Romantic, or just wrong? Your thoughts!

[CrazyMiner]

Hi everyone,

 

So by now most of you will have read one or two of my threads. The back story is that I was in an 8 year relationship with my ex and we lived together for 5 of those years. We were first loves, she's 22 and I'm 23, so also met pretty young. She told me she wanted to separate 3 months ago and has been dating someone for about a month and they recently spent a night or two together at a hotel, though I don't think they have seen each other that much as they live a 1 and a half hour drive each way drive from each other.

 

What I'm after here is some open, frank, and unbiased thoughts and advice but without the usual NC stuff being mentioned. I know about NC/LC and have been doing this, I've also been working out and have got a personal trainer plus I'm socialising a hell of a lot more and have joined a few networking groups. I've also recently, and somewhat relucantly, joined eHarmony.

 

So I spoke to my ex about 10 days ago to ask her, in a round-about way, whether she wanted to go out for a date. Probably a bit forward, but it's just the way it came up in conversation... basically she called and we chatted about irrelevant stuff and then she told me that she had started dating again so that I heard it from her and not some random facebook comment or friends saying something. I then joked that "if she was ever short of a date, she knew where I was". This then started off a conversation about what she had said multiple times towards the start of the separation and up to about a month and a half ago, where she would say that "after the dust had settled, in x amount of months, perhaps we could look at a re-run" though of course with no guarantees, and rightly so.

 

So I pulled her up on this and basically asked if she ever thought we would be able to date again. She said that she felt there was a bit too much water under the bridge with our long history and that when she had decided to separate she was hopeful in herself that we would get back together but that so far her feelings hadn't changed. She then said she was trying not to deal with her emotions so that she could function at work etc (she is a Doctor) and so had basically asked all her family and friends not to mention anything about the last 8 years. She also said that she wasn't sure whether we could even be friends, which did hurt a bit, and we left it at that. But, she also said that she wasn't writing ANYTHING off, but not to wait around for her etc.

 

However, over the past few days, she has been in contact a bit, inviting me by email to listen to her music playlists, texting me to say that she had changed her password on something and what the new password was so that I could still have access to it, and also wanting to come to the house (which we brought together about 9 months ago, 6 months before the separation) so that she could take one of the games consoles... we have 2, and for some reason is concerned with a £150 ($200) games console that is probably at least 2 years old.

 

She also sent me an invite to listen to a specific song on her playlist and just put an 'x' at the bottom of the email. The song is called 'Love You More' by The Pierces. The lyrics are below, I've not posted all of them as the song tends to repeat itself a lot:

 

 

I find, you never seem to notice

Or did we miscommunicate

Oh and all the things they showed us

They knocked you out but on your face

See how the others do it

They're intertwined but they're still free

Oh but you don't want to hear it

What's it to do with you and me

 

How can I love you more

Tell me how can I love you more

 

What now are we moving faster

Or do we need to slow this down

Your mind is what you want to master

And then you think to come around

But what about me

Well tell me what can I love most

Sometimes it feels like I'm losing

Step off the heart that's on the floor

 

 

The lyrics cover a lot of the issues we had towards the end of the relationship, such as miscommunication, the line which goes "See how the others do it, They're intertwined but they're still free" I take to mean that other people in relationships are able to be together but also enjoy separate activities, as during the relationship I let my social circle slide until it was almost non-existant and so was relying on her for my enjoyment etc which she had a fairly big problem with and was always trying to encourage me to get back into socialising with others. The line which goes "Your mind is what you want to master" I take to mean that she wanted me to work on things like jealousy and just my general happiness (again, she had a problem with the fact that I had let my social circle slide and this was a problem for her). Obviously there is not much point reading too much into song lyrics but she did send it to me and has previously sent me song lyrics and links to songs when we were still together to say how she was feeling or how much she loved me etc.

 

So anyway, there does appear to be a slight increase in the level of interaction between us, so perhaps she is feeling bad about some of the things she said recently like not being sure that we could remain friends or try dating again. She is coming to the house in a weeks time to get this games console and to be honest, once she takes it, even though we have a house together the other rooms are rented out (I'm still living here) and so the need for us to interact as anything other than friends (if she does indeed want this) will be minimal. This is what my mind and heart is currently telling me to do:

 

When she comes to the house, I walk up to her and go for a kiss.

 

I haven't thought it through fully, perhaps I walk up to her and say "I'm going to kiss you now" and see what the reaction is or something along those lines. We always hug when we see each other, perhaps I hug her, and as we pull away I take her hands, look into her eyes, and go in for a kiss. I'm not sure. I'm worried that it seems very 'filmy' if you know what I mean. Also, I'm worried that she might react angrily if she isn't up for it, or might simply push me away when I take her hands.

 

Is this a good idea? It sounds so romantic to me, I sort of see it as the 'last chance corral' seeing as I expect communication to potentially drop off when she has taken this last thing from the house and am also worried that she may get over me faster now that she has been with this other guy for a month.

 

Romantic, or just wrong?