tattoomytoe Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 all these cheating posts make me wonder just what is considered cheating. i do still flirt with guys, even though i have a boyfriend, i haven even kissed a "friend" of mine, but i do not consider it cheating- it did not mean anything other than to make thsat guy wish i were not taken, so i was just teasing him. i have only done that once. ...i am sure i would be pissed if my bf went around kissing girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe all these cheating posts make me wonder just what is considered cheating. i do still flirt with guys, even though i have a boyfriend, i haven even kissed a "friend" of mine, but i do not consider it cheating- it did not mean anything other than to make thsat guy wish i were not taken, so i was just teasing him. i have only done that once. ...i am sure i would be pissed if my bf went around kissing girls. Then this is a good policy and rule of thumb...the golden rule. Don't do anything to someone else that you wouldn't like them doing to you. Thus, what's considered to be "cheating" should be discussed within the boundaries of the relationship, and it should be mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tattoomytoe Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 good point! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I'm ok with flirting, be provocative as long as it does not involve touching. I'm verry itchy when it cames to touching. The reason I'm ok with flirting is because I enjoy flirting myself. My life without flirting would be quite boring, so it's pretty important for me. Flirting without being sexual explicit, that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam I'm ok with flirting, be provocative as long as it does not involve touching. I'm verry itchy when it cames to touching. The reason I'm ok with flirting is because I enjoy flirting myself. My life without flirting would be quite boring, so it's pretty important for me. Flirting without being sexual explicit, that is. This is a good point...it matters what your intentions are when it comes to flirting as well as anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I have had issue with this in my last two relationships. I am not a jealous person at all. But, somehow they both thought (because I'm not jealous) that it gave them free reign to do whatever they wanted to as long as it was in front of me. But, ironically, that was my problem. I thought that flirting with other girls in front of my face was just blatent disrespect. If I'm with them in public they should be paying attention to me, not other girls. I told them I don't mind them flirting. I am a flirt too, but there are boundries and not to do it right in front of me. It shows me that they don't value the relationship. The intent behind the flirting is huge also. There is "playful" flirting and then there is "sexual" flirting. One is obviously more harmful than the other. It is about respect and about not doing something that you don't want done to you. The problem that arises is one partner has looser boundries than the other. That was a big factor in my last two relationships. As much as I tried to communicate how I felt, nothing changed so I moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Did I mention I'm a freak about getting all my man's attention? Well, I am... Not all the attention all the time, but I sure as hell won't allow any flirtatious...thing going on in front of me. I get jelous on men, too. I hate being ignored (for too long) by the special man in my life. Horrible, but true. Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup Don't do anything to someone else that you wouldn't like them doing to you. Thus, what's considered to be "cheating" should be discussed within the boundaries of the relationship, and it should be mutual. Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn I thought that flirting with other girls in front of my face was just blatent disrespect. It shows me that they don't value the relationship. What's considered to be "cheating" never once entered my mind as a topic of conversation with my guy.. nor do I care to initiate one.. and I'm not going to debate which parameters may or may not constitute the word 'cheating' here in this post.. .. but I will say this.. It is a 'given' .. that any hand or mouth contact or any sexually-inviting verbiage written or spoken, IS offensive, disrespectful,disloyal, degrading, rude, uncouth, improper, unpleasant, uncivil, hurtful, insensitive, tactless, inappropriate, rotten, wounding, spiteful and stinking CRUEL to ANY partner's spirit... Now, if you DO truly love someone, then don't you love their spirit so as never to crush it? Dear God, I would NEVER do anything remotely close to strike up anything hurtful to my guy's spirit.. and I EXPECT the same in return. I'm so sorry for you to have gone through that.. I, myself, would be horrified. My guy would HAVE TO know its violently ill affect that it would have on me just by the nature of our relationship.. even WITHOUT any such discussion. Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn The intent behind the flirting is huge also. There is "playful" flirting and then there is "sexual" flirting. One is obviously more harmful than the other. It is about respect and about not doing something that you don't want done to you. Playful OR sexual flirting, to me, is limited to smiling and eye contact.. Then draw the line in the sand RIGHT there.. but then again, I am IN love.. and the thought of anything else is revolting to even ME.. never mind my guy. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 The intent behind the flirting is huge also. There is "playful" flirting and then there is "sexual" flirting I agree with this.. Me and my sweetie are both flirts by nature. I don't mind mild/playful flirting. My rule of thumb is: Would you won't do and/or say it if I were standing right beside you? There is your answer.. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted April 17, 2004 Moderators Share Posted April 17, 2004 Well put. If the SO was there, would you say the same thing, and not be concerned that the SO could be troubled by your saying it. Simple. Although I hate meaningless flirtation anyways. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 (ewww I just noticed my bad typing in the prior post -- *sigh* oh well, no way to fix it now!) Simple. Although I hate meaningless flirtation anyways Curt.. I don't think flirtation is meaningless. That is why it is such a hot button for some people. Even if both people are in relationships, it is still a way to reach out and connect with another person in some fashion...even if it doesn't lead to a physical or romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted April 17, 2004 Moderators Share Posted April 17, 2004 Depending on the "tempo" of the flirtation, it can be a problem. I think a nice hello, etc., is how we reach out. Flirting with someone is not needed. I understand what you're saying Georgia, but I just don't think it's needed or appropriate if the context it is provided in does not actually reflect what the person has in mind. If you're single, you like a person, would like to get to know them, then flirt your heart away...but... If you're in a relationship, and the other person isn't, OR if s/he is in another relationship, and is attracted you, by flirting, you can sometimes help create a huge misconception in that person's "mind's eye" as to what your motived are. Just my humble opinion. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Hello: I think your last comment said it all. You would not like to think that it was all right for your boyfriend to be flirting and kissing other girls so why would you feel it is acceptable to disrespect your boyfriend by doing this behind his back? A person is defined by their actions and your actions speaks volumes. You simply may be one of those person who are either are so insecure and crave attention so badly from others that they should not be any serious relationships. Why don't you be honest with your boyfriend and allow him the opportunity to decide if he wishes to remain in a relationship with a person that must flirt with and kiss others behind his back. If you really care for someone and are in a committed relationship you do not do what you do. Clearly you do not respect your boyfriend or your relationship because I am sure you would never accept this from your boyfriend if the roles were reversed. Do you think your boyfriend would be hurt by your actions? Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy4534624 Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 tattoomytoe, u sound like you don't respect your relationship ..you wouldn't go around kissing other dudes if you weren't Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Originally posted by chrissy4534624 tattoomytoe u sound like you don't respect your relationship ..you wouldn't go around kissing other dudes if you weren't Gee thats nice. She only did it once. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 I've noticed the sluttiest people are the ones who go around calling other girls sluts. As for flirting, I've always seen it as something you do when you want to pursue something more, so I don't see why it's neccessary if you already have a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 can you flirt while in a relationship? YES!!! Unless the LS secret police catch you at it Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 OH MY, talking about having kissed someone makes a person sound like a slut? Quite harsh if you ask me. I think flirting can be good and bad. It can be fun between two people who clearly know the boundaries and respect their SO's. I hang out with a group that openly flirts in front of each other, no harm done or intended, its all in good fun. I have several guys at work that I joke/flirt with that I know still respect me, are just having fun with it too, and its a blast for me and them to feel attractive and worth flirting with. I would not flirt with a single person who was honestly interested in me. That would be mean. I am in a committed relationship and would not flirt in any situation that could jeopardize that, either. I guess I'm lucky in that the person I'm with does not seem the jealous type, and so far he hasn't triggered any uncool jealousy feelings in me, either. So I think we must be staying within the "boundaries" somehow of what's acceptable. We didn't sit down and discuss these boundaries, they are just sorta there and I respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 can you flirt while in a relationship? Of course you can - as long as it's with your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
nitram100 Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I dont think flirting is allowed, cause it has led to many fights in my relationship, where by flirting my girlfriend gives this ASSH0le the impression that shes single so he will try something, then i get angry, then i fight him , then me and girlfriend fight. Just avoid it Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I've found that females who flirt openly are generally less likely to screw around than the quiet little female around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
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