kmj Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Me and my ex broke up over a month ago. We had, had a really rough relationship in the recent months before and after he pulled some out of line stunts, I ended things. Well, we kept talking. He was begging me to reconsider, kept telling me how important I am to him and how he's never going to meet anyone like me, etc. etc. I felt terrible hearing him cry, so I responded. I talked to him, and I'll admit, sometimes I got pretty heated with him. But still, he wouldn't give up hope. He kept saying how he was my best friend and he would never just leave me like that. I was starting to reconsider my decision and possibly get back together with him. Last weekend, he went to a convention in his town (we were LDR), and for once I didn't hear from him for two days. Then I found out he was with this girl all weekend, a girl he used to tell me he didn't even like and who openly disrespected me when we would be around her. I got jealous, called and wanted to see what was going on. He wouldn't even speak to me, he was so irritated. I decided to give him some space and hope that he would call, and he didn't. I finally called him and asked why he was all of a sudden treating me like this when two days before he was supposedly my best friend and still madly in love with me. He said it was over, there was nothing left to say and he was with someone else. What upsets me, is not that he moved on. I knew he would eventually. What upsets me is the fact that I tried to be a good person and not just walk out on him. We were friends before the relationship and I still cared about him so much. And after all the times I tried to move on and told him to let me be, he wouldn't. He kept calling and texting and crying and begging. And I bought into it every time because I cared. I was specifically trying to avoid something like this, so that maybe in later times we could be friends and be happy for each others respective relationships or lack-there-of. It just hurts that he wouldn't let me move on until he was ready to. And now he won't speak to me and I'm so heartbroken. He doesn't even care. I know this was a two person act, and I know it's for the best. But now, I feel so empty and sad. I've never been so depressed in my life. This new girl has a kid, who she supposedly doesn't know the father of, and is just not the kind of girl I ever saw him with. I just feel stupid for thinking things might change, that he really cared about me and just maybe it could work. I thought he was at the very least a good friend. I just feel like I need to talk about it. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about them together. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 The absurd and inevitable uncertainty of human behavior... One day they are all over you (literally), next time they dump you like an used (insert here name of disgusting item)... Or maybe they give up, especially after some begging. I, for one, am not cut to beg and I would have gone after a couple of rejections... maybe he also took the easy way... or maybe he saw you were falling again for him and the thrill of chase waned off... who knows... human behavior... But you shouldn't let him to rob you of your life... nobody deserves you lose eating and sleeping over them... be patient, life always has something better and more meaningful after these obstacles in the road... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah, I suppose so. I just feel so hurt. I was starting to think that we could work this whole thing out. He's broken up with me a few times, for really stupid reasons and then eventually came back. It just hurts that after 2 years with someone, that they can just hate me and never want to speak to me again after everything we've been through. I really wanted this situation to be as smooth as possible. I didn't want to hate him and vice versa. It just seems like he had to do this dirty. I don't know why, but right now it feels like I won't ever get over it. I've gone on a few dates since, and I just keep comparing them to him. I just want to get on with my life and start over... Link to post Share on other sites
Nantucket1984 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 KMJ, Just wanted to offer you a males perspective. What your ex bf did was very rude. I would NEVER do that to a girl unless she cheated on me and was a complete B*tch and even under those circumstances I would probably be the bigger person and just let her go. Nothing I say is going to make you feel 100% better but I hope it helps somewhat. I dont understand behavior like this, it is very selfish and he was not thinking about your "feelings" when he did this. I honestly believe that if a person truly cares about you and loves you, they wouldnt hurt you INTENTIONALLY. If anyone did that to me I would be hurt but I would feel like it would be easier to move on after they showed me there true colors. I would not want to be with a person like that. I dont want to sound like a hypocrite because even though I did lie to my gf, I loved her. I didnt tell her because I was scared, embarassed and ashamed and she already had A LOT going on at the time and I didnt want to make my problem, her problem. I didnt want her to worry. I "thought" I was protecting her but I was wrong. Maybe you can read my story and offer me your advice. Would love to hear your opinion since you are a female. Link to post Share on other sites
Nantucket1984 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Just wanted to offer you a males perspective. What your ex bf did was very rude. I would NEVER do that to a girl unless she cheated on me and was a complete B*tch and even under those circumstances I would probably be the bigger person and just let her go. Nothing I say is going to make you feel 100% better but I hope it helps somewhat. I dont understand behavior like this, it is very selfish and he was not thinking about your "feelings" when he did this. I honestly believe that if a person truly cares about you and loves you, they wouldnt hurt you INTENTIONALLY. If anyone did that to me I would be hurt but I would feel like it would be easier to move on after they showed me there true colors. I would not want to be with a person like that. I dont want to sound like a hypocrite because even though I did lie to my gf, I loved her. I didnt tell her because I was scared, embarassed and ashamed and she already had A LOT going on at the time and I didnt want to make my problem, her problem. I didnt want her to worry. I "thought" I was protecting her but I was wrong. Maybe you can read my story and offer me your advice. Would love to hear your opinion since you are a female. Here is a link to my story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281767/ Link to post Share on other sites
Royal Guy Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I agree to both Travador and Nantucket1984. Its more like when he found a better option ( please read this as "better according to his perspective", as you described the lady to be she might not a good person to fall for ) he went for it. Which clearly means he was missing what we call LOVE and instead it was his ego that was holding him to you. Ego of how a girl can dump him, maybe. This is just my point of view and I might be wrong kmj. But waiting for a proper answer from his as to why he did this is not worth you time, really. You are a nice and a caring person and he seems to be a good faker of both. Its normal for you to compare all your dates with him, it will happen till you find someone better. So don't stop moving on, I am sure he will repent for what he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Nantucket, thank you. It's just a terrible situation. I was dating when we broke up, but I had enough respect for him to keep it to myself. I did NOT want to rub his face in it, especially because he seemed so hurt. I wanted to at least spare him how I'm feeling right now. I was actually thinking the exact same thing, Royal Guy. I know this is an ego thing for him and he just couldn't stand the fact that for once he got dumped. I'm not waiting around to hear from him at all. He's got what he wants so now we can both move on. It will hurt for a while though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 The thing thats also weird, is not long after I initially found out this information, he contacted me twice saying he didn't want there to be any animosity between us, yet, when I would call him he sounded flat out pissed. He hasn't said anything to me at all since our last conversation, but it struck me as odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Nantucket1984 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 The thing thats also weird, is not long after I initially found out this information, he contacted me twice saying he didn't want there to be any animosity between us, yet, when I would call him he sounded flat out pissed. He hasn't said anything to me at all since our last conversation, but it struck me as odd. If he didnt want any animosity between both of you he shouldnt have sounded "pissed" when you called and he shouldnt have told you he was with another girl. He may be mature but when it comes to relationships he is not "mature." I have no idea who you are kmj but you seem like a pretty honest and caring person. I'm just like you I want answers and I want to know whats going on in the other persons head. Sometimes we never really know why people do the things they do. And when it comes from a person you love its even twice as hard to understand. Not sure if you read my story yet, I posted the link for you in my post from yesterday. Would like to hear your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Nantucket, I sent you a reply. The mornings are the worst. I wake up and still can't believe that he's really never going to call me again. I can't believe it was that easy for him to just walk away and abandon me like this... Link to post Share on other sites
Nantucket1984 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Nantucket, I sent you a reply. The mornings are the worst. I wake up and still can't believe that he's really never going to call me again. I can't believe it was that easy for him to just walk away and abandon me like this... KMJ, Mornings are the worst for me too. The only time I dont feel awful for what I did is when I am sleeping. You would think I would stay busy working 2 full time jobs and over 80hrs a week but all I do is think about what I did and how I can fix it. Its almost been 2 months and it doesnt seem to get any better. I feel like I will not heal until I know she healed. You cant look at it like hes never going to call you again because you really dont know. It really upsets me what he did to you because it sounds like you dont deserve it. I read somewhere that when someone gets dumped they feel sort of "invaluable." So because you didnt want him anymore, he wanted you back 100x more. When you decided to try and work things out he flipped the script so he was the "dumper." Its really sad and it bothers me people think and act this way. Maybe the LDR was too much for him and he found a local hookup that was able to satisfy his current needs. Whatever it is, LDR are very hard to workout unless theres a date/plan for both people to be together. Doesnt mean what he did was right, it was very immature in my opinion. Your obviously going to feel better but at the present moment you feel everything is falling apart. I really do understand how you feel. BTW how old are you and this "ex" were there any plans for you two to be together soon? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I'm 23 and he's 25. We did have plans to have him move out here after I graduated from school in March. Today has been an especially rough day. Last night I drove my car out to an empty parking lot and just cried my eyes out It feels like it's just getting worse Link to post Share on other sites
Nantucket1984 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I'm 23 and he's 25. We did have plans to have him move out here after I graduated from school in March. Today has been an especially rough day. Last night I drove my car out to an empty parking lot and just cried my eyes out It feels like it's just getting worse Im sorry you are going through this and your not feeling better. Im not really handling this very well either. But just think about this. Say he calls and apologies and says he shouldnt have treated you this way. You guys make up. Wouldnt what he did still be in the back of your mind if you do get back together or try to make it work. If it will be on your mind and you will worry, is it worth being with him and going through it? If you want, email me([email protected]) and we can talk/help eachother out. Because I could definitly use some advice with my situation moving forward and Its nice to hear a females perspective on what I should or shouldnt do. Its up to you, dont feel like you have too. Hope you start to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 It's been exactly 1 week today since I called him and found all of this out. It's been really hard. I still wake up every day feeling sad, and I'm still holding onto hope that he'll come back. I don't know why I still want to work it out, but for some crazy reason I do. I can honestly say that I've never been in this much emotional pain in my life. I feel like it isn't going away. I can't stop thinking about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 He texted me today. I was in shock. At first he was angry, just telling me that I never cared about him and I was a horrible person. I told him that if he wanted to speak to me like an adult, then he can call me and talk to me that way and that I was NOT going to have this conversation via text. And if he hated me so much, then he should just move on and be with his new girlfriend. Well, he couldn't call. But he did IM me. At first he was really upset, and then I was able to calm him down. He says he's not with her, and that he told me that so I would leave him alone. Mission accomplished. So I suppose we're on speaking terms. He says he doesn't want to get back together, not now anyways. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if that's what I want either. But it is a relief that he's speaking to me again. I guess we'll see... Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think there is a lot of reverse psychology going on here on his part. It is clear you are definitely not over him - and the thought of him not wanting to come back or that he is with someone else is accelerating that. And that is reverse psychology. Either way there is some sort of mind games going on in my opinion. You have heard it before - it's impossible to be friends with an ex that you still have feelings for without being hurt. Thats why No Contact is advised till you are over that person or at least can keep your emotions in check And he still sounds very immature and not very brave - he would rather IM than call you but you have accepted that So be careful Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Kilty, I completely agree. I guess I'm at least hoping to clear a lot of this up. I feel like there are a lot of misunderstandings on both our parts. Link to post Share on other sites
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