Vivid Dreams About The Ex

[RuinedLife]

Pretty much every night since my break up I've had incredibly vivid dreams about my ex bf and its one of the things that really hinders my healing progress, as most nights I feel a little better about the situation and then when I wake up that sense of dread is worse than ever again, as reality comes flooding back.

 

Knowing that my relationship would be intact if I had just been patient and waited instead of rushing in and saying so many things I regret and didn't really mean.

 

Last night I had a dream where I was trying to convince my ex to give me another chance again by following him about and doing everything he told me to do. Which is clearly a reflection of my waking feelings of desperation, trying to think up any way I can to win him back.

 

Then when I realize its likely impossible to get him back, that he'll probably never forgive me for the things I said, my brain resorts to dark thoughts of how my life is at an end and I find it very difficult, pretty much impossible to see a future ahead of me. Every moment ahead of me just looks black.

 

What I need is a torch, so I can navigate my way through the darkness, but I fear my batteries are dead.

[Karala]

THEY SUCK!!

 

I have them every freakin' night.

 

I too had one last night in which I was trying to convince him to give our relationship another chance. "Trying to convince" is something I'm pretty sure I would NEVER do again (it's proven to me how useful it is) but apparently my brain doesn't get it.

Not so bad as those dreams in which we're still happy together as if nothing had happened.

 

PLEASE BRAIN, PROCESS REALITY ALREADY.

[RuinedLife]

 

PLEASE BRAIN, PROCESS REALITY ALREADY.

 

Oh yes... please brain.. pretty please with chocolate sprinkles on top!!

[RuinedLife]

Ok, so pretty much every single night since my break up I've been plagued by incredibly vivid dreams about my ex, sometimes nightmares about how he dumped me or how I lost him and other times dreams where we got back together or were happy together again and I woke up to realize the reality of the situation and that he's gone forever.

 

Last night I dreamt that I was was hanging out with him after we'd broken up and that he was acting weird to me. So I was able to hack into this communication system he had set up between him and his mates (Don't worry I didn't really do anything of the sort!! This was all just a DREAM!! Just want to stress that part!!), but through this communication system I was able to find out the truth of why he dumped me.

 

Now obviously because this was just a dream I have no idea whether it has any basis in reality, but obviously relates to something going on in my own subconscious. Well the dream tells me that my ex dumped me because he just couldn't handle my neediness and emotional drama. No surprise there and yes that probably IS the real reason he dumped me in the waking world. But in the dream my ex was struggling to cope with the break up more than I imagine he is in real life. Whether this is telling me I need to be more understanding of his feelings I dont know, but either way the result is the same. He wants me out of his life and he thinks that is what will make him happiest in the long run. And he doesn't want to deal with me anymore. The strange thing was in the dream his friends seemed very shocked that he had broken up with me, although understanding of his reasons and knowing that even though I looked fun and laid back to them, in relationships things can be very different. And this pretty much outlines my own desperation to be fun and laid back, when knowing really deep down (or not so deep down as the case maybe) I am the exact opposite (i.e. a high maintenance emotional wreck).

 

There are many other dreams, with a lot of ex related details I remember, so I may post these too at some point and try analyzing them.

 

In the mean time if anyone else wants to post about any dreams they've had about their ex here please feel free.

[RuinedLife]

Oh yes, the previous nights dream involved my ex giving me one last chance to prove to him that I could be a good girlfriend to him. But I spent the whole dream trying to be perfect for him, (i.e. wearing the perfect outfit, looking perfect, acting perfect, saying just the right things etc) only to run out of time and wake up before having had a chance to convince him how perfect for him I now was.

 

And this clearly tells me that I waste all my time in life trying to be perfect in various ways (particularly in the context of my last relationship, where I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend, particularly in terms of how I dressed etc. And I know it seems very superficial, but I guess I feel somewhat insecure about my looks and felt I had to make myself look as "perfect" as possible in order to please my ex bf and make him love me). Sounds really silly now just to describe my thought processes, but thats what they were throughout my relationship with him.

 

"Got to look perfect, got to get this perfect, go to do this right and then he'll love me, if I get it wrong, if I don't look as beautiful as I can then he won't love me anymore."

 

This is one of the reasons I blame myself so relentlessly for "messing up", letting my insecurities slip out and ruin my relationship. Because I tried so hard to get everything perfect, and then I tell him something I shouldn't have told him, word something in a way that I shouldn't have worded it... and low and behold the relationship crumbles. I messed up in the worst possible way. To my mind it MUST have been the worst possible mess up to have resulted in him abandoning me.

 

And now I feel like I cannot regain that "perfection" and also I have no reason to in my mind as I've lost my ex, the very person I was trying to be perfect for. So everything just seems pointless and meaningless now. And I do have to see him again one last time. But after that. I don't know what I'm going to do because my whole focus is.. "be perfect for him", "look perfect for him" and now there is no one to please, no one to try to be perfect for, no one to do anything for. I know I should change the focus so that I'm being perfect for other people or at least trying to be myself for other people, but will take some time to readjust I think.

[Feelin Frisky]

Try to tell yourself that the dreams weren't "bad" or that they "suck". Just call them "intense" and "thematic" for the time being. Dreams are an important biological function and having them is good for your brain health. And, this intensity will shift off of involving your ex with time as new experiences replace the old.

[RuinedLife]

Ok, still having vivid dreams and nightmares about my ex.

 

This time I dreampt that he was trying to make up with me, or at least restore a friendship, but he found my self hypnosis CD in my laptop (the one I've been listening to, to try and "get over my break up") and he freaked out and stormed off, refusing to talk to me again.

 

I hate this. I still have vivid dreams and nightmares about him pretty much every single night and I think about him all the time. Its driving me crazy.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Ok, still having vivid dreams and nightmares about my ex.

 

This time I dreampt that he was trying to make up with me, or at least restore a friendship, but he found my self hypnosis CD in my laptop (the one I've been listening to, to try and "get over my break up") and he freaked out and stormed off, refusing to talk to me again.

 

I hate this. I still have vivid dreams and nightmares about him pretty much every single night and I think about him all the time. Its driving me crazy.

 

 

Try thinking about someone else before you fall asleep, or focus on an important fun aspect of your life before drifting off. I remember the dreams very well and I feel your pain, I think I dreamt of my ex last night but I can't remember what happened. Eventually you will get to a point where the dreams won't bother you any more, then soon after you won't dream about your ex at all.

 

 

Also, I'm not sure what your diet consists of but dairy, specifically cheese, before bed time increases the chance of nightmares. Don't cut out dairy completely but I would try to stay away from it when it's late in the day or night time.

[Karala]

Try thinking about someone else before you fall asleep, or focus on an important fun aspect of your life before drifting off. .

 

I've done this, it works.

 

I still have dreams about my ex pretty often though. They're not as vivid or painful as in the beginning, thankfully. Like last night, I dreamed that we were getting back together, and this time I didn't feel crushed or anything when I woke up. Just a little bit sad. Like I know that even if we were to get back together for real, it wouldn't work out anyway, not now, maybe not ever. And it's not like my current reality is awful, life is good overall these days, so I can bear to wake up to that reality.

 

RL, I'm sorry about your dream (the one with the hypnosis CD) and at the same time, hope you won't mind me saying that, it made me laugh, because it reminded me so much of myself, like when my ex was at my place after we split and I had to make sure all the "get your ex back" e-books and newsletters were out of sight. They would probably freak out and think we were obsessive needy psychos if they knew how much we think about them and the things we do to try to get them. And they're probably right just a little bit and we probably need to get a life

[broken-and-lost]

It's normal hun i still get them now and again or just when i wake up first thought is of her and i get upset then fades off and it's been close to 8 months for me we have had low contact since until recently around 3 weeks.

 

I was in similar situation to you in many ways i suffered from depression and took it out on my girlfriend by pushing her away and expecting her to be perfect just small things would set me off.

 

I've managed to beat the depression by doing lots of stuff like nlp, hypno and counselling i've also started running a lot i hate it but the exercise really helps doesn't cure a broken heart tho. i'm 37 so it was very hard to have the rug pulled away from me too but you can change your life for the better i still miss her but i haven't given up on myself and you shouldn't too, if they really truly loved you they would stick around and support you no matter what try to remember that but you also have a responsibility to fix problems and make yourself happy and balanced and not rely on others for it otherwise you can't make someone else happy

 

 

Relationships are about balance you need to find it in yourself first then you will be better placed to make someone else happy too.

 

I have a load of hypno mp3's i downloaded which you listen to before bed they really help if you follow the instructions and listen to them every day your welcome to have a copy of them if you wish or anyone struggling with this stuff.

 

feel free to pm me

Edited July 23, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[K.K.]

Pretty much every night since my break up I've had incredibly vivid dreams about my ex bf and its one of the things that really hinders my healing progress, as most nights I feel a little better about the situation and then when I wake up that sense of dread is worse than ever again, as reality comes flooding back.

 

Knowing that my relationship would be intact if I had just been patient and waited instead of rushing in and saying so many things I regret and didn't really mean.

 

Last night I had a dream where I was trying to convince my ex to give me another chance again by following him about and doing everything he told me to do. Which is clearly a reflection of my waking feelings of desperation, trying to think up any way I can to win him back.

 

Then when I realize its likely impossible to get him back, that he'll probably never forgive me for the things I said, my brain resorts to dark thoughts of how my life is at an end and I find it very difficult, pretty much impossible to see a future ahead of me. Every moment ahead of me just looks black.

 

What I need is a torch, so I can navigate my way through the darkness, but I fear my batteries are dead.

 

RuinedLife- everytime I see one of your posts, I wanna cry. Your pain is tangible. It reaches out from across the messageboard and hits me like a brick. Reminds me of my own suffering. But look... THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. SO PLEASE STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. What I think happened, is when you needed him the MOST... when you were depressed out of your mind and needed HELP...when he KNEW that you had NOBODY else to reach out to because your physical ailments make that difficult, he just simply said to himself "let me cut my losses and move on to someone more 'fun' !!" Then he gets to feel even better about it because you were and still are sitting there blaming YOURSELF.

 

If you ask me (and it's only my two cents but...) he left you when you needed him the absolute MOST. He's left you second guessing your own worth...with nightmares, messed up self esteem and alot of self blame that you shouldn't be carrying alone. He ruined the relationship as well. He ruined your outlook of love. He ruined the very essence of all you had come to believe in.

 

This was as much if not MORE his fault than it was yours.

 

Honey, please stop blaming yourself. You say your relationship would have still been intact if you hadn't have done this or done that. Bull****. He would've still been the same insensitive jerk off that he was with you. If he'd have cared, he'd have helped you through what you were going through. He cared about only HIMSELF.

 

I know you can't forget about him in this short amount of time and it's hard to stop thinking about the good times you had with him but one day when you're stronger, you will. And I think that the one thing you're going to be most upset about in all of this is that you blamed only yourself.

 

You're a good person R.L. with a whole lot of heart...and obviously his loss.

[without]

I completely agree with K.K. He obviously didn't deserve you,if he deserved he wouldn't have dumped you,there are mistakes in every relationship,the ones that care stay.

The fact that you feel like this shows you're a good person.you deserve some one better.who stays during the rough times.