RuinedLife Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) My ex used to love me so much, or at least he seemed to He used to tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, he used to tell me how amazing I was, how beautiful I was, and I always struggled to believe him completely. But it still made me feel really special, made me feel like I was worth something, that I was useful in someway as I was making him happy. But then I messed up and ruined everything. And now my ex tells me that he's happier without me. And just knowing that he doesn't love me anymore, that he doesn't want me anymore has ripped my self worth to shreds and made me feel so completely empty inside. Its like my ex has finally realized how truly worthless I am and altered the value on my tag to $0. I wake up in the night in a panic, with this horrible sense of dread, and I do miss him, I do love so many things about him, but I also hate myself for pushing him away. And knowing that he rejected me, rejected my love because of my anxiety and insecurities makes me feel incredibly worthless. Like I was never special at all, at least not in a good way. Not in a lovable way. Just in a crazy and annoying way. And just knowing that my ex is happier without me, that part of my personality repulses him, that part of who I am pushed him away, makes me feel like a complete failure. I had value to him once, but a part of me (my anxious side) made him re-evaluate my worth and he decided that I was worthless to him. And so he is happy to escape from my pit of worthlessness, cut me out of his life and never look back. Ouch ouch ouch... Edited June 9, 2011 by RuinedLife Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 ....ouch ouch ouch ouch... Link to post Share on other sites
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Check out a book called "The Four Agreements." It will help. When someone does something what has been done to you to another person, it is important to realize that it isn't about you or something that is inherently flawed about you; you are not the impetus for this, truly. This sounds cliche, but its not. To treat another in this manner requires a fundamental issue with the person. Thus, what they are doing is about them. So you cant take it personally, to the extent that it reduces your own sense of self worth. You are a valid person, with important feelings and thoughts. You always were, and always will be. This person has something that is deeply inside them messing with their interpersonal skills. You dont. That is why it doesnt make sense. Sometimes, you have to let go of the things you cant understand because the illogical and abnormal will never be susceptible to rationalization. Its just best to accept what you may never know or understand. Love yourself, because You can never give yourself to another (who will be far more deserving, I promise) without first knowing your own principles, and boundaries, and what YOU want. Stay strong. I promise the hurt will be more fleeting than you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
superchiefs Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Ruinlife, instead of focusing on the feeling of rejection, focus on everything that you have to offer. Then when you think of all those things, realize that your ex is not good enough to appreciate them. You need to find someone that will appreciate all of those things. And trust me, there are a lot of people out there that will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Ruinlife, instead of focusing on the feeling of rejection, focus on everything that you have to offer. Then when you think of all those things, realize that your ex is not good enough to appreciate them. You need to find someone that will appreciate all of those things. And trust me, there are a lot of people out there that will. I feel my ex did appreciate the good things about me, but not enough to overlook my negative side. A side which I don't understand, detest and tried so hard to keep hidden. I just let all the negative slip out and push him away. I can never love those negative things, and I let them ruin my life, so I can never forgive myself for that. I just hate myself so much. Feels like I will never recover from this break up because of how it happened, how I caused it and how badly I reacted and behaved. I barely recognize myself in my behavior. But I can't deny, it was me that ruined things. Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) STOOOOOPPPPPP ITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! STOP tearing yourself down NOW!!!!!!!! It's 90% about them and maybe 10% about you or maybe even less. Although you are responsible for your behaviour in the relationship --- chances are someone else may not even have blinked an eye and would have accepted and maybe even appreciated your uniqueness. Stop giving your ex the power you are giving them. No-one is good enough to be put on such a pedestal. Learn from your small mistakes and move on. Take this time to learn and grow and become a better person overall. Edited June 9, 2011 by The Great Gazoo Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Posted this on anther thread.. "Ruinedlife you will be the same in another 4 months if you keep beating yourself up like this..We have all done things we are not proud of. The key thing here is to learn from past mistakes (Genuinely learn) and forgive yourself. Otherwise you will never have the freedom to move on. There are things with my ex I wish I could take back. Things I am not proud of. I beat myself up for the longest time. So much so, that I started to suffer from depression. I knew I had to forgive myself and move forward, otherwise I would be stuck in the same rut and that there was the potential of it getting worse. Not only that, I needed to make sure I NEVER make those kind of mistakes again. I am still single and refuse to even look for a new relationship until I a 110% certain I will be the best man that I can be to her. It's a struggle (I wish I could fast forward) it's not easy, but I will past my test of character, just as you will pass yours. Just because people have made mistakes doesn't mean you should be judged for those mistakes for the rest of their lives. Most people on this site are good decent people, with good hearts. We will never get a second chance with our ex's, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't get a second chance with life. I hope things improve for you" Link to post Share on other sites
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