spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Ok, so I met this lovely girl through online dating....lets call her Lisa. We emailed for a few weeks, then agreed to go on a date. We met for coffee and everything went really well. Later on that day she text me saying that she had a fantastic time and wanted to catch up again, which we did. The following weekend I took her out to a great Teppanyaki restarant, followed by a couple of drinks at a lounge bar. Besides being a little nervous (normal with the first few dates I think) the night was enjoyable. After about 4 hrs we parted ways. The next morning she text thanking me for dinner and that she really enjoyed it. I have always let her send the follow up text after dates...not wanting to come accross as being desperate etc etc. Early the following week she text me asking me what shifts I was working as she wanted to catch up during the week, which we did. After a few phone calls and texts we went to the movies. Again had a great time. Before we left, she asked me if I wanted to catch up for lunch on the weekend....which I was interested in doing. On the friday night, same week she rang up to organise something. We went and had some lunch the next day, then sat at the beach for a couple of hours just talking. I should also add that I have not tried to kiss her, hold hands etc, not wanting to come on too strong too early. After each meeting, I always gave her friendly kiss on the cheek and a little hug. We finished up and a few hours later I text her thanking her for lunch and a relaxing afternoon. She text back saying she had fun too. Anyway night she went out for a girls night out....(planned) and I now feel I am getting the cold shoulder treatment. Yesterday afternoon text her to see how her night was. 4hrs later she test me saying soooooo hungover and sooo sick. Normally she prompt with her replies and definitely isnt so vague, and asks how I am doing etc etc. I am getting the feeling that she isn't that into me.... Everything has been fun/enjoyable so far, and I really enjoy this girls company. Every time I have met I have felt more comfortable. I would have thought that usually someone knows whether they are into someone if they have been on 4 dates. I can usually work that out after 1st or 2nd dates. My last text has gone unreplied....what to do. Try contact her again???/ or just let her contact me. Its almost like she went out with her girlfriends and they have got into her ear....Everything seemed fine before now its vague responses if any response at all.... Any advice appreciated. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
RovingReporter Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Maybe she perceives the lack of physical contact as disinterest on your part. You should definitely start the kissing ASAP, like after the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonesonaboat Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Just give her time to reply, and when the contact is back up arrange another date with her, I think it's about time you gave her a kiss dude! I know after that many dates with a guy I would be wondering what's up! Go in for the kill on the next date Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetheartt Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I can tell your really shy lol. Not a good thing. I prefer more aggressive on my dates. But I dont think u blew it yet. Try again and make it work this time around Link to post Share on other sites
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 It seems like she's done all the pursuing! By the way, it's awesome when a guy texts you saying he had a good time after a date!!! That's not being needy at all- it reinforces your interest (and it's polite). Maybe she is wondering if you're interested. She's always asking you out, you haven't given her any positive reinforcement physically either. It's also possible she met someone else the night she went out. You haven't stepped up your game, so maybe she got tired of having to do all the asking and giving you the positive reinforcement! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Thanks the replies guys. Yeah I have thought that I probably should have gone in for the kiss too.... I can be a little shy not knowing someone that well...but I am not so sure this is the issue. I sense that she is a little on the reserved side hence I have not gone too hard....not wanting to scare her off. Each time I have met I have felt more and more comfortable, as has she.... Yesterday I knew she was going to be feeling a littel worse for where so I sent her a text saying "how is the sun recovery going, did you have a good night?" Getting such a vague response; soooo hungover and sooo sick I just get the feeling she was indirectly telling me dont bother trying to catch up today. I will be honest I sent that text knowing she wouldnt be feeling too well....thats where I was going to follow up by inviting her over for dinner....Thats where I would have made a move with her. No pressure or intention of getting into her pants either....if it happened then it would have happened..... Link to post Share on other sites
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You have to make your move earlier next time. She pretty much chased you- asking you out, telling you she had a good time, and you haven't given her much in return to make her feel like you are interested. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 It seems like she's done all the pursuing! By the way, it's awesome when a guy texts you saying he had a good time after a date!!! That's not being needy at all- it reinforces your interest (and it's polite). Maybe she is wondering if you're interested. She's always asking you out, you haven't given her any positive reinforcement physically either. It's also possible she met someone else the night she went out. You haven't stepped up your game, so maybe she got tired of having to do all the asking and giving you the positive reinforcement! This is my thinking too. It could be that spending time together has been initiated/made by her mostly since you two just started dating. Did she initiate the first date too? Has she initiated any physical contact on her end or has there not been any physical contact at all up to this point? I don't necessarily think her being hung over and/or sick indicates a loss of interest either way, if she is hung over and/or sick, then she's simply not feeling good. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You're quite a lucker that she survived FOUR dates without kissing, I recall being blown out after a ONE date without kissing. Then again, it clearly wasn't going anywhere throughout. As people before me mentioned, any her attempt of pursuing you should be rewarded with your interest. That "never show interest" advice you could get from some is pure BS. By my findings, girls are hardly as reserved as you seem to suggest. If you make the right moves, they will like it either way. And it pretty much is the whole point. soooo hungover and sooo sick my response would be: "Awww, that sucks <hugs>" Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 You might be right dangerstranger, but part of me does tell me that I was showing interest though. Every date kissing her goodbye, no pashing as I mentioned. Given he a hug after every date too.... There was talk of the 3rd movie date, at the end of the 2nd...I left it to her to make first contact that week though. So I dont think she has completely done all the initiating. Date 1 I asked her out, date 2 I asked her out for dinner. I deliberately kept texting to a mininmum to not come accross as being desperate..... Crap I think am thinking that I have screwed this one up......I WANT THIS GIRL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Snugbunny, I initiated the first date, and dinner the following weekend....Our lunch date the other day (4th date) followed on my sitting down at the beach for a few hours.... It was pretty cold when were sitting at the beach. We sat quite close together,,,,,shoulders brushing etc etc....thats the biggest physical contact que I have recieved on her part....Probably should have thrown my arm around her there and then.....LOL What to do now....no reply for my lastest text, after getting the sooo hungover sooo sick text 4 hrs after sending my initial msg. (hows the sun recovery going) I replied to her msg saying "I am hearing you, had a big one myself"....which I did ofcourse. Next move.....??????? public holiday for both of us today.....wonder if she will contact me today.... Link to post Share on other sites
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 How long ago since you last got a message from her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 ok...4th date We had lunch went to the beach on sat. Met up for about 3.5hrs Text her about 1hr after getting home saying I had a good time and great seeing her again. Also said....enjoy your night out with the girls. She text back half hr later; "I had a great time too!, tonight should be fun as long as get to shake my booty I will be happy I text back saying; "Nice one! At least you will be keeping warm...(freezing here at the moment!) No reply from her after that. When we finished up our date that afternoon she jokingly said I might receive a drunker phone call later that night.....which I didnt. Text her lunch time the next day saying "how is the sun recovery session going, did you have a good night?" 4hrs later she replied "soooo hungover sooo sick".... I replied about 1hr later saying "Im hearing you, I had a big one too". Left it at that, no communication since..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 I am sure as hell am hoping that I am reading into this too much....not like I am new to the dating game either..... Just fallen for this chick!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 dude ur last text to her didn't even require a reply. so don't expect one persay. maybe she doesn't want to initiate another date so she's waiting for something more from your end. but even judging by ur texts ur relaying here, in addition to the non-action thats going on during the dates, u REALLY must start ASAP to ramp up some flirting and physical contact. when she texted how hungover she was you missed a good opportunity for some playful flirting...ie: "aww u want me to come take care of u? " ok that was just very quick off the top with no creative thought...but u get the picture. the texting between dates should be building attraction, flirt a little. get the sexual tension going. but no as others have said, 4 dates without any physical flirting or kissing is bad man. if its easier, why not go for drinks that way it might ease any nerves. or invite her over for dinner and a movie, and see if she's down for that. b/c if she is, ur essentially at worst asking her if she wants to make out and fool around, and if she is down for that type of date, u know she's obv ready. but hurry man get on this, she's probably getting bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Nope, you blew it. You have to strike while the irons HOT, on date 1. You dont have to take her pants off, but you to have to TRY to make out so she knows youre interested. She went out with her girls, and she met a guy that she probably made out with that night. He's more her pace, thats why she isnt contacting you. So dont contact her anymore, you have to wait until it doesnt work out with him. So forget about her for now. Go find another girl, dont wear your heart on your sleeve, dont fall for her until you get to know her for a few months, and dont make her wait for a kiss. The women you want have a couple guys they can fall back on. Once they give up on you, thats it, flames out, you blew your chance. You most likely wont get a second one. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Just trying to kiss the girl scores you points, even if she isn’t ready yet. She’ll be like wow he must really like me, he went in for the kiss and then when I said no he respected it. I hope he tries again because next time we are totally making out. The following are all the things you did wrong. Didn’t try so much as holding her hand. Kissed her cheek and considered that some how a cool move. Were afraid of imitating contact. Made useless small talk through txt instead of always making sure you had another date planned. Here are all the things you should do. First meet women in real life instead of on the internet. Second don’t be afraid to be yourself, don’t put forward some castrated version of yourself constantly afraid to scare a person by kissing or holding hands etc. Act on the first date if that’s what you want to do and don’t make up excuses like she must want to take it slow unless she specifically says “I don’t want to kiss or hold hands.” Even if you try and she says no like I said you’ll score points and she’ll probably want you to try again next time. Finally always have a next date planned in the near future with a girl you like and never be afraid to let her know the next day how great she makes you feel. Avoid stupid small talk. You don’t need our help. In fact we can’t help you. Just be yourself and lose that fear and self doubt. If this screws up you’ll be fine. You just got to believe in yourself and you’ll get the greatest girl for you who loves you for you and gives you strength and energy you never knew you had. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Before we left, she asked me if I wanted to catch up for lunch on the weekend....which I was interested in doing. On the friday night, same week she rang up to organise something. We went and had some lunch the next day, then sat at the beach for a couple of hours just talking. I should also add that I have not tried to kiss her, hold hands etc, not wanting to come on too strong too early. After each meeting, I always gave her friendly kiss on the cheek and a little hug. We finished up and a few hours later I text her thanking her for lunch and a relaxing afternoon. She text back saying she had fun too. Snugbunny, I initiated the first date, and dinner the following weekend....Our lunch date the other day (4th date) followed on my sitting down at the beach for a few hours.... Errrr, I thought you said the lunch date was initiated by her? Nope, you blew it. You have to strike while the irons HOT, on date 1. You dont have to take her pants off, but you to have to TRY to make out so she knows youre interested. I don't agree with having to make out on the first date. There are ways a man can show a woman he is interested in her romantically, without shoving his tongue down her throat on the first date. He could place his hand on her lower back when she walks in front of him (not by her butt, don't get any ideas ), he could give her a soft/short lip peck at the end of the date, he could gently stroke a piece of her hair away from her face when in close proximity, he could compliment her on her appearance or her outfit, he could feed her a piece of his food playfully. Aside from that, I agree with the guys on this one, with regard to showing a woman you are interested in her romantically. It's admirable that you are going slow with her physically, personally I would find it sweet, but it can also send mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Maybe she perceives the lack of physical contact as disinterest on your part. You should definitely start the kissing ASAP, like after the first date. agreed OP that is your problem. The next girl you date that you like the kissing should start by the second date. Followed by more physical contact each date after. This girl is most likely gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 snugbunny.....After the 3rd date at movies when we parted....before I could even get a word in she asked me out to lunch on the weekend. I had all intentions of asking her over to my place for dinner but she got in first! Man I am pissed about blowing this one! Took it slow as I have blown it previously with other girls trying "to hit it off" way to quickly. Such a sweet girl...such I missed opportunity! That feeling of rejection such an awful feeling....I so want to call her, but that could only make things worse! How I wish she was reading this thread!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 snugbunny.....After the 3rd date at movies when we parted....before I could even get a word in she asked me out to lunch on the weekend. I had all intentions of asking her over to my place for dinner but she got in first! Man I am pissed about blowing this one! Took it slow as I have blown it previously with other girls trying "to hit it off" way to quickly. Such a sweet girl...such I missed opportunity! That feeling of rejection such an awful feeling....I so want to call her, but that could only make things worse! How I wish she was reading this thread!!!! Don't be pissed. Besides, if she ends things with you solely because you didn't attempt to sleep with her yet, then her priorities are messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Man I am pissed about blowing this one! Took it slow as I have blown it previously with other girls trying "to hit it off" way to quickly. NO NO NO, the previous girls you've tried "hitting it off with" didn't work because they weren't interested in you. Not because you made a move too soon. When you try to hit it off with a girl who likes you the whole game changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spid382 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Don't be pissed. Besides, if she ends things with you solely because you didn't attempt to sleep with her yet, then her priorities are messed up. I see where you are coming from there....but I def dont think she was that way inclined....she come accross as having her head screwed on pretty well....(def not the slutty/skanky girl looking for sex) .Something else is going on. Maybe she felt there was no chemistry.... Something has happened on Sat night when she went out. Either met another guy....or she her friends have been into her ear telling her to blow me off.... The follow up text after the 4th date was all positive.... Not so sure whether it be worth my while even contacting her anymore....the tide has def changed as far as phone calls and texting since the last positve msg I got from here late sat afternoon. Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I see where you are coming from there....but I def dont think she was that way inclined....she come accross as having her head screwed on pretty well....(def not the slutty/skanky girl looking for sex) .Something else is going on. Maybe she felt there was no chemistry.... Something has happened on Sat night when she went out. Either met another guy....or she her friends have been into her ear telling her to blow me off.... The follow up text after the 4th date was all positive.... Not so sure whether it be worth my while even contacting her anymore....the tide has def changed as far as phone calls and texting since the last positve msg I got from here late sat afternoon. dude just hang in there for another day or two. and then shoot her another text that comes off like the 3 or 4 day break or whatever was completely normal and u were super busy etc. but in there u need to escalate some flirting imo..eg "hey cutie. i've got your plans for fri night. i was thinking you, me, a nice homecooked meal at mine, a bottle of wine, and a movie. not taking no for an answer " or something along those lines. if she isn't interested, then at least u gave it one last shot. if she is, you're back in the game. as bad as u've dropped the ball u can't really just leave things the way u did imo. Link to post Share on other sites
nothappyjan Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Totally agree with the post above mine. Def text her that to let her know you are in too her. Im in the same position i've got a fifth date planned this week and the guy has done no more than hold my hand. He seems inexperienced so im hanging aorund i mean i am a conservative girl bit im still hanging out for a kiss or more tuching so she probably is too! Just do it man Link to post Share on other sites
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