Author trippi1432 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 Actually I was thinking more along the lines that when the BS gets deep on the ground, I can fly above it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I plain on coming back as a tear of joy on a mother's eye! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 yeah it is karma and it will always be until you stop it aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ah, thanks aM...then you agree that karma is what goes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Today, I lost a best friend to a car accident. She and her husband of 3 months were going to the beach to celebrate their 3 month anniversary. Her husband was driving..she was sleeping...he over-corrected and she was ejected from the car. By the time he got to her, with broken bones, she was already gone. He's been through so many surgeries today..he has a long path to heal, himself and his heart. We sit here, on this forum, in bitterness of being left behind, the WS, the BS, would it be easier to know this? I miss my friend, he misses his wife....his best friend. They only had a little window of time to establish that connection, one imprinted on him and those who loved them, it does set a standard, a foundation. It's been a long, hard day for those of us who loved them both for what they were, real. Life is short....even when it starts at vows. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Sorry for your loss, Trippi. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 That is terrible, Trippi. My prayers are sent to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Thank you both. It just makes you think that if people lived every day like it was their last, treated each other with kindness and care instead of taking each other for granted.... I'm not going to say those 3 months were perfect and they never had issues, but the love they had for each other was immeasurable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) It never fails, you leave doors open for people you love to hopefully come back in one day....get their sh*t together and figure out what they really want. Problem is, while you are working on sterilizing the room and trying to keep it clean....dust and dirt have a way of finding that cracked door and working their way in. I kept my ex-SO in our band because I felt that if his issues were really him, his dissatisfaction with where he has gotten in life, that perhaps he would work that out and see that it was unfair to put that on our relationship and feelings about each other. That perhaps he would, once again, be the man I first fell in love with after I "cleaned out my house" and got it down to just the two of us. Our friend's passing threw my ex-SO and I together in an uemotional setting and has literally shaken me up. We hadn't practiced in several weeks, so it was getting easier to just let things go and work on moving on. The services, benefits...etc over the past two weeks basically brought him out from his encapsulated world and back into our mutual friends lives. I don't want our friends to have to choose and have been trying to be the bigger person here and telling them when they ask, I can be okay with his being around. However, I really don't think I am. The band and keeping things just to the band, I can deal with and keep that professional...but the social setting just became too much last night while he talked about the house he is closing on at the end of the month and the support he is getting. In that, one of my best friends is in turmoil because another mutual friend is a broker (I categorize her as a so-called friend but am cordial with her), and she is the one selling him the property. She approached my best friend last night and asked her to help support him in his home purchase with throwing him painting parties..house-warming...etc. A little overly helpful maybe, but it has perplexed my best friend as she has offered her help to HIM, but doesn't like our other friend trying to "control" the situation. Just to add, the under-lying issue is my best friend was hoping this situation and putting us together in a social setting would get us back together. The other side is that he broker friend has asked her to help support him as being a single man on his own is hard. Personally, upon closing the house, I feel professionally the broker should make the decision what level her own support of him needs to be and not ask my friends to be more to him than he would have given them on his own...and that would have been the same nothing from him they have seen for two months. I know I need to be more assertive with the broker friend and I do feel like she is trying to divide loyalties. Hard when these people were all YOUR friends before they him, but a few have their own $$ interests to perpetuate their own agenda. The other side of that is how we have been put together in this situation and him being more like himself, waiting for me and opening my door for me...stealing glances and looking for me in a crowded room. Something just tells me that things are going to get messy as my friends are encouraging me to move on and date...but I can't seem to get to that direction yet.......and yet, I remind myself that I am waiting on absolutely nothing. Edited February 18, 2013 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 - Hidden track...haunting Irish melody. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) This song actually says so much for both myself and my children, I see them and me in this song...all been through so much, and stronger because of it. The thing is...I was there, and I went through it with them..as a Mom, I cried with them and for them, I know what it was like not having any parents from 12 on....a place I never wanted my children to be. Guilt of something you have no control over, I could never force my daughter's father to be in her life...I could never force my son's dad to do things with him (okay...my bitching finally paid off in him throwing a baseball with his son)....I'm tired. I've forgotten me in all of this being both mom and dad to our children.....I've seen how that has gotten me used in the past, care-taker....how people who "need" gravitate to you..Trippi closed up shop and what she found is the people who love her for her, and not what she gives them matters. THOSE people are the ones I keep. One thing I found out about me...I respect a man more who loves his kids and is in their life..from working on their motorbike with them to telling his daughter to go change her skirt before a date. It's hard to get close to a man who needs to be reminded that Christmas is a week away and he hasn't done anything for his kids, forgets his own proclaimed anniversary with you and your birthday to boot (and I am talking about when we were together and had no problems, how could he ever want to know ME...?? )...who hasn't tried to be close to his kids in 10 years (and how many years would it take him to want to really know me, how can you be vulnerable to someone like that??) Maybe our relationship infected his life to try and mend those fences...my kids tell me it's more than strange...would be nice to think that positives happened on both sides. Glad he was allowed to be just who he is, helped us both to see what we didn't want. Dusting off my keyboard tonight and hoping that piano lessons when I was a kid pays off. I think the rest of who I know is waking up..... My daughter has told me more than once she would like that woman back.....so would I....I just have to remember my real passion.... Edited August 4, 2013 by trippi1432 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 I have a lot of things to say..what I've survived and other wise....we are the ones who survive...but it's about nigh time...for me....ever notice how the women who didn't walk away but needed a "Man" to step up are the ones who get walked all over. Never again........... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 God ONLY puts before us what He believes we can handle! Apparently God thinks I'm one lean, mean green hard corps United States Marine hard azz Marine Gunnerdy Sergeant! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 But sometimes I wish I could just be a Gomer Pyle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 God ONLY puts before us what He believes we can handle! People handle what they can handle, God or not. Some people kill themselves over heartbreak, whether they are religious are not. Others remain strong, God or not. The fact of the matter is... We all require human interaction, and support, and this is something that "god" does not give us... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Trippi, I just read.. I am so sorry. Sometimes bad things happen to wonderful people... the ones that don't deserve it at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 Hmm, it always gets messy when any religion gets brought into anything, but par for the course, let's just say what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. KeepOnTruckin - you have a valid point that we all require human interaction and support, I'd go one step further to say that we all need human interaction in the form of support. That's something that someone should get from their spouse. Not financial support, emotional support...it's something that should be given and received in any healthy relationship. That did not exist in my 15 year relationship with my exH and for the longest time, I even blamed myself. Recently, my exH had to sign the title transfer on my car. I know, it should have been done during the divorce, but for whatever reason, it was never brought up other than I own the car and he owned his in the divorce decree. Just this one thing.....spurred drama in his home. And it hit me like a ton of bricks, this man's favorite thing to do was cause chaos, to disrupt, be miserable, pout and act like a child....and the kids and I were trapped in that cycle. But "she" fits in the cycle as it is her favorite thing to do as well. So they work. I've heard he is sleeping on the couch, and she did that to her other two exH's before she moved a man in...but I do hope that they have a good life together and realize that marriage is important. God knows, I wouldn't wish him on anyone else, nor would I ever want him back. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I'm sorry you've been dealing with his drama Trippi. Try to focus only on you and your kids - and what is good about you - your life - and your spirit! Stay strong - I know you can - and you deserve the best! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks 2 Sunny, I hear about HIS drama second hand from our son and I'm sure they hear about MY drama second hand too. (Lesson to parents....believe half of what you hear and all of what you know and see) I do believe this drama took place because what my son told me was also reiterated at the title transfer place, before our son told me this about the "drama". Now you think, you walk into a place of business to address total strangers. His words to them were, "You had better get it right because I am not coming back". Earlier in the day, he sent me a text and said that he was such a patient man and could wait. Well, I knew what that meant, as he has NEVER been a patient man. Two things that matter to this moron....HIS time and getting YOUR money. I almost forgot to add, because I have written this post many times but didn't post it......His father opened up the Monty Hall "Let's make a Deal"..you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. This time he offered a fair compromise, I ran the kid where he wanted to go and he would go sign the title transfer. Hell, been doing that one for years....give to get. When the lady at the title transfer told me that if anything went wrong with the paperwork, they would call me and ask me to arrange for him to come in again. She had this apprehensive look on her face, I asked her what happened. She told me what he said (quoted above) and I said "and?" as if they haven't heard that before. She said it was the anger in his voice and how nasty he was....I said, "Yep, he was an a**hole wasn't he, now you see why we are divorced". I heard those same words out of my son's mouth saying that's what his dad was b*tching about and how I caused THEM drama. Well, I really do hate it for his dad and lil Princess, but I got what I wanted. I just don't really know what the drama was about or how I caused THEM drama. It's their choice to make a mountain out of a molehill. I will admit, it did make me angry hearing our son recant the drama he had to listen to, especially hearing that second hand from strangers already. I didn't walk away when I should have, but damn if Trippi doesn't know how to walk away now. One more hurdle....he knows he has to sign off on the timeshare. I really don't care about it, it's in a place I wouldn't vacation but he wanted it, I've paid for it for six years, have lost two times to vacation now....will be 2015 before I can use it. Wonder what drama will ensue on that one..<rolls eyes>. I got out of the one I bought 10 years ago that he held over my head but we vacationed at several times in Florida. I guess we needed this one so he could be a MAN. I only co-signed because he held the one in Florida over my head. He's also not paid one penny for his son's two visits to ICU last year nor did he have to pay one cent to the joint debt I took on because a two-time bankrupt person will not pay a penny on a dollar. This man never did anything but wanted to be respected for cutting the damn grass, I would have respected a man who put being a father first instead of his beer and pot affection, a real man who cared about people who didn't give him something in return and not this f'tard who has hated me since I took him away from his drinking buddies and hated his family ever since..this family, the ones who should have mattered. All of US, not just HIM. I applaud couples who are there for each other even when they are out of their element because they have no idea how much that means to their partners despite their own fears. And if their partners do not realize how much they put into that, they should respect it. Personally, for me, I couldn't. I was put down, made to feel ugly and had my face pushed in gravel...I WAS above that...it didn't fit which who I know me to be..but explains the rest of my stupidity. It all goes beyond the material finances really, it's really about how he was never emotionally available..so divorce is nothing new really. It's more an adjustment for me to remember not to get close to a someone when the only thing you have known is what hurts you. My life was about a family and our kids, I just forgot..to put my son first when his dad told him I was a bank, so...entitlement is nothing new. Nah, not a pushover that either..apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Son is interviewing for a job this week, Mom isn't paying on his insurance til he gets one.....I put up with stupid for 15 yrs...he can blame his dad for the life he walks now. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 I made it perfectly clear to my kids when I divorced their Dad - don't tell me what Dad has going on - I don't care to know. Don't you dare tell Dad about me and my life. He isn't part of my life any longer. And I told them "if you have an issue/concern with him - then tell HIM/not me"! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Share Posted November 11, 2013 Marriage.....stupid is as stupid does..................that's all I got to say about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Share Posted November 11, 2013 Wait...and 2Sunny...It's taken 18 years for my exH to establish a relationship with his son, so yeah, I've been having to hear it. That's not going to stop because as much as my son won't admit it, he wants answers. I can't give them without taking some sort of blame...........to be honest, it's what his cheating, f*tard of a SOB father would prefer because his nose is "clean'....even though my son says his dad has his head up the Lil Princess's ass. I've listened to my daughter since she was born, daddy absent for the most part.....I was the only one concerned for our son....daddy in the home but still absent if it wasn't about him. I have done a lot of thinking on that...did "I" make him not have a relationship with his son?? It did take a lot on my part to get him to toss a baseball with his kid...was I wanting to be June Cleaver and didn't live up to HIS expectation as dinner was never to his liking.......... Not really...June would cleaver the f*tard in the balls at this point and his short crooked appendage that couldn't stay in the game more than 3 minutes. I've come to realize something really profound........... Men do not have the capability to show real love to a woman until they are past their 40's, nor do they have the capacity to show empathy to their children....sometimes they give that to their kids more than they do to their partner. The irony.....................that is what women did......talk about role reversal?? The parental role....if it was never strong to begin with, I applaud those..........I did that with my daughter for many years until her dad came back in her life and lied his as* off about me. I don't need a yellow-livered as*hat to lie about me because he had to finally see her in court after being an absent dad for 7 years. Hmm, my first exH claimed I tried to steal his car...so he had no choice but leave, that's his excuse he told her...years later..the truth is really more than that, it always is... I told him to get a job within the week as I was working 3 jobs and our daughter was putting beer cans on his chest while he slept off the night before and I was at work, she was hungry, needed to be fed and tended to....she was only 3 years old. I told him if he didn't have a job by the end of the week, I was taking the car and leaving as I had a lien on the car to get the clutch fixed...he had a free title due to an motorcycle accident and bought the car outright cash. Needless to say.....they came after me for the car. All I got was a note on the table and didn't know where our daughter was. I dropped the car off on his request that day as his mom and he arranged the entire exit plan.....he took me to one of my 3 jobs...and I didn't hear from him(other than the note on the table that said I will always love you, but I can't live like this. I left you some money (there was none...believe me, I looked) I love you, Ryan. Admittedly, if your name is Ryan...I will hate you as much as the stupid f'ing soap opera you were named after.....there's not much "HOPE" in a pure bred loser. My exH's mother...the whore hound from he** that needed to be spayed, nuertered and flea dipped...that scum of the f'ing earth that thought her son should cheat on his wife and I was wrong for asking him to be a MAN...she was actually right.................... ..............you can't ask a "boy" to be a man...if a woman wants a man, she has to look for one. A lot of "boys" want to be a man but if "Momma" is always protecting them, they will never be a man. Run from those, be glad to be rid of them (When my ex-MIL died at 52 after her 14th marriage to collect the SSI checks...that sort of told me the user she was she always hated me because my dad made himself "look" like he was from money ...but he's not stupid....greed....it's so evil.) My dad is living comfortably on the things he has worked for and on his dad's trust. No way that gold digger was getting an inch in.....but I loved her son...and we had a beautiful daughter together. I wish he could have known her the way I did and I do wish a lot of times, that I could have been a better mom. She is and always will be the one thing I did right...she gave me purpose. Just for posterity.....that doesn't count after 20...you've typically outlived your cuteness. Just saying for all the kids out there. So 2 Sunny...how do I politely ask my son to stop talking about his dad? It's been four years and he brings him up and if I so much as say I don't want to talk about it...he continues and says taunting things like his dad used to do...he has no idea how much he is really like him and why I won't let him live in my home....but even his own dad doesn't want him.....our son really is homeless.....and that breaks my heart ............... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) Hugs Trippi! Well, with my sons - I told them I didn't want to hear about their Dad. I told them if they had something to say about him - talk to him, not me. They had ONE warning. When it happened again, I did have them leave my home immediately -after I calmly told them they crossed MY boundary and were disrespecting my wishes. That happened once with each child. They've never done it again in the past 7 or 8 years. I'm a gal who believes in boundaries. I deliver honesty. More than that I believe in swift and harsh consequences to send a clear message. It's worked for me. Have I cried and worried while sticking to the consequences? Yes. That's part of the deal - especially with infidelity and being a parent. Sometimes life sucks - but I'll be damned if I'm going to have someone tell me they love me while disrespecting my wishes. My self respect is bigger than my need to have someone love me. I'm a warrior though, I've been to hell and back - and I'll do anything not to live the life of a victim ever again! I look in the mirror and I'm proud of who I've become. What I've overcome! I can honestly say my exH will never be able to do that simple exercise with himself. I did a ton of hard work and soul searching to get here. I got past my fears - I'll never go backwards again. Btw - men do have the capacity of never ending love and compassion - I know many. Look for good role models - they ARE out there! I hope you keep moving forward my friend. Edited November 11, 2013 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) I was just informed by my son that his dad was in my house today.....after the fact. It's been four years since he left. Our son had to move his stuff from his dad's house to mine as the AP's husband wants his house back and made them move out. Kudo's to her exH..be dam** if I would sleep on a couch to be replaced and let them have my house. I guess the court finally awarded him the house. My son asked me what my problem was....her husband would walk right up in the house and pick up his son and no one said anything (they had no right to, they both knew they were cheating and were working on borrowed time). I realize that our son really has no idea, so I just walked away...I hope that one day he doesn't know what it feels like....He's only 18. I guess I find it amazing how cheaters can set the bar on what is acceptable and come out smelling like a rose still, but instead I will keep my mouth shut. I don't have to live a lie anymore, it's the lie I hate. Edited January 15, 2014 by trippi1432 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Typical teenager - he cannot comprehend our adult issues, and too, has alliegence to his Dad, cause, it's his Dad, and he lives with him and loves him. Just forget it. Kid has to put his stuff somewhere, Dad just helped him. It was probably humilating for his Dad to get kicked out, and have to crawl into your house when you weren't there, as if it were a dang storage unit. No need for kid to be humiliated too. Sorry hon. Like the name of you post - Just Deserves (Deserts) for Ex! Now he's got cake but no plate. Too bad. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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