My Ring is Tiny, The Ex's was Bigger!

[Bill]

money, money, money

 

Who cares about how much it's worth; it's what it signifies that counts.

[Papillon]

I'm with Tony on this one. I can only shake my head at the pathetic values of some people.

[Kat]

If a man asked me to marry him and I wanted t, he could give me an onion ring and although it may matter a little bit, in the end it is just a ring, a symbol to show the rest of the world you are engaged/married.

 

Haven't we gotten past the days where ,marriage is all about the wealth, jewellery, and houses? Marriage is about commitment and love. He is commited to loving you and bought you a ring to show you...what more do you want?

 

If I was him I would be felling pretty worthless right now and that is something YOU should be ashamed of

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by Kat

 

 

If I was him I would be felling pretty worthless right now and that is something YOU should be ashamed of

 

How so? He's the one who was obnoxiously flapping his gums in public, b*tching to his friends about how much he spent on his ex wife's ring ($3500). Had he not divulged such stupid information, I'm sure this wouldn't even be an issue.

 

As an aside, I always find threads like this entertaining. They come up from time to time on lots of message boards, ones of this nature...where there's always a few in the crowd who accuse the poster of being superficial and materialistic and having 'pathetic values.'

 

I've come to some conclusions. It seems that the men who get so riled about posts like these do so because it galls them to think about having to spend so much money on a ring in the first place.

 

Women who have never been married often take such offense, I think it's mostly because deep down, they're jealous that they're not the one engaged.

 

The women who are or have been married, who take such great offense, are usually the ones who admittedly had/have very minimal engagement rings.....and deep down, though they'd never dare admit it, they're resentful that they got such a small diamond, etc.

 

Of all that a wife does and gives in her marriage, over the years......being the one most responsible for running the household, ensuring housework is done, ensuring the bills are paid on time, cooking, cleaning (while often holding down a full time job)....carrying the babies for 9 back-breaking months -- having to contend with substantial weight gain during pregnancy, hemorrhoids, having to pee all the time, back pain, stretch marks....then having to endure delivery which sometimes results in an emergency C-Section.......being generally the one who stays home with the baby and STILL maintaining the household..while hubby works and has contact with adults all day but has the luxury of coming home to a clean house, clean baby and little responsibility before falling off to sleep in a nice clean bed (after a little lovin' of course)......damn rights she deserves a nice engagement ring! AMEN !!!

[Fedup&givingup]

Let me HELP you with your list Befuddled...

 

PUT UP WITH THEIR FAMILY IN ADDITION TO THIS.....

[Fedup&givingup]

......And just condone him while he looks at other flawless women/pornography so he can get his jollies!

[moimeme]

The women who are or have been married, who take such great offense, are usually the ones who admittedly had/have very minimal engagement rings.....and deep down, though they'd never dare admit it, they're resentful that they got such a small diamond, etc.

 

Bullshxt.

 

What utter ridiculous dreck.

 

 

Of all that a wife does and gives in her marriage, over the years......being the one most responsible for running the household, ensuring housework is done, ensuring the bills are paid on time, cooking, cleaning (while often holding down a full time job)....carrying the babies for 9 back-breaking months -- having to contend with substantial weight gain during pregnancy, hemorrhoids, having to pee all the time, back pain, stretch marks....then having to endure delivery which sometimes results in an emergency C-Section.......being generally the one who stays home with the baby and STILL maintaining the household..while hubby works and has contact with adults all day but has the luxury of coming home to a clean house, clean baby and little responsibility before falling off to sleep in a nice clean bed (after a little lovin' of course)......damn rights she deserves a nice engagement ring! AMEN !!!

 

Um. Marriage is supposed to be about love and caring, not indentured servitude in return for baubles. Yeesh!

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by moimeme

 

 

 

Of all that a wife does and gives in her marriage, over the years......being the one most responsible for running the household, ensuring housework is done, ensuring the bills are paid on time, cooking, cleaning (while often holding down a full time job)....carrying the babies for 9 back-breaking months -- having to contend with substantial weight gain during pregnancy, hemorrhoids, having to pee all the time, back pain, stretch marks....then having to endure delivery which sometimes results in an emergency C-Section.......being generally the one who stays home with the baby and STILL maintaining the household..while hubby works and has contact with adults all day but has the luxury of coming home to a clean house, clean baby and little responsibility before falling off to sleep in a nice clean bed (after a little lovin' of course)......damn rights she deserves a nice engagement ring! AMEN !!!

 

Um. Marriage is supposed to be about love and caring, not indentured servitude in return for baubles. Yeesh!

 

You're right, it IS supposed to be about love and caring, but what does that have to do with the fact that these are a woman's burden? Have you been married to know what the role feels like?

 

All in all, it's more than fair for a woman to feel the appreciation of her man through the size of the ring.

 

Also, don't forget that this sorry sap chose to enlighten this woman of how much he spent on his previous wife. That's just a SLAP IN THE FACE!

[dyermaker]

As experienced as all of you may be, none of you have been married to enough people to establish a legitimate sample, so generalizations are all we can ever operate on.

 

From outside the fray, I think the idea of jewelry as payment for a woman's burden is disgusting.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by dyermaker

As experienced as all of you may be, none of you have been married to enough people to establish a legitimate sample, so generalizations are all we can ever operate on.

 

From outside the fray, I think the idea of jewelry as payment for a woman's burden is disgusting.

 

 

The quantity of how many marriages a person should have is completely irrelevant, period.

 

I personally do not think that this jewelry was in any way "payment" for what she doees. The engagement ring is a symbol or token for his appreciation for her. NO man could ever pay a woman what she is worth.

[lostforwords]

if your basing your love on how much a ring costs... your basing your marriage on the guys wallet...... for shame for shame....... when my ex husband and i got married.... 7 years and 2 kids later.... my son and him went to the jewellers and picked out the most valuable ring (in my eyes)... the fact that they both shared the time and experienced the moment of picking out a ring for me... i will say when i came across the reciept to take it in and get it properly sized... and seen he paid less than 200 dollars meant absolute s*** to me.... the fact that he included our son and let our son choose which ring he felt i would love.... that ring means just as much to me as my childrens first fingerpainting they brought home from kindergarten, thier first A's they got on thier spelling tests that i so proudly displayed on the fridge.... and the clay heartshaped attempt at a wall vase sconce for mothers day...... grow up girls.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

The quantity of how many marriages a person should have is completely irrelevant, period.

I think it's extremely relevant. You can't speak of the burdens of a wife or the struggles of marriage in general--only of what you've experienced. For example, you'll cite "putting up with his family", whereas there are plenty of women who enjoy spending time with their husband's family. Additionally, domestic work is a bitch, I'm sure, but plenty of women share chores with their husbands, and a plethora more just make the kid do all the work

 

It's clear to me, from your posts, that your marriage was less than ideal. Surely you couldn't assume that your experiences translate to a consensus, right?

I personally do not think that this jewelry was in any way "payment" for what she doees. The engagement ring is a symbol or token for his appreciation for her. NO man could ever pay a woman what she is worth.

Perhaps I misunderstood you then--why should the economic appraisal matter?

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by dyermaker

I think it's extremely relevant. You can't speak of the burdens of a wife or the struggles of marriage in general--only of what you've experienced. For example, you'll cite "putting up with his family", whereas there are plenty of women who enjoy spending time with their husband's family. Additionally, domestic work is a bitch, I'm sure, but plenty of women share chores with their husbands, and a plethora more just make the kid do all the work

 

It's clear to me, from your posts, that your marriage was less than ideal. Surely you couldn't assume that your experiences translate to a consensus, right?

 

Perhaps I misunderstood you then--why should the economic appraisal matter?

 

No, my marriage might not equate to a consensus, but the things that are wrong within my marriage aren't all that uncommon, either.

 

When I was working, I finally got my husband to participate with the housework, but the majority of it fell upon me. I look back now, and I don't know how I managed it all, but I did. That's fine to bestow chores and responsibilities upon your children, but when they are babies/newborns/infants/small children, they require A LOT of care...and all the other responsibilities don't vanish, they only make your life more challenging.

 

I've had several married friends that were exempt of some of the problems that I've had, and guess what? Those women had to play the same role. The role doesn't change, regardless of what your situation is. I threw some of my own extra crap in there to rant, because in my situation, a 5 carat diamond wouldn't even suffice...if I knew then what I know now.

 

 

My marital strifes don't change a damn thing in lieu of anything for the role of a wife.

 

So, the economic appraisal is relevant due to the level of gratitude the man has for you. If that ring didn't cost him a pretty penny, he ain't worth a damn. Instead of being antagonistic, think about your own self and your girlfriend...wouldn't

YOU want to give her the biggest diamond ?

 

In this woman's case, the fact that he TOLD her that he spent a significant amount more on his first wife than on her is just plain UGLY.

[End of my rope]

Um. Marriage is supposed to be about love and caring, not indentured servitude in return for baubles. Yeesh!

 

:lmao:

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by dyermaker

As experienced as all of you may be, none of you have been married to enough people to establish a legitimate sample, so generalizations are all we can ever operate on.

 

 

But surely those of us who are or who have been married are at least more qualified to express the opinions we have. Being married once provides much more knowledge and insight than never having been married at all, wouldn't you say?

[Arabess]

Like I said in a previous post about this matter.....I would just let it go and marry the guy. Once we have joint credit cards and a bank account....I would buy my own damn ring. Same difference.

 

I don't happen to like jewelry....but if I did....that's what I would do.

 

 

........my dream would be a guy with a healthy credit card from Home Depot....my favorite store!!!.....

[moimeme]

So, the economic appraisal is relevant due to the level of gratitude the man has for you. If that ring didn't cost him a pretty penny, he ain't worth a damn

 

Unbelievable!

 

No. Let me rephrase that. UN... BE....FRICKEN'.......LIEVABLE

 

 

Be sure to put that in your personals ad. Might as well be crystal clear about your values.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

I've had several married friends that were exempt of some of the problems that I've had, and guess what? Those women had to play the same role. The role doesn't change, regardless of what your situation is.

Fedup, you can't possibly know enough people to make a consensus--I'm not arguing with you, there are plenty of bad husbands out there, bad wives as well--but I don't see how inadequacies within a marriage--even if you're correct, even if most marriages aren't fair to the woman, how does a shiny piece of jewelry make it any better?

 

Diamonds are NOT rare stones, the entire reason our society values them is because of DeBeers.

I threw some of my own extra crap in there to rant, because in my situation, a 5 carat diamond wouldn't even suffice...if I knew then what I know now.

That's kinda the point I was getting at.

So, the economic appraisal is relevant due to the level of gratitude the man has for you. If that ring didn't cost him a pretty penny, he ain't worth a damn.

This is where I disagree with you the most. How much he paid is relevant to his gratitude? In a relationship that I would value, there would be no economic gratitude. I would only want a wedding ring if it had sentimental value, in which case I would only pay enough for something that won't fall apart.

Instead of being antagonistic, think about your own self and your girlfriend...wouldn't

YOU want to give her the biggest diamond ?

I didn't know I was antagonizing you, if I was, I apologize. As for my situation, no, not at all. Primarily, we're not interested in diamond rings, neither of us care to wear the blood of child labor on our fingers. Additionally, I would want to get her a ring that she'll enjoy wearing because it came from me, not because I sold our (soon to be) communal property to afford it.

 

All in all, I find it extremely materialistic. It's like expecting her family to pay me a dowry of cattle.

In this woman's case, the fact that he TOLD her that he spent a significant amount more on his first wife than on her is just plain UGLY.

Totally agreed, I was talking about the practice in general.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by moimeme

So, the economic appraisal is relevant due to the level of gratitude the man has for you. If that ring didn't cost him a pretty penny, he ain't worth a damn

 

Unbelievable!

 

No. Let me rephrase that. UN... BE....FRICKEN'.......LIEVABLE

 

 

Be sure to put that in your personals ad. Might as well be crystal clear about your values.

 

Well, all I have to say is.....

 

I KNOW WHAT I'M WORTH!

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Fedup, you can't possibly know enough people to make a consensus--I'm not arguing with you, there are plenty of bad husbands out there, bad wives as well--but I don't see how inadequacies within a marriage--even if you're correct, even if most marriages aren't fair to the woman, how does a shiny piece of jewelry make it any better?

 

Diamonds are NOT rare stones, the entire reason our society values them is because of DeBeers.

 

That's kinda the point I was getting at.

 

This is where I disagree with you the most. How much he paid is relevant to his gratitude? In a relationship that I would value, there would be no economic gratitude. I would only want a wedding ring if it had sentimental value, in which case I would only pay enough for something that won't fall apart.

 

I didn't know I was antagonizing you, if I was, I apologize. As for my situation, no, not at all. Primarily, we're not interested in diamond rings, neither of us care to wear the blood of child labor on our fingers. Additionally, I would want to get her a ring that she'll enjoy wearing because it came from me, not because I sold our (soon to be) communal property to afford it.

 

All in all, I find it extremely materialistic. It's like expecting her family to pay me a dowry of cattle.

 

Totally agreed, I was talking about the practice in general.

 

But, you are MISSING my point, here. The size of the ring has NOTHING to do with good husband vs. bad husband. IT has to do with him showing ME how much HE thinks I'm worth, period. If he's too cheap to splurge on something like that, then to hell with him. He must not value me all that much. The ring is something that you wear, and when you see a big rock on a woman's finger, you immediately think she's dynomite to have it, and that the man that gave it to her worships the ground she walks on. It's a form of chivalry at it's best.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

But, you are MISSING my point, here. The size of the ring has NOTHING to do with good husband vs. bad husband. IT has to do with him showing ME how much HE thinks I'm worth, period. If he's too cheap to splurge on something like that, then to hell with him. He must not value me all that much. The ring is something that you wear, and when you see a big rock on a woman's finger, you immediately think she's dynomite to have it, and that the man that gave it to her worships the ground she walks on. It's a form of chivalry at it's best.

 

I couldn't agree more, FedUp! Makes you wonder if women who claim the ring doesn't matter are really women who deep down don't think they're worth very much? I think it's sad when women don't stand up for their worth. If they don't command worthiness and being valued, how can they expect others to value you them? If a guy can't budget and make some sort of sacrifice to buy a decent engagement ring (I'm not saying he has to sell his left nut, or take out a second mortgage on his home), then what does that really say?

[moimeme]

and when you see a big rock on a woman's finger, you immediately think she's dynomite to have it, and that the man that gave it to her worships the ground she walks on

 

Um, no.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by moimeme

and when you see a big rock on a woman's finger, you immediately think she's dynomite to have it, and that the man that gave it to her worships the ground she walks on

 

Um, no.

 

Um, YES.

[moimeme]

The point, Fedup&givingup, was that I don't.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

But, you are MISSING my point, here. The size of the ring has NOTHING to do with good husband vs. bad husband. IT has to do with him showing ME how much HE thinks I'm worth, period.

To each his (her) own. I need not spend a penny to show the girl I Love how much she's worth to me, and likewise to her.

If he's too cheap to splurge on something like that, then to hell with him. He must not value me all that much.

What if he values you enough to spend money on things like a house, or your children--something with intrinsic value?

The ring is something that you wear, and when you see a big rock on a woman's finger, you immediately think she's dynomite to have it, and that the man that gave it to her worships the ground she walks on.

I immediately think "gold digger"--I'm not trying to be funny, when I think of women with enormous rings, I think of Kobe Bryant's wife.

It's a form of chivalry at it's best.

I think it's more a form of blind consumerism at it's best. The only reason you, and women like you, want a diamond, is because you were programmed to want one. They're not rare jewels, they're just monopolized by a huge consumerist empire. They've programmed women to respond to advertisements, I think DeBeers has influenced society more than any other company in human history, they've actually gotten it to the point where some women think that exorbitant amounts of money need to go toward things that are inherently unvaluable as a demonstration of love--that's powerful.

 

Granted, I think you're on to something about chivalry. The concept of paying for marriage IS very medieval.