2blunt Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Go ask the spouse. I bet they have a good answer. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? I think it is more of a matter of what is important to you. In my case, it wasn't just physical for me, I really enjoyed spending time with him. As for him, I think there was an emotonal connection, but it was hard to tell by his actions. And since I wasn't sure where his head was really at, I kept him at a distance to protect my heart. An emotional connection is important to me though and it would matter to me. It all depends on what it is that you want and need in the relationship. Affairs make it difficult because due to the circumstances the relationship can't evolve in the same way it does for two single people. The very nature of it, the secrecy, the hiding, not being allowed out in the open makes it difficult to let your emotions flow freely and you end up on a roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? If it matters to you - and by your asking this question, I'm assuming it does - then yes, it does matter. "Should" doesn't come into it. If you are wanting something other than just a sexual dimension to the relationship, you need to establish whether that is desirable or feasible for your AP, or whether all they want is something sexual. If they want something other than what you want, it will not be sustainable. If you both want the same thing, and that is possible within the constraints, then it has more of a chance of working (all other things being equal). Do you know what s/he wants? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? If you are involved with someone (i.e. spending time, emotions, physical energy and sharing your genitals) and you have no clue where things stand (don't know if they see you only sexually or they actually care for you) then that situation should be a no-go. This is in regards to ANY "relationship". You're an important person who deserves to be respected and to not be confused about where you stand with someone. Set higher standards for yourself I've been there, done that with ambiguous, less-than relationships in which I convinced myself that the little crumbs were indeed okay when in reality I wanted more and I was confused and just knew that I wasn't where I wanted to be. I'm still a work in progress but I've learned that I am a QUEEN. I deserve the best like I intend to give the best and people can only treat me how I allow them to treat me. My ambiguous, non-relationships were because I accepted it and didn't have my boundaries firmly in place. The fact you're here and even how you phrase your question (as if you don't even think you have a right to question anything) shows that you're not acting from a place of power but subservience and it's all about what this other person wants. Been there, done that as I said and it's such a bad place to be in....leave this man alone. If you were important to him, you would have KNOWN! Trust me. Edited June 13, 2011 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? Do you feel an emotional connection with them? Or is it just sex for you? Are you single/married? Are you comfortable with the relationship as it is? You don't say much, you'd probably get more out of the forum if you shared a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Why would you want to have any relationship - sexual or not - with someone already committed to someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? Love is all about safety and trust. If it's love, you don't even ask, because you already know. If it feels insecure -- does AP love me? if AP flirting with others behind my back? -- it's probably just sex. Listen to your intuition. If you're a woman, then it's natural to feel an emotional connection with the person you're having sex with. Doesn't matter if you're the "other." That's why it's important to be picky about who you have sex with. You could fall in love with them by accident of sex (according to Helen Fisher, anthropologist & researcher on this stuff). I think the mistake is projecting our own feelings onto someone else, believing they are having the same experience. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Link to post Share on other sites
carrie999 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? Depends what you want. Plenty of "others" just want sex. If you want more, this is a huge question. It's the same question you'd ask of any relationship, frought with infinite complications. By that, I mean that if he wants a relationship, he will pursue it. The signs will be the same, though he won't have the time a single person does to invest in making a relationship work. But if he wants to be with you, he'll make the effort to the point of jeopardizing his marriage. If it's just about sex, or having fun, he'll treat you like a single guy looking for the same would treat you. You'll be the booty call. Every time you get together will be about sex, and you won't talk honestly about anything real. It gets complicated when you both realize it IS real, and you decide to progress. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 When emotions get involved and one partner isn't free. it can cause tremendous damage. If you are the only one emotionally involved, it can cause you huge heartache, loss of self esteem and loss of interest in friends, family and your own life in general. If you are both emotionally involved, he will be torn two ways and so put a strain on his marriage and his wife. She might not understand what is wrong, but she will certainly realise that something is amiss. It's not worth getting involved physically or emtionally with somebody who wants to share their life with another woman. It's a losing situation for you no matter what, Gentlegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Depends what you want. Plenty of "others" just want sex. If you want more, this is a huge question. It's the same question you'd ask of any relationship, frought with infinite complications. By that, I mean that if he wants a relationship, he will pursue it. The signs will be the same, though he won't have the time a single person does to invest in making a relationship work. But if he wants to be with you, he'll make the effort to the point of jeopardizing his marriage. If it's just about sex, or having fun, he'll treat you like a single guy looking for the same would treat you. You'll be the booty call. Every time you get together will be about sex, and you won't talk honestly about anything real. It gets complicated when you both realize it IS real, and you decide to progress. Good luck... I think this is very true. However, the other trouble that often occurs with affairs is when the AP gives the pretense of being in love but, in truth, is completely incapable of loving another person. Read up on narcissism just to be on the safe side. If it matches your experience, you'll know. If it doesn't, all the better ... Link to post Share on other sites
Anna101 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 The same way you'd figure it out with ANY relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I agree, same way you would with any relationship. I knew emotions were involved with my guy because of words and actions indicating as such. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Love is all about safety and trust. If it's love, you don't even ask, because you already know. If it feels insecure -- does AP love me? if AP flirting with others behind my back? -- it's probably just sex. Listen to your intuition. If you're a woman, then it's natural to feel an emotional connection with the person you're having sex with. Doesn't matter if you're the "other." That's why it's important to be picky about who you have sex with. You could fall in love with them by accident of sex (according to Helen Fisher, anthropologist & researcher on this stuff). I think the mistake is projecting our own feelings onto someone else, believing they are having the same experience. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yepppp! That's my litmus test....do I feel secure, can I be transparent, is it apparent that this person cares for me, is he consistent, reliable, transparent as well, do his ACTIONS match with his words...if not, HALT and then ABORT MISSION! I think we read the same books and are drawn to the same types of research Breezy! Cosign to everything you've said. Edited June 16, 2011 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you are the "other" person in a relationship with a married person how can you tell if it is just sexual or if your partner does have an emotional connection with you and since I am the "other" should it even matter? Well of course it should matter. Who wants to used for sex? Stop having sex with him. See how interested he remains in you the person and the relationship, the non-sexual aspects. If he calls and cares about your wanting to take a break from the physical, but still tries to steer every other conversation towards sexual innuendo, well, then you have your answer. It is that simple, really. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts