sadmomma4 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Im new here and need advice. My bf and I have been together for almost two years. The first 9 months were great, after that he really started getting mean. We got into a fight one night and stupid me went to walk away from him. He ran up behind me and punched me in the back of the head and pulled a chunk of my hair. He wouldnt let go and ended up pulling out a bunch of my hair. He apologized and told me not to walk away from him. About a month later we were in the bedroom and he pushed me on the bed. I thought that was all he was going to do because he always does that. Well he got ontop of me and told m e that I was going to know how he felt as a kid ( he was raped by his dad). He pinned me down and was hurting me. I was crying and saying no. He didnt care and kept going till he was done. After I was scared and crying, I had bruises all over my arms. I forgave him kinda, and things were ok for about a week. I had to have oral surgery done and that day we had another fight he grabed my face really hard and made my gums bleed. I was trying to sip on some hot water but he pushed the cup into my lip and gave me a fat lip. We seperated for a month after that. I dont know why but he said all the right things and we are back together again. He has his own place and is living with a guy from his job. His roommate really doesnt like me so my bf doesnt let me come over that much. he said he would never hurt me again but on sun he invited me over. I didnt know his roommate was home so I was afraid to go in. I stood by my car and he reaches around my head and tells me Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadmomma4 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Sorry I lost my post once so now im going to continue. So he reaches around me and pulls my hair and tells me I better get upstairs. I stood there and two more times he pulls and starts cussing at me. I went up.stairs and things were fine. He did tell me today that I was lucky I went up. For the last month he has been calling me names and telling me that its fun to start fights with me. Also, he has a boss that lives 3 houses down from me and he has him watching me. He knows everything I do. He traxks my phone so he knows when I leave. Do you think he could get better? We dont have kids together but I have kids with my ex. So I dont know if I should just give up on him. He told me tonight that he lost me once he will not lose me again. So there is my story. Oh and he checks out girls infront of me but said he was aloud to. He said he would hurt me if he caught me looking at guys. So when we go out I keep my head down so he cant get mad. Ok now that is it Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadmomma4 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Sorry last time I will post. I will say one min he will apologize and the next he says im crazy or it was my fault. He also calls me names. I know I need to let go. But my heart is telling me something else. I know you all probably think im stupid but I cant help what my heart feels. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 911 My rule is, having had a loving and respectful relationship with my mom, rest her soul, if any potentially abusive interaction with a woman isn't one I'd have had with her, then I need to take a real hard look at my behavior. People don't treat people they love like you're being treated. Heck, civilized people don't treat people they could care less about that way. If you won't call 911, call an abuse hotline. You need help and support in real life. We can't help you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadmomma4 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Well thank you for your reply. I guess I needed someone to talk to that has neen through it. I know I need to break it off with him, I just need my heart to know it too. Or maybe I know that if I try to leave he will really hurt me. As I was writing my story I see now thats it is abuse. All I wanted was someone to talk to but you say you all cant help me. Thats fine maybe I went to the wrong place to post. But it did help to get it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I didn't have to read any farther than; your bf punched you in the back of the head, to tell you to get the hell away from him NOW! I was a family, relationship counselor for nearly 30 years, one of my priorities was to help relationships but the advise I give to anyone who gets hit is to leave first! than we can talk about what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 You need to contact a safe house for abused women in your area, today, right now. Hell yes he's going to hurt you & probably your kids too. Get away from that man. As for him getting better, that's not your concern, the safety of your children & their mom is your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I absolutely second that, and third the 'leave, and leave now' sentiment. What the hell your heart says, or why, I can't figure, but really, you need to listen to your head, look at the bruises, fat lip and blood, and never ever let him do this to you again. and yeah - 911 is the number you should be ringing. Right Now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadmomma4 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Thank you all for the advice and not putting me down. Ok so I did call the police. My ex came over and saw all the bruises on me and beat the hell out of my bf. The police came I told them everything I told you guys. My bf admitted to putting his hands on me but did not say anything about the rape. My bf went to jail but was out an hour later. My bf went to live with the owner of the company, and we quit talking for over three weeks. Then a detective shows up at my door and said he needed me to come in and give my statement. I was finally getting over my bf and now I had to go and talk about him. So I gave my statement and the cop says that the only thing they want to get him for was the rape not him hitting me. So they have me call my bf while they recorded it. He kinda admitted to it but not enough to get him. So the cop tells me to text my bf as much as I can to try and get him to admit to it. Well of course the cop calls him and tells him to come in. they tell him they recorded our conversation. So after that my bf quit talking about any of it. The cop then tells me after a month that they cant charge him there just wasnt enough evidence. They dropped the case and my bf and I continued talking. So thats how we got back together. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 An abuse hotline will still help you. They can direct you to low cost or free counseling and support services. I've seen the downstream effects of abuse and violence on women's future relationships. For some, abuse and violence is what they end up connecting to 'love' and decent and kind men are seen as unloving and unattractive. I've seen so many. Please don't become one of them. You're on that path. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Get out of that relationship now. Your life and that of your children, as well as your happiness and their happiness, is under real threat. Link to post Share on other sites
fallenenvy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 You need to get out. Good you called the cops; bad they couldn't do anything :-( anyway that right there should be a sign. I'm not saying you are stupid. I know how hard it is. I was there... with a guy that abused and raped me multiple times. You have children you need to think of.. as well as your happiness. It may hurt at first but you need to get away. Just the fact you are posting on here shows you already know that.... It's hard but you need to find yourself a reason to cut him out of your life. 100%. no texts.. no phone calls.. no seeing him. Best of luck to you. I know it's hard... believe me.. i know way more than i wish i did. ~Fallen Envy Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Most area have battered spouse support groups, even if you don't want to go to a safe house call them anyway, they are a wealth of info. I dealt with victims of substance abusers for years & worked with several support groups & they are fantastic people. Call them. Link to post Share on other sites
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