whatdoido1717 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) Name that artist win a prize (don't cheat and Google it). Anyway, on to what I wanted to talk about. At what point do we get past their constant presence in our heads. I have said before, for my job I spend a lot of time driving, and I've found, even about 2 months after the B/U, I literally can't think about much else while I am out and about. Tried silence, talk radio, music, conversations on the phone, none seem to help. It's always just her on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I am not breaking down or getting emotional at all, but literally I just end up zoning out and being almost consumed by thoughts, memories, questions, etc. I have read The Power of Now, and it talks about staying present and not letting thoughts (of past and/or future) cloud our mind and effect our emotions in the present moment. The author talked about "watching yourself think" which should subsequently make it easier to make a conscious decision to stop dwelling on those past memories of thoughts about the future and enjoy what is happening in the present moment; or at least understand you can't change anything and that those thoughts are just that, thoughts, and only you have the control over them and how they effect you in the present. I was fairly successful using this when the emotional pain was much more severe. It seems that isn't working much anymore. I can "see myself thinking" but can't break the pattern. If I am successful momentarily, something almost immediately sparks a memory or thought and I am right back at it until I reach my next destination, which can sometimes be 5 minutes or 2 hours. Things are not much better at night either. Since the B/U I have: - Stopped Drinking - Stopped Smoking Cigarettes - Stopped Abusing Hard Drugs (Background: HERE) - Gone From 1 McDonald's Meal a Day Back To A Very Healthy Way of Eating - Workout Hard - Lost Around 7% Body Fat - Changed my Routine More - Read A Lot - Deleted Facebook (Only Recently) - Work Harder - Gone to Concerts - Hanging out with Friends - Playing Basketball ...anyway, things are a lot better in general and I am really trying to be proactive but just wondering if there is anything I am doing or not doing that is effecting her sticking like glue to my head all day and night. I think part of it has to do with knowing I will end up back at her old work at some point. I can't avoid it forever, I don't want to. I have been going there for years before she worked their and it is still where all my good friends hang out mostly. In fact, next month, my best friend's dad's birthday party will be there, and seeing as how he is almost like my second father, I can't miss it. So in my head I am already assuming this might be the date I will see her again. I think sometimes that gets correlated with my working out and I have almost subconsciously set my friend's dad's birthday as an arbitrary goal date for where I want to be at, in terms of weight and body fat, etc. I really enjoy working out, having lost over 100lbs earlier in my life and seen how positively a transformation like that can change one's life, so I am not worried about her being my only reason/motivation to being healthy, she's not. I also don't think it is that unhealthy to want to look better in case you see your Ex in the future as long as that isn't the only reason you are trying to be fit and healthy. I don't know, sorry, I am kind of thinking and typing at the same time at this point. Maybe this working out stuff has nothing to do with is, maybe everyone is consumed by their ex for a while... ...I am just gonna wrap it up here and see if we get anywhere. Cheers! Edited June 9, 2011 by whatdoido1717
Nantucket1984 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hey Buddy, You sort of replied to my post(admitted to my gf I was using..she left me) last night with a link to your story. I read pretty much 90% of it. I think I got a little bit past the part where you, her and phillip were sending heated text messages back and forth. Anyways, I think you have been taking the right steps so far. By that I mean exercising, eating healthy, stopping drugs, stopping cigaretts. I really think you should stop smoking weed as well. To me thats still a drug and it still numbs your pain. After you stop it for a month or two, trust me you dont want to go back the taste is just awful! I havent in 2 years and it grosses me out now. I feel your pain, even though my breakup was due to my lying and hiding my addiction I still think about her everyday, try to fix it everyday, call/text her everyday and its gotten me NOWHERE. Your just not over it yet. I was with another girl a couple years ago and it took me probably a year to finally wake up and not care about what she was doing and who she was with. It would be so much easier if there was a "date" for when the pain ends but there isnt. I dont know how I am even offering you advice right now because my life is a mess and everything around me is falling apart. I am still using pills, I am stilll trying to get her back and I cant give her more then 3 days of space before calling to say hi or find another clever way to annoy her. Sometimes I wish I can go back to August where I was in another state, doing healthy things, around good, positive friends and family. Where I was working out 5 days a week, eating healthy, doing outdoor activities and meeting nice girls. I wish I never moved back to the state I was born and raised in. BTW when I read your story I was like "omg this kid is just like me." Do you know why I thought that? Because I am also college educated, come from a good family and KNOW whats right and what I want in a partner. This current girl that I am obsessing over and lied to for over 6 months has nothing really going for her. She dropped out of school, tattoos everywhere, dysfunctional family, very young, already has a child and been divorced. I told myself from day 1 not to move any further with this girl because there were so many red flags and I just deep down I know what I want in a girl(education, good family, morals, etc) and with all the baggage she had there were RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. Guess what, I still got involved because after a while you forget there baggage and like/love them for who they are. Were very alike bro.
ahoy Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Foo Fighters maybe? Recognise the lyrics but can't put my finger on the artist :S
Recommended Posts