TDW Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I recently came out of a relationship with someone who I consider to be my best friend and the only girl I've ever loved. Stupidly I asked if she'd had sex and she said she had- it really destroyed me and I asked about it which only seem to torture me more. I now have images in my head that won't leave and its tearing me apart. Its like a looping pain and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great. I just keep seeing her with him and all the things they've done together and its too painful. I know I shouldn't have asked about it but I was upset and couldn't stop myself. She hasn't done anything wrong- we weren't together but I still love her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Hang on, something's not clear... Are your 'best friend' and 'the only girl you've ever loved' two different people, or one and the same? having sex....with whom? A new guy, or just sex previous to you because you thought she was a virgin? Did she cheat on you, or find someone new after breaking up, or what? Sorry, but you need to be a bit clearer.... But it sounds as if you're looking for the clown, and it's a great analogy.... Read my signature links. Link to post Share on other sites
Datingman Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You can go to have sex with other girls to make it fair. Why do u make it such a big deal? just having sex, sex is normal, it's just like doing massage on the bed. nothing bad, at least she was honest and told u the truth, nothing bigger than true love. U will never find happiness if u dont learn how to forgive her. the past is just the past, u shouldnt look back Link to post Share on other sites
nlpman Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 timeline therapy will fix your self created visual imagery problem in less than an hour. Ive used it and it works. Dont just sit there and make horrible movies for yourself. Go get some timelne therapy and make good movies instead! Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I recently came out of a relationship with someone who I consider to be my best friend and the only girl I've ever loved. Stupidly I asked if she'd had sex and she said she had- it really destroyed me and I asked about it which only seem to torture me more. I now have images in my head that won't leave and its tearing me apart. Its like a looping pain and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great. I just keep seeing her with him and all the things they've done together and its too painful. I know I shouldn't have asked about it but I was upset and couldn't stop myself. She hasn't done anything wrong- we weren't together but I still love her. Good luck to you finding a girl "who hasn't had sex". Not alot of virgins out there and you want true love too..very picky sir. Suits you. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You're just torturing yourself by thinking about her with someone else. This is why you should cut contact with an ex who you still have feelings for; you don't need or want to know what she's doing because it will only hurt you more. Out of interest, who dumped who, and why? I'm guessing she dumped you, since you're still hung up on her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Good luck to you finding a girl "who hasn't had sex". Not alot of virgins out there and you want true love too..very picky sir. Suits you. Good luck I should have been clearer. I know she hasn't done anything wrong at all and I don't blame her AT ALL. She has every right to be happy in any way she wants and I want her to be happy. My best friend IS the only girl I've ever loved. She still is my best friend and I hope she always will be. We don't want each other back but not because of lack of love for each other. It was justt a heavy blow when she told me. I'm not going into why we broke up after 5years but know that we both decided to end it and want to stay friends- which we are. I was just hurt and asking for advice on how to deal with painful thoughts. I wasn't blaming anyone for the thoughts; least of all her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 You're just torturing yourself by thinking about her with someone else. This is why you should cut contact with an ex who you still have feelings for; you don't need or want to know what she's doing because it will only hurt you more. Out of interest, who dumped who, and why? I'm guessing she dumped you, since you're still hung up on her... we both added our own halves to why we broke up. I was mutual if you believe that and I don't wish her back even if I do love her. I'm just hurt- but I'm not blaming her. I knew this would happen and I wanted her to happy so I'm not mad or upset with her. Just upset because I can't stop thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Hang on, something's not clear... Are your 'best friend' and 'the only girl you've ever loved' two different people, or one and the same? having sex....with whom? A new guy, or just sex previous to you because you thought she was a virgin? Did she cheat on you, or find someone new after breaking up, or what? Sorry, but you need to be a bit clearer.... But it sounds as if you're looking for the clown, and it's a great analogy.... Read my signature links. I am aware now that it was a very big mistake to ask about it. I don't think she should have told me given that shes already apologised for telling me and I quote from her "...I only told you because I was drunk and wanted to make you jealous...". So once again I don't blame her and have no interest in activatly trying to find infomation out about this. The guy she is having sex with is someone shes been workign with for 3years while shes been with me. We have broken up but are still best friends. She is still the only person I have ever loved however I do not want her back and I do not blame her for wanting to be happy- I want her to be happy in anyway she can. I am just hurting because she told me about what they did together and I can't get the images out of my head. I didn't mean to be cryptic I was just hurt and didn't think. Hope that makes it clearer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 You can go to have sex with other girls to make it fair. Why do u make it such a big deal? just having sex, sex is normal, it's just like doing massage on the bed. nothing bad, at least she was honest and told u the truth, nothing bigger than true love. U will never find happiness if u dont learn how to forgive her. the past is just the past, u shouldnt look back I'm not mad at her! theres nothing to forgive. I don't blame her for wanting to be happy. Especially as you say is just sex. I know this. It just hurts seeing those images. I only look back because we're still best of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 timeline therapy will fix your self created visual imagery problem in less than an hour. Ive used it and it works. Dont just sit there and make horrible movies for yourself. Go get some timelne therapy and make good movies instead! This is really good advice. You're right I shouldn't just sit and stew over it. Thank you for the advice. I'm trying that right now. Seeing friends and trying to put it to the back of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You need to realize she is a human being and almost all human beings have little thing called sex drive. Hell, I'm sure you have it too. Sounds an awful lot like a Madonna-Whore thing to me - like you were idealizing her to be some sort of pure creature, when in reality she's not. And it doesn't make her a whore at all, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TDW Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 You need to realize she is a human being and almost all human beings have little thing called sex drive. Hell, I'm sure you have it too. Sounds an awful lot like a Madonna-Whore thing to me - like you were idealizing her to be some sort of pure creature, when in reality she's not. And it doesn't make her a whore at all, of course. Wait what?! I'm not mad at her for having sex, I'm not blaming her for anything! I want her to be happy I just didn't want every detail in my head about it. I don't think shes a pure creature- I know who she is. I knew she would have another boyfriend and seek happiness (including sex). I'm simply hurting about having the images in my head. THATS ALL. No blame to her, I'm not deluded about her never having a sex again or anything and most of all I want her to be happy. I was simply asking for advice on how to get horrible images from my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) If those images haunt you, you still haven't quite come to terms with that concept. I totally have images like this, except they meet with my indifference. Nowhere in my post I mentioned you blaming her for anything - in fact you seem to repeat that phrase quite a bit throughout... Edited June 12, 2011 by rafallus Link to post Share on other sites
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