Well the plot has thickened. Triad anyone?

[callsign]

The girlfriend finally spilled the beans. Admitting to everythng I suspected. She is indeed in love with her FaceBook friend. But oh no, she doesn't want to lose me,,, or the other woman. Then again, she doesn't know what to do, and neither do I. Sit it out, see if this is a passing phase in her search for self? Start a triad. I can't believe that will work out, even though, yes, I suggested it. It seems even if any one of us can live with the other two, there will be a point when someone finally makes a decision. At that point one of us will be unhappy, or maybe two of us will be unhappy, but at no point will all of us be happy. Should I stay or should I go?, as the song goes. She avers, "I still love you!" There were times she begged me not to ever leave her. And now this. Good Lord. And of course, I'm still madly in love with her. Madly, I guess that's the operative word.

[woinlove]

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound good for your R with her, triad or otherwise. Had she been open and honest from the beginning, I would think differently. But developing the intense in-love feelings your girlfriend appears to have for another, while trying to pass it off that your own R together had not changed, when it so obviously had, does not bode well for any kind of open R. Open Rs rely on good communication. Typically one has to establish boundaries that work for both (or all 3) of you and that you are each committed to. It sounds to me that your gf shut you out of all that was going on in her emotional/love life with her new love and that kind of secrecy/deception is a killer for an open R.

 

I would not put too much weight on her words that she loves both of you right now. I would try to focus on what you want and how you want to be treated by your romantic partner. How she has treated you recently is likely how she will treat you again unless she really wants to change and is committed to changing. Is that how you want to be treated?

[callsign]

In answer to your question. No, of course not. Of course I want better for myself. The whole business, which came up between us in March, but had been going on somewhat longer, has me splitting at the seams emotionally. On top of this, the ex wife has been stricken with a terminal disease. We don't know how long she has. Well, one can say that for an one, but the point is, I may very well be raising the kids on my own within 13 to 24 months. And great, the woman I fell head over heels for and should be getting a little support from has become completely undependable. I keep telling myself, people are complex, she still sleeps with me, we talk, there was something there, something strong, I thought. Was a time she really showed how much she loved me, so sweet and now in my time of greatest need, she drops this on me. With the added proviso, "I didn't want this to happen", but "I don't have any control over who comes into my life." I dunno, I have control over how close people get to me! And I know damn well when I am being seduced. She really should have known better. She is playing in the dirt. I've tracked her FB messages and met some of these "friends". They seem to treat the FB site as some kind of internet 'hook up' joint to cheat on their spouses and significant others. Gee.