Gypsea Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I was involved in an emotional Internet affair. I am addicted! I need advice on getting back to the real world! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 you may want to give more details so people can be helpful. throw it all out there on the table - people will help... but they can't help without info first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Thank you! I met a guy on a news chat website a few years ago. He followed me where ever I went. He seemed like he needed a friend. We began to talk privately and a few months later he seduced me. We are both married. We were inseparable after that. I ignored everything that needed my attention. It was intoxicating. I noticed things began to change in the coming months. Sobi did what I always do.... Hang on with a deathgrip. He grew more distant. We hardly have contact now, but I feel like a junkie with my sleeve rolled up. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 i would be more useful to turn that attention to your spouse. it's where it should be anyway. he may have been caught by his spouse - that's usually when the internet person goes quiet... or when you expect something from them that they never expected to make good on. for many - it's there fantasy world... a chance to be anyone and anything. focus on your spouse, new hobbies, exercise too... distractions help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I was involved in an emotional Internet affair. I am addicted! I need advice on getting back to the real world! easiest advice to the short little post of yours. grow up. and I mean that with all seriousness. you are married, act like it. be a wife or get the hell out of the marriage so your husband can find someone who isn't like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonesonaboat Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Agree with the last post. A little growing up is in need. You need to come back to reality, and put some more effort and attention into your husband and your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 What do you mean he "seduced" you? Online? Via webcam? Your 2-sentence posts don't give a clear picture of the story at all. Sounds like he went distant on you because you became a Stage 4 Clinger and hung onto him with a "deathgrip" as you call it. Nothing scares a guy off faster (doesn't matter if he's single, married, or dead). Your best avenue for getting back into the real world? Shut off your computer. Link to post Share on other sites
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Is The Cheater some sort of new comic book hero? Link to post Share on other sites
Only Gal Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 u need advice and not being judged, am i right? ask yourself, do u feel guilty? if u do, u better don't hide it from your spouse please. if u still want to be with him, dont put lies between you two. grown ups take responsibilities of their actions. Make it up to him. Focus on your family. There's a possibility he would put distance to u of what u've done, but at least u won't feel the burden of guilty as much as before. some cheaters can't look at their spouse eyes at all. coz they feel guilty. and it's killing them inside. don't be like that. And please reduce your time online. change some behaviour such online shopping to real shoppping with your family or frens, net social network to gather in dinner party at some frens' place, or and have a vacation trip with your family Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks for all of your input. No, I do not think I am a super hero. I don't think I deserve any sympathy either, BUT people who think it is as easy as realizing that I need to stop..are way off! Would you tell an alcoholic to just put down the glass? This is also an addiction. I was not looking for this. I said we met on a news chat site, not on "cheat on our spouse XXX" website. This is a big problem for many people, and telling someone to "grow up" is very short sighted. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 yes you were looking for it. don't lie. if you weren't looking for it at whatever point it went from appropriate to inappropriate you could've stopped all contact with the internet guy. he doesn't know who you are, or where you live, unless you told him. if you didn't stop it then, you made a decision to 'look for it'. you are not innocent. drop the indignant speech. growing up is exactly what you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Where exactly did I say I am innocent??? Why are you being so nasty? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 I came her for help...guess that's not going to happen.....sorry I bothered you. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Where exactly did I say I am innocent??? first it was "he seduced me" then it was "addiction". both are bullsh*t. you chose to have an inappropriate relationship outside of your marriage. it's not his fault, or some medical problem, YOU did it. I came her for help...guess that's not going to happen.....sorry I bothered you. you got help when the first person told you to grow up, you're not looking for help, by your responses it sounds like you're looking for vindication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Vindication????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Thank you WN. I didn't go into great detail of my EA because I didnt want it to seem like I was looking for vindication or sympathy. I didnt want to get into specifics about either of our marriages or the MM. That to me would have been trying to justify my behavior. By seduced, I meant that he made the first move, and it was a seduction by words. Yes, I had every opportunity to say."Thanks, but no thanks" I didn't, and it has taken over a years worth of therapy, a dear friend, and many self help books to get over him. Am I sorry it happened...YES! Would I wish for it to happen again with him or anyone else? NO! It was destructive to my family, my job and to myself. My husband nor his wife ever found out. I feel that telling him would only serve to make myself feel better. Why on earth would I want to put him through that? My disapointment here was the advice to "grow up". EA's are a very real problem. Put aside how or who started it. I needed to find the "why". I have been on a long personal journey from the lowest point I have ever been. It was very difficult, and part of the reason was that we did still have contact. He wanted to be friends Once I knew in my heart that wasn't possible was when I became free. He, however, has continued this behavior at least 4 more times since ours ended. What I was looking for were suggestions how other people in my situation dealt with coming back to reality. I never met my MM, but I wove him into the fabric of my everyday life. It was difficult to remove every strand, but I have done it. Link to post Share on other sites
Slavie Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 l'm writing to say that cheating is not wroth it you are hurting your partner and the potentail broke up or divorce is not wroth it. l had to live with the quilt and shame of trying to cover up my cheating. Even if it only happened ounce. after a while the realtionship did end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gypsea Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 I am sorry :-( I wish you well in putting things back together! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I feel that telling him would only serve to make myself feel better. Why on earth would I want to put him through that? This is not a good reason to not tell him. It is not fundamentally true. You will not feel better if you tell. You will actually feel worse seeing how devastated he will be. In actuality..you don't want him to change his view of you and you know that his view will change because he will realize that you are capable of deception. What you are actively doing is making a decision for what he needs to know about something that affects his life. He needs to know what you are capable of so he can make a decision on whether or not he wants to stay with you or not. You are already making this decision for him. It is further carrying on the dishonesty. You are his wife..you have his name..whatever you do affects him and vice versa. Even if you do not tell..Who says he may not find out on his own...tomorrow..next month or next year? What will be your course of action then? Him finding out on his own is far worse than him finding out from you. Neither will have good outcomes in the beginning, but I guarantee you..honesty pays off far better than it's counterpart. It's all left up to you of course..your life to live. The secret you keep...will always be a wall between you and your husband. He will never know the real you..the honest you..because you will be deceiving him. Because there will always be a part of you he can't touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Maybe by telling your husband you could work as a team to fight this addiction. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your husband to come to you to explain his problem and fight together as a team against it? I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I came her for help...guess that's not going to happen.....sorry I bothered you. thank you . . Link to post Share on other sites
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