MrSouth Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Been reading on here for a bit, tried the nc thing didn't really seem to work. So, my wife and I almost four years are about to get a divorce. A few months ago I found out she was having an affair. Previously she told me she was depressed and to promise to make her see a counselor, which I promised to do. I bugged her a few times about making an appointment and she never did. Basically I've been a little apathetic about the whole marriage and my life in general the past four years. When I found out about the whole thing it was quite a shock. I did the typical overreaction type of thing and told her we are getting divorced. She cried and told me we should try to work it out. I'm not sure if this was just out of guilt. I calmed down and realized I still love her and would like to try as well, but she had a change of heart and continued to see the OM (who told her he loves her and I'm assumed talked her out of any chance of reconciliation). We went to one counselling session but stopped after our first 'together day' when she told me she saw the OM and it's too late between us. When she left we embraced and kissed... which I'm not sure if it was a goodbye kiss, or a pity kiss or just confusion. It left me with a shred of hope, which was probably for the worst. I know I was not the best husband, not giving her enough emotional attention except when I wanted sex, and she told me this on more than one occasion. I also chose to spend time doing other things than paying attention to her at times, it seems so stupid now, and I am filled with regret. When we talk she is cold, and there is little emotion. She only contacts me regarding money, she is struggling as I was the primary breadwinner. I tell her to ask the OM for money, as it's not my problem anymore. We have no kids, and it hasn't been long enough for alimony. It's been almost two months and we have all the paperwork filled out. I just need to get mine notarized. I really don't want to end it, even though logically I should. I've been trying to improve myself, exercise, attitude, self improvement books, therapy... but I never got a chance to show her. It's too late now and it hurts. I really want to sit down and talk to her and find out exactly what went wrong in our relationship. She said, "she'll think about it". I don't know why, maybe I just want to see her one last time, or maybe I want closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Os137 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Mr, please trust me.... Divorce is the only thing now. I know where you are in your feeli gs and i know its insainly hard to continue without her. But you have to keep in mind that this is what SHE chose. The ocean is huge, filled with fish, and right now you feel like shes the only one for you... Trust me, shes not. You will find a woman out there who is perfect for you in every way. Use what you learned from your mistakes in this marriage to make sure your next one is golden. Its gonna take time, a lot of time... There will be many more crying sessions in the shower, many more wailing sessions in the bed at night, many more sitting on the couch stairing aimlessly at nothing.. But you will prevail, this i can asure you. Keep going to the gym, pick up a hobby, somethin you really enjoy and een though your not enjoying it right now, keep doing it anyway. Keep your chin up and your chest out buddy, your better than this. God bless you and keep you in his graces. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 We all have regrets when our relationships end, but at least you don't have kids with her. You can make a clean break, and not have to pay her alimony. Who knows maybe in a couple of years she will see that the grass in not greener on the other side, and ask you to give it another shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrSouth Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yes the regret is overwhelming. We just had an email exchange, she basically said she was never happy and always felt like she was taking care of me and I was ignoring her. I guess there is nothing I can do now but try to take care of myself, I just can't help but dwell on everything I could have done to fix this. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 , she basically said she was never happy and always felt like she was taking care of me and I was ignoring her. None of us are perfect, I'm sure your wife either. However instead of talking to you and trying to work things out that way, your wife chose to cheat and deceive you. They all say the same thing, it's a rewriting of history in order to justify to herself leaving you. So there's no point in beating yourself up over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 None of us are perfect, I'm sure your wife either. However instead of talking to you and trying to work things out that way, your wife chose to cheat and deceive you. They all say the same thing, it's a rewriting of history in order to justify to herself leaving you. So there's no point in beating yourself up over this. Darn right. Better to find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrSouth Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) So I printed out the paperwork. I just need to get it notarized and then it's about two weeks until we go to court to legally end it. Why is it so hard. I was really shaken up yesterday, we got into a bit of an email altercation and she basically told me all I ever did was play computer games and bitch when she asked me to do a simple task. She also so I was constantly guilting her about things. I know I was a ****ty husband, I am surprised she lasted as long as she did. I guess when we did meet she was dating her last bf for 3 years and admitted to cheating on him previously before she left him for me... The thought that she would do that to me was always in the back of my mind and I always had a hard time giving her my full trust. I guess when I was finally able to it blew up in my face. Once a cheater always a cheater. Edited June 14, 2011 by MrSouth Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrSouth Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 This is terrible. She just came and got the papers, it feels like the day she left. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 This is terrible. She just came and got the papers, it feels like the day she left. The day she left was the day she decided to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
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