How to deal with boyfriend who still sees his ex (as friends)

[alexlakeman]

Well I told him I didn't want him to go with her. I called him. We were supposed to be meeting up for a drink later.

He said 'This isn't going to work. She's my friend and I am not willing to lose friendships that mean a lot to me. Just because she also happens to be my ex...etc etc etc. Then he said we shouldn't see each other later. I said I bet he was going to see her...He said don't be ridiculous he hasn't heard from her for a couple of weeks. Then he said we won't work out between us as he needs a girlfriemnd who is secure enough to accept the friendships he has.

 

I used to be secure - until this. Now I've blown it I know.

We have tickets to a music gig next week. He said we should still go as he doesn't want us to end of bad terms. What?!!

 

Whatever, just move on.. if he paid for the tickets, screw it, don't go with him.. If you paid for the tickets, just go with a friend of yours..

 

FREINDS with exes does NOT work sometimes...

 

In my case?

 

 

• Ex gf #1, we ended up being best friends for years, there was no sexual attraction, etc.. She married, we went out as a group, her husband never found out I was her ex or the crazy sh)t we did (threesomes, etc).. AND she ended up being great friends with my gf at the time.. so MY girlfriends Never found out she was an ex. There was no sexual tension between her and I , but as I told many times, if I ever saw an open door I would bang her again.
  
• Ex gf #2 , we became friends, but it blew up on my face.. we went out for drinks one night, ended up sleeping with her.. my g/f found out and that was the end of my gf and "ex gf#2" as a friend..
  

 

Lesson learned? NO EX'S as FRIENDS, period.. I would hate to be introduced to a g'f's friend, knowing he's an ex bf and that she had his p)nis in her mouth, etc. just weird.. NO way..

[sola]

I'm now thinking that keeping so close ties to the ex is a way if holding on to their past and a subconcious way to prevent them from moving forward by sabotaging new relationships by keeeping these close ties.

I'm going thru a breakup due to an ex as well. Funny thing is that while we were together the subject made me emotional, I would just attack him, he would get defensive and would not back down on his decision on going on a vacation with the ex. Just like ur guy, he told me I was too insecure to feel comfortable with the situation. Now that we are broken up and we had an open, un-emotional discussion, he finally admitted it wast irrational for me to ask him not to travell with the ex. However, he didn't sugest to change things and give us a second chance. Why wouldn't he do that?

[Jono85]

Well I told him I didn't want him to go with her. I called him. We were supposed to be meeting up for a drink later.

He said 'This isn't going to work. She's my friend and I am not willing to lose friendships that mean a lot to me. Just because she also happens to be my ex...etc etc etc. Then he said we shouldn't see each other later. I said I bet he was going to see her...He said don't be ridiculous he hasn't heard from her for a couple of weeks. Then he said we won't work out between us as he needs a girlfriemnd who is secure enough to accept the friendships he has.

 

I used to be secure - until this. Now I've blown it I know.

We have tickets to a music gig next week. He said we should still go as he doesn't want us to end of bad terms. What?!!

 

honestly, i think you need to work on yourself, self-confidence, etc. i'm not trying to be mean, heck i do for sure too. but u haven't blown anything, HE blew it. u shouldn't even want to see him later after he just dumped u b/c he CLEARLY just demonstrated he obviously cares to have her in his life more than you. which is probably natural after such a long relationship and how the breakup is still fresh. but the point is, you're giving him so much power...why in the world would u even entertain the thought of him going to this music gig with you after what happened!?!

 

move on. start respecting yourself more and realize you deserve much better. the guy just chose his ex gf over you, and you're worried you blew it? you're confused as to why he wants to go to the show with you? who cares! i'm betting he realizes he may have made a mistake but is going to try and get you to stick around and be OK with the fact that he's good friends with his ex and OK with the fact they will go on vacay etc. but just move on...be firm on your bounderies. they are very normal as witnessed in this thread. find someone better.

[bikinibeach]

Well I told him I didn't want him to go with her. I called him. We were supposed to be meeting up for a drink later.

He said 'This isn't going to work. She's my friend and I am not willing to lose friendships that mean a lot to me. Just because she also happens to be my ex...etc etc etc. Then he said we shouldn't see each other later. I said I bet he was going to see her...He said don't be ridiculous he hasn't heard from her for a couple of weeks. Then he said we won't work out between us as he needs a girlfriemnd who is secure enough to accept the friendships he has.

 

I used to be secure - until this. Now I've blown it I know.

We have tickets to a music gig next week. He said we should still go as he doesn't want us to end of bad terms. What?!!

 

 

oh my god.

 

f*** this. straight to hell. seriously.

 

you need to check out some of my threads sister..

 

L.E.A.V.E

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nothappyjan]

You probably wont be able to see this for a little while, but you are SO LUCKY you just dodged a massive bullet. This guy is a jerk and now you are free to find someone better.

 

In a yrs time you will laugh at what a loser he is. He doesnt even know what he wants.

[Helda]

I just want to thank all of you who have posted on this thread. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends as they haven't even met my boyfriend yet.

He asked me to lunch today. We met up and I told him I didn't want to go to the gig or be in a relationship with him. He said 'let's just be frineds' but I said 'no way, don't you have enough exes that you're friends with already?'

Anyway he said it was a shame I felt that way and then reminded me of all the times he has seen me over his ex. There have been a few times when she called to invite him out with a bunch of friends and once she was sad as her mum was admitted into hospital for an emergency operation. These times, he said he couldn't as he had made plans with me and she was OK about it.

Oh well we will bump into each other as we have mutual friends and go to the same places after work but I do not want to be in a rel with someone who is using me to get over their ex.

I was stupid enough to think that as he did the dumping he would be over it.

[vsmini]

I just want to thank all of you who have posted on this thread. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends as they haven't even met my boyfriend yet.

He asked me to lunch today. We met up and I told him I didn't want to go to the gig or be in a relationship with him. He said 'let's just be frineds' but I said 'no way, don't you have enough exes that you're friends with already?'

Anyway he said it was a shame I felt that way and then reminded me of all the times he has seen me over his ex. There have been a few times when she called to invite him out with a bunch of friends and once she was sad as her mum was admitted into hospital for an emergency operation. These times, he said he couldn't as he had made plans with me and she was OK about it.

Oh well we will bump into each other as we have mutual friends and go to the same places after work but I do not want to be in a rel with someone who is using me to get over their ex.

I was stupid enough to think that as he did the dumping he would be over it.

 

:bunny::bunny:

Good for you. I can't tell you how many girls I've seen "stick it out" and then be miserable for months or years. ROCKSTAR!

[Jono85]

I just want to thank all of you who have posted on this thread. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends as they haven't even met my boyfriend yet.

He asked me to lunch today. We met up and I told him I didn't want to go to the gig or be in a relationship with him. He said 'let's just be frineds' but I said 'no way, don't you have enough exes that you're friends with already?'

Anyway he said it was a shame I felt that way and then reminded me of all the times he has seen me over his ex. There have been a few times when she called to invite him out with a bunch of friends and once she was sad as her mum was admitted into hospital for an emergency operation. These times, he said he couldn't as he had made plans with me and she was OK about it.

Oh well we will bump into each other as we have mutual friends and go to the same places after work but I do not want to be in a rel with someone who is using me to get over their ex.

I was stupid enough to think that as he did the dumping he would be over it.

 

very good to hear helda. you made the right decision, and seems like you finally realized you shouldn't be treated like this, no matter how he tries to spin it or tries to blame you for some perceived insecurity. that's bs. be happy you saw this early! on to the next one..

[Eeyore79]

I think you made the right decision to end your relationship. It was disrespectful of him to continue having a close friendship with his ex while dating you, and going on holiday with her is just taking the p***. You weren't being insecure at all; he was the one who crossed the line of what was acceptable within the boundaries of a relationship. In future I recommend you avoid dating any man who maintains regular contact with his ex, even just as friends - you'll find it saves you a whole lot of hassle in the long run.

[Only Gal]

he and her are having a wekend away in the summer

 

his ex can be expecting something since they only broke up a month before u guys got together right? thats a very short period of what is supposed to be a sad moment.

 

so she might think that your bf is with u not long after her, just to get rid of the pain from losing her n she's still have a chance with him. she's a woman as well, how would she feel if that's happened to her.

 

My bf's ex was like that before. she invited herself to come to his place (abroad) for a holiday (around 2 weeks). and my inconsiderate bf said yes without asking me 1st if im ok wiith it or not.

 

I said: go ahead if u want, but when u visit me next time, dont ever expect to get any of "that" from me.

[dangerstranger]

Good for you girl! You did something most people wouldn't be strong enough to do, and that's to walk away from a bad situation despite the fact that you have feelings for someone.

 

He proved to you that his "friendship" with her was his priority.

 

It's ridiculous that he told you he couldn't put up with your insecurity over it. He's doing something disrespectful to you, and placing the blame of his wrong doing on you shows just how manipulative he is.

[Helda]

Hello again

I would just like to give an update

 

I am back with my ex, the guy who wanted to go away with his ex. This is because he told me he cancelled their weekend away. We have been back together for two days. Everything has been fine. I asked him how work was today he said his ex emailed him and was upset that they are not going away any more!!! Anyway he has now ASKED me if it would be ok if he and her went on a day trip together instead. Now although the day trip ideas IS better I still feel that she features too highly in his life! Should I just knock this one on the head for the second time, once and for all???

[iJester]

Should I just knock this one on the head for the second time, once and for all???

 

Yes, you should. Tell him that you are indeed too "insecure" with how close they are, and actually do the "air quotes" with your fingers, you talk to him in person.

[milkmaterial]

-erased it i didnt know u broke up w/ him.

 

i think he wanted to "have his cake and eat it too" - meaning he wants to have everything ..have sex with the ex and have you too. its not fair for you.

Edited June 22, 2011 by milkmaterial

[BWLoca]

I'm curious. For what reason did he cancel the trip?

[bikinibeach]

she sounds needy and disrespectful!!!!!!

 

he sounds spineless and obviously not over her!!!

 

look into some of my threads, i never have regrets, but IF i could go back in time, when my boyfriend looked into my eyes post coitus and said he couldn't break a plan with her because she was his BEST FRIEND...... i wish i would have walked to the kitchen, filled a pot with cold water walked back, thrown it on him, pointed and laughed, walked out the door, blocked my facebook and email and changed my number.

 

 

CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! dont give him any answers.

 

tell him i say he's an effin dirtbag!!!

[here4her]

I'd end it now..

I can see you next post being "My bf is sleeping with his x"

this situation never works out, and in my opinion is quite shady to even think to try. I think you should give him the ultimatum to either let her go or you.

[Sugarkane]

I'm not "friends" with any of my exes. You have to ask yourself if they're broken up, then why can't he cut her out of his life and move on?

[nikkinicole36]

Let me just be honest with you. He absolutely told you a straight up lie when he said you were not a rebound. You are definitely a rebound, because clearly he's not over his ex. Here was your first clue: If you are with a guy that goes on and on about an ex, even if he's speaking badly about her, he's not over her. If you started dating this man a month after he broke up with his ex, whom he was with for five years, you are definitely a rebound. Even if he did the dumping. I just don't see how it's possible to leave a long-term relationship and then jump right into something else so quickly unless he just don't have any emotions at all. Obviously he does, because they are still so "tight". You're being played. Once more you have little to no self-esteem or self-worth. You are sitting here beating yourself up over a guy that is obviously disrespecting you in every way possible and you're more concerned that you screwed everything up and completely missing the fact that this man has no respect or love for you. If you can managed to muster up any self-esteem please leave this guy as quickly as possible. You are setting yourself up for a major heartache if you don't. He and the ex are more than likely going to wind up back together again in which case he'll dump you quicker than you can say garbage.