Stepping up to the plate

[moimeme]

I'm looking for tips and tricks.

 

Imagine that there is something that you have to do that is unpleasant. You know it will be difficult for you emotionally, and you are already dealing with other issues (uncertainty about fiscal and personal future). Nobody else can or will do this thing for you and it absolutely must be done. You wish it would just vanish or resolve itself, but that's not going to happen.

 

So how do you force yourself to go forward into a situation that you know is going to be stressful and difficult?

 

I have never shied away from doing difficult things, but then they didn't get to me. Lately, I am getting definite physical indications that some stresses are affecting me so it goes against all my instincts of self-preservation to add even more stress to my situation. However, I must. How do I talk myself into marching into something that I know will be unpleasant and which will add to my current stresses? Anybody got a spare suit of armour?

 

What has worked for you?

[Vivid_29]

I don't know what tips or pointers I can offer you, Merry. Personally, if I know that it has to be done, I just do it. I guess you can recite to yourself over and over - 'it's gonna be ok - it will be over soon - i'll be ok'.

 

Do you have to get your stuff back from an ex-boyfriend or something?

 

I remember getting ready for work and knowing that my ex was gonna be there at the office. I woke up about 2 hours earlier and went for a long drive and gots some air, before I arrived to work. It helped my anxiety.

 

 

~V

[bluechocolate]

I'm sure there are very sound reasons for your ambiguity about this "thing" that you have to do and I respect your privacy, but it is difficult to formulate a response because all situations are unique. I would respond differently to different difficult situations, if you know what I mean.

 

Is it safe to assume that by NOT doing this difficult thing the situation will only worsen? That's always a good reason for getting unpleasantness out of the way sooner rather than later. Do you have to do this thing alone? Is it possible to have someone along, not to contribute, but to add emotional support?

 

I'm trying to remember situations in my own life when I've had to do ( or rather say ) something that I knew was going to be difficult. The two that I've come up with both turned out to be far less stressful than I thought they would be and resulted in a great burden being lifted from my shoulders.

[moimeme]

Thanks, Viv and bluechocolate!

 

I guess you can recite to yourself over and over - 'it's gonna be ok - it will be over soon - i'll be ok'.

 

I can try that, though I don't think I'll believe me. I've told myself that before - and things didn't turn out ok.

 

Do you have to get your stuff back from an ex-boyfriend or something?

 

That was last year's hassle. Done and over with, thank heavens

 

I would respond differently to different difficult situations, if you know what I mean.

 

I probably have to go into litigation with people related due to my dad's marriage.

 

Is it safe to assume that by NOT doing this difficult thing the situation will only worsen?

 

Probably.

 

That's always a good reason for getting unpleasantness out of the way sooner rather than later.

 

True. Like 'Swallow the Frog'!

"Swallow the frog" though, basically means to do the thing you dread most

 

Do you have to do this thing alone?

 

oh yes

 

Is it possible to have someone along, not to contribute, but to add emotional support?

 

Flying solo, here.

 

The two that I've come up with both turned out to be far less stressful than I thought they would be and resulted in a great burden being lifted from my shoulders.

 

Sometimes that happens, yes. A couple other times, though, they were worse.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by moimeme

Anybody got a spare suit of armour?

 

 

If I had one, I'd send it to you Merry!! I sure do understand what you are saying.

 

I'm going through my doctor telling me above all things NOT to get stressed out because of just getting over pnemonia. But yet, I need to persue a major law suit.

 

I know there are time when we wish we could hand someone our life and ask them to 'handle it'. It's tough as hell dealing with everything alone.

 

I ended up making a list and breaking it down to 'just a couple' of things I have to deal with each day. That way, it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Maybe you could try the same thing.

 

Beyond that, you know you have friends who are limited in helping you....but do care. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

 

Arabess / Barbie

[moimeme]

Thanks, Barbie! I guess we are a bit in the same boat.

 

I ended up making a list and breaking it down to 'just a couple' of things I have to deal with each day. That way, it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Maybe you could try the same thing.

 

I have an awful long list LOL. As my favourite mug says "God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind I will never die" LOL

 

Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

 

Thank you and the same to you! We tough broads gotta stick together!

[bluechocolate]

I probably have to go into litigation with people related due to my dad's marriage.

 

Yikes! Lawyers and family - and it's rarely "over soon" once the lawyers get involved.

 

Not one of the two situations I mentioned earlier but I once had to sue some former employers and my lawyer strongly suggested that I don't ( odd advice from a lawyer I know ), but I had to do it. It completey took over my life for a while and often my lawyer just seemed to be adding to the stress and frustration. During the process I developed a hideously painful and ugly skin condition which my doctor called an opportunistic infection brought on by stress - so I really feel for you worrying about stress and illness in a situation like this. In the end they backed down and we reached a settlement out of court, which at the time was a remarkably UNsatisfactory outcome.

 

The thing that makes these situations even more difficult is that once it's in the hands of the lawyers you have no control over the outcome. No lawyer will guarantee a win, so it may just be that you go through the whole ugly process and end up where you started and with less money than when you began.

 

Gosh - sorry, I'm not adding anything really constructive here.

 

If you have to go through with this can you emotionally detach yourself and deal with it strictly through your lawyer? ie. only engage with the other party(ies) through your lawyers?

 

In the end I guess you have to convince yourself that this is the right thing to do and it would still be the right thing to do even if the final outcome is not what you wanted or expected and your health and finances suffer as a result.

[moimeme]

If you have to go through with this can you emotionally detach yourself and deal with it strictly through your lawyer? ie. only engage with the other party(ies) through your lawyers?

 

It's the emotional detachment that's the problem. I'm not as good at it as I would like to be. I keep working on it, but I have a way to go yet. It's very disappointing that these people chose to go this route. I've given them no reason to take this approach. They're just being greedy and that's the really disappointing part.

 

In the end I guess you have to convince yourself that this is the right thing to do and it would still be the right thing to do even if the final outcome is not what you wanted or expected and your health and finances suffer as a result.

 

LOL! You see why it's such a daunting prospect! I appreciate you telling your own tale. It helps to know someone might understand why I'm being such a wuss about doing this!

[Fedup&givingup]

Moi,

 

You are describing exactly what it is like for me to move forward and leave my husband. I have to face the inevitable, and it IS difficult.

 

I will find the strength, but a lot of times I feel like both of my feet are stuck in the mud.

[freebird]

Moimeme - if I read between the lines correctly it sounds like you are worried about a financial situation. Are you thinking of suing someone for money owed or are you the one who owes money and has to file for bankruptcy?

 

I just got from the tone of the thread that it has to do with a personal and financial decision that can be emotional - and well - I had a friend say those very same words and filed bankruptcy - her marriage was in the dirt, her husband racked up thousands of dollars on HER credit cards while she was fighting cancer - she had no choice but to file bankruptcy - she cried, she toiled - but she did and she's much happier - she said she met with the lawyer - went to that court date and it was over in 5 minutes.

 

I could be WAY off track here - but just a thought. Good luck in whatever it is!

[moimeme]

Oh, thank heavens it's not bankruptcy. I did end up with a stack of debt after one relationship tanked, but I cleared all that. And I'm also not nearly as badly off as your friend who had cancer on top of it all. Thanks for the story - it helps put my situation in perspective. Makes me feel more like a wuss, though

 

Seriously, I do appreciate the good wishes.

 

FedU, if you think leaving someone is no fun, wait 'til the divorce when you find out that that's all about money, too.

Been there, done that, got the headaches to show for that one, too. I'm not meaning to sound unsupportive, but at least you'll be getting out of a rotten situation instead of heading into one.

[freebird]

Moi - I wish you the best. You know, sometimes you have to just walk thru fire - but in the end, you can look back and say - hey, I did it!

 

My friend had some really bad luck. In fact, the guy who sent her into bankruptcy was her second husband. Her first was very wealthy - and a greedy SOB - he one day - just decided divorce was the best. Cold turkey - he moved out and had his lawyers handle it - no emotion - she was so hurt - he truly was greedy, didn't care and in the end - she found out that he divorced her for financial reasons. His family threatened to disown him if he didn't divorce her!! What a schmuck. She was young at the time, so she opted NOT to fight for her rights against him and his greedy family - and ended up with nothing. On top of this - her lawyer felt her up before she walked into court! I mean - talk about soap operas...

 

My take - do what you have to do to take care of YOU cuz believe me - whoever is against you - is thinking of themselves and not you! BE strong! WE're here with ya!

[CurlyIam]

I'm under a lor of pressure right now and I do nothing. I can afford it, unlike you.

 

Still the stress, the fact that I know I'll have to get going at some point, the fact i'm totally running out of time take their toll. It's not your situation, but...

 

It's about making little steps and about you.

 

Don't go down on yourself. Be gentle. Try to listen and do exactly what you want and like as much as possible. Two minutes between the light change, think of what you like most, close your eyes and enjoy.

 

It's very very much about concentrating on yourself, not on the stressful situation. That is out there. It does not help to increase the stress by telling yourself it's going to be "difficult, stressful, painful". Wait and in the the mean time take care of your stress level. Breathing exercises etc etc. I know it sounds oh so shallow, but it does help. There are lots of tricks that can help you relax before you go to sleep - I remember I was so tired and yet so tense that I could not sleep ar have nightmares.

 

Give yourself time, accept the situation you're in and don't try to resist it, as you said, you have to go through it. If you can turn this into a learning experience... woow, then you'll have to explain us how you did it. Fight a good battle, soldier!

[CurlyIam]

Just wanted to add that bad things happen anyway, anytime and to anyone. It's how one handles it that makes the difference.

[Samson]

Don't go down on yourself. Be gentle. Try to listen and do exactly what you want and like as much as possible. Two minutes between the light change, think of what you like most, close your eyes and enjoy.

 

Good advise, CurlyIam, and applicable to so many... um.... situations........ahem.

 

Anyway, as soon as you get the secret to this one Merry let me know so I can sell it. As far as I can tell, though, the market seems to have been cornered by; Smirnoff, Bacardi, Jose Cuervo, Budweiser, etc.

[CurlyIam]

Stop it, Samson, you make me blush!

[Samson]

Well ladies and gentalmen, I've now made a Frenchwoman blush.

 

No matter what happens now I'll die happy!!!!!!!

[moimeme]

from freebird:

 

BE strong! WE're here with ya!

 

Thanks very much!

 

from CurlyIam

 

Try to listen and do exactly what you want and like as much as possible

 

Unfortunately, I do far too much of that. I have to quit doing those things or I'll turn into an indolent blob.

 

by telling yourself it's going to be "difficult, stressful, painful

 

Quite right and I should know better. Thanks for the reminder!

 

Fight a good battle, soldier!

 

Thanks!

 

from Samson:

Anyway, as soon as you get the secret to this one Merry let me know so I can sell it.

 

No fun being grownup sometimes, is it? Problems and hassles and troubles, oh my!

 

As far as I can tell, though, the market seems to have been cornered by; Smirnoff, Bacardi, Jose Cuervo, Budweiser, etc.

 

Nah, that only leaves you hungover AND still stuck with the unpleasant thing before you. My drugs of choice are chocolate and dancing; both, thank heavens, are even beneficial to one's health

[Thinkalot]

Hello Merry,

 

Very sorry to hear you are stressed.

 

I think Arabess had a good idea, of making a list and dividing things into small tasks, and jost plodding through.

 

Detachment. What a good one...and so hard to actually master! If I tell you to 'detach' it will be like the pot calling the kettle black.. LOL! But still, do try and take the 'personal' out of it as much as you can. Even write down the bad emotions is stirring in you, to actually acknowledge them, but then sort of put them away somewhere, so they don't stay in your head.

 

And yes, meditate and relax and do whatever to try and stay as calm as possible.

 

I don't know what else to offer, but you certainly have my best wishes and supprt, and you know you have a big group of friends here ...I'll send you some healing white light.

[PACMAN]

What exactly are you suing about? Without the specifics, I would say "follow your heart."

 

Or take take two platitudes and call your girlfriend in the morning. In a litigation-happy-trigger world, I would be interested to know what you have to sue about.

[moimeme]

From Thinkalot -

 

I don't know what else to offer, but you certainly have my best wishes and supprt, and you know you have a big group of friends here ...I'll send you some healing white light.

 

Thank you very much What a sweet thought !

 

From Pacman -

 

What exactly are you suing about?

 

Nobody's suing anybody. People do more things in court than just sue people.

[Samson]

Yeah, in fact just looking at a lawyer gets my heart rate up; sweat glands going.

 

Serving on a jury, for example, is very stressful, particlarly when the Judge frowns on you just because your drinking a "Hurricane" durning the proceedings!

 

Uh......., not that I'VE ever done this.........

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by Samson

Yeah, in fact just looking at a lawyer gets my heart rate up; sweat glands going.

 

Serving on a jury, for example, is very stressful, particlarly when the Judge frowns on you just because your drinking a "Hurricane" durning the proceedings!

 

Uh......., not that I'VE ever done this.........

 

Oh, God! A Hurricane? The last time I had a couple of those, I felt like I had been shot at and missed, and s*** at and hit!

[Samson]

You sure you weren't around a lawyer instead of the effects of a few drinks? Sounds like very similar effects!

[Thinkalot]

Merry, another thing- don't forget you have a wealth of inner strength to help see you through anything. You display on here a lot of wisdom, and insight. I'm sure you also have plenty of courage given your life experiences to date. So don't doubt your own ability to handle this well. Confidence in the inner you can be quite strengthening in itself.