Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Just thought I'd share this, which was cited in one of our letters. An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31:10; NASB This is quite beautiful, Dyer. It doesn't really support your end of the argument, though. It supports what I posted earlier, which is that a woman is PRICELESS, period. I will reiterate.... NO MAN COULD EVER PAY A WOMAN WHAT SHE'S WORTH.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31:10; NASB This is quite beautiful, Dyer. It doesn't really support your end of the argument, though. It supports what I posted earlier, which is that a woman is PRICELESS, period. I will reiterate.... NO MAN COULD EVER PAY A WOMAN WHAT SHE'S WORTH.... God DAMN I am sick of 'holey than tho' stay at home mums who tries to preach to people about how they do more than anyone will ever know and that THEY are the most important part of the relationship. Get over yourselves. If you can't raise a family AND have a career then don't turn around and blame it on 'society' . You say women have enough 'strains' on them umm hello maybe in your houswhold it is the women who HAS TO stay home if you ever decide to have kids, but don't make it mean that ALL women SHOULD stay home and be the 'queen bee' and yet they have everything paid for them but no one owns them, or pays them...yeah right Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Kat God DAMN I am sick of you 'holey than tho' stay at home mums who tries to preach to people about how they do more than anyone will ever know and that THEY are the most important part of the relationship. Get over yourselves. If you can't raise a family AND have a career then don't turn around and blame it on 'society' blame it on plain laziness and stupidity for not being able to do anything more. You say women have enough 'strains' on them umm hello maybe in your houswhold it is the women who HAS TO stay home if you ever decide to have kids, but don't make it mean that ALL women SHOULD stay home and be the 'queen bee' and yet they have everything paid for them but no one owns them, or pays them...yeah right You missed the mark, friend. What I said was that I am only a stay at home Mom/wife as of the last 8 months. The preceding 6 years I worked outside of the home, and didn't neglect my other full time job of maintaining my home. I never said nor did I imply that all women should stay at home and be "Queen Bee", where did I say or imply that? I will only say that at this point, my husband's hard work has paid off so that I DO have the luxury of not having to work outside the home. That has NOTHING to do with the fact that women that work outside of the home full time do NOT have a heavy burden. I have respect for them only. I haven't sneered my finger down at anyone. All I've said is that I know what the expectations are of being a woman, and I know the role I play within a marriage. Sorry that my point has been misconstrued. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup All I've said is that I know what the expectations are of being a woman, and I know the role I play within a marriage. Sorry that my point has been misconstrued. No it wasn't. You pointed it out again above. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 In addition to my previous post, I see this pattern where those of you that have disagreed with me have taken away from the original argument of this entire thread. YOU'RE ALL SWERVING ALL OVER THE ROAD! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Kat No it wasn't. You pointed it out again above. I pointed it out, just as I said, that I know what a woman's role is, and I play it. I know what it entails, and I see where you have taken what I have said and twisted it in a knot. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Kat, Having read your countless posts over the past couple of years, about your insecurities with your guy, his past, his exes...I would bet the farm on the fact that if you were in the same boat as the original poster here......and he gave you some small ring by comparison to one he'd given an ex...and you'd overheard him bragging about how much he'd spent on his ex's ring.....you would be devastated...and you would be here in a flash......all upset and feeling insecure that maybe he loved his ex more, and so on. You would post incessantly about how it upset you and made you feel bad and like maybe he didn't think you were worth as much as his ex. Anyone who's familiar with your past posts, I'm sure would agree. In fact, wasn't it 2 yrs ago that you were posting here, all upset because your guy (before he agreed to allow you and your daughter to live with him in his new house) said although he felt he wanted to spend his life with you, he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't see himself marrying you. I think all of this is quite interesting, given your "responses" to FedUp. And for a single mom (as you once were), I do recall how you said many times that you couldn't afford to move out of your Mom's house...despite how horrible she and your brother were to get along with....because you were going to school and couldn't afford a place of your own.....and how you were desperately hoping your boyfriend would finally agree to let you live with him..how it would help you financially (lessen the burden)..yet here you are, bashing women with children who run the home, care for the children AND try to maintain a career outside of the home. Not everyone had their parents to live with, or a boyfriend to support them. I also recall you saying that when your b/f agreed to let you and your daughter move in with him...he would not let you pay any of the mortgage payment..that he'd pretty much pay for everything (he didn't want you helping to pay the mortgage, or put your name on the title of the house)..........so I guess it's easy to sit there and judge other women, but it appears to me that you've always had it pretty easy when it came to having a free place to live, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I know what a woman's worth, and it has nothing to do with economics. If I were a woman, I would be honestly concerned if my fiance spent a bunch of money on a gaudy symbol of our union, it would be indicitive of an inability to effectively manage finances. For you perhaps $$$ = Love, but I don't see how you can be so shocked there are people who don't need that. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I know what a woman's worth, and it has nothing to do with economics. If I were a woman, I would be honestly concerned if my fiance spent a bunch of money on a gaudy symbol of our union, it would be indicitive of an inability to effectively manage finances. For you perhaps $$$ = Love, but I don't see how you can be so shocked there are people who don't need that. Good for you. I never said (either and yet again) that a man should spend well beyond his means creating a financial strain. Good grief! And no, money does not equal love. My standards are my standards, and yours are...well, they are yours. I'm not shocked that not everyone has the same standards as my own. I simply stated what I thought and laid out what my standards are, and I've been defending myself about it ever since then. To each his own, for crying out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
sonofhud Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I will only say that at this point, my husband's hard work has paid off so that I DO have the luxury of not having to work outside the home. This has always been something I admire these days...because its hard to find, what with women's rights and all. If I ever get married and have kids, I would want my wife to stay home and take care of the kids. Of course this would be discussed before I even marry the girl because this is something I find so important in the development of a child. And I have had many women attack me because of statements like these...... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Well, this is very sad. I submit to you that many of the respondents in this thread have never really loved someone. That you have the good fortune that a person you value and esteem should value and esteem you back is the prize. There is nothing greater than that, and looking for monetary confirmation of that esteem cheapens that treasure. Love is not about demanding to receive. It is about desiring to give. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by sonofhud This has always been something I admire these days...because its hard to find, what with women's rights and all. If I ever get married and have kids, I would want my wife to stay home and take care of the kids. Of course this would be discussed before I even marry the girl because this is something I find so important in the development of a child. And I have had many women attack me because of statements like these...... Well, I think of men like yourself as being a GENTLEMAN. It's respectful to the quality of good family living, and it's respectful to the acknowledgement of what a woman's work consists of. You're a gem to have this type of thinking, and I in no way find it demeaning nor chauvenistic. The way I see it, if a man can provide enough to support the household, the woman can take pride in and lots of care in taking care of her family. It all goes hand in hand. Link to post Share on other sites
sonofhud Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Amen, fedup! You got any sisters? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by sonofhud Amen, fedup! You got any sisters? Nope, only one brother LOL Link to post Share on other sites
engaged and upset Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I don't think I ever even IMPLIED that I don't care for my fiance. I love him dearly and wouldn't dream of ending a relationship over a little bump in the road, however, I do reserve the right to occasionally be upset. I'm MUCH more upset at the BRAGGING (and HUMILIATION) than the $$$ for a ring. One IMPORTANT fact you're missing.... for a couple that brings home over $13,000 a month, a $3,500 ring is peanuts.... I don't see where: Originally posted by dyermaker ... If I were a woman, I would be honestly concerned if my fiance spent a bunch of money on a gaudy symbol of our union, it would be indicitive [sic] of an inability to effectively manage finances. ... would be an issue. How would spending a FRACTION of monthly income on a piece of jewelry be indicative of an inability to effectively manage finances ??? Maybe I should have phrased my question differently in the beginning…. Imagine yourself in the following situation… HIM: I think you need a new car, so I bought you one. HER: Ok, I didn’t think I needed one?!?! I can take the bus or ride a train instead of buying a new car. HIM: It's a decent car for a used economy model. HER: Thanks for getting me a car. I appreciate the effort, but can we talk about decisions similar to this in the future. I'll seldom use a car, and it's a dead investment. Weeks later… HIM: Did I ever tell you about the $50,000 car I bought for my ex? She's a @#$%!#$ for selling it after we divorced and using the $$$ adding on to her new house. HER: [unsure what to say] Later…. OTHER PEOPLE: I heard your fiance bought you a car, is this it? HER: Yes. OTHER PEOPLE: Did you ever see the car your fiance's ex used to have? It was a beautiful car. I wish I could have a car like that. HER: Nope… Is it about time for the next horse to enter the arena? OTHER PEOPLE: Her car was really nice… ***** How would you feel if your significant other bragged to you about how much they had spent on a gift for their ex which was nearly identical to a cheaper gift they had purchased for you ? -R ***** love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship, personal ties; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests commitment: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future marriage: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex (or same sex) as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law note: you can have love and commitment without marriage you can have commitment and marriage without love (sad but possible) you can have love and marriage without commitment (ending a relationship without really trying) each of these words is mutually exclusive... I'd prefer to have love and commitment first and then marriage. (just my $0.02) Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Well explained. VERY well explained. It's your original plea. Sometimes people will challenge you no matter what for the sake of arguing. I hope you can manage to work things out with your boyfriend. Personally, if he's unyielding to accomodate you with a nice ring with that kind of financial backing, I'd be questioning a whole lot myself. GOOD luck to you! You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I think even if he bought you a six-carat tiffany ring, it wouldn't change the nature of his personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Engaged and upset, after reading your last post I am with you here, absolutely. Bragging about the ring he gave the ex was *stupid*. I don't think you are materialistic, or greedy, at all. You would have been content without a ring, and very happy with the ring you got, if your bf hadn't mentioned the ex's ring. I'm not saying he should upgrade the ring. (even if I hope he will) But he should try to understand how you feel and apologize for bragging. Best thing he could actually do is not buying a new ring, but it is saying something *extremely* nice about you next time his ex and her friends are around, and make it clear that he thinks you are WAY better a person than his ex and that he loves you more. Link to post Share on other sites
bella8464 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Originally posted by sonofhud This has always been something I admire these days...because its hard to find, what with women's rights and all. If I ever get married and have kids, I would want my wife to stay home and take care of the kids. Of course this would be discussed before I even marry the girl because this is something I find so important in the development of a child. And I have had many women attack me because of statements like these...... Hud..it is so hard to find a man that feels this way. Most men view women as lazy if they want to stay home and raise the kids. I, for sure, would love to stay home with the kids. Before I have kids, of course I would work my butt off to save money to allow me to have this opportunity. And when my kids get to a certain age thay they no longer need to come home to mommy after school, then I'm going back to work. But during those important childhood years, my kids are not going to daycare nor are they coming home to a babysitter. There is nothing wrong with that of course of you can't afford it, but as much as I can, I want to be there for them in every way possible. To me, no job is more important than that of being a mother. You are a rare man, Hud... Link to post Share on other sites
jewler Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Confucius say, "man with big family jewels, no need to buy big family jewel." Thats her true problem!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 This may came as a shock to you, but not everything revolves around men's pants, you know... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 engaged & upset Talk to him. Ask him why he's doing this. Tell him that people are asking you why he's not buying you more expensive baubles and why he brags about the price he paid for the former wife. I suspect it may be that he's not bragging, but complaining; i.e. "look how much I spent on Wife 1 and look how she treated me". Link to post Share on other sites
sonofhud Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Originally posted by bella8464 Hud..it is so hard to find a man that feels this way. Most men view women as lazy if they want to stay home and raise the kids. I, for sure, would love to stay home with the kids. Before I have kids, of course I would work my butt off to save money to allow me to have this opportunity. And when my kids get to a certain age thay they no longer need to come home to mommy after school, then I'm going back to work. But during those important childhood years, my kids are not going to daycare nor are they coming home to a babysitter. There is nothing wrong with that of course of you can't afford it, but as much as I can, I want to be there for them in every way possible. To me, no job is more important than that of being a mother. You are a rare man, Hud... Well, I'm glad there are women out there who agree with me! Like I said, there are women who have called me sexist for saying stuff like this. There probably are many women who just stay home to be lazy, but if the house is clean and theres a warm meal, what can I complain about? I remember as a kid, my mom would stay home and take care of us during the day and work at night. Every day me and my sister would wait at the door for our dad to come home. My parents ended up splitting up when I was in high school so I guess you could say those were the most fond memories of my childhood, having my mom there to take care of us. Link to post Share on other sites
jewler Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup NO MAN COULD EVER PAY A WOMAN WHAT SHE'S WORTH.... Just from my own experiences, people who have to tell you how good they are or how much they are worth are usually not worth much {attention}. If you bought most people for what they are worth, and sold them for what THEY think they are worth, then probably this entire forum could retire on the profits. People need a sense of self worth, but not at the expense of being arrogant and materialistic. Some people exude it naturally. I guess those that dont and have low self esteem and self worth need a bigger rock to tell all that see that they are really OK. Going to go puke now with Tony. Link to post Share on other sites
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