Mana Posted August 30, 2000 Share Posted August 30, 2000 Okay, I am an unconventional person by nature, so I'm not looking for advice on how to have a long-term "normal" relationship at this stage in my life. I am still searching and having fun with different experiences.... This prominant professional married man with whom I see on and off very rarely told me that I am not his lover even though we were having a sexual relationship. I asked him then, "so what are we doing here?" He said, "You are my friend. I don't want you to get confused with our relationship because you are not my lover. I have another woman who is my lover and we suffer alot because we aren't together. I am just getting to know you now, and I really like you and don't want to loose you, but if you try to come too close I will be very hard on you. I want to meet with you every now and then like this and make love with you." I was too much under his "spell" at the time, so I didn't try to challenge what he said then, but now that I've found another guy who is more "on my level" I am questioning the things this Latin "lover" told me. (I mention that he's Latin because it might have something to do with his culture?) Friends don't sleep together, right? So, what did I represent for this man? if anything? Did he think he could have his cake and eat it all at the same time? Was he putting me down by saying this? or was it just that cultural differences? I know this man has multiple parteners because he told me that he liked women too much to just be with his wife and when I asked him if she knew about this he told me that she had asked once and he had told her the truth and that if she wanted to have other men it was okay for him, but he didn't think she did. I would certainly not want to be in his wife's position! What kind of guy is this? Is this common amongst highly successful, wealthy people? Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted August 30, 2000 Share Posted August 30, 2000 he is "useing" you for what we in my part of the country call "##### buddies" dump him and find a single guy that just wants to play.....you will find better benifits. Okay, I am an unconventional person by nature, so I'm not looking for advice on how to have a long-term "normal" relationship at this stage in my life. I am still searching and having fun with different experiences.... This prominant professional married man with whom I see on and off very rarely told me that I am not his lover even though we were having a sexual relationship. I asked him then, "so what are we doing here?" He said, "You are my friend. I don't want you to get confused with our relationship because you are not my lover. I have another woman who is my lover and we suffer alot because we aren't together. I am just getting to know you now, and I really like you and don't want to loose you, but if you try to come too close I will be very hard on you. I want to meet with you every now and then like this and make love with you." I was too much under his "spell" at the time, so I didn't try to challenge what he said then, but now that I've found another guy who is more "on my level" I am questioning the things this Latin "lover" told me. (I mention that he's Latin because it might have something to do with his culture?) Friends don't sleep together, right? So, what did I represent for this man? if anything? Did he think he could have his cake and eat it all at the same time? Was he putting me down by saying this? or was it just that cultural differences? I know this man has multiple parteners because he told me that he liked women too much to just be with his wife and when I asked him if she knew about this he told me that she had asked once and he had told her the truth and that if she wanted to have other men it was okay for him, but he didn't think she did. I would certainly not want to be in his wife's position! What kind of guy is this? Is this common amongst highly successful, wealthy people? Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted August 31, 2000 Share Posted August 31, 2000 It isn't very romantic to say he does not want you to be his lover. What are you then, his unpaid hoochie-mama? I know you are not ready to settle down, but this kind of relationship can be very hard on your self-image, because, as billy-the-kides says, he his using you for sex. You may be using him for sex too and the fact that he is wealthy seems cool right now. If he were some poor, ugly, nerd would you let him do this to you? In the long run, you will see that he is cheating on his lover, cheating on his wife, and also cheating on you. he is "useing" you for what we in my part of the country call "##### buddies" dump him and find a single guy that just wants to play.....you will find better benifits. Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted August 31, 2000 Share Posted August 31, 2000 Hey Mana, Please understand I write from very limited experience passing on what my latin friends have told me... La carina del hombre... the man's lover, my Mexican and Panamanian friends once told me, is a woman loved, sexually enjoyed, and well cared for. In their culture some men marry for social status then keep the woman they have loved all along on the side. It's a special relationship and is often known, although not spoken of, by the wife. Your latino is enjoying you as sexual pleasure only. He doesn't want to "honor" you the same way as the women he cares for. My first love was the Panamanian...I imagine your experience will give you material for some good dreams for years to come if you decide to leave him and look for something more than just the physical. Link to post Share on other sites
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