When a married woman STILL seeks attention

[Woggle]

Actually, people who cheat or have cheated in the past are much more likely to be paranoid about their spouses/partners doing the same to them because they know how easy it is to get away with it.

 

I never cheated, but I have girl friend's who have and they are SO paranoid about being cheated on. Much more than me.

 

I've also never been cheated on before, so that's probably why I'm not that paranoid about it.

 

This is very true. My first wife constantly accused me of cheating and now I know why. I also think it is because dishonest people with no morals swear that everybody is just as bad as they are. They can't conceive of the fact that honorable people do exist.

[Desensitized]

This is very true. My first wife constantly accused me of cheating and now I know why. I also think it is because dishonest people with no morals swear that everybody is just as bad as they are. They can't conceive of the fact that honorable people do exist.

 

This. People often see themselves in other people. Therefore, like you said, they cannot conceive the fact that honorable people do exist.

[LittleTiger]

Women are getting emotionally involved which could lead to someone getting off but mostly it takes away from the primary relationship.

 

Much more dangerous situation.

 

I agree, in the case of affairs, either emotional or physical, the primary relationship will suffer, but I thought we were just talking about attention seeking 'public' behaviour ie 'hey guys aren't I gorgeous, look at me'.

 

Another reason we need clarification on the exact behaviour we're discussing.

[alphamale]

I was wondering, if a woman who is married or spoken for, still acts like she really needs attention, (ie - dressing skantily, flirting with other men, etc) does it mean her current relationship might be on a downward slope?

 

Typically, a happily married woman or taken person, would not do this, right?

dude, chicks always want attention especially the good looking ones

[Enchanted Girl]

I don't get what the big deal is here.

 

1) Women can wear whatever they want - those who dress 'slutty' probably dressed that way to attract their husband in the first place. He doesn't really have a right to ask her to change the way she dresses just because he married her!

 

2) What's your definition of 'flirting'? I think there is some low level flirting between all mature and confident adults, including same sex. 'Flirting' doesn't have to be sexual or suggestive - it can just be two people having fun during a conversation.

 

3) Feeling good about yourself (with or without your partner around) and maybe having a fun, 'flirty' conversation with someone - then going home to a partner you love, respect and trust and who loves, respects and trusts you in return, is less harmful to a relationship than visiting strip clubs and watching porn on a regular basis.

 

My partner likes it when I dress to look good (I don't do slutty but each to their own) and he really likes it when other men are attracted to me. He is very secure in my feelings for him and however much attention I get from other men (which I do occasionally - although I certainly don't 'seek' it) he knows I will always be going home with him.

 

I feel the same about him. I love it when he looks good and other women find him attractive and want to talk to him, because I know he's all mine.

 

Bottom line is I think you're getting your knickers in a twist about nothing. Being married isn't the same as being dead! We're all still human. Both men and women look at other people besides their spouses...and both men and women enjoy the 'attention' of members of the opposite sex - anyone who says otherwise is either 'fibbing' or kidding themselves. Provided everybody keeps their clothes on and their hands etc to themselves I can't see the problem.

 

Unless the woman has a reputation for sleeping around outside her marriage (which I'm guessing she doesn't) it's nobody else's business what she wears or how she behaves. Perhaps her husband is very well aware of the effect her provocative dressing has on other men and perhaps he's happy to know that she's enjoying a bit of harmless flirting.

 

The only situation in which this might be 'out of order' is if she was giving another man some serious sexual 'come ons' - touching him inappropriately, making rude or crude suggestions or disappearing into dark corners or empty rooms- or if she was 'flirting' with him on a regular basis with intent.

 

The most likely explanation for her dress sense and her behaviour is that she's very insecure - perhaps she has a good reason? Maybe her husband was/is a player and she's caught him cheating - it works both ways.

 

So, you and the other women in this thread that agree with you would be just as okay if a woman was wearing slutty clothes that your husband was staring down the front of and behind of and flirting with him as long as she wasn't touching him or taking him somewhere in private?

 

Because I NEVER get caught in these situations. Men talk to me, but its always obvious that I'm happily taken to them and therefore they don't usually try anything. I don't flirt. I only dress sexy for my boyfriend.

 

And when girls come up to him dressing like this and flirting, I wrap my arms around him and glare at them until they go away. He also told me he makes special efforts to stay away from girls like this for my sake so I don't misinterpret anything. And I don't flirt so he doesn't misinterpret anything either.

 

It's win win all around.

[Enchanted Girl]

Personally I'm with Entropy3000 on this. It's more than a mere argument of women not being allowed to or being allowed to wear things. Of course any person should have the right to wear what they want. But we're talking about respecting your partner and respecting the relationship. I'm a built guy and I know what to wear if I want to acquire attention from women. Even if I don't want that attention, I know what NOT to wear, you see?

 

As a man, you kinda hope that your wife would have those judgement skills to decide between the shirt with her titties hanging out with the pants that hug her ass so tight you can see she's wearing either a thong or a g-string through it....or the dress that hugs her figure nicely and isn't showing enough of just the right things to drive men crazy even though that wasn't her goal.

 

People always throw around that rights bull****. Yeah yeah yeah we know, a free country, wear whatever you want, want to feel sexy, blah blah blah. Nobody is saying that shouldn't be allowed. But if I'm a taken man, I won't be out and about, around women with a skin tight black v-neck on, so tight that you can see my six pack through my shirt and my pecs are bustin' out of the chest and the traps are seething out of the back. That's just begging for attention, and even I (a guy) can see that. So out of respect for my partner? I tone it down a bit. Wear a nicely fitting shirt.

 

I agree completely with your viewpoint.

[LittleTiger]

So, you and the other women in this thread that agree with you would be just as okay if a woman was wearing slutty clothes that your husband was staring down the front of and behind of and flirting with him as long as she wasn't touching him or taking him somewhere in private?

 

Because I NEVER get caught in these situations. Men talk to me, but its always obvious that I'm happily taken to them and therefore they don't usually try anything. I don't flirt. I only dress sexy for my boyfriend.

 

And when girls come up to him dressing like this and flirting, I wrap my arms around him and glare at them until they go away. He also told me he makes special efforts to stay away from girls like this for my sake so I don't misinterpret anything. And I don't flirt so he doesn't misinterpret anything either.

 

It's win win all around.

 

Well I can't speak for anyone else but, yes, I'd be ok with it. I've been in a public spa pool, sitting next to my partner, and a very attractive woman in a bikini was parading herself in front of him and practically sticking her butt in his face. He looked of course, he couldn't help himself, and I found it nothing more than highly amusing. He's a man, for heavens sake, he likes looking at women - that doesn't mean he's planning to run off and have an affair! Most men are actually pretty decent human beings if you give them the chance and mine is one of the best.

 

Any woman flirting with my man, especially one who's dressed in 'slutty' clothes, isn't going to get anywhere so I have no reason to feel threatened. I certainly don't need to 'wrap my arms around him and glare at them'. He controls his own behaviour and 99% of the time he behaves like a perfect gentleman. Besides which, he would consider any 'arm wrapping' or 'glaring' to be overly possessive and so would I.

 

My relationship is win-win too. It's based on trust.

 

And who said anything about men 'trying anything'? It's very easy to 'flirt' with someone and at the same time let them know you're not available. There's harmless flirting and there's flirting with intent. Big difference.

[irc333]

It's very easy to 'flirt' with someone and at the same time let them know you're not available.

 

Actually, a woman / man that's flirting with anyone else other than their own mate, are exploring their options.

 

I've even met women that had admitted to this when their mate wasn't around.

 

What's being stated in this thread is the "gateway" to a fizzling relationship....when people start flirting with others, it means they're loosing interest in their current love interest.

[Entropy3000]

This is pretty much what I was thinking. Men think it's a travesty if their girlfriends/wives make efforts to attract a variety of male attention. But somehow, there's nothing wrong with those men seeking out a variety of female imagery to fixate their attention on -- and females not just dressed in a revealing way, but naked or performing all manner of sex acts. I'm not convinced.

 

So I guess that's it then. Men might get into an EA or a PA by looking at porn so it is the same as dating members of the opposite sex. Ok cool. Who knew?

[Entropy3000]

Actually, a woman / man that's flirting with anyone else other than their own mate, are exploring their options.

 

I've even met women that had admitted to this when their mate wasn't around.

 

What's being stated in this thread is the "gateway" to a fizzling relationship....when people start flirting with others, it means they're loosing interest in their current love interest.

 

Yes. This is what I am saying

[Entropy3000]

I agree, in the case of affairs, either emotional or physical, the primary relationship will suffer, but I thought we were just talking about attention seeking 'public' behaviour ie 'hey guys aren't I gorgeous, look at me'.

 

Another reason we need clarification on the exact behaviour we're discussing.

 

It is part of playing just the tip. It is disrespectful behavior. A mating ritual if you will.

[Intergalactic]

No your parents are archaic. What is new and tendy is right.

 

The bold explains it all. You seek partners. Plural. I got that right off the bat. You are definging other than a monogamous relationship. That is fine. For you.

 

lol! you have got to be joking. reading your posts is so hard because you are on such a moralistic high horse that you just can't believe that any other way but YOURS is right. and i don't even know what you mean by "what is new and tendy (tendy?) is right". i won't take offense to your calling my parents' highly successful marriage archaic because you're clearly too wound up in your own ideals to see how it might be different for other people.

 

but just so you know, i am MONOGAMOUS. i don't date more than one person at once, i have no desire to have romantic relations with more than one partner at a time. i made 'partners' plural because i haven't yet found "the one" whom i want to marry - so i foresee partners in the future since i'm not seeing anyone at the moment. whether the next person i am in a relationship with will be the one i marry remains to be seen.

 

seriously, stop nitpicking posts by using words such as "partners" and twisting them into your own skewed view on what they must mean. for someone so moralistically narrowminded, you sure make a ****load of a assumptions. and that just makes an ass of you.

[Intergalactic]

there is nothing independent about marriage.

 

you said in another thread you're 23 years old. that explains what you're not understanding here more than anything else.

 

marriage has clearly defined boundaries, that are set in exchange for long term commitment.

 

it's easy to be set in your ways at 23, when you find yourself 30-35 and desperately hormone'ing for a husband to give you children and a 5 year pass to raise them to school age you will find yourself a lot less indignant about what's ok and what's not.

 

it's not 'outdated'. it'll just take you about 7 or 8 more years to find out that 'outdated' was a lie.

 

i beg to differ, but that is just my opinion. i also showed my mother and father this exact thread (and they are 51 and 54 respectively and have been married for 28 years) and they also don't believe that there isn't a place for independence in marriage. to think that relationships and marriage are completely about interdependence and needing one another is incredibly sad.

 

thanks for assuming though, that at 23 i've not been married or had a long term committed relationship that is close enough to marriage to be so without the title.

 

i understand what you are all saying. i just don't agree with it. to dismiss my opinion and views because of my age is a poor excuse. if you don't agree with my opinion - that is okay. but that doesn't mean it's wrong because the way YOU are speaking and the way certain others are speaking in this thread, well if i was married to any of you it would not last because i don't believe women are in ANY WAY obligated or required to do ANYTHING, regardless of marital stature. and that includes dressing or acting in certain ways.

 

what it comes down to is respect. it's not about what anybody is or isn't ALLOWED to do in regards to marriage, because everybody is ALLOWED to do whatever the hell they want within the confines of the law. what it IS about is respect and love - if a person has respect and cares for their partner, they will not act in a way that is a come on to other men (or women). and i don't believe that wearing a low cut dress or harmlessly flirting during conversation classifies as a come on. you might, that's fine, i don't agree. that isn't my age talking, that is my view and the view i have grown up with or cultivated over 23 years of being surrounded by successful marriages.

Edited June 13, 2011 by Intergalactic

[Intergalactic]

it's easy to be set in your ways at 23, when you find yourself 30-35 and desperately hormone'ing for a husband to give you children and a 5 year pass to raise them to school age you will find yourself a lot less indignant about what's ok and what's not.

 

are you trying to say that i will change my view once i desire and/or feel desperate to have children? because yeah... that will NEVER happen.

a) you no longer need to be married or in a relationship to have children.

b) i would never be committed to a person who seeks to control me by using my desire to have children.

 

no husband i have will be giving me children and a "5 year pass to raise them to school age". we will either be having children and raising them TOGETHER, as a unit because we BOTH desire such a thing, or we will not.

 

how sad that view women this way.

[Intergalactic]

Well I can't speak for anyone else but, yes, I'd be ok with it. I've been in a public spa pool, sitting next to my partner, and a very attractive woman in a bikini was parading herself in front of him and practically sticking her butt in his face. He looked of course, he couldn't help himself, and I found it nothing more than highly amusing. He's a man, for heavens sake, he likes looking at women - that doesn't mean he's planning to run off and have an affair! Most men are actually pretty decent human beings if you give them the chance and mine is one of the best.

 

Any woman flirting with my man, especially one who's dressed in 'slutty' clothes, isn't going to get anywhere so I have no reason to feel threatened. I certainly don't need to 'wrap my arms around him and glare at them'. He controls his own behaviour and 99% of the time he behaves like a perfect gentleman. Besides which, he would consider any 'arm wrapping' or 'glaring' to be overly possessive and so would I.

 

My relationship is win-win too. It's based on trust.

 

And who said anything about men 'trying anything'? It's very easy to 'flirt' with someone and at the same time let them know you're not available. There's harmless flirting and there's flirting with intent. Big difference.

 

 

this, EXACTLY!

you've hit the nail on the head, littletiger. i am the same as you - i have never felt threatened by another woman flirting with my partner. they are with me because i am offering something they can't get from anybody else.. me ! and any number of women can flirt or come on to my partner with no jealousy from me, because that man is lying in my bed and making love to ME at the end of the night. and if there comes a time that he is not, then he is not someone i want to be with anyway.

 

honestly, wrapping your arms around a man and glaring at a girl until she leaves? that is not only embarrassing for everyone involved, but is something i stopped doing when i was about 15.

[Woggle]

I am all about seeing an affair before it happens and a woman flirting with other men for attention is a way to predict it. Being PC is not the way to protect yourself.

[Restless_Journeyman]

That isn't something that I would assume. All it means is that there is some need that isn't fully being filled by their husband, which doesn't necessarily mean she is unhappy in her current relationship, nor does it mean she'll cheat (particularly with YOU..she can afford to be and has to be choosy if she does that).

 

For quite some time I've had a sort of "fling" with a married woman whose husband is impotent, but it has been a strictly long-distance thing and she never agreed to meet me in person because of her fears that she WOULD wind up cheating. Believe me, it wasn't for lack of trying on my part, although I remained conflicted about the whole deal.

 

Most women take their marriage seriously and I wouldn't have been able to get as far as I did if I wasn't very safe for her. Especially if kids are involved the chances aren't great that she'll leave her husband for you and frankly, do you really want to be with someone who would assuming he isn't abusive?

 

Given that I have a steady GF now that is going away, but it has taught me quite a bit about how women can think.

Edited June 13, 2011 by Restless_Journeyman

[Entropy3000]

lol! you have got to be joking. reading your posts is so hard because you are on such a moralistic high horse that you just can't believe that any other way but YOURS is right. and i don't even know what you mean by "what is new and tendy (tendy?) is right". i won't take offense to your calling my parents' highly successful marriage archaic because you're clearly too wound up in your own ideals to see how it might be different for other people.

 

but just so you know, i am MONOGAMOUS. i don't date more than one person at once, i have no desire to have romantic relations with more than one partner at a time. i made 'partners' plural because i haven't yet found "the one" whom i want to marry - so i foresee partners in the future since i'm not seeing anyone at the moment. whether the next person i am in a relationship with will be the one i marry remains to be seen.

 

seriously, stop nitpicking posts by using words such as "partners" and twisting them into your own skewed view on what they must mean. for someone so moralistically narrowminded, you sure make a ****load of a assumptions. and that just makes an ass of you.

 

Meant trendy. I was only using your word archaic to represent something 30 years old.

 

But the point is that you have not met the person yet who you wish to marry. So with all due respect you just flat don't have the experience yet to see what is being discussed here. Yet you are so smart you know more than those who have such experience. Wondermous.

 

I am not being moral at all other than to say that the behavior I suggest is supportive of marriage. Not moral. Pragmatic.

[Entropy3000]

I am all about seeing an affair before it happens and a woman flirting with other men for attention is a way to predict it. Being PC is not the way to protect yourself.

 

BINGO !!!

 

Dead on correct

[Entropy3000]

this, EXACTLY!

you've hit the nail on the head, littletiger. i am the same as you - i have never felt threatened by another woman flirting with my partner. they are with me because i am offering something they can't get from anybody else.. me ! and any number of women can flirt or come on to my partner with no jealousy from me, because that man is lying in my bed and making love to ME at the end of the night. and if there comes a time that he is not, then he is not someone i want to be with anyway.

 

honestly, wrapping your arms around a man and glaring at a girl until she leaves? that is not only embarrassing for everyone involved, but is something i stopped doing when i was about 15.

 

Open your mind for just a nano-second. Imagine a time where you have invested fifteen years in your marriage. You have two kids with your husband. You both have endured good times and bad. You have a real investment in this guy and he in you. You are now 39. You are not at your most nubile for sure. You just might have a different view. Now if you immediatley come back and KNOW what you would feel then, then I suggest you are being disengenuous with yourself.

[thatone]

are you trying to say that i will change my view once i desire and/or feel desperate to have children? because yeah... that will NEVER happen.

a) you no longer need to be married or in a relationship to have children.

b) i would never be committed to a person who seeks to control me by using my desire to have children.

 

no husband i have will be giving me children and a "5 year pass to raise them to school age". we will either be having children and raising them TOGETHER, as a unit because we BOTH desire such a thing, or we will not.

 

how sad that view women this way.

 

then you will be one of about 10% of all women, because the rest do just that when they get to around 29-32. and the men aren't controlling them, the women are the ones changing their tune freely at that point.

 

you better earn a lot in your 20s if you're gonna quit to stay home for 5 years to raise those kids to school age.

 

it's the way of the world, you'll see it soon enough.

[Entropy3000]

then you will be one of about 10% of all women, because the rest do just that when they get to around 29-32. and the men aren't controlling them, the women are the ones changing their tune freely at that point.

 

you better earn a lot in your 20s if you're gonna quit to stay home for 5 years to raise those kids to school age.

 

it's the way of the world, you'll see it soon enough.

 

She is just young and naive and will have to experience it all first hand to get it.

[Entropy3000]

lol! you have got to be joking. reading your posts is so hard because you are on such a moralistic high horse that you just can't believe that any other way but YOURS is right. and i don't even know what you mean by "what is new and tendy (tendy?) is right". i won't take offense to your calling my parents' highly successful marriage archaic because you're clearly too wound up in your own ideals to see how it might be different for other people.

 

but just so you know, i am MONOGAMOUS. i don't date more than one person at once, i have no desire to have romantic relations with more than one partner at a time. i made 'partners' plural because i haven't yet found "the one" whom i want to marry - so i foresee partners in the future since i'm not seeing anyone at the moment. whether the next person i am in a relationship with will be the one i marry remains to be seen.

 

seriously, stop nitpicking posts by using words such as "partners" and twisting them into your own skewed view on what they must mean. for someone so moralistically narrowminded, you sure make a ****load of a assumptions. and that just makes an ass of you.

 

That is HYPERGAMY. Not MONOGAMY. If you do not know the difference, take a look.

[Entropy3000]

i beg to differ, but that is just my opinion. i also showed my mother and father this exact thread (and they are 51 and 54 respectively and have been married for 28 years) and they also don't believe that there isn't a place for independence in marriage. to think that relationships and marriage are completely about interdependence and needing one another is incredibly sad.

 

thanks for assuming though, that at 23 i've not been married or had a long term committed relationship that is close enough to marriage to be so without the title.

 

i understand what you are all saying. i just don't agree with it. to dismiss my opinion and views because of my age is a poor excuse. if you don't agree with my opinion - that is okay. but that doesn't mean it's wrong because the way YOU are speaking and the way certain others are speaking in this thread, well if i was married to any of you it would not last because i don't believe women are in ANY WAY obligated or required to do ANYTHING, regardless of marital stature. and that includes dressing or acting in certain ways.

 

what it comes down to is respect. it's not about what anybody is or isn't ALLOWED to do in regards to marriage, because everybody is ALLOWED to do whatever the hell they want within the confines of the law. what it IS about is respect and love - if a person has respect and cares for their partner, they will not act in a way that is a come on to other men (or women). and i don't believe that wearing a low cut dress or harmlessly flirting during conversation classifies as a come on. you might, that's fine, i don't agree. that isn't my age talking, that is my view and the view i have grown up with or cultivated over 23 years of being surrounded by successful marriages.

 

I have been married for 33 years. You just do not know yet. You like we all were at your age just think you are smarter than others. That will change.

[Sugarkane]

I agree that women should be able to wear and do whatever they like. No doubt about it. But my coworker takes it too far and asks other men to come over to her house and sleep with her. And she says it infront of everyone.