I think my BF's best male friend has a crush on him

[zlatnapolja]

Hi there, me again. I'm incredibly frustrated over this problem. My BF has a best friend who I will call John (not his real name of course). I have a very strong suspicion he is gay. He is 23 and has never had a crush on a girl (that I know of of course). His first sexual experience was with a prostitute. He obsesivly talks about other girls (in a very disrespectful and almost hateful way), preferably when I'm around, but it's all talk and maybe sex but never anything more.

Often when he steps into a bar people think he's gay, gay guys will ask for his phonenumber etc. He uses all kinds of facial creams, he looooooves Laura Ashley and he always buys his shirts one size to small.

 

I myself, have no bad feelings towards gay people, in fact I have friends and relatives who are gay and I love them very much. The problem is however that I'm afraid he's in love with my BF. For instance he buys clothes for my BF, tell my BF's hairdresser how to cut my BF's hair, he gets jalous whenever my BF spends time with me, and makes hurtful remarks towards me and about me behind my back.

 

I remember one time he hit on this girl. He told her to meet him later at his dorm room. At the time, my BF and John were roommates and I was spending the night there. I was making out with my BF and John walked in. He was acting very childish and made fun of us. After a few minutes the girl showed up: he told her to go home because she smelled bad.... Omg, I couldn't believe it. And he got angry with us for making out (with our clothes on..).

 

I KNOW my BF isn't gay. So there's no problem there, it's just that I'm afraid he's going to let John influence him to much when John tells him bad this about me. It just doesn't feel right.

 

Guys I know I cannot confront my BF with this... But I'm so frustrated what can I do??

[Bryanp]

I disagree in that you need to discuss this with your boyfriend. If the roles were reversed and you had a girlfriend doing all these things I just bet your boyfriend would talk to you about it. The guy is probably gay and very jealous of you and destroying your relationship. This is ridiculous in that you should not have to be in this situation. If your boyfriend does not make this better then it is time for you to find another boyfriend. I wish you luck.

[OldOnTheInside]

I know I cannot confront my BF with this

 

How do you know this?

[zlatnapolja]

I dont know how to confront him, because he would be insulted. He doesn't like it when people call 'John' gay, probably because of cultural reasons. I dont know, but it makes him really angry. i just dont see how my BF doesn't see this himself?

 

John also doesn't want to touch anything that i have touched... I'm an extremely clean person, so theres know rational reason for this.

[zlatnapolja]

Are there any gay people here that can at least help me by telling me if the guy is gay? Its really bothering me:(

[John Michael Kane]

Are there any gay people here that can at least help me by telling me if the guy is gay? Its really bothering me:(

 

When something's bothering you it's not wise to hold it in. You need to just confront him directly. Tell him you have a problem with his friend and go from there. Speak up.

[zlatnapolja]

When something's bothering you it's not wise to hold it in. You need to just confront him directly. Tell him you have a problem with his friend and go from there. Speak up.

 

I guess I'll have to, but what do I say? 'Im getting the feeling that you're best friend that you sometimes sleep in one bed with after a night out on the town (as just friends) has a crush on you and is jalous of me and is trying come between us?'

 

that doesn't sound like a successtory:p