Am I in love with my female friend....i dont want to be. need good genuine advice

[dk1991]

I have a friend who has a boyfriend for two years. I still feel very attracted to her.

heres why:

a) if shes not talking to me or if i dont see her for some time, i get depressed and lose interest in other friends.

b) when my other guy friend (who recently got a gf) flirts with her harmlessly (touch, tease), i become jealous and angry. i also think they are better friends :S

c) think about her all the time.

 

I have liked her for a longg time. is this a crush? i want to give up on her but also want to be closer to her. i really do not noe why i like her...i just do... what should i do?

wait hopelessly or wat? i think of her all the time...simply do not like it

 

ALSO: i feel jealous she is closer to my other guy friend. they have blackberries and bb chat is free. im using normal text which is expensive. I am always trying to bait her attention, be it online or real-life. gah, wanna be closer to her.

recently when i try to start a convo online, she never replies :S i always play it cool and make it seem im not into her

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

Sounds like an unhealthy crush. It's normal to feel attraction to someone. What you do about that attraction defines your psychology, in part.

 

Since this lady has a boyfriend, she's unavailable. If she didn't want to be with her boyfriend, she wouldn't be. Trust me on that. Women have no problem switching partners when they're done with one. So, she wants to be with him. In the romantic sense, you're nothing to her.

 

Accepting the unilateral nature of these feelings as important to resolving them. You choose how you respond to your emotions.

 

The best medicine is IMO pursuing other, single, women. Even if unsuccessful, it dilutes the singularity of this unhealthy attraction to an unavailable woman. Cease contact with her and pursue other options.

[tman666]

Step 1: Stop putting so much effort/energy into her. Don't talk to her as much. Make her initiate socialization. Master the art of being courteous but somewhat aloof around her. Be excited for your own life/education/hobbies.

 

Step 2: Start lifting weights and learning to eat right. As you get stronger and put on muscle, occasionally wear a tank top or something else that shows off your guns. As more and more girls swoon, don't be too shy about openly flirting with them, ESPECIALLY in front of this other girl. You never know what kind of latent jelly-ness you might stir up.

 

Step 3: Work hard in school to get into the best college/major/career path you can.

 

Step 4: Repeat steps 2 and 3 for about 5 years (and beyond of course)

 

Step 5: Talk to/hang out with/ask out all different kinds of girls/people. Expand socially.

 

Step 6: Profit

 

 

 

While the tone of my post is intended to be only semi-serious, you need to focus on bettering yourself. Don't let this girl (or any other girl) turn you into an angry, bitter Beta. Learn to practice being Alpha-get strong, get smart, and know yourself.

[Ouroboros]

Because you love her you can't be just her friend. Since you can't be her lover either you need to remove her from your life completely. It will only get worse keeping her in the mix or hazarding an attempt at getting closer to her.

[nyc_guy2003]

This is a good candidate for the "Addicted to a Person" thread. Read through that one...a lot of us are having the same issues as you.

[KR10N]

Getting over someone you can never have takes great will power. Do things to keep yourself busy. Enjoy your life, not theirs.

[Ouroboros]

So you have figured out the secret to enjoying life without ever being in love or in a relationship?

[KR10N]

So you have figured out the secret to enjoying life without ever being in love or in a relationship?

Who are you asking?

 

[dk1991]

thanx for the advice but its really really hard. shes in my group of close friends so i just cant break off our friendship so easily. i noe i can never be with her cos of her long term relationship but i just want to be a closer friend. i guess theres a certain charm about her, she laughs at my jokes and stuff and can be affectionate but she can be real elusive too and i think dats wat attracts me to her... i dunno why i feel jealous when my other friend is with her, they are gd friends too.

 

im pretty irrational :S within these group of friends, im close to two other chicks but its this girl dat seems to draw me in. i somehow need to muster the strength