Do you think I deserve a second chance?

[Nantucket1984]

Hey LS Friends,

 

Going through a lot of emotions today and would like some honest advice. My story is posted above, its not long. I went to a NA meeting tonight and these 2 guys told there story about there drug addiction and how they admitted it to there wives. Long story short, there wives were upset but they didnt leave them. Sure there relationship is not perfect and one of them actually sleeps in a separate room from his wife but the point is it looks like there TRYING.

 

I am trying to make everyone on here understand how into me and how obsessed my ex was with me. She would get so upset if she couldnt see me everyday. She always assumed I was going to break up with her because she felt I could do better. She didnt understand why I was with her when she has a baby(she felt no one wants that.) If I told her to jump, she would say how high. She always bought me random presents and wrote me notes. She would stay up until 2am when I got out of work so she could come over and sleep in my arms for just a few hours.

 

Our relationship ended because I snooped through her FB and found out a guy asked her out to lunch and she agreed but told him she has a bf and to not think of it as a date. This happened the day before our huge fight and things between us were not so great. After I confronted her about it is when she said its over and when theres no trust there is no relationship and that she knew I had her FB info and it was a setup. That is when she said I knew I had been doing pills the entire time and to come clean, so I did.

 

Admitting my addiction to her I feel was the ultimate reason we broke up. Because I did look her in the eyes throughout our 6 month relationship and told her I was not using each time she asked. I am not trying to play the victim role, I SCREWED UP.

 

I am just having a hard time understanding whats gotten into her lately. After we broke up 2.5 months ago I slept over a few times within the first few weeks. She said shes still in love with me and has faith and confidence in us and wants to try and fix us after she sees improvement in me. She said if she didnt have faith she wouldnt have told me about her health problem. She said if she didnt have faith she would tell me never to speak to her again because what I did was wrong. She said if we get back together I want all "those people" out of your life. She said she wants to tell her mom so if we do get back together they can celebrate my sobriety. She said she told her sisters were not together so if we do get back together they know we took a couple months off. All this was said over a month ago. Before I became kind of pushy and asking her to hang out every week even though she said she was not ready to see me nor really talk to me.

 

I feel like I was lied to and betrayed. Please hear me out! I was addicted to painkillers. I dont feel this is your typical breakup where we broke up cuz of a lot of fights or cheating was involved or because we had different values. When I tell you our relationship went from great to its over, thats exactly how it was. 2 days before our breakup we were saying I love you and cant wait to see you tonight and I had so much fun today to this. I feel like her and I have unfinished business. It cant just end like this cant it?

 

I am really having a hard time with this. She doesnt even call to ask how I am or how my recovery is going or am I still going to meetings. Everyone on here says if you really love somebody you will not dump them. I am a FIRM BELIEVER IN THIS. I am pretty confident she loves me, shes the one that said it first. I feel like I dont know who she is anymore. That the person I knew before was a fake and this is her true colors. If she was addicted to something I would NEVER to this to her. I would help her out and there for her because I love her. I should of told her, I should of came clean, I should of had her help me but I DIDNT. I am not used to asking for help, I dont express my emotions very well, I try and solve everything on my own.

 

Its been 8 days NC. I dropped off her stuff last friday(she didnt ask for it I just wanted to see her and her child) and I tried talking to her about us but she was just so angry. She flipped out when I asked her if I should move on or not. I said when did u know there was no second chance with us? She said I never said there was no second chance. But you obviously dont know what you did, if you did you would respect me.

 

Does this girl not understand how much I love her and care about her? I could easily move on to the next person, instead im home on a saturday night posting this and trying to find a way to fix it. But I know there isnt a way to fix it. She knows how hard I have tried to see her and fix us in the past 2 months and I feel like shes not putting in her share. If she wanted to be with me again she would of told me. Just like how SHE asked me out, just like how SHE asked me for my #, how SHE kept asking me when am I going to make her my gf. She put herself out there before so I know shes capable of doing it again.

 

Now I am just venting and my emotions all over the place. I basically feel lied to. I feel like she never truly loved me/cared about me because if she did she would at least ask how I am or show SOME SIGN of wanting to fix things after 2.5 months. All the advice above makes sense, it really does but if you really care/love someone wouldnt you give them a sign you do?

[Nantucket1984]

Could really use some advice/opinions on what I posted last night. So many emotions/feelings going through my mind.

[citrusdrop1688]

I dont believe thats true at all. You guys were not married. There is no level of actual commitment to each other. She also has more important things to think about. Like her child. She was making you the center of her universe, clearly. Maybe she just realized she was giving alot more then she was getting and decided to put her needs first.

 

U looked through her stuff, you lied to her about using and last I heard you were CONTINUING to lie to her about your using.

 

I would never expect someone to stay with me if I were to relapse. People in active addiction are selfish and mean. I would get very abusive and would never want someone I love to put up with that.

 

I do tell people that im entering into a relationship with that if it were to get serious and I relapsed that I would ask for one chance to get straightened out. A break per-say where we wouldnt interact much so I could focus on myself, and so they didnt get hurt. If I failed to get sober, or I continued to lie to them I tell them that I EXPECT them to leave.