9 months out, what does it mean?

[swfc_77]

like the title says i have been out of the relationship for 9 months. it has flown tbh.

 

i haven't done anything spectacular like joining a gym, spend £££££ on clothes like i did before and i haven't jumped out of a plane at 35000ft

 

i'v just carried on working hard/saving up and plodding on really

 

i still get texts messages the odd time which i tend to ignore, my ex was in contact with my mother who was then relaying these messages to me about how she wanted to be friends ect, ect.

 

i did have a coversation with my ex after her persitence got the better of me.

 

she was asking if we could be friends and that she really only now appreciates how much i helped her in life, i basically taught her that hard work in life pays, not today or tomorrow but eventually it pays.

 

the conversation soon turned to her gushing out everything she had been doing in the time we had been apart, which in a polite way i wasn't really interested in.

 

i told her nothing at all what i had been doing, which really there is nothing to tell.

 

i did tell her that i couldn't be friends because there was no point.

[california15]

I've been following your threads for a while now and I think you've made remarkable progress

[stopthemadness]

OMG, Hi swfc77 am 11 months out of my breakup and honestly am just where your at with my B/U. No! I dont wanta be friends. No! I will never respond your your emails. And No! I will NOT wave to you if I see you on the street because "Whats the point!" I say the same thing. Its funny how now they circle back to us now huh? So to recap, they looked for other people to be with and when that didnt work out they said to themselfs ,hey I wonder how my ex is doing? NO THANK YOU!! Good for us!! Were doing it, healing and moving on. Am not with anyone new either. But you know what? I still dont wanta be with you (my ex) Have a great day..You Rock....

[swfc_77]

i got a phone call earlier which meant i couldn't finish my thread but here goes.

 

i told her there was no point in being friends, because to me there isn't. we move in different circles and have different opinions on life and how to treat other people, she lives only half a mile away and i have not seen her for 9 months not even a picture, which to me is great.

 

i do still think about her everyday, for long periods of time.

 

im not asking myself questions anymore about what happened and why, but my mind and heart seem to be in a constant battle over what is right and wrong.

 

my heart takes me 1 way as my mind pulls me back in the other direction.

 

i dont think i could stomach seeing her again in the near future, i just dont know what would happen inside me.

 

i could put the charm on and play her and even have her back if i played it right, but as soon as that thought comes to mind i just kind of blank it and reality smacks me in the face.

 

i just wish that she would stop picking at me every couple of months, i think she realised she lost a good, honest, hard working, loyal bloke.

 

i think i'll continue to keep my head down and carry on grafting. its the only way forward in my eyes.

 

[swfc_77]

ps.

 

cali 15, STM - i'v come a long way since the b/u, i was in a right old mess before and im proud of what i am and if she couldn't accept that then thats her problem not mine. i wont change for anybody.

 

i try to be the best i can be, have respect for anyone i meet in life but i tend to not take B/S and easily wipe my hands with people if they try to pull a fast one, i guess its the only way to be these days.

 

i hope everyone is doing ok, and the newbies need to know its a long but educational process this breaking up business.

 

my only advice is to go NC, and access what important in life and try to put energy and effort into looking after that.

 

take care everyone,

[Shadowburn]

It's kind of ironic how tables eventually turn and people who discarded us thinking they could do better, finally find out that no, they can't, and try to rewrite the history.

 

Good luck on your painful journey. You're doing all the right things.

[Nohbody]

Thanks for posting!

[swfc_77]

shadowburn - i dont think she can do better, she can do different but not better.

 

i hope she's ok and sometimes feel like ringing her up/going to see her just to make sure everything is ok and she is happy with life, without sounding controlling or protective i kind of liked seeing her do well and would support her and encourage her to get the best out of things.

 

i think she is struggling to understand that, that sort of attention, love, energy and support is reserved for only the person im in a relationship with.

[stopthemadness]

Hi swfc 77, ok you hang in there with the being strong k. Your last post sounds like your heart is getting soft. Dont do it I tell you(smile). Nothing has changed, remember that. She still broke your heart! She still didnt give a crap about your feelings! And she still thought she could do better (or different) as you put it. You need to NOT care if shes ok and hows shes doing or what ever! She sure the heck wasnt thinking about you feelings when you broke you heart!! Am just saying.....

[swfc_77]

soft, lol.

 

i would never contact her, its just a shame you know.

 

everytime im out and about working/having a beer i see other young attractive women and i think im too young to settle down (24)

 

theirs plenty more fish in the sea, time is on my side, i wouldn't waste it on her again. i still keeping looking for that gem

 

[bl22]

Good to hear from you Swfc_77, i feel the same way you do except the fact I havent heard 1 peep out of my ex, not once which suprises me. Probs for the best though.

 

I understand what you mean about stil wanting her to do well, I've always had that nature about me and always encouraged my ex to reach her goals, something I sometimes wonder did she ever appreciate that now I'm not there. I'd say I am definately not hurting anymore, but I can't seem to find it in me to fully trust someone again enough to make a move with someone new im afraid.

I hope I can break that barrier sometime soon, in the meantime though I am just doing as you are...working hard, enjoying my hobbies and looking forward to a happy future without her.

[wish it was a dream]

It's been 7 months for me since he broke my heart in the most evil way but this thread gives me hope. Very beneficial. So thank you of all the ones I have read lately this definitely strikes a chord with me.

[swfc_77]

hello bl22,

 

the break-down of the relationship and friendship has left me unable to trust people who i didn't already know.

 

i'v also realised who my friends were through this whole process.

 

some friends just ignore it, some help you out and some stab you in the back

 

i have met a few young ladies since the break-up but none that really tick all the right boxes for me to start anything serious.

[melenkurion]

You sound like you are doing really well now. What do you think was the key thing that helped you get it together? NC? Throwing yourself into hard graft? Time passing?

 

The main thing is that you seem happy with yourself. Once you have that, everything else falls into place.

[coltsfan1]

hello bl22,

 

the break-down of the relationship and friendship has left me unable to trust people who i didn't already know.

 

I'v also realised who my friends were through this whole process.

 

Some friends just ignore it, some help you out and some stab you in the back

 

i have met a few young ladies since the break-up but none that really tick all the right boxes for me to start anything serious.

 

if this isn't the truth, i don't know what is!!!!!!

[swfc_77]

melenkurion

 

im still not 100% over her, but i got rid of everything we bought/did together, photo's, presents, cards, everything.

 

i have not seen her for 9 months, like i said not even a picture and i dont want to, she has asked if she could return stuff to my house but i either ignored it or politely told her to bin it, her words were "i'v still got everything but i may aswell erase you like you have erased me"

 

i have not once got in touch with her, she always gets in touch with me or my family. so NC you could say.

 

i completley cut myself off from anything and anyone that knew her like her family and friends. i see her sister but i just wave and smile, i wouldn't dream of stopping for a conversation with her.

 

deleted facebook all-together

 

threw myself into work and re-decorated (smashed the house to bits )

 

i have also accepted that i may be single for a while and thats not a bad thing, i can enjoy that and im actually enjoying some aspects of a single life.

 

i also think to myself that if we did get back together and settled down and had kids bought a house it would only be a matter of time before she moved on again, i am sure of that. so to me it would be pointless and a waste of time and a waste of a good chunk of my life.

 

[0hpenelope]

shadowburn - i dont think she can do better, she can do different but not better.

 

i hope she's ok and sometimes feel like ringing her up/going to see her just to make sure everything is ok and she is happy with life, without sounding controlling or protective i kind of liked seeing her do well and would support her and encourage her to get the best out of things.

 

i think she is struggling to understand that, that sort of attention, love, energy and support is reserved for only the person im in a relationship with.

You have come so far, swfc. What a refreshing attitude!

 

I wish you the best, I really do.

[melenkurion]

threw myself into work and re-decorated (smashed the house to bits )

 

I've been thinking I could do with doing that. We lived together for around seven years, so my house has very strong associations with him. I've moved things around quite a lot, but I think maybe it's time to change it completely. Or move.

[swfc_77]

i'd like to just add

 

while she was in contact with my mother over FB she told her that she had only been with 1 other gy since me, it wasn't something i was really bothered about hearing.

 

but why on earth would you tell your ex's mother something like that?

[ventdomain]

I'm 24 and my ex and I broke up about 9 months ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. She honestly spent the past 9 months keeping me in her back pocket. She told me May 1st how she still loved me, was in love with me, and could see herself as part of my family. When I asked her to see a relationship therapist she told me there was no relationship to work on and that it was best if we stopped talking... I then found out begging of June that she's bee dating another guy since April.

 

I've now been in NC since May 1st and I've almost broken it on several occasions. She treated me so poortly since the breakup and really did some Passive Agressive things to kick me while I was down. All I've done since we broke up is apologize for how I treated her and that I think she's incredible. (I was just getting too critical of her towards the end).

 

Anyway, her birthday is in a couple days. I won't contact her but I just hope she feels the sting of my absence. Even her best friend said she didn't deserve me and she has expressed to her friends how she is afraid of losing me forever. Just don't know what to do moving forward. Will I ever hear from her again?

 

Thanks

[1784]

"but why on earth would you tell your ex's mother something like that?"

 

I think you know why, actually. My ex would probably do something similar. These self involved people really need to take a long look at themselves. Actually, scratch that, they look at only themselves way too much. They need to take a long look at the rest of the world and realize that they share it. OTHER people's feelings matter too. Is that so hard for people to understand these days? I think it is, sadly enough.

[Sugarkane]

I can totally relate to your story OP. I'm also 24 and have been in NC ever since my breakup. I haven't spoken or heard from my ex since the breakup. Its like our relationship never happened at all. I completely cut him out of my life, since he dumped me in a completely callous way. I don't wish him well at all. He betrayed me and left me high and dry, with no answers. I hope his life turns to shyte.

[swfc_77]

ventdomain - why did she tell you that she still loves you/in love with you while she was already with someone, she might have done it for a reaction and to see if you were still there for her but honestly, it bugs me when people cant be straight up with you on all aspects of life.

 

1784 - if you mean that she wants me back, i dont think so. if she did their would be other, more subtle ways of expressing this. it makes me wonder how she ticks upstairs, a female friend who has helped me over this B/U says my ex is completely nuts and even she cannot understand some of her actions. i mean come on. . . . . telling your ex's mother how many partners she's had since our relationship, that, to me is some F***ed up way to communicate.

 

i mean to me it doesn't matter if she's had 0, 1 or 10 other guys, we are over, finished and its none of my business, and honestly i dont want it to be.

 

sugar kane - i think it helps not to wish any bad on them, even after what happens try to move on bitter and anger free, when people ask me i just express that i hope she's doing ok and thats it. i think if you get angry and slightly bitter it puts the brakes on your moving on.

 

i'v said before, i think its best after a B/U to take some time out for yourself, let your mind absorb whats happening and chill out before rushing into anything else.

 

i'v become a better person from it and i will take what i have learnt from the B/U and here into my next relationship, but for the time being im going to enjoy being single and just try to keep moving on from the whole experience, i think my life is actually better now that im not with her anymore.

 

look after No 1

Edited June 18, 2011 by swfc_77

[reimeivn]

In the first two three days after the breakup I did talk to my ex's mom She was super close to me before. The breakup was out of the blue and I did not have friends so I did that.

 

At that time I posted something to her blog about how shock I was. I was reading one of her piece that. I also posted something random about I was being cheated on as a spur of the moment reading another piece of her. She might know its me commenting might not but it doesnt matter because I cut off contact right after I realized how much he lied to me.

 

I cant imagine me talking to her now though. Or in the future. No more. She is a very nice person, but she is his mom.

 

I think if I ever do, I would want to get back with my ex. I dont ever so I dont know exactly but it seems like she wants to get back with you, or just to see it works out.

[MovingOn13]

Wow there is some really good advice here thank you all for sharing

 

My ex and I dates for 5 years first love etc we are both 20. I went no contact since day 1 5 months ago and was doing well until she sent me a friend req. On fb.

 

I also sawshe posted very attentiongrabbing posts on my best friends wall.

 

This whole situation set me back a bit and I ended up asking my best bud if he talked a lot with her and he said no and mentioned she had a bf.

 

I want her to be happy, but it seems she wants to rub her "happiness" in my face when it was her who broke up with me. I wish she had never bothered with the friend request