so we got back together....................

[susie]

well i had a message on my voice mail this a.m him wanting to know when he should pick up his stuff. i left him a voice mail back saying i wanted to work things out. he said he didn't know if he wanted to and he'd think about it through out the day. so we voice mailed each other through out the day trying to work things out. i kept asking him about counseling to help us to communicate better, ( i swear he's going to start hating that word). anyway, i finally told him if he has to think that hard about it that he must not love me in his heart cause he wouldn't have to "think" so long and so hard. he said i was right, and that he didn't want to work it out. i took to crying and pleading, (yuk) but not wanting to end it, not this way anyway. he said he was tired of alot of things too and didn't want to battle with me anymore about anything, like he thinks i try to control things, i complain about his drinking, it's not much but it bothers me, he says i complain too much and he doesnt" right! well anyway, we finally ended the conversation by ending the relationship, then a couple hours later he called back and asked if i still wanted him, i said yes, and he said he loves me very much, i asked him why he changed his mind, he said he had a nap and felt better and didn't want to miss me and that cause he knows he loves me in his heart. he said for me to look for something that will help us to 'COMMUNICATE', i said "we" need to look and he agreed. so all is well on the home front again, except the awful twitch i have had in my right eye since i woke up, i can't stand it, it is driving me crazy. i know apart of me is wondering why i resorted to beggin, maybe cause i knew if i begged and he still said "no" then i new i had done what i could to keep us together even tho i was the one who split us apart. so i found a communication course on ivillage.com i am reading and taking notes and going to share them with him and see what comes of it, i hope something does cause i am tired for settleing for the little scraps of his time, i am so stressed out today, wondering if i wanted to be with him anyway, then wanting to , then begging then not sure i did the right thing, lowering myself like that, etc, etc, etc. i hope after a good nights sleep things will feel normal again what ever that is, i'm not sure at the moment, but wish me luck, i need it and thank you all..............susie