Lester Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I have been seperated from my wife for about 8 months now. We have been married for 21 years. I posted to this site back when she first left and it was very helpful but I must admit that I have not and still continue to not cope very well. This woman is the absolute love of my life. I never dreamed that I could need and miss someone so much. Every since she has been gone our son lives with me. She only sees him once a week. Also I have learned so much about what is important for a healthy and happy marriage. I have vowed to myself to never make the same mistakes again. I talk to her quite often as I can not stand to go for very long without hearing from her. I am also willing to do anything to work this out and I tell her that. Heres what I dont understand, she says she has no love whatsoever for me but she doesnt want a divorce...HUH??? I am certain she is not seeing anyone so how can she continue to ignore someone who loves her with every ounce of his heart and wants nothing less than putting his family back together and making her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I realize this might sound lame,but have you two tried counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lester Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 She won't go, says its a waste of time. She did start seeing a phsycologist when she first left. I was with her on her first meeting and the doc told her that she was in a very critical state and needed help bad but then she quit going after 3 visits. Said it wasnt working. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by Lester She won't go, says its a waste of time. She did start seeing a phsycologist when she first left. I was with her on her first meeting and the doc told her that she was in a very critical state and needed help bad but then she quit going after 3 visits. Said it wasnt working. Well, that's sad, really. Lots of times people are afraid of such things. I don't know what advice to give you, except keep on being there for her and continue to love her. If you don't mind, what all caused her to leave? Was it just because she doesn't love you anymore, or what are the details? If you don't want to share, I understand. I just feel that you could gain more insight from others this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lester Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 A couple of years age we were going through some hard times financially. I own my own company and she took care of the books. She would lie about the money and didnt do a very good job. I was under a lot of stress because I had a contract with one of the big oil companies and it was a strain to keep up with them. Slowly I succombed to depression and started giving her lots of verbal abuse. In the meantime she continued to play her lying games and started not paying bills. It was just getting out of control. Finally she left because I was so abusive. Since then I have got on medicine, taken counceling for myself and made some major improvements in my business to cut down on stress and overhead. She said everytime I said something harsh to her it just picked a piece of her love away. Now that I am over the depression I can see with much greater colors and realize what went wrong. I honestly could not help myself. It was like I had no control.............but I do now and want her to let me make it up to her Link to post Share on other sites
sherell Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Lester, sorry for your pain. It seems as if the verbal abuse had finally taken its toll on her, and her self esteem and self worth became eroded. It is wonderful that you took the steps to better yourself, but it may have come a little too late as far as your relationship is concerned. Your wife is in a major crisis, she needs to deal with all her pain and anger, but if she refuses to go for help there is not much you can do. Perhaps she still needs more time, because she is not seeking a divorce now. You can try to be as supportive as possible to her until you no longer can do it anymore, and than realize it is time to move on. You just can't make a person love you, if they don't feel it anymore. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lester Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 I can not bear the thought of her not loving me. She has always been so deeply in love with me and I've always been crazy about her. I did not realize until after she left that I had a problem. I've been told thats normal but at the same time why didnt she tell me what was happening to her? I am not a mind reader I'm scared to death at the thought of it being too late for her. She has literally put a shield up between me and her but I like to think that as long as we are still married there is always hope and I am the same person she once fell in love with. If she would give me the chance I believe it could happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
sherell Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Lester, I hear the desperation you feel and I know how much that hurts. I sincerely hope that she will give you another chance. Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it, its very sad but is human nature. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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