Miko Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I've made a few mistakes with two different girls and could use help cleaning up the mess and some perspective. I've been really into this girl(call her sam) for a while that I met through family, I really like her, love her actually and think it could be serious. Problem is, I got a new girlfriend(call her erin), and then a WEEK later, Sam told me that she's in love w me, and I let her know that I was too but I have a gf now and have to see what happens. That was 3 months ago. I know it won't work out long term and I really want to go for it w Sam, but It's been so long and It's like I'm keeping Sam waiting for me to end it w Erin and that's totally wrong. She's upset about it and rightfully so, she told me she's "done" but I know she doesn't want it, it's just too hard for her. I need to get out of this relationship but problem is my gf is unstable and sometimes dangerous to herself when she drinks. I'm afraid if I just drop it on her she'll hurt herself somehow, but I don't HAVE time. I think if I end it soon enough i could save it w Sam I just don't want to stomp all over this girls heart by just making a big surprise. How do I break up with her, with some warning I guess. I just don't want to drop it on her out of nowhere, I'm afraid for her, and I care about her but she's not the one? I think Sam might be. How can I save it with Sam after doing this to her, and how can I explain the situation without sounding like i'm just making up bs excuses? I'll see her pretty regularly no matter what, which is how we spent time together in the first place. Maybe an email? Let it go until I end it w my gf? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Miko, I appreciate your sense of responsibility about how your breaking up with Erin could affect her. You will undoubtedly cause her some pain, and that's unavoidable in any break up. However, what your girlfriend does when you break up with her is not your fault. She is responsible for her own actions. You are not obliged to stay with someone because they may hurt themselves if you leave. If they make threats about hurting themselves if you do, it's a form of emotional blackmail to get you to do what they want, even though they wouldn't see it like that. If you and Erin have mutual friends, I suggest asking them to keep an eye on her afterward and help her out. You've got a mess on your hands, that's for sure, but if Erin isn't who you want to be with, you need to end things sooner than later. Are you prepared for rejection from Sam? It was bad timing that she didn't tell you sooner about how she felt, but it is what it is. Now Sam's been living with the hurt of your rejection, plus knowing that you're with someone else. For 3 months! You say you love her, but put her on the back burner all this time, to see how things would go with Erin. I'm not convinced that Sam was who you wanted all long, and you may have a difficult time convincing Sam that you really are ready for her. I think you need to end things with Erin and be quick about making up with Sam. I hope things work out. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
iwanther Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Miko, I read your other post and am in a similar situation you were in a few months ago. I needed to find out how things were going with the girl. I want to tell this girl i know that she will be mine one day because I know she will, but the situations havent been correct. I am kind of sad to hear that you have kept sam waiting, you love her so much and you care for her so much, you need to end the relationship you are in NOW before it is too late. its not fair to ANYONE in the situation, including yourself. you have a chance for love. go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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