it will come back to you ten-fold," "satisfacaction when X has huge problem," "revenge," etc. (there are a million ways we like to get satisfaction or see a level playing field, like, FOR ONCE). That's only human.

 

The Karma thing may or may not happen in a life time. And just think of what Karma you bring upon yourself by even focusing in it. I think the best thing for us troubled and hurt individuals is simply to think of our own Karma. I know it's easier said than done. I love you again Trippi. The right thing is going to happen. I will PM you. Yas

Edited June 13, 2011 by Yasuandio

[Yasuandio]

Trippi-- I want you to know that I regard you as one of the go-to people here on this forum, and I draw a lot of strength from anything you share.

So even though you're wrestling with these thoughts, I still see your innate strength at the fore. Love to you, my friend.

 

Dude, I never get any "love you" stuff from WGW. Like, I'm totally jelious. Was' up with that Jack? Can't hang with the heat in the kitchen?

[trippi1432]

Yas! Wow! LOL!!

 

Thank you sweetie, luvs ya! Hugs!

[debtman]

Dude, I never get any "love you" stuff from WGW. Like, I'm totally jelious. Was' up with that Jack? Can't hang with the heat in the kitchen?

 

Yas, I hand out love freely (maybe that's what got me into this mess in the first place), so let me just say, Yas, Trippi, everyone else on this board, love you all! I'm sure I would have made it through all of this without the board, but the advice, support and knowledge that there are other people out there going through similar (and much worse) situations REALLY helped.

 

That said, yesterday was my 7 year wedding anniversary. I spent it with my kids, hanging out and playing and spent the afternoon working on the flowerbeds out in the yard trying to undo some of the damage my stbx did last year when she decided she wanted to "take over" the landscaping and dug up all of the bulbs I had spent the last few years planting because she wanted to move them and then she left them outside in a bucket all winter and killed them all.

 

Ended up having a great day, the yard looks MUCH better and, when I dropped the kids off, I had no desire to mention anything about the date. Of course, I had to drop the kids off in the driveway because OM's car was there. She told me she was really busy working all weekend, but OM's car was also there on Saturday morning when I picked up my son, so, who knows what she was "working" on...

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone on these boards...much love, you all certainly deserve it!!

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[worldgonewrong]

Dude, I never get any "love you" stuff from WGW. Like, I'm totally jelious. Was' up with that Jack? Can't hang with the heat in the kitchen?

 

Oh I love you too. I just gotta spread the love.

 

But a note on this thread --

 

be careful of confusing karma and schadenfreude.

 

The "eye for an eye" thing really means that if you wish to pluck out the other person's eyeball, really you're inflicting harm on yourself with your own attitude or perception.

 

I realizing this is a tangent, but...

[trippi1432]

Point well put WGW, this thread was not intended to become an eye for an eye debacle....so no ill will wished. More so, an understanding of self and when to know that you are with the wrong person to begin with.

 

I've probably learned more in the past two years than I learned in those 15 wasted years...I could tell you some stories, but not going to waste my 2000th post on it. More so, it's what I know now that defines me and that is that I deserved to be loved for who I am and will love someone for who they are, but each of us will be responsible for ourselves. I will no longer be that woman that fixes it. Something my friends keep pointing out to me...and bears repeating, my exH was not a narissistic...HE was co-dependent which also explains why he was so highly influenced by his friends and needs a woman who will do everything for him. Something that I came to realize as I was returning an email to a friend earlier, he didn't want to control...he wanted someone else to be responsible so he didn't have to be. This IS why I have felt like I raised 3 children and didn't have a husband. When I started holding him accountable for what was his...well, that is where the issues lied.

 

This forum and the people here have been a tremendous help and I hope to contribute where I can...but it's time to liberate myself from this past that I was "supposed" to be fixing for my exH..time to move on to something better and more so...what I deserve.

[Yasuandio]

Goodness yes! You are the most gorgeous, talented woman I have ever laid eyes on! So much you possess to put on the table. Thirdly, your wisdom, intellect, and cleverness cannot be topped! Let go, at least a while, and see where it takes you! Thinking of you tonight! Yas

[trippi1432]

Yas....Hugs...one day I WILL believe that myself.

 

So, son offered up the official date..he "thinks"...July 15th. That has so much irony around it that I can't even comprehend the utter BFS behind it!!!! My exH, two years later, continues the lie that he is...I really do hope that my son is wrong on that date....my first post on LS about my SA was July 14/15th....can't comprehend how that relates to his coming back to pretend to work on a marriage..four days after leaving me because I had a surgery.

 

What do regret...that I will NOT be around to hold the phone over his head while he has a heart attack...he WAS NEVER THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED HIM....HE NEVER WILL BE...I COULD BE ALONE FOREVER AND DO BETTER.. I Hate him.

[You Go Girl]

Don't hate him. Be indifferent. Hate is too closely associated with love. Indifference is you don't give a rat's arse.

[trippi1432]

Don't hate him. Be indifferent. Hate is too closely associated with love. Indifference is you don't give a rat's arse.

 

Hate or hateful? I do hope his D*ck falls off his body..sorry guys.

 

Gunny I miss your pirate a**:o:o:o

[trippi1432]

YGG..I loves you!! Thank you for being on the phone with me tonight. :o

[You Go Girl]

YGG..I loves you!! Thank you for being on the phone with me tonight. :o

 

Awww...love ya too trippi...call anytime, will answer anytime but that you know time.

 

Hugs

[PinkInTheLimo]

I also often wonder if karma exists. Because there are a number of people who I would like to experience that karma is a bitch. Of course we all have to focus on our own life and try to make the best of it. But some people have behaved in such a rotten way to us without any reason at all, like they just wanted to hurt us as badly as they could, that you can't help but wish them some really bad stuff.

 

Maybe it is indeed not something that will happen in this lifetime but in one of the following lives (that is if you believe in reincarnation).

 

But I nevertheless see some karma from time to time:

 

- I have an ex who was really verbally abusive towards me. After our relationship he married a woman who is really unattractive and she can't dress (even though they have loads of money). Recently I did an internet search on their names and found some protest letter concerning their holiday home which apparently is in a zone which gets flooded every year. I couldn't help but chuckle because I know this is the kind of thing which irritates the hell out of my ex. It's not something which will make them go bankrupt as they have so much money together, it's just the kind of thing which will cause them a lot of stress and irritation.

 

- My latest ex is selling his house and 4 months after he put it up it's still on the market and I know that this is something which is incredibly bugging him. It's his own fault, he's asking way too much money for it.

 

- I've had 2 female colleagues at a job who were both incredible b!tches. Well, believe it or not but they both died of cancer in their 50-ies. And there I really think karma was being a bitch. This said, I am sometimes afraid that they might both come and haunt me at night, not sure if I am better off with them being dead or alive. But it gives kind of a good feeling that these women who have said horrible mean things to me, out of jealousy and frustration are no longer among the living.

 

But I also know plenty of mean people who live long, happy lives so I don't always understand the logic of karma or the gods or whoever might steer our lives. One thing is sure, coldhearted people often have a lot less stress than sensitive beings...

[Woggle]

My ex wife became a junkie who is doing hard time so she experienced karma.

 

My mother didn't experience anything noticeable but she is so damn miserable that it has to be karma.

[trippi1432]

@YGG

 

Pink - there is no logic when people just want what they want....

 

Woggle - Hugs!! I DON'T want to be like your mom, but is where my exH took me for far too long...time to be happy. Karma reversed because his mom lived miserable for a long time too, over a cheater, and that is exactly what he hopes for me. Not giving that to him.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Karma reversed because his mom lived miserable for a long time too, over a cheater, and that is exactly what he hopes for me. Not giving that to him.

 

Yes indeed, don't give that to him. Try to have the best life you can have. I think there is nothing which bugs them more because it plants the seeds of doubt in their mind. "Shouldn't I have stayed with her?" And the thing is that you will never have to ask yourself that question because you did not step out of your marriage, you were forced out of it...

 

Sometimes it are small things which give some satisfaction. Like having put on really sexy shoes in the morning and when I take the metro, bumping into the unattractive and badly dressed wife of my verbally abusive ex and feeling confident that I simply look way more attractive than her. And I see in her eyes that she's aware of that .