Devasted

[John Calhoun]

6 weeks ago my life was great. I was dating a girl who I am convinced is my soul mate. We had been dating for about 1.5 years when we started talking about marriage and living together. She brought both subjects up to me. I was so excited. Everything was great up until 3 weeks ago she began to become distant. I would ask her everyday if she needed space. She would assure me that I wasn't the problem. On Thanksgiving she came over to my house and she spent the day with me and my family. Family life was somehting that she wasn't use to so she fell in love with my mother and sisters. They also fell in love with ehr. I asked her, when she is ready to settle down, what type of guy are you looking for. Without hesitation she said you are everyhting I want. SHe would always tell me that she loved everyhting about me. From my listening skills to the way I dressed. She is 24 and I'm 27 so I believed that this was the person for me. I based that on how she acted and what she said. Two days after Thanksgiving she told me that she didn't have that excited feeling anymore and we broke up. I talked to her two weeks ago and she said that she still loved me. SOmehow she is getting that "excited" feeling from somewhere else. I asked her if she is seeing someone else and she said no. Somehow I don't believe her. Anyway, we haven't spoken in 2 weeks and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I'm so devasted. I thought that hse was the one. Many people are teling me that this is a phase and it will pass. But I'm curious as to why it is so easy for her not to call when she knows that I'm so hurt. I'm trying to go on with my life. But there is such a void. With the holidays coming up I don't have much to be excited about. I'm so convinced that she is the one for me. You can't turn love on and off like this. I'm not convinced! Help

[EL]

6 weeks ago my life was great. I was dating a girl who I am convinced is my soul mate. We had been dating for about 1.5 years when we started talking about marriage and living together. She brought both subjects up to me. I was so excited. Everything was great up until 3 weeks ago she began to become distant. I would ask her everyday if she needed space. She would assure me that I wasn't the problem. On Thanksgiving she came over to my house and she spent the day with me and my family. Family life was somehting that she wasn't use to so she fell in love with my mother and sisters. They also fell in love with ehr. I asked her, when she is ready to settle down, what type of guy are you looking for. Without hesitation she said you are everyhting I want. SHe would always tell me that she loved everyhting about me. From my listening skills to the way I dressed. She is 24 and I'm 27 so I believed that this was the person for me. I based that on how she acted and what she said. Two days after Thanksgiving she told me that she didn't have that excited feeling anymore and we broke up. I talked to her two weeks ago and she said that she still loved me. SOmehow she is getting that "excited" feeling from somewhere else. I asked her if she is seeing someone else and she said no. Somehow I don't believe her. Anyway, we haven't spoken in 2 weeks and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I'm so devasted. I thought that hse was the one. Many people are teling me that this is a phase and it will pass. But I'm curious as to why it is so easy for her not to call when she knows that I'm so hurt. I'm trying to go on with my life. But there is such a void. With the holidays coming up I don't have much to be excited about. I'm so convinced that she is the one for me. You can't turn love on and off like this. I'm not convinced! Help

[PUSSY CAT]

6 weeks ago my life was great. I was dating a girl who I am convinced is my soul mate. We had been dating for about 1.5 years when we started talking about marriage and living together. She brought both subjects up to me. I was so excited. Everything was great up until 3 weeks ago she began to become distant. I would ask her everyday if she needed space. She would assure me that I wasn't the problem. On Thanksgiving she came over to my house and she spent the day with me and my family. Family life was somehting that she wasn't use to so she fell in love with my mother and sisters. They also fell in love with ehr. I asked her, when she is ready to settle down, what type of guy are you looking for. Without hesitation she said you are everyhting I want. SHe would always tell me that she loved everyhting about me. From my listening skills to the way I dressed. She is 24 and I'm 27 so I believed that this was the person for me. I based that on how she acted and what she said. Two days after Thanksgiving she told me that she didn't have that excited feeling anymore and we broke up. I talked to her two weeks ago and she said that she still loved me. SOmehow she is getting that "excited" feeling from somewhere else. I asked her if she is seeing someone else and she said no. Somehow I don't believe her. Anyway, we haven't spoken in 2 weeks and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I'm so devasted. I thought that hse was the one. Many people are teling me that this is a phase and it will pass. But I'm curious as to why it is so easy for her not to call when she knows that I'm so hurt. I'm trying to go on with my life. But there is such a void. With the holidays coming up I don't have much to be excited about. I'm so convinced that she is the one for me. You can't turn love on and off like this. I'm not convinced! Help

TO:EL

 

FROM: SWEETY 17

 

HEY I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL CAUSE MY EXBOYFRIEND DID THE SAME THING TO ME SAY ONE THING BUT DO SOMETHING ELSE IT'S NOT FARE TO ANYONE TO GET HURT BY SOMEONE YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT AND WONT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO SHOW THEM THAT THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE YOU WONT TO BE WITH BUT THEY NEVER BELEAVE YOU.

 

SO IF YOU WONT TO KNOW SOME ONE WHO KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL I AM RIGHT HERE SO IF YOU WONNA TALK HERE IS MY ADDRESS:

 

Pamela DiNome

 

HCI BOX 43

 

MT. POCONO PA 18344

[sweedi]

Dear devastated,

 

I know what it is like I had a guy that said the same things to me! I know it hurts, But trust me we're young and I know that you will find the right girl. She is out there and one day you will find her!

[Holly]

6 weeks ago my life was great. I was dating a girl who I am convinced is my soul mate. We had been dating for about 1.5 years when we started talking about marriage and living together. She brought both subjects up to me. I was so excited. Everything was great up until 3 weeks ago she began to become distant. I would ask her everyday if she needed space. She would assure me that I wasn't the problem. On Thanksgiving she came over to my house and she spent the day with me and my family. Family life was somehting that she wasn't use to so she fell in love with my mother and sisters. They also fell in love with ehr. I asked her, when she is ready to settle down, what type of guy are you looking for. Without hesitation she said you are everyhting I want. SHe would always tell me that she loved everyhting about me. From my listening skills to the way I dressed. She is 24 and I'm 27 so I believed that this was the person for me. I based that on how she acted and what she said. Two days after Thanksgiving she told me that she didn't have that excited feeling anymore and we broke up. I talked to her two weeks ago and she said that she still loved me. SOmehow she is getting that "excited" feeling from somewhere else. I asked her if she is seeing someone else and she said no. Somehow I don't believe her. Anyway, we haven't spoken in 2 weeks and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I'm so devasted. I thought that hse was the one. Many people are teling me that this is a phase and it will pass. But I'm curious as to why it is so easy for her not to call when she knows that I'm so hurt. I'm trying to go on with my life. But there is such a void. With the holidays coming up I don't have much to be excited about. I'm so convinced that she is the one for me. You can't turn love on and off like this. I'm not convinced! Help

Dear devastated,

 

It sounds to me like a case of cold feet. It stems back to the saying you don't know what you have until its gone. My suggestion to you it to call her every week or so just to see how she is doing but DO NOT TALK ABOUT WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU. Give her time to miss you. I made the same mistake recently and I've found it better to show the other person that you can still survive without them, even if it doesn't feel that way. It sounds to me as if this girl is trying to avoid conflict. I am certain she still loves you, and love is a very powerful thing. She's just trying to love herself more right now, that's all. Otherwise, she would be picking up the phone to call you and make sure you're alright. She probably feels guilty for causing you so much pain, and doesn't know how to handle the situation in a constructive way. I am reading a book called "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", I'm sure you've heard of it. I would suggest you read it. Its very inspiring and may help to explain many of the questions you may have about how differently women behave from men. Women go through stages in their relationships where they get bored and they try to capture the excitement again, but do not know how to. It is unfortunate but sometimes the man gets blamed for that boredom. My best friend did the same thing your girl did to you to her boyfirend eight months ago. It wasn't until she saw him with someone else that she realized how much they were meant for one another. She was in a relationship and broke it off because of her love for her Ex. So the moral of the story is that if you love somebody let them go. If they come back to you than it was meant to be. If they don't, than they were never yours to begin with. You can't force somebody to love you the way you love them. I've learned that from many heartaches myself. I find I give much more in relationships than the partners I choose. Just do not let yourself be the stepping stone of another's problems. Go out with friends and have fun. Get your life on track. Feel good about yourself again. You're still young and have lots of time to find love. Many people get divorced at forty because of situations like these. Be thankful that you still have time to start over if things don't work out the way you hope. Good luck to you and I hope I've helped you in some way!

[Devastated]

Holly thank you so much for your advice. It has been 5 weeks since I have spoken to her. I have decided to leave her alone and not talk to her. I have let her go, and if she comes back to me then I'll know. If not then I know there is someone out there for me. Everyone says that she will call. I'm not sure when but one day. I have prepared for her not to. I guess we will wait and see. Thanks again.

Dear devastated, It sounds to me like a case of cold feet. It stems back to the saying you don't know what you have until its gone. My suggestion to you it to call her every week or so just to see how she is doing but DO NOT TALK ABOUT WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU. Give her time to miss you. I made the same mistake recently and I've found it better to show the other person that you can still survive without them, even if it doesn't feel that way. It sounds to me as if this girl is trying to avoid conflict. I am certain she still loves you, and love is a very powerful thing. She's just trying to love herself more right now, that's all. Otherwise, she would be picking up the phone to call you and make sure you're alright. She probably feels guilty for causing you so much pain, and doesn't know how to handle the situation in a constructive way. I am reading a book called "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", I'm sure you've heard of it. I would suggest you read it. Its very inspiring and may help to explain many of the questions you may have about how differently women behave from men. Women go through stages in their relationships where they get bored and they try to capture the excitement again, but do not know how to. It is unfortunate but sometimes the man gets blamed for that boredom. My best friend did the same thing your girl did to you to her boyfirend eight months ago. It wasn't until she saw him with someone else that she realized how much they were meant for one another. She was in a relationship and broke it off because of her love for her Ex. So the moral of the story is that if you love somebody let them go. If they come back to you than it was meant to be. If they don't, than they were never yours to begin with. You can't force somebody to love you the way you love them. I've learned that from many heartaches myself. I find I give much more in relationships than the partners I choose. Just do not let yourself be the stepping stone of another's problems. Go out with friends and have fun. Get your life on track. Feel good about yourself again. You're still young and have lots of time to find love. Many people get divorced at forty because of situations like these. Be thankful that you still have time to start over if things don't work out the way you hope. Good luck to you and I hope I've helped you in some way!

[Holly]

I'm glad to have been of service! Be sure to keep us nozy people posted!

Holly thank you so much for your advice. It has been 5 weeks since I have spoken to her. I have decided to leave her alone and not talk to her. I have let her go, and if she comes back to me then I'll know. If not then I know there is someone out there for me. Everyone says that she will call. I'm not sure when but one day. I have prepared for her not to. I guess we will wait and see. Thanks again.