When a married woman STILL seeks attention

[Entropy3000]

yeah... there is nothing she should do for a husband, or anyone else.

 

 

 

what is scanty for one person may be perfectly reasonable for someone else, depending on personal taste, background, views etc. maybe a woman has a different opinion on scanty than her husband? seriously, unless she's butt naked and it's not a nude compound or beach, and what she is wearing is within the confines of the law, i don't see the issue.

 

I am very sorry for you. You obviously define marriage a completely different way or just don't like the idea of marriage at all.

 

You don't let the legal limitiation of scantily clad be defined by the law. It is done in the context of the marriage. It matters what the husband thinks and feels. You obviously like to be the dominant one. Good for you and good luck with that.

 

Are you married?

 

This is a marriage forum. Husband and wives should behave within boundaries that they set within the marriage. YMMV.

 

What you are talking about is not a marriage at all.

Edited June 12, 2011 by Entropy3000

[irc333]

Not if it is disrespectful to their partner. The partner then has the obligation to not allow his wife to treat him like a doormat.

 

Right, I know of this one guy, he would go to dancing with his wife. When he would walk away to go to the restroom or get a drink for her, he would find men grinding up against her.

 

He actually got into a fist fight with someone over this situation.

 

He's stupid solution? He doesn't go dancing with her anymore, and lets HER go alone....basically, "Whatever he doesn't see, he's better off not seeing"

 

And another guy, with his wife, she habitually went clubbing without him, this was small community, so words gets around easily in a po-dunk country bar that he got a call saying his wife was flirting with other men at the country club.

 

He shows up unannounced, bellys up to the bar and sees her grindin' up against 2 guys....she looks up and sees her husband sitting there.

 

Needles to say, they wound up divorcing.

[Intergalactic]

I am very sorry for you. You obviously define marriage a completely different way or just don't like the idea of marriage at all.

 

You don't let the legal limitiation of scantily clad be defined by the law. It is done in the context of the marriage. It matters what the husband thinks and feels. You obviously like to be the dominant one. Good for you and good luck with that.

 

Are you married?

 

This is a marriage forum. Husband and wives should behave within boundaries that they set within the marriage. YMMV.

 

What you are talking about is not a marriage at all.

 

thanks for your unnecessary pity, i'll pocket that away for when i meet a person who needs it.

 

i love the idea of marriage, and i define it in a way that allows partners to be completely equal and independent. love is complementary, not dictatory.

 

of course it matters what the husband thinks and feels. if he is upset by his wife's actions, then a compromise must be met. if he continues to be unhappy, then he owes it to himself to do what is necessary to make himself happy - if that means leaving her then so be it. but why should SHE make HERSELF unhappy by dressing her acting the way her husband feels is appropriate instead of the way SHE feels is appropriate? if that is the case, they are incompatible mates and should both seek happier partnerships.

 

the idea that someone SHOULD or HAS TO do anything is outdated and distasteful.

 

i don't want to be dominant. i want to be equal, and have an equal say in my dress, my actions, my thoughts, my decisions, my life. that is not wrong or unjust in any way, and if the outcomes of these hurt my partner, i would not feel that he should stay in an unhappy relationship.... but i will certainly not make MYSELF unhappy for the sake of someone else's happiness.

 

by the way, this is not a marriage forum. this is a dating forum.

this thread however, is on marriage and the OP did not seek opinions from ONLY married people. my opinion is valid here.

[Entropy3000]

Right, I know of this one guy, he would go to dancing with his wife. When he would walk away to go to the restroom or get a drink for her, he would find men grinding up against her.

 

He actually got into a fist fight with someone over this situation.

 

He's stupid solution? He doesn't go dancing with her anymore, and lets HER go alone....basically, "Whatever he doesn't see, he's better off not seeing"

 

And another guy, with his wife, she habitually went clubbing without him, this was small community, so words gets around easily in a po-dunk country bar that he got a call saying his wife was flirting with other men at the country club.

 

He shows up unannounced, bellys up to the bar and sees her grindin' up against 2 guys....she looks up and sees her husband sitting there.

 

Needles to say, they wound up divorcing.

 

 

Very weak people. They no doubt despised their men for this weakness.

[irc333]

Very weak people. They no doubt despised their men for this weakness.

 

Well, its either that or they start fights in bars with men that feel their women up. <shrug>

[Entropy3000]

thanks for your unnecessary pity, i'll pocket that away for when i meet a person who needs it.

 

i love the idea of marriage, and i define it in a way that allows partners to be completely equal and independent. love is complementary, not dictatory.

 

of course it matters what the husband thinks and feels. if he is upset by his wife's actions, then a compromise must be met. if he continues to be unhappy, then he owes it to himself to do what is necessary to make himself happy - if that means leaving her then so be it. but why should SHE make HERSELF unhappy by dressing her acting the way her husband feels is appropriate instead of the way SHE feels is appropriate? if that is the case, they are incompatible mates and should both seek happier partnerships.

 

the idea that someone SHOULD or HAS TO do anything is outdated and distasteful.

 

i don't want to be dominant. i want to be equal, and have an equal say in my dress, my actions, my thoughts, my decisions, my life. that is not wrong or unjust in any way, and if the outcomes of these hurt my partner, i would not feel that he should stay in an unhappy relationship.... but i will certainly not make MYSELF unhappy for the sake of someone else's happiness.

 

by the way, this is not a marriage forum. this is a dating forum.

this thread however, is on marriage and the OP did not seek opinions from ONLY married people. my opinion is valid here.

 

Please put that in your pocket and pass it on to your man at the appropriate time. If this all works for you great. It just does not sounds like you defined a marriage. Why be married and lose your independence?

 

Time to tale my wife to lunch. I should go. Later.

[rafallus]

What's the big deal?

 

Why couldn't she dress even "slutty", if she wants to? They can look, but they can't touch.

 

If they can, just drop her.

[Intergalactic]

Please put that in your pocket and pass it on to your man at the appropriate time. If this all works for you great. It just does not sounds like you defined a marriage. Why be married and lose your independence?

 

Time to tale my wife to lunch. I should go. Later.

 

no man of my mine will need it !

 

it always has worked for me - but then i seek partners with similar interests and less archaic views on relationships.

 

luckily for me, it sounds to me exactly like i defined a marriage. i defined my parents' marriage, which has lasted close to 30 years and by their obvious in-love-ness, doesn't look to be slowing up any time soon. i mean, i learnt my idea of marriage from somewhere, right?

[mr.dream merchant]

Personally I'm with Entropy3000 on this. It's more than a mere argument of women not being allowed to or being allowed to wear things. Of course any person should have the right to wear what they want. But we're talking about respecting your partner and respecting the relationship. I'm a built guy and I know what to wear if I want to acquire attention from women. Even if I don't want that attention, I know what NOT to wear, you see?

 

As a man, you kinda hope that your wife would have those judgement skills to decide between the shirt with her titties hanging out with the pants that hug her ass so tight you can see she's wearing either a thong or a g-string through it....or the dress that hugs her figure nicely and isn't showing enough of just the right things to drive men crazy even though that wasn't her goal.

 

People always throw around that rights bull****. Yeah yeah yeah we know, a free country, wear whatever you want, want to feel sexy, blah blah blah. Nobody is saying that shouldn't be allowed. But if I'm a taken man, I won't be out and about, around women with a skin tight black v-neck on, so tight that you can see my six pack through my shirt and my pecs are bustin' out of the chest and the traps are seething out of the back. That's just begging for attention, and even I (a guy) can see that. So out of respect for my partner? I tone it down a bit. Wear a nicely fitting shirt.

[LittleTiger]

I hope your relationship can avoid the pit falls. You are explaining a situation completely different from what the OP was asking.

 

My relationship is great thanks - and there is no way any of us can know the situation that the OP was describing. Everyone is just assuming she's a slutty woman who wants to cheat on her husband. I was giving another possible way of looking at it. The OP gave very few details and only his own view of the situation. We would need to talk to the woman's husband to find out what he thinks about her dressing and her behaviour to know what's actually going on here.

 

I am very well aware that respect is paramount in a relationship. My partner and I respect each other and act accordingly. Him 'telling' me what to wear would never happen because it is not respectful to me. I would never wear an outfit that made him feel uncomfortable (ridiculous tbh - exhibitionism is not my style, I'm far too classy ) but, if it were an issue, I would probably change what I was wearing because I would take his feelings into consideration as a matter of respect NOT because he 'told' me to change.

 

My partner trust is not misplaced and neither is mine. I'm not a party girl or an outrageous flirt - I just like people and I act accordingly. He doesn't need to be there if I happen to be interacting socially with another man because he knows he can trust me - he's an exceptional man actually, an alpha male who also happens to be a 'nice guy' and certainly not naive.

 

Besides which, if I go anywhere and get male attention when he's not around, I tell him all about it. It's just a bit of fun. If you don't trust your partner to be faithful, no matter what the temptation, then you shouldn't be with them.

[mr.dream merchant]

My relationship is great thanks - and there is no way any of us can know the situation that the OP was describing. Everyone is just assuming she's a slutty woman who wants to cheat on her husband. I was giving another possible way of looking at it. The OP gave very few details and only his own view of the situation. We would need to talk to the woman's husband to find out what he thinks about her dressing and her behaviour to know what's actually going on here.

 

I am very well aware that respect is paramount in a relationship. My partner and I respect each other and act accordingly. Him 'telling' me what to wear would never happen because it is not respectful to me. I would never wear an outfit that made him feel uncomfortable (ridiculous tbh - exhibitionism is not my style, I'm far too classy ) but, if it were an issue, I would probably change what I was wearing because I would take his feelings into consideration as a matter of respect NOT because he 'told' me to change.

 

My partner trust is not misplaced and neither is mine. I'm not a party girl or an outrageous flirt - I just like people and I act accordingly. He doesn't need to be there if I happen to be interacting socially with another man because he knows he can trust me - he's an exceptional man actually, an alpha male who also happens to be a 'nice guy' and certainly not naive.

 

Besides which, if I go anywhere and get male attention when he's not around, I tell him all about it. It's just a bit of fun. If you don't trust your partner to be faithful, no matter what the temptation, then you shouldn't be with them.

 

Your man has quite a woman on his hands. Perfect example of what my idea of a sensible woman would be as far as dressing is concerned.

 

I would never tell my lady what to wear, I'll just have faith in that she has enough sense to know what she's putting on and what kind of attention it will draw to her. If she likes to wear attention grabbing attire, then so be it, but in my head I'll realize that she probably doesn't respect the relationship as much as I'd want her to so she then becomes a disappointment.

[johan]

If the clothes that make a married woman happy are "inappropriate" then there is a problem. If the husband feels they are inappropriate then there is an issue. he may or may not be a jerk. But there is a problem. Just because it feels good or ok does not mean it is.

 

So the answer on clothes is ... it depends. If she likes to go without underwear and flirts by giving peeks then maybe that is not appropriate. trying to give you an idea of what I am talking about.

 

Women can increase their sex rank dramatically by clothing selection or lack there of. It can become inappropriate to her husband.

 

If a married woman dresses seductively in an inappropraite way and claims she is doing for her or her girl friends and not attention from men she is only fooling herself. She still gets the attention.

 

I like my wife to look good. I encourage her to dress more sexy when I am with her. It depends on the venue.

I would be offended if she dressed overly sexy when not out with me. It draws the wrong kind of attention for the wrong reasons.

 

Now a woman can dress well and look great and not have to be inappropriate.

 

"Inappropriate" is for the husband and wife to define together. Some guys like their wives to look hot. Some guys even like it when their wives get attention from other men. Many women who seem flirty are really just in it for the attention, and there is a line they won't cross. That's probably most of them, I would guess.

 

I'm not here to defend them, because I don't really like that behavior myself. But I don't think being righteous or moralistic is superior. The last thing we need is clothing police.

[Entropy3000]

Well, its either that or they start fights in bars with men that feel their women up. <shrug>

 

LOL. Hilarious. No that is a false choice. One can play this extreme cockblock role but that is not what I am talking about. Men can choose to be weak and accept the wifes behavior or they can choose to not accept it. Die a little bit each day until total frontal humiliation or they can be brave. man-up and deal with the real issue. His wife's disresepct for him.

[Entropy3000]

What's the big deal?

 

Why couldn't she dress even "slutty", if she wants to? They can look, but they can't touch.

 

If they can, just drop her.

 

UFB. Who is going to stop them from touching? The wife wants the attention. She is playing with other men. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body. He does not own her. He is being insecure. He should be glad she comes home to him at all. After all he is not a real man like these guys she is playing with.

 

It is hypergamy she wants after all. The security of the Beta man and the thrill of the Alpha man. Cake eating. Its fun.

[Entropy3000]

no man of my mine will need it !

 

it always has worked for me - but then i seek partners with similar interests and less archaic views on relationships.

 

luckily for me, it sounds to me exactly like i defined a marriage. i defined my parents' marriage, which has lasted close to 30 years and by their obvious in-love-ness, doesn't look to be slowing up any time soon. i mean, i learnt my idea of marriage from somewhere, right?

 

No your parents are archaic. What is new and tendy is right.

 

The bold explains it all. You seek partners. Plural. I got that right off the bat. You are definging other than a monogamous relationship. That is fine. For you.

[Entropy3000]

UFB. Who is going to stop them from touching? The wife wants the attention. She is playing with other men. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body. He does not own her. He is being insecure. He should be glad she comes home to him at all. After all he is not a real man like these guys she is playing with.

 

It is hypergamy she wants after all. The security of the Beta man and the thrill of the Alpha man. Cake eating. Its fun.

 

I also agree he should just drop her. This is my whole point.

[Entropy3000]

"Inappropriate" is for the husband and wife to define together. Some guys like their wives to look hot. Some guys even like it when their wives get attention from other men. Many women who seem flirty are really just in it for the attention, and there is a line they won't cross. That's probably most of them, I would guess.

 

I'm not here to defend them, because I don't really like that behavior myself. But I don't think being righteous or moralistic is superior. The last thing we need is clothing police.

 

Never said anything different. If the husband has a problem with it then they did not agree and it is single behavior.

 

That said, I reserve the right to encourage more naive men about their implicit trust of womens behaviors. I hate to see a good guy / nice guy who indeed loves his wife, get taken advantage of.

 

Guys get continually burnt by this and bashed by folks who say this or that is ok. Many of the men who say this is ok are being cuckolded right now. So their input is dubious at best and mostly counter productive for those men who are not seeking out to be cuckolded.

[Entropy3000]

"Inappropriate" is for the husband and wife to define together. Some guys like their wives to look hot. Some guys even like it when their wives get attention from other men. Many women who seem flirty are really just in it for the attention, and there is a line they won't cross. That's probably most of them, I would guess.

 

I'm not here to defend them, because I don't really like that behavior myself. But I don't think being righteous or moralistic is superior. The last thing we need is clothing police.

 

Not moralistic at all my friend. Pragmatic. No moral judgement here. My comments are in the context of the OP.

[Entropy3000]

My relationship is great thanks - and there is no way any of us can know the situation that the OP was describing. Everyone is just assuming she's a slutty woman who wants to cheat on her husband. I was giving another possible way of looking at it. The OP gave very few details and only his own view of the situation. We would need to talk to the woman's husband to find out what he thinks about her dressing and her behaviour to know what's actually going on here.

 

I am very well aware that respect is paramount in a relationship. My partner and I respect each other and act accordingly. Him 'telling' me what to wear would never happen because it is not respectful to me. I would never wear an outfit that made him feel uncomfortable (ridiculous tbh - exhibitionism is not my style, I'm far too classy ) but, if it were an issue, I would probably change what I was wearing because I would take his feelings into consideration as a matter of respect NOT because he 'told' me to change.

 

My partner trust is not misplaced and neither is mine. I'm not a party girl or an outrageous flirt - I just like people and I act accordingly. He doesn't need to be there if I happen to be interacting socially with another man because he knows he can trust me - he's an exceptional man actually, an alpha male who also happens to be a 'nice guy' and certainly not naive.

 

Besides which, if I go anywhere and get male attention when he's not around, I tell him all about it. It's just a bit of fun. If you don't trust your partner to be faithful, no matter what the temptation, then you shouldn't be with them.

 

Not what I am talking about. You defined what I see as a "healthy" perspective. From what was given in the OP one cannot assume this healthy approach.

[Entropy3000]

Personally I'm with Entropy3000 on this. It's more than a mere argument of women not being allowed to or being allowed to wear things. Of course any person should have the right to wear what they want. But we're talking about respecting your partner and respecting the relationship. I'm a built guy and I know what to wear if I want to acquire attention from women. Even if I don't want that attention, I know what NOT to wear, you see?

 

As a man, you kinda hope that your wife would have those judgement skills to decide between the shirt with her titties hanging out with the pants that hug her ass so tight you can see she's wearing either a thong or a g-string through it....or the dress that hugs her figure nicely and isn't showing enough of just the right things to drive men crazy even though that wasn't her goal.

 

People always throw around that rights bull****. Yeah yeah yeah we know, a free country, wear whatever you want, want to feel sexy, blah blah blah. Nobody is saying that shouldn't be allowed. But if I'm a taken man, I won't be out and about, around women with a skin tight black v-neck on, so tight that you can see my six pack through my shirt and my pecs are bustin' out of the chest and the traps are seething out of the back. That's just begging for attention, and even I (a guy) can see that. So out of respect for my partner? I tone it down a bit. Wear a nicely fitting shirt.

 

Exactly. Any behavior I expect of my wife,I expect of myself. You are correct men can put out the same type of message. If they do they show disrespect for thier wife.

[stillafool]

OP, I think "slutty" looking clothes are unattractive no matter who is wearing them, but I do notice a lot of married women (as of lately) have been trying to get attention from men. I think it is inappropriate and "needy" as hell. Maybe they should have a talk with their SO and let them know they need more attention.

[thatone]

thanks for your unnecessary pity, i'll pocket that away for when i meet a person who needs it.

 

i love the idea of marriage, and i define it in a way that allows partners to be completely equal and independent. love is complementary, not dictatory.

 

of course it matters what the husband thinks and feels. if he is upset by his wife's actions, then a compromise must be met. if he continues to be unhappy, then he owes it to himself to do what is necessary to make himself happy - if that means leaving her then so be it. but why should SHE make HERSELF unhappy by dressing her acting the way her husband feels is appropriate instead of the way SHE feels is appropriate? if that is the case, they are incompatible mates and should both seek happier partnerships.

 

the idea that someone SHOULD or HAS TO do anything is outdated and distasteful.

 

i don't want to be dominant. i want to be equal, and have an equal say in my dress, my actions, my thoughts, my decisions, my life. that is not wrong or unjust in any way, and if the outcomes of these hurt my partner, i would not feel that he should stay in an unhappy relationship.... but i will certainly not make MYSELF unhappy for the sake of someone else's happiness.

 

by the way, this is not a marriage forum. this is a dating forum.

this thread however, is on marriage and the OP did not seek opinions from ONLY married people. my opinion is valid here.

 

there is nothing independent about marriage.

 

you said in another thread you're 23 years old. that explains what you're not understanding here more than anything else.

 

marriage has clearly defined boundaries, that are set in exchange for long term commitment.

 

it's easy to be set in your ways at 23, when you find yourself 30-35 and desperately hormone'ing for a husband to give you children and a 5 year pass to raise them to school age you will find yourself a lot less indignant about what's ok and what's not.

 

it's not 'outdated'. it'll just take you about 7 or 8 more years to find out that 'outdated' was a lie.

Edited June 12, 2011 by thatone

[Entropy3000]

The take away, I see here is that from a man's persepctive the choice of the marriage partner is key right up front. Duh? That said things can change over time. So find a wife who is right for you. Someone who is compatible in their values at it pertains to marriage. DO NOT ASSUME, just because they are nice people that their expectations about marriage are the same.

 

Beware of bait and switch. If things go south, remember life is short and you can move on a more wiser person for the experience. Spouses do not have to put up with abusive behavior. It works both ways.

 

If you met your wife and you guys were living a partying life style then do not assume she wishes to change after marriage. Talk about it. Set appropriate boundries. Do not in the stuper of being in love surrender your self respect. This is what usually happens. Guys are wanting to show their wife they love and trust them. I totally agree with that, but one has to be careful about being too naive for their own good. Find out what she believes she can and cannot do despite your disapproval. This way one can avoid most of this.

 

It is unfortunate that many men now have to conside per-nups that call out infidelity on their wives part as a potential problem. It appears it is archaic not to do this. Sigh.

 

My wife is not a party girl. I had my fill of party girls before I was married. I am so glad I did not marry one. Again, that is just me. YMMV.

[Entropy3000]

there is nothing independent about marriage.

 

you said in another thread you're 23 years old. that explains what you're not understanding here more than anything else.

 

marriage has clearly defined boundaries, that are set in exchange for long term commitment.

 

it's easy to be set in your ways at 23, when you find yourself 30-35 and desperately hormone'ing for a husband to give you children and a 5 year pass to raise them to school age you will find yourself a lot less indignant about what's ok and what's not.

 

it's not 'outdated'. it'll just take you about 7 or 8 more years to find out that 'outdated' was a lie.

 

Oh very well said. This is it. My view on things is quite different today versus when I was that young.

[LittleTiger]

Not what I am talking about. You defined what I see as a "healthy" perspective. From what was given in the OP one cannot assume this healthy approach.

 

That's just my point. You can't assume the opposite either!

 

We have only the OPs perspective to go on and we don't have any idea what his definition of either 'slutty' dress or 'flirting' is.

 

Nor do we know what type of dress or behaviour her husband finds acceptable, or anything about the dynamics of their relationship.

 

A lot of people here are just assuming that because this woman likes to wear revealing clothes and enjoys an undefined type of attention from men, she must be a 'slut' who is likely to cheat on her husband.

 

Talk about being judgemental and stereotyping someone!