Miniman Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hey guys, sorry this is my first post. Im a little confused and need some advice as i dont want to mess things up more than they are already. I Have been best friends with this guy since school (over ten years now) and also good friends with his younger sister who i have known for just as long. I always had a thing for his sister shes very attractive and just as easy to talk to as my best friend, but i have always kept these feelings to myself. We have been out many times drinking etc and nothing has ever happened untill now, she made me a just for tonight offer. I do not regret taking her up on this and it was a great night. but now im just not sure what to do. Do i just carry on as if nothing ever happened? I like here and i would like to take things further but if it could dammage our friendship id rither not risk.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Ask her if she would like to go out with you and cement your relationship. If she says "OK that would be really cool!", then tell her to not mention your one night of passion, and approach her brother and tell him you two have a thing for each other and want to go out together. If she says "No, I think we'll leave things as they are" then tell her to not mention your one night of passion, but if she wants to do it again, you will find it hard to keep from her bro' because you two guys are such good friends. So you think you should NOT do it again.... Simple.
Ouroboros Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 You won't be happy if you don't try though it sounds like she doesn't want to and might be playing the field. She could be testing her options with her brother's friends. If she denies your offer can you still be friends with him while distancing yourself from her? You'll need to no longer see her if she doesn't want any further romantic involvement. If she accepts then your friend will just have to deal. Are you sure he is so possessive of his sister he won't be capable of handling it? It most likely won't last anyway since flings and relationships rarely do. This could possibly end that friendship but you can't continue going around like the 300 pound gorilla isn't in the room. This is especially true after the cat is no longer in the bag. There is nothing wrong with what you did. You couldn't tip toe around your feelings for her. They needed to be expressed. Prior to this you shouldn't have treated her like you could be just friends when your intentions in the background were always far from platonic.
Author Miniman Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 Everything seems fine atm, I think im just overthing things, as i have never been in this sort of situation before, im sure my friend would be fine with me dating his sister, but ofc sleeping with someone and dating them are not the same thing. I would like to go further but im not sure thats what she wants as she did say just for tonight. I will be seeing her again but im not sure how to act, to talk about it or act like it never happened. atm it feels like everything could easiy just fall back to how it was before, but if i do tell her how i really feel its nolonger just a drunken mistake and i could risk loosing her as a friend.
Ouroboros Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 As soon as you desired her she could no longer be your friend. You can act like nothing occurred and on the surface it will seem like it disappeared but it will still be there. It was always there and will always be there if you act on it or not. Staying around her as just a friend will only hurt yourself. Breaking off contact if you don't want to try or your attempt at persuasion fails won't make how you feel evaporate. Though the space between you and her will help you find someone you can be with, stop obsessing over her, and perhaps with time realize if you can't have her as your lover there is nothing for you there.
Author Miniman Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Ah well i manned up today and told her how i really feel, she said she really likes the guy shes dating even know there appart atm ( im guessing shes trying to spare my feelings ). Now i feel well nothing just empty, lonley and like i have lost a really good friend. I think the worst part about it is i cant even talk to my best friend about it.
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Ah well i manned up today and told her how i really feel, she said she really likes the guy shes dating even know there appart atm ( im guessing shes trying to spare my feelings ). Now i feel well nothing just empty, lonley and like i have lost a really good friend. I think the worst part about it is i cant even talk to my best friend about it. Oh yeah, she must really like him a lot if she's willing to open her legs for her brother's best friend. Nice, little missy..... I thought at first you were moving in on a 'single chick'. Now it seems she's actually just a cheater. Man, you got off lightly. She's cheated on him, so she'd think nothing of cheating on you.....
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Ah well i manned up today and told her how i really feel, she said she really likes the guy shes dating even know there appart atm ( im guessing shes trying to spare my feelings ). Now i feel well nothing just empty, lonley and like i have lost a really good friend. I think the worst part about it is i cant even talk to my best friend about it. It is sad that the girl you like is sleeping around and was simply using you, but knowing this is for the best.
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