About 7 months later..

[justletgox51]

Hello everyone. I haven't written a post here for about 6-7 months after the break up and the initial no-contact with the ex. However, I still visit this site almost every day (yes, I'm aware that I'm still not over him). Nonetheless, a little background: Sophomore high school (gonna be a junior in a few months), ex is currently a junior high school student, we both go to the same high school, and I'm the dumpee.

 

For the first few weeks I chased, pleaded and begged to get back with him, and asked to be his "friend". Hell, he disagreed telling me he has to focus on school and that he is finally free. Frankly, I don't even understand why we broke up but we were in an on-and-off relationship for 11 months due to jealousy (by me). Ugh. However, the official break up is I believe a blessing in disguise. It helped me realize the things I needed to improve to become a better partner to my next future lover. Although, at that point I honestly thought I wanted to die because 'I couldn't live without anyone except him, and if he's gone from my life... Then my life is useless.' The official break up happened in December, therefore I haven't really fully mature from being a freshman, and I can guarantee I'm still growing up, and maturing. Nonetheless, I believe I've come to terms that I learned some valuable lessons throughout the relationship. First and foremost, I shouldn't be dwelling about my past troubles because if I do- it will hurt my present and future. Also, when my future boyfriend is just giving a small compliment or talks to his girl-friend, then i should be fine about it. I shouldn't be such a melodramatic queen. But what can I say? I didn't let go of my past (was cheated) and so I became an over-protective girlfriend. Bad idea. Nevertheless, I'm glad he broke up with me because he finally gave me the chance to improve my imperfections, realize what I want and what I don't want from a guy because he wasn't a perfect guy at all, yet it seemed like he was in the relationship.

 

Anyway, I came here to write all of that and this one: The last time we talked was... 5-6 months ago (the initial break up was on Nov 26- right after our 11 month, and for a few weeks I chased, pleaded and begged to be with him and be his friend. Nonetheless, I always see him at school, roaming around the hallways and/or being in the same department as I am in. We currently go to self-directed high school and so we get to go to any type of department (science, math, etc.,) we want and work there with other grades. Anyway, I'm getting side-track.

 

I always see him at school, and so a few months now I guess I got used to seeing him, and thinking I've moved on. Frankly, I haven't because there are times at night when I still cry for the hurtful things we did to each other. Yes, I miss him terribly but all I heard from him was silence. I remember a few months ago, he wanted to be my friend but I ignored the request because deep inside I wanted revenge. Basically, I pleaded, chased and begged to be his friend after the break up, and he refused. And I guess I wanted to do the same thing except he didn't chase nor plead nor begged- he just asked one of my friends if I wanted to be his friend since I quote, "I don't hate her." Nonetheless, he's transferring to another high school where his ex before me (from 3 years ago) goes to school. He's transferring because he's really behind in his units and courses for his grade. Therefore, he's going to spend his senior year at the school where his ex before me goes to school at. Unfortunately, I don't know why but I still want him to stay... Although, we don't talk at all- I feel as if I still want him to stay and just see him... Also, I want to tell him, "Best of luck at your new school and I hope you do well there. :)" But I know it's impossible for there were a few times when we were alone in the hallways, and basically passed by each other- and said no words.

 

Someone give me feedback? I apologize for the long entry but I hope you understand.