Ack, bad day — new relationships

[dharris27]

Hey hey,

 

So, today I log on facebook and see that my ex is now in a "relationship" with this girl Jessica. It spurred some reactions from me I didn't really like, but I suppose needed to be dealt with.

 

I moved to California 8 months ago leaving my boyfriend of a year and a half behind. I had no idea till I was offered a job out here that he never planned to leave our hometown and so, since he and weren't off to the chapel any time soon (although we had a very steady and strong relationship) we agreed he would come out with me and then we'd break up upon his returning home. He suggested that a long term relationship just wouldn't work for him and really, I guess I agreed with him. I also felt really turned off by the fact he was sort of a teenage dude anyway, who wanted to live his teenage life for life in our hometown. I figured this was the universes way of saying, this is all the right thing. After he left, I was actually okay. The break up was clean and we remained friends. It was awesome, I thought. I was excited to date new people etc.

 

We continued to talk a lot online and by text, when I came home three months later we hooked up and spent the whole time together. I was in it for the fun and well, he went along with that.

 

After a couple of months I noticed he was hanging out with this girl from our hometown who I don't much like, but I was happy he was moving on. I knew for a fact I wanted to be dating other people and wouldn't be moving home any time soon.

 

I got a valentine in the mail from him and a couple of presents when I had to ask him what was up? Like, are you seeing someone else AND sending me love gifts??

 

He confessed he was still in love with me and this girl knew all of that. He'd missed me way more than he imagined and knew if I would move back he's be with me and no one else. I told him it wasn't fair for him to hold on to me and move on publicly, since I was having to start over completely here. He eventually agreed and I told him he should definitely move on if he had no intent on compromising with location.

 

So, we went back to being friends and then she announced she was moving to France. He got super depressed and started telling me how unstable he was, that she was leaving and that this always seemed to happen these days. I felt it weird he would come to be for advice about another girl and I tried to play it cool.

 

I'd started seeing someone myself and majorly liked him. So, I went along with it and eventually told him I was seeing someone else and I was sorry he'd have to go through that, although he barely showed any emotion at me leaving, he was falling apart publically over this girl he'd only dated for a short time who also knew he may be in love with me still.

 

Well, she's lived there for two months and now I'm in a relationship with my new guy who I really like. My ex and I talk very very rarely as I aim to respect and preserve my new relationship even though the ex and I are just friends.

 

Seeing today that he was in a relationship with this girl who obviously is long distance, still sliced like a knife. ONLY because he never gave me that chance yet some how this was okay? (Let me say too, this girl is both obnoxious and not even terribly cute, HOW could this have changed his mind?)

 

And so, I impulsively text him and just say "Wow, Really?" He responds, "Yeah." I say, "Thanks Dude." and then says, "Oh, ****, I should explain." I say, "No you really don't have to, honestly it's not your obligation." He says anyway, "She's moving back to Atlanta." I did not in fact know this and so I felt sort of bad, I said, oh, yes well then that makes more sense. I said I was sorry for making him feel bad at all, it was the notion that she merrited a long distance thing while I didn't "even though he would have chosen me" just ****ing hurt. And I know it sounds selfish and I know I have a dude. I felt horrible even discussing this we the ex and honestly feel worse about that than anything. So, I immediately picked up my words and apologized. Said that we were doing what was best for us and that long distance bit was all that hurt... He said he wasn't sure it was best for us but that I had asked him to move on and so he was working on that. I said, My gosh, I apologize, you are so right. I knew little what I was assuming. Anyway, we made jokes and then we stopped talking.

 

I dunno, it's just amazing to me, since I've never maintained a friendship immediately afterwards with an ex, that you can completely know it was meant for the two of you to split, you can have a great guy in front of yours eyes, and STILL be so hurt. Anyway, this threw me into a pretty huge depression today...I'm trying to pick myself out of it.

 

I just feel majorly guilty for even talking of such things with an ex. I'm sure I'll keep an even larger distance from this guy for the time ahead.