Author wheelwright Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 The first part of the process if to focus on you: what you want, how you feel, what you need for fulfillment, in any relationship. When you know that, than you will be able to assertively set boundaries to protect you! You will no longer ACCEPT people who will not nourish your soul and give equally to you what you give to them. You will no longer justify accepting unacceptable behavior from others under the guise of sympathy. An added bonus? You will no longer attract these types of people into your life. You will be able to spot the selfish, needy, damaged, incapable of meeting your needs people immediately. You will know not to let them in as they will exhaust your spirit, empathy and patience. For many, this process is easy. For others, much more difficult especially if you were not encouraged in childhood to identify negative emotions and express them. Many of us were not. If I say 'when you do x, it makes me feel like y' and the person KEEPS doing x and making me feel like y, and y is unhealthy FOR ME, yep...it is time to exit the relationship. You not only have to identify your boundaries, you have to have the strength to communicate, enforce and HONOR them. If the OP still will not respect them, then either they do not respect you and your feelings, or they simply do not care as how they feel is of more importance to them. So that is unhealthy for you and it is time to deep six the relationship, whether it be a lover or friend or colleague or boss. I get you Spark. Will be wiser in the future (I hope to goodness at least). Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 You will pull your kid off Harvard (and btw, by that time, it is HIS choice, not yours anymore) if ONE professor is disrespectful of him? You don't think one needs to learn to deal with disrespectful people? You run away from anyone who is mean to you? OMG! (spark banging head against wall) of course we have to DEAL with unacceptable and disrespectful people. It is HOW we deal that defines our protecting our boundaries. Do we RUN AWAY, or swallow insult and stew about it? Do we retaliate and either grow defensive? Sarcastic, angry or attacking? Or do we clearly and calmly communicate with others? Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 OMG! (spark banging head against wall) of course we have to DEAL with unacceptable and disrespectful people. It is HOW we deal that defines our protecting our boundaries. Do we RUN AWAY, or swallow insult and stew about it? Do we retaliate and either grow defensive? Sarcastic, angry or attacking? Or do we clearly and calmly communicate with others? You seem to indicate that you will run away. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 You seem to indicate that you will run away. Sometimes it's walking TO something better. Geez, you're like a dog with a bone over this point with Spark. Let it go fer chrissakes. Link to post Share on other sites
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