My Story: 1 week into separation

[AudentesFortuna]

On the night of 4th of July this separation/divorce took a unforseen turn. I don't know what to make of it and I realize that I'm probably making too much out of it. Against my better judgement and against every cell in my body telling me not to, I took my brother/brother's gf and baby to a fireworks show in the city where she is living right now. It's a show in a big park that is attended by thousands of people. So of course, we run into her. It has been more than a month since I last saw her. First time I noticed her she was ahead of us, I don't know if she saw us or not. When the show ended, I booked it out there as soon as possible so as not to run into her again. We were walking quite fast...but it turns out so was she. She passed within a couple feet of us and completely ignored us, just kept staring at her phone. This really took me by surprise. Our separation was not with malice. It's supposed to be no contact but she has emailed me, texted me and even came by the house once when I wasn't there. Her ignoring me really hurt me. BIG TIME. Sent me on a tailspin for a day. She was my wife 6 weeks ago and that night she was a stranger.

 

After getting out of my tailspin, I realized I'm probably making too much out of this. She was probably as shocked as I was and I'm sure that my brother and his girlfriend being there didn't help. She is always asking her brother if my family is mad at her. Still, it was such a shock. A few days later I realize a few things:

 

1) If that is really her, if she has turned cold for whatever reason, I need to protect myself. Last week I consulted a lawyer to maybe act as our mediator but now I'm keeping him to use as my lawyer if need be. I want to avoid lawyers so freaking bad. I don't want to waste money on that. We will lose enough money on the house as it is.

 

2) I keep referring to her as my wife, but my brother caught me and told me straight out, "SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE. Listen to what she said, she has been feeling like this for years, she hasn't been your wife FOR YEARS". My brother is tough but smart. He is really pissed off at her when I broke down he got so mad. I thought he was mad at me but he said he was pissed at her because she didn't deserve these emotions from me. He is right. She doesn't deserve those emotions from me.

 

3) NOT ONE STEP BACK. In the middle of all this turmoil, this hell, I am making progress everyday. I'm exercising (lost 15 pounds already), I'm reading, I'm going to therapy, I'm volunteering, I'm taking care of myself like never before, going to the Dr. to have every issue I've ever had checked out. I'm even throwing myself a birthday BBQ. I will beat my codependency, I will improve my self-steem, I will live my life by the mantra that I AND ONLY I am responsible for my happiness. I will get rid of my bad qualities but I will guard and cultivate my good qualities. I will continue to be compassionate, I will continue to be nurturing, I will keep my sense of humor, I will not become bitter or resentful, I will not hate. NOT. ONE. STEP. BACK.

 

4) I'm not closing any doors with her. I do believe that somewhere, deep in this mess, there is still a spark of something that can be wonderful. HOWEVER, I will NOT SELL MY SOUL for her or for us. For US to ever work again, I would have to see a change in her as massive as mine. Our marriage is dead. Dead and soon to be buried...but maybe a new one can be created. I am not counting on this. I'm moving full steam ahead.

[AudentesFortuna]

Here is an update of everything that has happened since I last visited here.

 

The soon-to-be-ex-wife is beginning to stare reality in the face and she is not dealing well with it. She is already having financial difficulties and came asking for her half of the savings. Fine, it’s hers. Then she told me she consulted with a paralegal (?) and she was told that she is not responsible anymore for any portion of the mortgage! But of course, she is still entitled to half of the profit when it sells. Wow. Took a while to convince her to get a second opinion with a real lawyer. She also feels she is not responsible for the joint accounts anymore simply because the appliances and furniture are in the house. She is in full denial mode.

 

 

 

It hurt for a bit to see her like that, to see her having financial difficulties, to hear her say that all she misses about me is talking to me. At the same time, for the first time ever I saw her and I noticed that she is not that good looking. Not too me anyway. Not anymore.

 

 

It was all around a weird meeting. She went from concerned, to angry, to confused, to laughing, to crying, to trying to kiss me when she first came in. One thing I do know, it’s over. It really is over.

[AudentesFortuna]

So I’ve had a day to dissect our first meeting in six weeks. These are my observations but first, one conclusion:

She is done. Her mind is made up, there is absolutely no force on heaven and earth can can change her mind. I saw it in her eyes, her demeanor, her voice, her behavior. My ex-wife is GONE. In her place is a total stranger.

Observations:

1) It was a weird meeting and her behavior was…there is no word for her behavior.

2) When she comes in, I’m sitting in the couch, she has the biggest smile and she launches herself at me, hugs me and tries to give me a kiss…I move out of the way.

3) She instantly turns cold afterwards. Says she is having financial problems, needs to get a place and therefore needs access to her share of the savings.

4) She mentions twice how good I’m looking.

5) She gets overwhelmed at the divorce agreement I’ve written. Says it’s too much information to digest.

4) Mentions how easy it would be for her to just walk back into the house, go to marriage counseling and pretend nothing is wrong. I told her that was not an option at all. She stares and me and just says “good, good”.

5) Continues talking about money problems. Tells me “Do you know what I’m eating? I’m not going to restaurants!” I look at her funny and tell her that that is a direct consequence of her decision. She says nothing. She also decided to keep the Subaru Impreza. I don’t care, I really don’t, but I mention to her that with her financial problems the Impreza is a bad idea. It’s $100 more a month on payment than the Hyundai, $50 more in insurance and easily $50 or more in gas. She doesn’t care, wants to keep it.

6) Paralegal tells her she is not responsible for house mortgage anymore because she is not here and I’m living in the house. Same for joint accounts. Says she is not responsible because I’m using the appliances. Doesn’t want to consult a real lawyer, says she is satisfied with paralegal’s advice. Takes me forever to convince her for us to see a neutral lawyer.

7) After we are done discussing, she goes to see the bunny that she left in the house and I’ve been taking care of. Since he is shedding, she use the wire comb to groom him….and then proceeds to get the hair out of the wire comb and puts it in a ziploc bag and takes it! This really weirded me out.

8) She starts laughing as she is leaving. I ask her why she is laughing and proceeds to laugh harder. Hunches over and tells me to stop making her laugh. Says that laughing is better than crying. I tell her she should do what her body tells her.

9) She is crying and giving me the weirdest smile. She hugs me, I try to resist but I give in. It felt nice for a second until she continues looking at me with tears and the weirdest smile I have ever seen on her. After she lets go of the hug I go to grab her hand and she pulls it immediately and has a look of fear in her face! I shouldn’t have done that…be stronger next time.

10) I ask her what she misses about me and just says she misses talking to me about her day. I ask if that is the only thing? She gives me that weird smile again.

11) As she is leaving I go back to sit in the couch. She opens the door and stands there looking at me. I look up from my phone and she is just starting at me. She asks me if I’m going to close the door? Huh? I tell her she can close it herself.

What a whirlwind. At this point, I’m getting past “us” and more concerned about selling this house and finalizing this divorce!

[AudentesFortuna]

July 11th:

 

So she came over yesterday to start going over the stuff at the house. Since we only moved into the house six months ago, we really don’t have much. It was mostly boxes in the 2nd room. She took a bunch of stuff, I kept very little. Threw away most everything and I’m donation a bunch of stuff to goodwill. Most furniture and all appliances will be sold with the house. I wish to keep nothing.

 

 

I must confess I did play a little dirty. Going through some boxes I found a stash of birthday, anniversary and just “sweet” cards that I gave her. Along with a love letter and some poems. I knew she wouldn’t keep them so when she wasn’t looking I snuck them into one of her bags.

This meeting was another shocker. She is all over the place. She continues putting the guilt trip on me concerning her finances. Somehow she finally realized that she is still responsible for the mortgage and joint debt. I’m being more than generous. I offered to pay 77% of the mortgage and all I want from her is $500 a month. I’ll be ponying up $1700 and she is still getting 50/50 split on whatever equity we make. One big surprise that came up is how resentful she is that I’m doing well financially and she is not. Her exact quote is “You are better off right now than when we met, I am not”. What is that supposed to mean? She also threw in my face that the money we gave to my dad about 5 years ago, that I should be grateful she is not coming after me for that money! Wow. All of a sudden everything is business and every detail is being remembered.

 

 

She is in shock. At one point after she kept complaining about “barely making it” I finally got fed up and told her the following (paraphrasing): “Embrace your decision, embrace your new life. I don’t want this, but I’m embracing my new life. You need to do the same. You made this decision because you believe there is something better out there. A better husband, a better house, better cars, a better life. Just embrace it” She got SO PISSED at this statement. She practically yelled at me “You think THAT is what I’m thinking right now??? Next time if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself”. Oh well.

 

 

After we looked through stuff for a while, you could tell how sad she was. Her eyes were swelled up. At one point she just lay in the couch, almost crying. I didn’t say a thing. I can tell she is very lonely. In the meeting before she had told me how she misses talking to me about her day. Well, out of nowhere she began talking small talk. I should have cut it out but I felt bad for her. Told me about her work, her boss. She threw a curve when all of a sudden she said “I hate my mother”. I just sat there…then I told her “If you have anything to say, just get it off your chest”. Well, she snapped at me “I have nothing to say to you”. I just feel the anger and resentment building up on her and it’s sad. The whole time I didn’t show any emotion. Any. I was just stoic going through everything. She was jumping all over the place. If you were to look at the two of us, you would swear that I’m the one asking for a divorce. She is acting like a total victim. I can just see it, in the future she will make it seem that everything was my fault. She has so many issues, she needs to grow up. She has brought up my neediness, my pushiness, my family, my lack of trust, our inability to have kids…but never ONCE has she brought up the fact that for 18 months she talked/texted/sexted/sent sexy pics of herself to other men online. Not once. Through it all, I have owed up to everything I did wrong and what I’m willing to do to save things, she hasn’t owed up to anything. Everything is “I tried, I tried to fix this”. Total BS.

 

 

I don’t think I love her anymore. I wouldn’t take her back right now. I miss my wife. I miss my wife from Paris. She is not her. You know what though? My wife is in there, somewhere, being held prisoner by her. I’m just not sticking around to see if she can escape. This hurts so much, but I’m in mourning right now. This will pass.

[AudentesFortuna]

July 12th:

 

We have begun the process of undoing this marriage. It hurts and every now and then I catch myself thinking she is about to snap out of it. No such moment will come. Her eyes are so cold, her resentment can be felt radiating from her. Her anger, I bet if I touch her skin it would be hot. My wife is dead. In her place is this person that I have no desire to embrace, to kiss, to cuddle. It’s cruel, the way I see her every flaw now…and she is the one who left. She is the one who said she wasn’t attracted to me “that way anymore”.. She is the one who said wanted to see other people, to see what is out there. She is the one who said she had been feeling like this for over a year now. She is the one who said she was bored with the routine, she is the one who said the spark is gone. She is the one who said she is leaving because she hates my low self steem. This is her decision…so why is she so damn resentful and angry? You know why? Because I’m down but not out. Because I’m going to the gym. Because I’m buying nice clothes, nice shoes. Because I’m not begging her to stay. Because I finally know what I’m worth. because I’m not giving an inch. Because I have friends everywhere that are helping me through this. She says she needs no one, but that is because she has no one…by choice. Because with every tear a part of the weak old me dies…along with a part of my love for her. Because I laid it all on the line for this marriage to the bitter end…and she never even gave it a second thought. I can’t help her. I can’t rescue her. She is rewriting history on the go. This is all my fault in her mind. But it’s her fault.

 

She always said she hated my low self steem and you know what? She finally fixed that…by walking out of my life…

[worldgonewrong]

July 11th:

 

At one point after she kept complaining about “barely making it” I finally got fed up and told her the following (paraphrasing): “Embrace your decision, embrace your new life. I don’t want this, but I’m embracing my new life. You need to do the same. You made this decision because you believe there is something better out there. A better husband, a better house, better cars, a better life. Just embrace it”

 

Seriously, this is genius.

I intend to put the same thing/words to MY wife now as I continue ramming home the new financial future.

[AudentesFortuna]

What a whirlwind 7 weeks. She has an apartment, moved all her stuff, the house is going up for sale and she still hasn't filed for divorce. I have grown so much in the last 7 weeks. Week 1 I didn't know how I was going to make it and now here I am, not really wanting her back. Not in her current state anyway. I don't really miss her, I don't long for her, I don't even fantasize about her. But I do have one big problem. I know it's only been 7 weeks and there is such a long way to go, but I'm having trouble letting go of my idealized picture of her. Does that make sense? I know who the real her is now. I do. I don't miss her manipulations, her lies, they way she is victimizing herself right now...but somehow my heart still looks at her only during the good times...the laughs, the memories, the moments, the trips. They only comprise a small percentage of our time together, but that is all I can keep thinking about. It sucks. I don't miss the current her...I miss the old her?

[psionyx]

Any updates? I really feel for what you're going through.

 

I recently read "Coming Apart" by Daphne Rose Kingma, and based on that, you seem to be going through some of the "classic" stages of letting go. You might benefit from reading this as well.

 

All these feelings are natural, and in fact essential for getting through this. Embrace them, and experience them to their fullest. To deny them is only going to draw out the pain longer.

 

Hang in there!

[AudentesFortuna]

Any updates? I really feel for what you're going through.

 

I recently read "Coming Apart" by Daphne Rose Kingma, and based on that, you seem to be going through some of the "classic" stages of letting go. You might benefit from reading this as well.

 

All these feelings are natural, and in fact essential for getting through this. Embrace them, and experience them to their fullest. To deny them is only going to draw out the pain longer.

 

Hang in there!

 

Thanks for the well wishes. The house has been cleaned and is officially on sale. It's hard to live here now. This house held so many dreams. I'm finding out that I'm having as hard a time letting go of the house as much as my marriage. 10 years of hard work and it only lasted 8 months. Oh well. I'll be ok. Haven't had any contact with her said for some business with bank accounts. She hasn't filed for divorce either. I don't know what she is waiting for.

 

This past weekend was very hard. I began having really vivid sexual fantasies about her that just wouldn't go away. I also missed her quite a bit. Well, not her...but I became very hung up on the idealized her. It's all passing though. I'm dealing with anger towards her too and the ways things ended. Nothing major but it's there. I just hope this house sells in a timely manner.

[Woggle]

Good for you for growing some balls. That is what she is so resentful about. She expected you to be a groveling mess who would bend over backwards to get her back but you are doing well without her and walkaway wives truly hate that.

[AudentesFortuna]

House is up for sale, all pertinent accounts have been separated. I'm just waiting for the house to sell and for her to file for divorce. It's really bugging me that she hasn't file. I should file myself, get it over with. I do a lot but I'm quite bored. Even when I get home late, the hour or so before I go to sleep I get quite bored. I miss having someone to interact with in the house. I'm lonely and want companionship so bad. I understand it will probably be a while before that happens. What a world...

[Woggle]

House is up for sale, all pertinent accounts have been separated. I'm just waiting for the house to sell and for her to file for divorce. It's really bugging me that she hasn't file. I should file myself, get it over with. I do a lot but I'm quite bored. Even when I get home late, the hour or so before I go to sleep I get quite bored. I miss having someone to interact with in the house. I'm lonely and want companionship so bad. I understand it will probably be a while before that happens. What a world...

 

Why don't you file yourself? Filing yourself sometimes gives you a leg up in court.

[dreamingoftigers]

I can see what she's going through. I am by no means a walk away wife but I can totally see that she has been trying to test the waters and slowly pull back INTO the relationship but keeps hitting that brick wall because you aren't vulnerable like you used to be.

 

If she has made any attempt at physical contact at all that meant business.

 

Furthermore, since she can't get the emotional response out if you anymore, she will take it in blood (I.e. Money).

 

You may have been needy/clingy etc, but spouses very often mirror-image each other. She is desperately wanting attention, specifically from you. If she can't get it in a healthy way, she will guilt you, try to get money from you and if all else fails drag out the divorce.

 

This person wants you, they just don't want to compromise their fragile ego to get it and they are more scared then they will ever be willing to admit.

 

Here's the cycle:

 

Request for attention --> you give her attention--> her insecurity pipes up and she pushes the attention back like a little test--> you pull back due to rejection thereby failing the test--> she tests the attention-getting in a more minor way (I.e. Stress about work) just to see if you still care at all anymore--> you stay strong and appear not to care in a connected, husbandly manner---> she's pissed that she means nothing to you and vents anger which is a last stance for trying to get attention from you. Her being an emotional trainwreck is her unhealthy way of trying to connect with you, it is her way of eliciting feelings of caring from you. The more helpless she becomes, the more she us actually dysfunctionally hoping you will step up to the plate to rescue her. In fact, that was what all the online crap was about too..... Her emotional neediness and desire for you to come and fix her. She used the other men to illicit jealousy ( every WS knows that they WILL get caught).

[GorillaTheater]

DOT, that was fascinating. I'm not sure I agree, at least in most situations, that this is the case, but it's a perspective I've never heard before and definitely something to think about.

[AudentesFortuna]

I can see what she's going through. I am by no means a walk away wife but I can totally see that she has been trying to test the waters and slowly pull back INTO the relationship but keeps hitting that brick wall because you aren't vulnerable like you used to be.

 

If she has made any attempt at physical contact at all that meant business.

 

Furthermore, since she can't get the emotional response out if you anymore, she will take it in blood (I.e. Money).

 

You may have been needy/clingy etc, but spouses very often mirror-image each other. She is desperately wanting attention, specifically from you. If she can't get it in a healthy way, she will guilt you, try to get money from you and if all else fails drag out the divorce.

 

This person wants you, they just don't want to compromise their fragile ego to get it and they are more scared then they will ever be willing to admit.

 

Here's the cycle:

 

Request for attention --> you give her attention--> her insecurity pipes up and she pushes the attention back like a little test--> you pull back due to rejection thereby failing the test--> she tests the attention-getting in a more minor way (I.e. Stress about work) just to see if you still care at all anymore--> you stay strong and appear not to care in a connected, husbandly manner---> she's pissed that she means nothing to you and vents anger which is a last stance for trying to get attention from you. Her being an emotional trainwreck is her unhealthy way of trying to connect with you, it is her way of eliciting feelings of caring from you. The more helpless she becomes, the more she us actually dysfunctionally hoping you will step up to the plate to rescue her. In fact, that was what all the online crap was about too..... Her emotional neediness and desire for you to come and fix her. She used the other men to illicit jealousy ( every WS knows that they WILL get caught).

 

Wow. Thanks for the insight. I can see how some of what you are saying might apply to this divorce. She did try to get a bit physical at first (a hug and a kiss that I pulled away from), she also tried to guilt me into this being my fault and then she did threaten to ask for money back that we had gifted to my parents years ago.

 

It's a shame that this has to be so damn complicated. I loved her and was (and maybe still am) willing to put in the hard work to make it work...but it's clear she has no desire to do that. Two months in and I'm moving on full steam ahead...

Edited August 3, 2011 by AudentesFortuna

[dreamingoftigers]

It's a classic female: "don't touch me, I don't love you and I want a divorce ........ (wah) why don't you want me, I was always there for you, we're meant to be together scenario."

 

It may not fit every scenario belonging to mankind (and womankind) but I know testing when I read about it. And this, is testing.

 

Women are notorious testers. To be completely 199% percent honest I know I am a tester. Women historically have had to test for the best options/providers to ensure survival for themselves and their children. Women that cone from unstable homes etc. Are much more "test-oriented" in that constant quest for security. If they come from an unstable home they are programmed to know when to "jump ship" and are always looking for the signs. Even if they really like a guy and want to be with him, that old survival glitch kicks in and she never feels completely at ease until she has tested the Hell out of him. That's why she picked a needy guy, more supposed security. He'll always be there.

 

The ironic part is that men hate emotional tests. Hate, hate it. It makes them feel manipulated, controlled, trapped. Each test is like lifting a weight. Eventually you get muscle failure with too much weight. Some tests can strengthen a guy emotionally and relationally. I mean those women trapped by the dragon stories came from somewhere.

 

Women want that guy, the one who will fight off her demons even though he could go get a different girl that might be easier, he slays the dragon just for her.

 

Of course, no one can slay the woman's demons except herself. And any guy is going to get damn tired of slaying every insecurity demon she's ever had, every night, just to get laid.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow. Thanks for the insight. I can see how some of what you are saying might apply to this divorce. She did try to get a bit physical at first (a hug and a kiss that I pulled away from), she also tried to guilt me into this being my fault and then she did threaten to ask for money back that we had gifted to my parents years ago.

 

It's a shame that this has to be so damn complicated. I loved her and was (and maybe still am) willing to put in the hard work to make it work...but it's clear she has no desire to do that. Two months in and I'm moving on full steam ahead...

 

Dude, watch some Tony Robbins Outstanding Relationships, someone else posted them up awhile ago and they nearly made me fall on my ass. Plus How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It ( this should be required reading for every single High School student). Taming Your Outer Child and The Divorce Remedy.

 

I am not saying "oh go save your marriage" but a lot of times looking into intimate relationship stuff (especially for guys, who seem to see relational advice as written in Hieroglyphs) can really get you to look inward and trace a path back through what went wrong. It also gives you a sense of power and definition in your life, not just like "oh hey, I got a raw deal."

 

It also helps to consider options you may not have known existed.

 

I am trying to shifty happiness away from my marriage and not let my

Out-of-control spouse fuel my insecurity or drain my energy anymore.

[AudentesFortuna]

I got so emotional today. The house is officially up for sale, had a very good open house yesterday. I'm so torn about the house. On one hand I hope it sells quickly, on the other I wish I had more options to keep it. It's such an emotional time. Today I got a call at work about an agent wanting to show my house...and that did it. I had been holding back a tidal wave and that call did it and I had to go cry in an empty room at work.

 

My mind just takes over and I keep thinking about stuff that in the great scheme of things really don't matter. Like I wonder if she is feeling the same pain I'm feeling about the house? Is she over me? Is she with someone? I just wonder what she is doing and I know that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I have to make my own life and my own decisions and what she is or is not doing shouldn't matter. I just have to get into that state of mind.

 

Talked to a friend last night and I said that I'm aware that my stbx is probably about to hit full on "girls gone wild mode". That just hurts. I know it shouldn't matter, but it hurts...

[AudentesFortuna]

This week is hard. I'm hour to hour right now. All of a sudden, the memories of our wedding just popped into my head. This week needs to end now...

[GorillaTheater]

You can handle this, AF. It hurts like hell, but you WILL get through this. Hang in there, brother.

 

Just keep telling yourself: "I can handle this". Because it's true.

[AudentesFortuna]

You can handle this, AF. It hurts like hell, but you WILL get through this. Hang in there, brother.

 

Just keep telling yourself: "I can handle this". Because it's true.

 

Thanks! I am doing pretty well overall, but this past 3 days have kicked my butt. Like a tidal wave of emotion was just unleashed.

[GorillaTheater]

How are you doing in the "getting a life" department? Still going to the gym regularly? Getting out and meeting people /socializing? The latter is important, even if you have a bit of a loner streak like I do. The worst thing you can do now is isolate yourself. Hobbies?

[AudentesFortuna]

How are you doing in the "getting a life" department? Still going to the gym regularly? Getting out and meeting people /socializing? The latter is important, even if you have a bit of a loner streak like I do. The worst thing you can do now is isolate yourself. Hobbies?

 

Oh yes, plenty of everything. Gym still going strong. I hang with friends A LOT, so much so that some days I end up overbooking myself. Movies, dinner, coffee, etc. I have taken up hiking and I'm absolutely hooked. Do some hikes with friends and some by myself but I end up talking to strangers. I have a divorce support group thing starting next month. I'm trying to travel with friends but they are not always available so I have taken some day trips myself but have enjoyed them. This weekend I'm going to Sequoia National Park, by myself but I'm perfectly fine with that. At the end of the month I am going to Denver with my best friend and next month I'm going to Seattle with a work friend. I think I have found a good mix of socializing and still doing stuff by myself. Specially since I have lazy friends! Seriously, I have made myself so busy that I haven't had time to do the laundry! Thanks for asking...

[AudentesFortuna]

This has been without a doubt the worst week since the day she asked for a divorce. I think seeing the house up for sale finally just triggered all these feelings. I have cried everyday. I miss her. I miss her so much. Yet I'm angry at the same time, and frustrated, and confused. I was doing really well but this week all the walls came crumbling down. I'm taking a trip tomorrow and I hope it helps to clear my head. I feel absolutely down and don't know how I'm functioning. I have to survive.

[jstobo]

This has been without a doubt the worst week since the day she asked for a divorce. I think seeing the house up for sale finally just triggered all these feelings. I have cried everyday. I miss her. I miss her so much. Yet I'm angry at the same time, and frustrated, and confused. I was doing really well but this week all the walls came crumbling down. I'm taking a trip tomorrow and I hope it helps to clear my head. I feel absolutely down and don't know how I'm functioning. I have to survive.

 

I totally understand. I know you've read my thread and you know what I'm going through. I was doing ok and Fourth of July sent me in a week long tailspin. I came out of it and something happened last week that got me down. But it didn't send me in a tailspin, so I am at least recognizing the pain is less and I get over it sooner. I'm no where close to the other side. But if I can use a forest as an analogy; it was really really thick 5 months ago. Couldn't see light in any direction. I'm still not seeing the end of the forest, but I can at least see the direction I am supposed to go. Do your best to get through this week!