Child Support...

[Munchkin]

So my ex and I broke up a few months ago. He has moved out of our Apt for a month before I decided to take him to child support. He would purchase diapers and formula every now and then but it wasn't consistent. He got so angry when he received the paperwork. He called and told me that I could keep the little money from child support but to forget about him being a father to our son. He said he would never be there for him. It has now been almost 2 months and i haven't heard from him at all. I don't understand how someone could spend $500 on a weekend drinking and partying but complain about spending $50- $100 a week on their son.

 

I simply want to hear anyone Else's experience with this. I feel like perhaps I should file for custody since he is not around. I always wonder if he will be approaching me in the future to see his son or perhaps contacting me to see how he's doing.

 

How do I handle this situation??? i'm upset about the way he's behaving.

[oldguy]

He got so angry when he received the paperwork. He called and told me that I could keep the little money from child support but to forget about him being a father to our son. He said he would never be there for him. It has now been almost 2 months and i haven't heard from him at all. I don't understand how someone could spend $500 on a weekend drinking and partying but complain about spending $50- $100 a week on their son.

I think it says more about someone who would use his children avoid them because he's angry at someone else.

 

How do I handle this situation??? i'm upset about the way he's behaving.

I would start by asking these questions to the people you filed the paperwork with as each area is different. There may be free legal, support groups things like that. You aren't alone but you do have to go looking for help & support it won't come looking for you.

I can understand why your upset with him.

Edited June 7, 2011 by oldguy

[lisal]

So my ex and I broke up a few months ago. He has moved out of our Apt for a month before I decided to take him to child support. He would purchase diapers and formula every now and then but it wasn't consistent. He got so angry when he received the paperwork. He called and told me that I could keep the little money from child support but to forget about him being a father to our son. He said he would never be there for him. It has now been almost 2 months and i haven't heard from him at all. I don't understand how someone could spend $500 on a weekend drinking and partying but complain about spending $50- $100 a week on their son.

 

I simply want to hear anyone Else's experience with this. I feel like perhaps I should file for custody since he is not around. I always wonder if he will be approaching me in the future to see his son or perhaps contacting me to see how he's doing.

 

How do I handle this situation??? i'm upset about the way he's behaving.

 

The guy is a selfish jerk. I cannot believe he is being so hateful towards his own flesh and blood. It makes me sick. I would file for sole custody if I were you.

[Munchkin]

He is being extremely hateful. He lives in staten Island and come to brooklyn often and not once has he text me or called me to see how he is doing. He is so angry at me for I have no idea and he is trying to punish me by leaving the baby with me 24/7. he told me I was like a 24 hour babysitter and that I would have no social life. he told me the next time I see him will be at the court date which is at the end of July. I believe he is upset because this will interfere with a lawsuit he has going on. He will now be forced to get a job. He is also getting back at me by ****ing the girl i considered my best friend. Very stressful situation to deal with. Given birth 3 months ago when this all happened, having a child to care for, Breaking up with the man I loved, losing my job, betrayed by my best friend, and dealing with a man that refuses to see his child. I've known single moms with some ****ed up men but never did those men just disappeared and never see their kids. never thought mine would be this way, specially after the way he treated me being pregnant and the perfect father he pretended to be for 3 months.

 

If the day ever comes when he comes crawling back I will tell him to go F@#K himself...

[cmh2002]

i would file for custody just to protect yourself and your son. If no one has filed and he comes to visit and decides he is leaving with your son and doesn't come back it can be nearly impossible to get ur son back cause they could say that no one had custody of your son.

 

My older 2 kids' dad is not in their lives hasn't been for 5 1/2yrs now.. my oldest is 9 and the other is 7yrs old. Their dad stopped having anything to do with them because I wouldn't get back together with him and I went after child support. My 7yr old doesn't remember her bio dad and it use to hurt her a lot but for about 3 months time he was calling and making promises and she thought he was God basically and he didn't keep any of the promises he made and now she sees him how how he is same with my son. I have never badmouthed their dad to them and I never will. I answer any questions they have about him and I have a few pics of him for the kids to look at. My ex doesn't even pay his child support in the past 9yrs since my son was born I have gotten a grand total of..hold on to your seats now $2500 and most of that was from when he filed his taxes and when he would get arrested for not paying and them gee suddenly he had $500 to get his license back and get out of jail. He owes my kids over $23,000 in back support and hasn't filed his taxes in over 2yrs now. I don't stress about it because its not worth it. I now have a good guy who is a dad to them plus we have a 3 yr old together. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing he will get his in the end. Just stress to your son as he gets older that its not his fault I have had to do that as my kids went thru a period thinking it was their fault their dad wasn't there.. BTW his other reason for not being involved was because and I quote " I don't make girls" he swore up and down she wasn't his and so when paternity testing came around he all of a sudden decided to just sign the damn papers saying she was his cause he would of had to pay for it..and she looks sooo like him..

[Mauschen]

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing all of this at once. Life can be hard sometimes, but you can get through it.

 

Keep a journal and a calendar of when your ex sees the baby. If a judge sees that he hasn't seen the baby in a long time, then it should be no problem for you to obtain most of the parenting time. Some states guarantee a percentage of parenting time to the non-custodial parent (like my state guarantees 25% if it is requested and there are no major issues with the non-custodial parent). For babies, the laws are usually different since babies are often being breastfed and are too little to have overnights with the other parent.

 

Keep any emails or texts your ex send you that say anything about "punishing" you or him not wanting to see the baby.

 

You are right to have filed for child support. Good for you! And, in time, if your ex doesn't come around to see the baby, you may even be happy about that since it allows you the freedom to raise your child as you see fit without his influence.

[srcolema]

I have three kids by three different fathers, my oldest has seen her father but was not old enough to remember. He hasn't seen her since he hasn't paid child support ever. My son fathers parents are better parents to my son then his father although his father does pays child support he won't give our son anything for his birthday or Christmas. My youngest father child support pays every now and then but sees her at least once a week. So I'm on my own cause there dads are stupid. There dads don't know what there missing in there kids life.

[doublerince]

Wow, that is a lot to deal with. I want you to know that this will get better, and we are here to listen and support you. Sole custody is exactly what I would go after. Remember, you want to raise this baby as a strong successful person, and his example so far, well, SUCKS. Interference with your parenting decisions will always send you through the roof. I am truly sorry about the betrayal of your best friend, also. Deep breaths.

[James_H]

So my ex and I broke up a few months ago. He has moved out of our Apt for a month before I decided to take him to child support. He would purchase diapers and formula every now and then but it wasn't consistent. He got so angry when he received the paperwork. He called and told me that I could keep the little money from child support but to forget about him being a father to our son. He said he would never be there for him. It has now been almost 2 months and i haven't heard from him at all. I don't understand how someone could spend $500 on a weekend drinking and partying but complain about spending $50- $100 a week on their son.

 

I simply want to hear anyone Else's experience with this. I feel like perhaps I should file for custody since he is not around. I always wonder if he will be approaching me in the future to see his son or perhaps contacting me to see how he's doing.

 

How do I handle this situation??? i'm upset about the way he's behaving.

 

Hi Munchkin-

 

IMO, your better off making soome calls and looking into what legal options you have. And there are options out there...

I had something similar happen to me with my first marriage. She didn't want anything to do with our son, other than to yell at him (he was about 1.5-2 yrs. old at the time). So after we split and divorced, I talked her into giving me "primary" custody which is basically me being solely responsible for health insurance or anything of that nature. She agreed and at the time I didn't ask for any child support to get this, but later down the road she was forced to start paying. For about 6 months I waited and hoped that she would eventually change and stop neglecting our son, but she never did. What you have to understand is that there comes a point in time when it needs to stop and you'll probably have to file for sole custody. I woke up one morning and did the same thing.

 

All he wants is to be able to go out, party and have fun with his friends. In the meantime, he might make a few appearences here and there to hopefully make himself look good and will get pissed when (or if) you say something about it. Don't put up with it...you deserve so much better!

 

It's hard to understand why anyone would act this way towards a child, let alone you for being the mother especially. I'm saddened that you have to go through something like this, but hopefully it will make you stronger in the end!

[Munchkin]

So my ex and I broke up a few months ago. He has moved out of our Apt for a month before I decided to take him to child support. He would purchase diapers and formula every now and then but it wasn't consistent. He got so angry when he received the paperwork. He called and told me that I could keep the little money from child support but to forget about him being a father to our son. He said he would never be there for him. It has now been almost 2 months and i haven't heard from him at all. I don't understand how someone could spend $500 on a weekend drinking and partying but complain about spending $50- $100 a week on their son.

 

I simply want to hear anyone Else's experience with this. I feel like perhaps I should file for custody since he is not around. I always wonder if he will be approaching me in the future to see his son or perhaps contacting me to see how he's doing.

 

How do I handle this situation??? i'm upset about the way he's behaving.

 

 

Went to my child support hearing and I have to say it wasn't what I expected it to be. It only lasted for about 5 minutes and we were done. My ex of course showed up and kool aid smiled the minute he saw me. surprisingly he went to sit right next to me. flirted, talked and had the balls to invite me out for lunch. Never thought he would have the guts to talk to me after everything he has done. The only question in reference to his son was, "so where is the baby?" and that was it. He hasn't seen his son in 3 months and will continue to do so. That would be my best bet by his attitude and selfish way of thinking. 3 months and he still believes I should be the one contacting him to see his son.

 

Not sure what to think about all of this but my best guess is that he still loves me and joking is his way of dealing with this mess. I find this very sad and insulting.

[Trimmer]

So were there any rulings made, or decrees entered or anything? What was the outcome of the hearing?

[Tayla]

I think the OP just needed a sounding board here. She had been with this man for 11 years ....

so I think its fair to say she is doing a better job parenting without him. Oddly if the guy so chooses he can deny paternity to draw out the case for child support.

The states have social workers that oversee child support cases so I am sure she can go that route.

In a way if the guy didnt have a say in even the pregnancy (or wanting a child) then it does make sense why he left...Was this a planned pregnancy? Not to be rude but after 11 years something changed to create a child....

[Munchkin]

I think the OP just needed a sounding board here. She had been with this man for 11 years ....

so I think its fair to say she is doing a better job parenting without him. Oddly if the guy so chooses he can deny paternity to draw out the case for child support.

The states have social workers that oversee child support cases so I am sure she can go that route.

In a way if the guy didnt have a say in even the pregnancy (or wanting a child) then it does make sense why he left...Was this a planned pregnancy? Not to be rude but after 11 years something changed to create a child....

 

We had some hard times 6 years into our relationship and decided to give us another chance. A few years into it we thought that i should stop taking the pill and whatever happened we were going to be happy with. Well 2 weeks after i stopped, i got pregnant. He was a joy and looked like he was going to be the perfect father. little did i know he was fooling everyone specially me. 3 months after the baby everything changed. he started going back to his old self and the same issues started recurring. Now we are separated and since April he hasn't seen his son. I am a great parent to my son and I am currently doing a lot better without my ex. Stress free to give my so everything I have.

 

The ruling was for the minimum per month because he doesn't have a job. they also ruled that he would have to get a job and prove that he is looking. For anyone who has children knows that you can't do much with that amount.